Babbling Brooks

Pressing On

2011-02-11T07:53:00.000-08:00

I want to be a better blogger, I really do. We seem to be in a stage of life where my choice is sleep or blog...as you can see for the past 6 months I have chosen to sleep.:) Mercy...as wild as it is I love the life I lead. The Lord has been good and continues to walk me into a much deeper appreciation for all He has done...my husband, my kids, my family, my friends...all gifts from Him. I am treasuring them more than ever. I am finding more joy in the dailiness of a family of five...more joy in the Lord. I have many stories that need documenting...so here goes...Look for more updates to come...I am talking to you, lone reader.:)

1. Our Payton called Tony and I into the bathroom the other day to ask us to look around and see if there was anything dangerous that caught our eye. We both shrugged and told him no. He then looked at us and said, "You see that reaction right there is what has me worried. Have either of you ever read the back of the toothpaste?" We both shook our heads no. He picked it up and said, "It says clearly to not leave unattended with children 6 years and younger. I happen to know that you guys unattend Eden quite often. How am I supposed to concentrate at school when this kind of poison is just sitting on the bathroom counter?" I told Tony the other day I can never let Payton catch on to the fact that he is way more detail oriented than I am...too late. I also must add we do not "Unattend Eden" with the toothpaste.

2. Our Benjamin brings home a folder every day that reports on his school life. We all love marveling over his work and on occasion there is a short note from the teacher detailing something we need to work with Benjamin on...One day it said, "Please remind Benjamin to treat others the way he wants to be treated." I sat down to remind him of this rule that we have worked on since birth and he looked at me with the most precious smile, sparkling blues eyes and said, "You know I do not mind being treated a little ugly every once in awhile."

3. Our Eden is growing so fast. I love it that she is so conversational. I no longer wonder what she is thinking...she is a steady stream of conversation from the time she gets up until she goes to bed. I love her spunk. I love that she still wants to be held. I love it that sometimes she asks for me to pick her up and she will lean in and whisper in my ear, "Does anyone want Sonic hap her (Happy hour)?" This girl has my heart wrapped up.

4. We have been having some attitude issues with Payton. The deep sighs, rolling of eyes, groaning when we ask him to do something attitude issues. He has been stripped of every privilege he has. The other day Payton and I went on a date "to talk." We got our Starbucks sat down and I asked him to tell me what was going on. He told me he was not sure if I wanted to know. I told him I did. He said, "The truth is I am frustrated at you. Every time I am in a deep sleep you wake me up. Every time I am having fun outside, you call me in. When I am enjoying the wii you tell me I have played enough. When I am watching my show you tell me when my time is up.When I want a sweet snack you say, "You've already had one." When I want to go outside you remind me to do my homework. Mom as much as I love you, you are what keeps my life from being perfect...." His list was actually even longer than this, these are some of the highlights. I had to smile at his ability to articulate his thoughts. I love every insight that he gives me into his heart even when it is shocking. He's a mom away from the perfect life. Lord, have mercy.We ended up having a great talk about discipline and why his dad and I parent the way we do. We left having a better understanding of each other and the Lord. I love Payton with my whole heart.

5. We loved every minute of our winter snow and ice break. However if I had a dollar for every time I said, "Let's stop before someone gets hurt." Tony could quit his job. If I had a dollar for every time someone actually listened and stopped before someone got hurt...I would have the same empty wallet I have now.

6. I love the boys deep conversations. The other day I was called in to discuss if there was any sin so huge Jesus would not ask you to forgive. The boys were making a case for the fact that getting kicked in the private parts should qualify. I told them Jesus gives us the ability to forgive anything...They were not sure. They said this is something that when they get to heaven they want to discuss with the Lord Himself. Here's hoping they never make it to the front of the line with that one.

7. Benjamin got in the car one day after school and told me he had to sign the book and therefore did not receive a "Smiley". I of course asked why, he responded with this gem, "Turns out you should not make inappropriate noises when people bend over." Benjamin is surrounded by phenomenal male role models...who still have one foot in Jr. high.

8. I adore having a little girl. The other day Eden and I were walking to the car and she turned around smoothed her skirt and said, "Mom, we look great. Let's go." So fun to have her at my side.

9. The other day as we were driving down the road Benjamin sighed deeply as we drove by McDonald's and said, "I know it just kills you to hear this, but there is nothing I love more than imitation chicken. I love artificial flavoring. It's delicious."

WARNING...its about to get long and serious here...

10. It is very easy to sit down and type out fun stories I want to remember about my kids. They bring Tony and I such laughter and purpose. We remain convinced, that outside of Christ and each other, these three kids are the best thing that ever happened to us. But I cannot end this blog without stating the obvious. Parenting is difficult. I have never in my life had a job I wanted to do so right, that sometimes I feel I am doing so wrong. Wanting to do the right thing for our children even when sometimes the right thing is the hard thing...or when we're not even sure the hard thing is the right thing we're doing, but we press on trusting The One who gave us these treasures is in fact leading us. I have to trust that there is something greater taking place than what I am seeing... I read this the other day in Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas...

"God creates each child, and he has such deep, passionate love for every boy and girl that he never misses a single event in their life: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brother of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40) Understanding God's joy in his own creation is one of the more profound spiritual experiences we will ever know.

Mothers and fathers, when you give your tiny infant a bath, you are washing God's baby. Pause a moment in your busy day and look up to heaven. When you minister to that youngster, can you imagine God smiling down at you? When you fix that hungry six-year old a pbj, you are feeding one of God's children. Listen carefully- you may hear God laughing in pleasure. When you hug an adolescent whom others have teased mercilessly at school, you are comforting God's teenager. Are those God's tears dampening your shoulder?

In the process of caring and loving, you bring God great pleasure. At that very moment you become His provision, His comfort, His passion. Learn to swim in that joy, and you will never look at parenting the same way again."

Slowly, but surely Tony and I are learning to swim.

Embracing the craziness...

2010-09-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

1. The other day Eden and I went to school to eat lunch with Benjamin (eats at 10:53) and then we stayed to eat lunch with Payton (eats at 11:27). It was a bit too long to ask Eden to sit. She did great through Benjamin's lunch but by the time Payton arrived she was ready to be on the move. I did my best to keep her entertained but she was up and moving the last 10 minutes....until we finally excused ourselves. That night Payton said, "mom, I loved you being at lunch today and I liked having Eden there. Please do not bring her back." I said, "Payton, I totally understand, she was a bit wild there at the end. Next time I will eat with Benjamin on one day and you another so Eden will be fresh and able to sit still the entire time." He said, "No her not sitting still was fine. What bothered me was everyone looking at her and thinking she was cute. I know she's cute but when people start talking about her something in my heart feels like I want them to stop. She is my baby sister. I think it is a good idea if you leave her at home where she is safe and no one looks at her from now on." Protective older brother in full force. So sweet.

2. Benjamin is also protective of Eden. However, there is something in him that recognizes after he has been at school , she has had 7 hours of uninterrupted peace. He has to somehow make up for that 7 hours of pester free living in the short time he has before he goes to bed and he aims to do it each and every day. From about 2:30 -7 Eden has a constant flow of adrenaline. We are working on this.

3. Eden is precious...but she can dish it out. More than once I have caught her walking up behind Benjamin with a bat, a stick, some type of weapon ready to get him good on the back of the head. Sometimes I do not catch her in time and Benjamin glimpses the reality that if you are going to pester, you are going to be pestered. It's a life lesson. One that I am anxious for everyone to learn so we can move on to the next stage.

4. Eden would be fully potty trained if she could go out her belly button. She has obviously observed from an early age her brothers going the bathroom. (We now have a closed door policy, so that no longer occurs.) She has successfully used her potty a few times in the proper way. Many other times, she has taken off her diaper, stood in front of her toilet, stuck her belly out over it and peed all over the floor. Have mercy.

5. The other day Payton said he had a few questions on heaven....which really turned in to he had a few tangents about heaven.

Tangent 1..." I have heard that you do not sleep in heaven. While that sounds nice, I have been a lot of places that have been a lot of fun but I always get tired. Reference : Seaworld, Six Flags. While the idea of never sleeping is nice, what happens if I want to lay down and take a nap and there is no bed. Am I just supposed to stand there or sit there for forever miserable. Does God understand how that could get irritating quick?

Tangent 2..."Do you guys think your new heavenly body will be able to fart? I wonder about this. Most of the times when I laugh the hardest is when someone farts. I think I could not help but be sad if I got to heaven and our new bodies do not do that. What would everyone laugh about?

Deep thoughts from Payton Brooks.

6. The other day Eden and I were out walking when our new neighbor (moved in a couple months back, but we had not met him) came out. I introduced myself and then he introduced himself. The he said, "you know I witnessed one of your worst moments." My heart immediately sank as my mind began to race about the (Countless) times I have been trying to load the kids and for one reason or another it has resulted in spankings for one or the other...or even worse, no spanking, just me totally losing my mind. He then said, "I was out here one day letting my dog out when I saw you come running out and hop in your suburban. Then I saw you throw it in reverse and slam in to your husband's new truck. When you got out to look at the truck I could tell you were upset. When I saw the paper tags on that truck I thought I was about to see your husband lose it. I stayed outside curious to see what would happen. I watched while you went to get him and then I watched him walk out, look at the truck, take a deep breath, hug you and then walk back in. I've never met your husband, but he's a good man. I know that." Tony and I have been so challenged by that conversation. First because neither of us had any idea that man was watching. Next because we have thought about all the times we have reacted differently than that and not known any one was watching. Yikes...We both want to be more consistent in who we are as Christ followers. By the way, Tony is a great man. So thankful he is mine.

7. Tony has been reading Tony Dungy's book Uncommon. I have to say it is a great parenting book even though that is not what it is intended to be. One of the quotes in it is, "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." We have seen this come to light in our family more than ever as of late. Some of the qualities that Tony and I wish so badly were not a part of our personalities are rearing their heads in our kids. It makes us want to to be different now.

8. This summer Benjamin said he wanted a hair cut just like his dads. Tony was more than happy to give him a buzz. The next day he was looking in the mirror and said, "Dad, you know I wanted to have a haircut just like yours. Why did you not give me one." Tony said, "I did Benjamin, your hair looks exactly like mine." Benjamin said, " I wanted a little bit of my skin to show on the top back of my head. Then I would really look like you." It was the most insulting, sweetest compliment Tony has ever received. Our boys want to be just like their dad.

9. One of Eden's favorite song to dance to is Uncle Kracker's Smile. At different points she will grab her brother's hands and pull them into her dances. I was watching the three of them the other day and started to cry. Huge thankful tears to the Lord...I would be willing to bet many people don't look at Uncle Kracker as a praise leader, but that day, in our home, that's exactly what he was.

"even when your gone

somehow you come along and just like

a flower poking through a sidewalk crack

and just like that

you steal away the rain, and just like that

you make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed

sing like a bird, dizzy in my head

just the thought of you can drive me wild

oh you make me smile."

10. Last year we spent labor day weekend with Tony's dad. We celebrated my birthday, we spent a lot of time talking, a lot of time visiting Tony's mom (she's in a nursing home), laughing and enjoying a great labor day weekend. We have relived every moment of that weekend a thousand different times in our heads...willing ourselves in our memories to notice more details, to hug a little longer, to soak up the moments of togetherness that we passed over in the moment assuming we would have more. None of us knew it was the last time we would have together. We hugged Tony's dad and told him goodbye on Monday, September 7th. He went to be with the Lord 9 days later. We miss him terribly. This weekend we are looking forward to another great Labor day weekend but we will live a little more fully in the moment because of the life we have lived in the past year. The Lord is very clear that our lives are but a breath...but it takes seeing up close how short that breath can be before it starts making you live differently. If you've read this far...bless you- (most likely I am just speaking to my blood relatives now:)) Soak up every moment and pour out everything you have. The Lord invites us to leave a legacy that will last in the people He surrounds us with...He is so good. May you and your family experience more of what He has to offer in deeper ways in these coming days.

The Secret Code of Tears...

2010-08-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

This past Monday we took our boys for their first day of school. Pate's first day of second grade and Benjamin's first day of kindergarten. It was a day filled with sweet tears.

The day before our whole family had gone up to the school, walked around the school (the outside), and had our family prayer time over the school year, teachers, friends, all the things the year would hold. Listening to the boys hearts in prayers is always a gift. Their prayers so simple and yet profound. Eden walked around in circles with her hands raised talking in a language only the Lord could understand. She brought quite a bit of laughter and distraction to our time but we loved it...because we entered the school year as a family united before the Lord.

Later that night, our ever observant Payton said, "Mom I could tell you were about to cry during your prayer. Are you going to cry on the first day of school? That might make me sad." I told Payton that I would try not to cry and then thought better and told him I wanted to tell him about a secret code the Lord and I speak that he should know about....I let him know that a lot of times tears come from hearts that are breaking but there are days as well, that tears come from hearts that are overflowing. A long time ago I realized that my tears spoke to the Lord in a way my mouth could not.

We talked about how sweet his 8 years of life had been. How precious each moment was to me. We relived favorite parts of our summer, moments that made us laugh, made us frustrated, and moments where we were so hot we thought we might explode. Each a precious memory I cherish in my heart. I then told him, Payton, the Lord knows how thankful I am for each one of those moments...but my tears are telling Him again. So each time you see one fall, I don't want you to be sad. I want you to know mom is thinking about time I had with you and I am thanking the Lord that He gave you to me. So this tear, it's saying, "thank you Lord for this precious boy." and this one is me saying, "I am so glad he is mine." and this one is me saying, "I could not be more proud." and this one is, "if we both live to be 200 I will never have enough time with him." He was nodding the entire time taking in every word. (love that boy). Then I said, "the Lord hears every thankful tear as a praise but if you would like I could always just walk into your classroom, raise my hands and yell "Hallelujah! Payton Brooks is mine! He is my son and I am so thankful." Maybe that would help me not cry...He smiled, said "thanks for telling me about you and God's code...you just go ahead and cry all you want. I like your silent thank yous."

My brother and I were remembering the other day all the times in our lives that our parents said, "Your life has gone so fast." with tears running down their face. We always looked at them like they were crazy. I understand now. They were speaking in code to the Lord. I speak it now as well. My heart is so thankful to the giver of these three precious gifts of Payton, Benjamin and Eden. My heart and my eyes overflow with gratitude.

Catching up...

2010-07-02T16:04:00.001-07:00

I thought I was being so intentional with this blog...trying to keep it caught up with all of our memories...and I have not updated since April...Mercy. I am sure it is no coincidence that right around then our boys started baseball (translation: Our family began living on a baseball diamond). Our spring baseball turned into summer baseball. It has not stopped. The other day when it started to rain both of our boys practices were cancelled. They both started to cry, I started to cry...The difference was that they had tears of sadness, mine: pure joy. We love baseball...We just also love nights at home and those have been few and far between as of late.

Next week we enter the Brooks season of birthdays: Benjamin turns 6, Payton turns 8 and Eden turns 2. In our family this is cause for great celebration...because of their birthdays of course, but the boys will tell you even more so, it is the week of sugar cereal. As many of you know Tony (who abstains from almost every food that brings pure joy:)), believes you start your day with protein. So we do, nearly 365....There are certain sugar landmarks in our year. The one day our family gets donuts is the last official day of school. The boys count it down every year. And many moons ago we decided that on the Sunday of their birthday week they get to go and pick out the biggest box of their favorite sugar cereal and eat it every morning for breakfast until their box runs out. (One of our friends told us recently, when everyone elses kids go off to college and go wild...ours will too, just on the sugar cereal aisle.) They talk about their box of sugar cereal for months...and every time we walk down the aisle they have the most animated conversations about what a dream their birthday week will be. Benjamin has already decided that this Sunday we will go pick up his box of Lucky Charms. Payton has asked for a private viewing of the cereal aisle...his selection is something he takes serious. Payton makes our hearts feel like they are going to burst we love him and his mind so much.

So about that catching up, here's the Brooks top ten for May and June...

1. The other night at dinner the boys were talking marriage. No idea what brought this up, Tony, Eden and I were bystanders in this conversation. Benjamin is currently of the opinion that he never wants to marry anyone. Payton says he definitely will. Benjamin wanted to know why. Payton's classic response was, "Benjamin the facts are, every man needs someone to love on."

2. Our boys are big baseball dreamers. The other night Benjamin was telling me that someday he is going to play for the Rangers and before we drive home after the games (he is, I think, assuming I will still be there helping him get buckled, which I am totally OK with :)) we will stop at Applebees where they have half price appetizers after ten. He told me we can get as many as I want and he will pay. Here's hoping all his dreams come true.

3. Eden is growing into the sweetest, toughest little cookie. We are crazy over her. She is a tiger in a dress. Her favorite things to say right now is "sorry" and "stop it". She will also throw in a "God bless me" every once in awhile in a way that sounds alot like she is ordering the Lord around. Her favorite movie is "Meow and Jerry" (Tom and Jerry) She loves to play hide and seek with her brothers. She blows kisses to Tony as he drives away. We could eat her up.

4. Tattling has reached a fever pitch over at the Brooks house...But the other day I came up with a solution that has brought it to a screeching halt. I told the boys that from now on I wanted them to make sure that when they tattle they really feel like their brother should get a spanking, because when they tattle they will both 100% for sure receive one. Payton immediately began to cry and asked me "So you really want to live in a world where Benjamin gets away with everything?" Because he knows for a fact he cannot. I explained that Tony and I do a decent job of keeping up with both of them on our own. He still remains unsure.

And just for the record, Tony and I both agree a world where Benjamin gets away with everything is not a world we want to live in either. :) The boy is a complete delight with a bit of a wild streak.

5. Benjamin has the sweetest heart. Even on the days he does not want to obey he will still be the one at the end of the day to say, "mom, I love you even more than you love me." His bright blue eyes dance 24 hours a day with mischief but he has his entire family in his corner. We love him so.

6. On the way to Benjamin's baseball game the other night Benjamin asked where his lucky arm band was. Payton responded, "Benjamin, there is no such thing as luck. There is talent and the power of God at work in you. It appears you have both, you don't need an armband." Benjamin hasn't worn it since.

7. The other day Eden was banging her sippy cup on the table and juice was going everywhere. I reached over, took her cup and explained to her why she could not do that. Payton was sitting there eating breakfast and said, "It's like she has no concept that orange juice costs money and that is wasteful." Sometimes Payton forgets Eden is 1.

8. Payton and Benjamin talk alot about baseball. Somehow they have come up with the idea that Payton is Benjamin's manager. Baseball is the one area where Benjamin will allow Payton to correct him, tell him ways he could be better, etc...It is hilarious to watch. The other day Tony was talking to Benjamin about something with his swing...Payton interrupted and told Tony he needed to talk to him privately...Tony said "I don't think so." Payton stepped between Tony and Benjamin and said, "Dad, we appreciate you but you could be impacting Benjamin's mental toughness and we are in the middle of the season, now is not a good time." What in the world does the future hold for this kid?

9. The other day I walked in on one of the boys sitting on the toilet eating a bag of chips. In shock I said, "you are filthy." To which said boy replied, "what? I washed my hands." FYI- let it be known said boy was not Tony.

10. We had the best Father's day. Among other things we gave Tony; I took 10 of the VHS tapes Tony's dad had recorded of our family and had them put on dvd. We sat and watched those videos for hours the other day. We laughed at how many times we asked Tony's dad to "please turn off that camera." We are so glad he did not listen to us. Hearing him enjoy our kids, listening to his commentary on our life, hearing him laugh is a treasure we can't begin to describe with words. We miss him so. We were both challenged with the reminder that life is too short and that even when you are loving with your whole heart, when its over it does not seem like it was long or that you loved enough. Oh, our hearts long for more than this world has to offer. We are so thankful for the promise that we will be with PawPaw again...and in the meantime we soak up this life the Lord has given to us...and we are deeply thankful to Him for each new day. He has been so good to us.

Oh Boys....

2010-04-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

1. Tonight after punishing Benjamin for something that would gross out the average bear, (So I will keep it in the family) I asked him if he had anything he would like to say (Expecting an I am sorry). He dried up his tears, looked me in the eye and said, "If I had known you were watching I would of waited until you were gone."

2. Today I explained to Payton about a date on the calendar when Tony and I will be leaving for the weekend...He said, "Wow, it must feel awesome to be a parent, weekend trips, Starbucks whenever you want, heated seats while your kids sit in the back freezing cold, TV whenever you want, no bedtime, no school. You and dad are really living it up."

3. Payton's school has a fundraiser every once in awhile at Panda Express. The other day when we were driving by he said, "alot of my friends go to those fundraisers there, but every time they start to pass those papers out I tell them I don't need one, that place really tears my dad up inside."

4. We have been working on the concept of money around here. Hoping that by instilling values at this age they can avoid some pitfalls of life...Give, Save, Live....The other day Benjamin said, "It is not fair that I have money named after me and Payton has nothing named after him. (His dad had explained that some people call 100$ bills Benjamins.) From now on, I will call 1 Dollar bills Paytons." To date Benjamin has saved 18 Paytons. :)

5. For as long as I can remember the boys have been united in the idea that if anyone gets reprimanded before bedtime when you go in to pray with them they both have their blankets pulled over their heads. It is annoying, sometimes I make them stop, other times out of exhaustion we pray, kiss their blanket covered heads and leave. Last night they had their heads covered (attitude problems related to not being able to watch the Rangers) I prayed for them, kissed them and was walking out when from under the blanket one yelled, "PS Lord, help my mom, she obviously does not love the Rangers." Quickly followed by the other blanketed head yelling, "PS Lord, tell her to quit telling us no."

6. Next year Benjamin will start Kindergarten. I will cry...a lot. Someone told me after you send your first one to school it gets a lot easier. I am not believing it. Everyday Benjamin, Eden and I load up in the car for our day. Every day Benjamin gets buckled and asks if I will turn on a movie. Every day I say, "no." Benj asks, Why? And I say "because we are best friends and best friends talk." He groans, says, "you are not my best friend..."then smiles and then we talk...it has been our routine for the 2 years since Payton went to school. Oh how I will miss that boy!

7. Because he is starting to school I am starting to realize all the words he mispronounces that I have never corrected because I thought they were cute...I have started correcting but here are a few of my favorites... "Someday I will go Spongee jumping, I can't wait"

"Can you give me some soap, I forgot to wash my underarmors." Meaning underarms

My all time favorite that I will miss so much (and might I add the people at Chick-fil-a will miss it as well.) When ever Benjamin orders his red Hi-C at chick-fil-a he always steps up and confidently orders a small red hi heel.

8. After church the other day we were all talking about what we had learned. Payton said, " I learned about a guy from Mexico who heals people, he was my teachers best friend or something.." Tony and I both thought that odd, so we pressed him abit.

T- "You sure he was from Mexico Payton?"

P- " No, I just thought his name sounded Spanish..."

B- "Do you remember his name?"

P "Yeah, something like Jehovah Rapha."

9. Payton has memorized Psalm 141:3, "Take control of what I say O Lord, and guard my lips." We are constantly working on this these days...While he is the model student at school, he seems to take off his filter at home (Tony and I relate and we are working on it ourselves, as well). The other day we were talking about this and he said, "I guess I have a hard time understanding. We pray every morning that I would know right from wrong...I see you doing wrong, I correct you, I get in trouble. It feels like it doesn't add up." We are having a lot of talks these days where the end result is us putting our three children to bed and falling to our knees. We need the Lord's wisdom, we need His mercy, we are desperate for His help. It is a hard thing to realize something that you want to be good at, does not feel like it comes natural. We are clueless, but trying to tap into a deeper source than ourselves, thus far He has brought us...I remind myself of the words to the Christmas song very often, "Over the horizon, surely you and I will find...Emmanuel, God with us." We are praying earnestly our kids find Him too.

10. We love to ask and answer Bible questions around here. The other day the boys provided the ultimate stumper when they asked if satan has nuts....Ummm...ask your father.

God's Glory

2010-03-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

About 4 years ago my brother Andy and I were driving on my parents ranch. Andy stopped our jeep at the top of one of the canyons and pointed to the other side and said "Do you see those deer over there?" and when he said over there, he meant way over there...2 little four legged specks on the horizon. I asked him how did you ever see them. He replied, "You have to train your eyes to look for movement. The landscape was still, I saw one of those deers flick its ear...its movement stood out." At the time I was preparing to lead a retreat on Elijah. I had been studying about Elijah praying and seeing a small cloud, the size of a man's fist rising from the sea. ( 1 Kings 18) I realized the only way Elijah ever saw that cloud was that he had trained his eyes to look for movement. He had trained his eyes to see even the smallest movement of the Lord.

I wanted those trained spiritual eyes for our family, for Tony and I, for our children. So I committed that each day as I buckled in our children we would talk about looking for the movement of God in our lives...as the Lord was training me to see Him, I wanted to be training my children as well...this eventually evolved into us saying, "how do you see God's glory?" Each day as we ran our errands, drove to preschool, did our every day thing, we began looking for God's glory...and we started noticing it in ways we never had before. When Payton bumped his head and a huge knot formed...we talked about God's glory...how the Lord revealed His power through Payton's body responding in that way...How when Benjamin got a stomach virus God's glory was revealed through Benjamin's body knowing when to get something out even when he himself did not know something was even in there, etc....(Certainly we have not talked about this every single day...there have been days, even weeks when we have not talked about it, (we are a million miles away from the consistency we long for in everything...our human imperfection is glaringly obvious))...But we always return to talking about it as a family. We want to see the Lord and our conversation often turn to ways we do.

On december 22, 2009 Tony and I saw the Lord moving, we saw His glory. Tony's dad had passed away just 3 months earlier...and we had been struggling, as individuals, as a couple, as parents...in life. Grief affects people differently. Sometimes it pushes people together...other times it pulls you apart. We were somewhere in the middle. We were both hurting.

On dec, 22 we got a burst of life. We found out to our complete shock and delight that Baby Brooks #4 would be arriving on Sept 1. 2010. We stood in our bathroom and for the first time in a long time, we laughed out loud at the craziness of life, we thanked the Lord for His movement, for His reminder that life continues, and for the hope this new life symbolized to both of us. We were over the moon.

I went in on January 12 for my first ob appointment. Everything looked great...until our sonogram. I measured to be 7 weeks along but they could not find a heartbeat. "But do not worry, because sometimes at this stage you cannot see one.We will check again next week." I learned right there that there is a completely opposite feeling of the elation you feel when you see your child's heartbeat....the sinking feeling of not seeing it. I was immediately devastated. My family and friends immediately fell to their knees on behalf of this life...reminding me of stories exactly like this that had produced precious, cherished babies. I begged the Lord for this child...I claimed every tear as a prayer...I recounted every Scripture I could think of knowing His power, knowing He already knew well this child we prayed for, but begging that I would get to know them on this earth.

On Sunday January 24th (I was to be 9 weeks pregnant on Wednesday) I started cramping and then that turned into more. I held onto hope through the night, even while cramping and bleeding; I recounted stories of this same thing happening to others and lo and behold the baby was fine....the Internet is filled with such hope and such despair...I had chosen during the weeks of this pregnancy to choose hope.

On Monday morning the Lord answered each and every one of our prayers. We had been asking for Him to make His will known and He did. As I was walking down the hall I yelled at Tony and my mom that I was about to pass out. (Benjamin had begun suffering with incredible abdominal pains and we were preparing to take him to what would be the first of 3 ER visits that would finally end in a hospital stay.) Tony ran to help me and as he did I felt my body let go of this pregnancy. I have never felt anything like that, I hope to never feel it again. I told my sister-in-law through sobs, "It is a crazy thing to see everything that you have hoped and dreamed for about to be flushed down your toilet." Her words were a balm to my heart as she said, "Everything you hoped and dreamed for was not in that toilet....everything you hoped and dreamed for is in the arms of Jesus." I sent out this text message to our family and friends at 9:25 Monday morning. "Our pregnancy ended this morning. We were given the unique opportunity to plead with the Lord for the life of this child and we have, trusting His will would prevail. Thank you so much for crying out on our behalf. The Lord gives, the Lord takes; blessed be His name. We trust Him. Thank you for walking this road with us."

Later that day, after getting Benjamin somewhat settled I headed to my dr.'s office so they could do a sonogram to make sure their were no remnants of our baby still in my body. As the sono tech came in she smiled and asked if I had any questions, anything I was needing to talk about. I was concentrating on trying to talk without sobbing. It was not working...When all of the sudden I felt a peace I cannot explain come over me and I was able to say through tears, "I saw the Glory of God today. It was a way I never hoped I would see it, but in the craziest of ways it was beautiful. He reveals His glory in His creation and I saw with my own two eyes He was creating something in me. I saw His glory." The sono tech began to cry and without saying a word walked over and embraced me. We cried together over Tony and I's loss. She prayed for me...and then she took a step back and said, "I know the Lord and He never takes something away without giving you something else. Your baby is gone from this earth, but He has placed within you a testimony. "

We had never shared with our boys that we were expecting. They still have no idea. We had purchased a big sister shirt for Eden and were planning on bringing her out one morning in it. Our broken hearts of that day and our tears fit into the coming days of sleepless nights and anguish of watching our 5 year old wrestle in pain while his doctors tried to figure out what was happening. In the quietness at the hospital one day when Benjamin had been given enough morphine that he could sleep my mom said, "someday you will begin to cry and not know why, your grief has had to be pushed aside so you could help Benjamin, but it is still there, and it will rise up."

This past Sunday night it rose up. I woke myself up crying. Aching to feel a baby inside that left a long time ago. I got up and wandered around our house, checked on all our kids then went back to Eden's room. I picked up her little sleeping body and rocked her while I cried and prayed...asking the Lord to take every tear as a prayer of thankfulness for the 3 children I have been given here on earth, and the one who I will someday meet. And I thanked Him that in His sweetness He reveals Himself not just through giving, but also through taking away.

My sweet children (p, b and e)....this blog is for you. Someday you will read it and you will know this pain we have experienced. But that is not all you will know, your dad and I hope you will see that in the pain we saw the Lord...we love seeing Him in the daily joys of watching all 3 of you stumble down the hall rubbing your eyes in the morning, in watching you all laugh out loud through out our days, in watching you run across the yard with the wind in your face...but joy is not the only place He is found. He is there in loss...perhaps He feels even closer because we are so desperate for Him. Continue to look for His movement...and remember that every time He takes something away, He gives you something else. May His glory continue to be revealed in each of our children...all four of you.

Baby and Balance...

2010-03-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

First off...You cannot imagine the joy in our hearts that Andy and Jessica are expecting their first baby on September 27th...We are beside ourselves to meet the newest little Jeffrey. It is a sweet gift from the Lord to watch people you love so dearly begin a journey that you know to be filled with such great depths of emotion...Being a parent makes everything come alive in a whole new way...you love deeper, cry harder, celebrate the simple and rejoice more in the realization that apart from the Lord we really can do nothing. Andy and Jessica are beginning this journey...and they begin it centered on Jesus. It is beautiful to watch.

This is a picture of all of us last weekend at the FWC dinner with W (not pictured). And yes, Jessica is 3 months pregnant and wearing a skirt that pleats from the waist. How is it possible to be that cute? She is one of my all times favorites. (Though I have given up the dream that we will ever share clothes.:))

I cannot make this announcement without telling one of my favorite Andy stories...Just recently we were out at our families ranch and Andy was washing his hands in the bathroom. I saw Eden follow him in there so I said, "Hey Andy make sure Eden does not get into the toilet." Thinking he was watching her, I did not go get her. A few seconds later Andy called back, "Hey what was it you wanted Eden to get out of the toilet?" That's right, under her uncles supervision she was fully immersed, digging like nobodies business in the toilet bowl. Hilarious (and a bit disgusting) I have since explained that it is a rare day that you send your 18 month old in to dig anything out of a commode.He is going to be such a great dad! I cannot wait!

Our small groups at church are doing a series on being balanced...It is a series by Andy Stanley on the Lord and your finances. As a result of this we have been tracking our spending to see where our passions are...And here they are...The Lord, a good meal, medical bills, Sonic, sporting goods and hair bows*...and not necessarily in that order(based on our checkbook.) We (Tony and I) are longing to see some differences played out in our life in the coming months and years. We recognize it is all His. And we are calling ourselves back to living in that way. We want to free ourselves to be His hands and feet when He calls. We are longing to see Him lifted up in our finances. We want Him to change our hearts and change our desires. We want someday when we are gone for our children to be able to look back and say, "they really did love Him." and have that confirmed when they look through our finances. Lord, we are weak and worldly... be magnified in that weakness...

"To you, O God, belong the greatness and the might,
the glory, the victory, the majesty, the splendor;
Yes! Everything in heaven, everything on earth its yours;
the kingdom all yours! You've raised yourself high over all.
Riches and glory come from you,
you're ruler over all;
You hold strength and power in the palm of your hand
to build up and strengthen all.
And here we are, O God, our God, giving thanks to you,
praising your splendid Name."
1 Chronicles 29:11

* hair bows are not a massive part of our budget...but it was a tad shocking to myself how much has gone to the cuteness that is our daughter. But might I add, in defense of Eden, the journey to having the Brooks boys look like baseball perfection at the ripe old ages of 5 and 7 was eye opening as well.

catching up...

2010-02-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

* I am currently working with the boys on not being disgusting...I understand they are boys, but we do not live in a locker room, so we do not always have to have a running commentary on smells and who is making them. The other day in the car Payton yelled, "Benjamin you reek...I know you just far***." (not a big fan of that word) I said, "Payton, really, you do not have to use those words" He responded with the exact same inflections he had used in his previous statement "Benjamin the way you smell is unnatural, you make my nose hurt. I love my little walking thesaurus.

*the other night at bedtime Payton asked if we could pray for Barack Obama. I told him of course was there anything in particular he wanted to mention. He responded with, "according to the kids at lunch, he is apparently spending money I have not even made yet."

* the other day Benjamin said he always wants to live with me even when he is grown. I explained to him that while I would love that, most grown men would rather not live with their mother. He said, "Well I will, I do not know any ones phone number and I do not know how to make a sandwich. I would be hungry and lonely...and that sounds like a terrible life."

* the other day I mentioned to Payton that I had noticed he was whining a lot more. I talked in a whiny voice to him and said, "imagine if that is how dad and I talked all the time...you would be so annoyed." He said, "you're right, but you two are adults, I am a kid, whining is what we do."

*the other day Eden had a ferocious diaper...I think I used an entire thing of wipes on her, put it all in a walmart bag, threw it in the garage trash can and went in. I washed my hands thoroughly but I could not believe how that smell followed me everywhere. In the kitchen it was terrible, in my closet, in the boys room...Mercy how had that smell spread so quickly was my thought. Then I went to put on my makeup and looked in the mirror. Somehow in the process of throwing out that diaper the tabs on it attached to the fringe on my scarf...I had been wearing that nasty diaper as a necklace for about 30 minutes. I scare myself.

*Eden is at the most delightful stage of life. She laughs at everything and always has a smile for us. She is at the point now where she talks non-stop and you understand about every 10th word...lots of gibberish with hand gestures...a total joy to her family. Payton said the other night..."Eden might very well be the best thing that has ever happened to our family." Tony and I quickly said that all 3 of them were...so sweet to listen to these boys love their sister.

* Perhaps one of the reasons I am so keen on our boys not being so enthralled with toilet humor is they now have a sister, who herself is enthralled with the toilet. She must have a 6th sense for when someone has left a bathroom door open, if its open she is in there, swirling her arms, dipping toilet paper, throwing jewelry or anything she has has in her hands in the bowl...She loves it...we are working on this.

* The past month for our family involved two trips to the emergency room, over 15 doctor visits, lots of testing, one ambulance ride, one 3 day stay in the hospital...One of our ER trips had Benjamin in great pain, unable to sleep and me trying to keep him distracted during the night. At 4:28 in the morning I used the recording feature on my phone and started asking him questions. I will treasure that recording always. You can hear in his voice that he is in a great deal of pain...but he answers every question...in my favorite part he talks about how much he loves the Lord and how he trusts him. Then I ask him to tell me about how much he loves Jesus and he says, "Oh I love Cheese-its, they are my most favorite snacks." It still makes my heart smile. I feel like the Lord smiled as well...

Someday soon I hope for documentation sake to write about the last month of our life...Its been a crazy one. It was difficult. I want to write about it so that our kids can someday see...life is hard and God is good. He is so good.

I have been adding to this post for awhile now...and have to now add...Jenny Bizaillion's life has forever changed mine. Her heart for the Lord, for her family, for her Savior has called me to not just a deeper walk with Christ, but deeper living altogether. Every area of life...I want to step it up. I have loved Jenny's mother Beverly for years now. She has been a life changing presence in both my life, my mothers, my sisters and countless people around the world. In recent weeks I have become acquainted with Jenny, as most of you have, through crying out for her life. Her memorial yesterday was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. It was beautiful, it was heart-wrenching, it was Holy. The Lord was there and He was lifted up...I do not understand His ways. But I love Him deeply. And when I see people who also do not understand all His ways, in what are the most difficult days of their life stand up and proclaim His goodness, proclaim His glory...I see His kingdom coming and I want more. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Gracious and a Lucky Duck

2010-01-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Payton pointed out to me the other day that I say "gracious" a lot lately and asked why...I told him a lot of times people have a word that gets stuck in their head and when they do not know what else to say, they say that word...It appears gracious is what is stuck in mine. He said, "why is your word Gracious, what does it even mean?" I told him that until now I had not given it a lot of thought, but now every time I say it I am wanting to remind myself of how gracious the Lord has been...He has given to us even when we have not asked for it...Sometimes I say Gracious out of thankfulness, other times it is a plea for more of the Lord in my life..."what do you think about that Payton? (feeling pretty good about my impromptu lesson) His response..."Can we stop at Sonic?" I think I really touched his heart.

1. Each student in 1st grade gets the chance to be star student. On Monday of your week you get to bring your 3 favorite things to school. Payton chose to bring his sister, his brother and a wii remote...(He said he actually liked Tony and I better than the wii remote but did not want to hurt any ones feelings by choosing one of us.) This picture shows Payton introducing 2 of his favorite things...This picture reveals so much about every one's personalities...

2. Payton continues to be Payton...Mercy. There is no one else like him. Our conversation the other night went like this:

Becky: Boys, its 5:15 time to start getting things picked up before your dad gets home.
Payton: Can I speak with you alone?
(Every time Payton asks this I know I am about to receive one of his finest talks or questions...Last night this questions was followed with, "Are you sure you really want to leave dad in charge of Eden?" But I digress...)
Becky: Yes, Go ahead...

Payton: "I have been hoping we would not have to have this conversation, now I see its unavoidable...My entire life I have been picking up the house at 5:15 so when dad gets home he can relax after he has worked hard for our family. Well, I go to school now and I work hard. Just once, I want to come home from school and relax. I am tired of picking up Eden's toys. Benjamin seems to make it his goal to get out everything while I am at school and I am worn out with it all. I cannot do it a day longer...long pause while staring for effect (he has this mastered) Now, what can you and I do together to solve this problem?"

Becky: You can start picking up Eden's toys.

3. Eden is part mountain goat. She has found her way onto table tops, cabinets, and shelves. She loves to climb and she loves to try to squeeze into tight places. One of her favorite new games is to squeeze herself into a Tupperware dish and have Benjamin push her at a high rate of speed on the wood floors. She is so much fun. She also has the most unique habit. When she starts getting irritated she rolls her tongue quickly and makes a rattlesnake like sound. Like a rattlesnake, it is a warning, she is about to strike. We love every bit about this baby girl.

4. Benjamin's personality brings us so much laughter. The other night the boys were playing in the backyard when I heard a distinct shattering sound...turned out it was our massive back window. Payton immediately started saying how sad he was, "We should of been more responsible." etc...Benjamin walked in with a huge grin and said, "I just hit the most amazing line drive." Our second born is all about the journey...He and his father did have a discussion about hitting line drives towards windows...

5. Benjamin's got quite an arm on him. During the family snow ball fight he broke out the back window of my dad's truck. Scared him to death...I believe some of this fear came from the fact that he had actually listened to his father's speech on baseballs and windows.

6. Benjamin opened a present that contained a watch on Christmas morning. He was so excited. Payton promptly lost it and said, "I cannot believe this. I forgot to ask for a watch and now I have to live 364 more days wanting one..."So much drama...

Do not worry, Aunt Kelly stepped in and saved the day and he actually got a watch in the cousin gift exchange...which lead him to say "this very well might be the best year of his life."

7. I hope 2010 sees my updating this blog more often...not making any promises, just a little challenge to myself.

8. This weekend I am speaking at a women's retreat. I am excited to do it. I have had a list of the attendees and have been praying for them by name for a month now...I am so excited to see what the Lord does. The scripture that He has put on my heart for the weekend is this....I have been reading it multiple times daily, thanking the Lord for new years and fresh starts...I am so thankful for Him!

Psalm 32

1 Count yourself blessed, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start,
your slate's wiped clean.

2 Count yourself blessed—
God holds nothing against you
and you're holding nothing back from him.

3 When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans.

4 The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.

5 Then I let it all out;
I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."
Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.

6 These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we'll be on high ground, untouched.

7 God's my island hideaway,
keeps danger far from the shore,
throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

8 Let me give you some good advice;
I'm looking you in the eye
and giving it to you straight:

9 "Don't be ornery like a horse or mule
that needs bit and bridle
to stay on track."

10 God-defiers are always in trouble;
God-affirmers find themselves loved
every time they turn around.

11 Celebrate God.
Sing together—everyone!
All you honest hearts, raise the roof!

9. Yesterday I ran a red light...not a casual red light running...traffic was already in motion and I just happened to enter the intersection between two cars. Eden was screaming, I was feeling around for a pacifier in her diaper bag, I was completely not paying attention to my driving. Everyone slammed on their breaks, made angry gestures at me, I nodded and said I know, and then everyone went on about their lives...but I was greatly shaken and still am. I could of forever changed another families life. I could of forever changed my family. I have thought a lot about how all I could say was I am sorry and how empty that would of felt...and I have thanked the Lord for our safety and the safety of those I do not even know, even in my absent-mindedness. Last night as a family I was telling the boys about this and Payton said, "Sounds like you were a lucky duck." I said, "Well, I don't think I would call it luck...the Lord shielded us from what could of been a disaster for a lot of people. He did it even when He did not have to. He was gracious." To which Payton said, "Exactly, He made you a lucky duck."

10. May you feel the graciousness of the Lord at every turn as 2010 progresses.

Awkward...and 1986

2009-10-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

So much of life has returned to normal...amazing how quickly that happens. From my perspective, one of the hardest things about grief is that the world keeps moving...and a part of you is glad...and a part of you grieves more that it has. All the emotions leave me feeling out of place at times...wanting so bad to be in the moment and so aware that my thoughts are a million miles a way.

The other day a precious lady stopped us at the grocery store and was gushing over my kids, she ended her parade of compliments with, "Are you so happy all the time?" My first thought was "My father in law passed away, we have been really sad." Thankfully I had the realization that that would be incredibly awkward and smiled and said, "We really are so thankful for all the Lord has done." Because we are....and we will continue to be...He is so worthy of our praise.

Last night as we were putting the boys to bed Benjamin asked how old God was...
I told him that I had no idea..."God has been God for forever." Benjamin then asked, "Was God, God back in 1986?" I said, "Yes." Payton then added, "1986?! Holy cow, he has been God for forever."

Old thoughts...new again...

2009-10-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

I was flipping back through my blog to get some things for a letter I am writing for Payton and came across this post written three years ago. I love the Lord. He is so amazing in the way He layers lessons...taking you deeper into His love with each year of your life. Where would we be without Him? I do not ever want to find out. I am so thankful for His friendship.

Previous post from September, 2006

I read a lot. I love to read. Always have. Once on a family vacation I read a total of 7 books and came home with a journal full of notes. My brothers had all sorts of fun making nerd jokes. Now Tony makes them... (not really:)). This past week I read something that deeply touched me...still can't read it without tears. Something in these words made me realize something in me is broken and I have ached over them and yet longed for the truth in them to sink deeper into my heart.

Here are some thoughts that Ken Gire (one of my favorite authors) wrote in "The Reflective Life-Becoming More Spiritually Sensitive to the Everyday Moments of Life":

"Honestly, I want to be like Christ.

But honestly, I want to be like the Christ who turned water into wine, not the Christ who thirsted on the cross. I want to be the clothed Christ, not the one whose garment was stripped and gambled away. I want to be the Christ who fed the five thousand, not the one who hungered for forty days in the wilderness. I want to be the free Christ, walking through wheatfields with His disciples, not the imprisoned Christ who was deserted by them.

I want to be the Good Samaritan, not the man who fell among thieves.
But if the man had not fallen among thieves, been beaten, stripped, and left for dead, the good in the Samaritan would of never emerged.

This is the dark side of Christianity, the side we don't see when we sign up. That if we want to be like Christ, we have to embrace both sides of His life. What else could it mean when the Bible talks about "the fellowship of His suffering?" How could we enter that fellowship apart from His suffering? How could we truly know the man of sorrows aquainted with grief if we had not ourselves known grief and sorrow?

That is how Christ grows in us, both corporately as a body and individually as members of that body. It is also the way many people come to Christ. For some people, it is the only way. And perhaps that explains, at least partially, why bad things happen to good people.

For the sake of those around them.
That they might come to Christ.
That Christ might come to them, to live in them.
So that once again a Savior can be born into the world."

Abide

2009-09-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

Back in January I started working on my talks for ACU's Summit/Lectureship week, Sept. 20- 23rd.

When given the chance to choose what I am going to speak on I always try to get a feel for what the Lord is doing in my life, where am I seeing Him directing me, etc...The theme for this year is "On the Mountain with God." After much prayer and seeking I felt like the Lord was leading me to to speak on Quiet time...something I move in and out of struggling with...My topics were "Meeting God on the Mountain: I want to meet Him but do I have to climb?" and "Meeting God on the Mountain: Can I summit in 30 minutes?"

I have studied, researched, and prayed about these talks for 9 months. I have a spiral notebook that is filled with notes. I have two outlines that I have read and re-read everyday. But before I allow myself to write I always ask the Lord "Help me sift through this...what of this information is for me and what is for my class?" And each time I would feel in my heart...I am not supposed to write about this right now I am supposed to practice it. So for the past 9 months the Lord has been drawing me, calling me deeper, allowing me to see I had given quiet time a bad rap. I had made it something to check off, something to do to make me feel better about me...when what He wanted was for me to come closer and feel better about Him. He has shown me I don't have to always talk, I can just be...and listen to Him. He is shown me I am a better person when I allow Him to live through me and focus my day. He has shown me that He does not want me living for Him...He wants me living with Him. He has shown me that some of the sweetest words to Him are not articulate prayers that catch others attention...but the cry of His name alone...followed by my silence. He has shown me the power of His Word...I have realized that while I have often placed myself in the role of the older brother,I am the prodigal. I have never allowed myself to think that the Lord scans the horizon for me...and yet he does, daily. In so many ways I have experienced more of His love...and I thought I was studying it to teach it to others.

That is why last Wednesday morning I told Tony, "I have a peace right now about where I am at in my talks because the Lord has given me a peace...but He has not really made it clear what I should share yet and that is starting to make me uncomfortable. I want to have them lined out by tomorrow." Tony smiled gave me his I am not worried and you will do great talk and left for work. And Wednesday as I talked with the Lord through out the day I felt in the most real way that yet again, every time I sat down to write He spoke to my heart and said, "Don't write, just be with me." And so I did...I sat in silence, I read about His goodness, I cried out that I wanted to trust more in His mercy and relax more in His hand. I shared how I wished my love for Him was stronger and felt His peace flood my soul. I felt myself rest in His hand on Wednesday. So much so that I thought, maybe I need to ditch all my notes and just share this testimony...Is that it Lord? Again I felt His peaceful silence.

Wednesday evening Tony came home and asked how much I had gotten written. I told him, This is so crazy but the Lord is not letting me write...every time I try I feel Him stop me and call me back to being with Him. Maybe I will do it tomorrow. We both just shrugged our shoulders as if, "That crazy Lord." We ate dinner as a family and then went outside to work on our yard as a family. Then Tony's phone rang. We did not get to it in time. Then mine rang and I got it. It was Tony's brother, he was crying, I handed the phone to Tony who then dropped it and said, "My dad is gone."

I felt frantic...I made calls that got our kids taken care of...I watched my husband in pain...and I felt myself begin to grieve...Tony and I packed our bags that night crying and moaning the whole time. My prayers were reduced to calling out His name... Lord. I felt panic in my soul as I wondered how we would ever go a lifetime without Tony's dad, how we would ever explain to our kids how precious this man was, how we would ever be able to care for Tony's mom (currently in a nursing home) in the way his dad had. I cried all night long deeply toubled. And then the sun came up and I remembered my friend. The One who had been calling me for the past nine months to know Him better. The One who had been asking for me to go to a deeper place of trust with Him. The One who had shown me that He is the only thing that cannot taken from me. The one who had told me...just be still, that's enough. My tears and my pain did not cease but I remembered my Comforter and Tony and I asked Him to make Himself known to us in the middle of this.

And I realized...the past nine months had not been about me preparing for Lectureship at all...it had been Him, in His sweetness, preparing me for this road that I would be walking hand in hand with Him and my husband.

And so we walk...and I am glad to know He holds us because our eyes are a constant stream of tears and we can't see that well. But because He has taught me to rest in Him, to trust in Him, I was able to stand up at my dear father-in-laws memorial and give his eulogy while declaring the Lord's faithfulness. Because He has taught me to relax in His hand I am not near as squirmy as I once was...And because I have learned I can trust Him, I have carried to Him every piece of frustration and every cry of I wish it had not happened like this and I know He has heard it.

We have a long road ahead. Our grief seems to feel like the ocean, tide in, tide out...under-tow strong, under-tow bearable....and it has not been a week yet.

Payton asked tonight, "Will I always feel this sad about Paw Paw being with God?" and we answered, "no, but we will be sad that he is not with us...until we are all with God." Benjamin then told about how the highlight of his day was singing Blessed be your name at school. Payton, ever our thinker, said, "If the Lord hears Benjamin's praise and Paw Paw is with God, Do you think Paw Paw hears Benjamin's voice praising the Lord as well?" We just smiled and said there is so much we do not know...and Payton responded, "I bet he does...and he loves hearing our voices praising God almost as much as God does."

Oh how I love the Lord...Tony and I have said countless times even today, "What would we do without Him?" I can say in a completely different way tonight than I could of last Monday, HE IS OUR HOPE. He is IT for us...I am so thankful we have Him. I am so thankful to know He has Tony's dad.

Tomorrow they will pass out an addendum to the program at ACU's Lectureship/Summit that explains my classes have been canceled due to family reasons. But you and I know the truth; the truth is my class has just begun.

Blog Update...

2009-08-07T08:53:00.001-07:00

1. Payton starts school 17 days from today...I know this because every morning as I pour his orange juice he gives me the count...and he has since the day he got out of school. I love my little rain man. The other night he and I stayed up to watch the Rangers play on the West Coast. (Tony stayed up with us but Tony defines staying up as sleeping hard on the couch rather than in his bed.) As the game wore on I said, "I sure love you Payton," he replied, "I have enjoyed every minute of this summer, we have really lived it." Sometimes there are better replies to I love you than just I love you too.

2. It is apparent Eden needs a Savior. (Not that we ever really doubted that she too would need Christ.)However, it is possible to get wrapped up in the our sweet baby is perfect stage until your sweet baby gets something taken away and throws herself down on the ground screaming, slapping the floor with both hand and feet. Her first full blown fit was an impressive one. The girl is a natural.

3. Last night I wished I had a pedometer built into my pajamas. I felt like I walked miles...each child up multiple times...I slept on every bed and couch in our house last night minus Eden's crib...and I thought about that, it was just too hard to muster the energy to get over that rail.

4. Benjamin loves his sister much like a dog loves his favorite toy. He lights up whenever she crawls in the room. He can hardly wait to pounce on her. This type of fierce love is something we are daily working on. Yesterday we must of had a breakthrough...when she crawled in after her nap Benjamin ran over with his (Nerf) sword and rather than whapping her with it said, "I am glad you are up, you know its my job to protect you."

5. The other day as I was holding Benjamin he said, "Someday I will be forty and you and I will be best friends." Notice to Benjamin's future wife, I put this in writing and actually had him sign it. It is official.:)

6. The other night we were doing our bedtime reading and the story was based on Luke 6:27-31 It said, "Jesus said, "Love your enemy. If he hates you, be good to him. If he curses you, be kind to him. If he hurts you, pray for him. If he hits you on one side of your face, let him hit the other. If he takes your coat, give him your shirt. Whatever you want him to do to you....You do that to him." I then closed the book. Payton who had been sitting there taking it in said, "What does the next verse say?" I read it to him and then asked why...He said, "Well, I was really expecting Jesus to say I am totally kidding about all that, that is way too hard."

7. I am currently working on talks for lectureship (The Summit) on time with the Lord...what it looks like (Its different for everybody) the results (Once again, different for everybody) the blessing (looks different for everybody)...Someday I will be able to share more in an organized form...right now its pages of scribbles mixed with prayers of "Lord, help me." Currently I am most touched by the realization that he wants my heart...not completed Bible Study books, not my checkmark beside I read two chapters...my heart. I am wrestling with that simple concept...and He is aware of that. I am so thankful He is a God who patiently loves and pursues.

8. Speaking of quiet time this summer we have instituted a different kind around this house. It did not take long to realize that between the hours of 3-4 became beat the dog mess out of your brother hour unless every one was separate and quiet. I have loved this hour each day...they have as well...and sweet Eden does not know what to do with herself...she crawls around with the house to herself with a huge smile. In an hours time I can usually remind myself of who I am and that at one point in my life I had conversations that involved lines besides, "Boys, we do not discuss that outside of the bathroom."

9. We watch alot of baseball at our house...which means if we are not quick with the remote we also watch a lot of beer commercials...We did laugh out loud the other morning at breakfast when Benjamin drank his orange juice, slammed his cup down and said in perfect accent, "Stay thirsty my friends."

10. Eden will turn one next week. Such an amazing mile marker...a year gone way too fast. It seems like life speeds up as you age causing you to look deeper and feel more. I love this little girl...It is hard to remember what our family was without her. Eden's name mean's the Lord s delight...He has placed that in our home through her life.

Dearest Payton

2009-08-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

Dearest Payton...

Three weeks ago you turned seven. You woke up at one in the morning and came in and said, "Does anyone want to wish me happy birthday?" We wished you happy birthday and sent you back to bed, only to see your face again at 3, 5, 6 and at 6:30. You were eager to be celebrated. By then we all got up to start our day. It was a day of great rejoicing over your birth.

Seven years ago the doctor told us that she anticipated you would be born around July 4th, possibly before because you were measuring large. We marked a huge star on July 4th on our kitchen calendar. We assumed naively that we would watch fireworks while holding you and we could hardly wait. As you now know the 4th came and went and we still had no baby. The Dr. began ordering sonograms every other day so she could make sure you had enough fluid, your placenta was viable, etc... Thus began our wait...I was anxious, stressed and tired. I cried a lot. Looking back, I complained a lot.

On one particular day, my mom, your Precious, was driving me home from the sonogram...the doctor had said everything looked great and it was possible we might have an end of July baby. I remember staring out the window and telling mom how sad I was. I will never forget her words. As she drove she said, "Becky, I know you are so ready to meet your son. I know everyday that you are still pregnant is a disappointment to you...but I want you to try and stop being disappointed and enjoy this time. Payton will come out soon and he will no longer be just yours to hold...you are going to love watching him grow once he is born but you will miss him for the rest of your life."

Back then, I did not understand her words....even now I know they will mean more to me when you are 35 and I am wanting you to call your mother than they do when you are 7 and right down the hall. But I understand now, that the journey of motherhood does involve a lot of missing.I remember when you used to sit on my hip and cry when I sat you down. Now, I watch you try to explain to me why I do not have to wait outside the bathroom door at Target for you...I listen to you try to tell me why you can run into Walmart by yourself (That has NEVER happened). You are becoming, a little more every year, your own person. The person the Lord intended you to be...It is beautiful to watch.

So many things that make you...you.

* We love the way you are so gentle with your baby sister...She loves you so.

* We love the way you play with Benjamin. He is your biggest fan.

* We love, love, love your laugh. When you are tickled at something you can hardly stand up you laugh so hard.

* We love it that you know the Ranger's line-up by heart and will often tell your dad how some one's ERA has gone up or down. Your dad beams every time you pause the TV and call everyone in to watch an awesome catch, slide or double -play.

* We love your "matter of factness". When everyone booed A-Rod and your brother asked why they were doing it, you said, "The facts are Benjamin-you choose your choices but not your consequences...His choices have caused a lot of people not to like him." Your dad and I are constantly shaking our heads in wonder at your ability to articulate your thoughts.

* We love the way you organize and clean...We smile when you ask if you can clean the playroom by yourself because you "just can't handle things being thrown in the toy box that belong in a shelf."

* We love your heart...your kindergarten teacher pointed out at every conference we had this year that you are a friend to everyone. If there is a new person you ask them to sit by you at lunch and play kick ball at recess. You reflect Christ in so many ways.

* We love that you are a nervous talker. No one can ever accuse you of clamming up. You are a processor. We love helping you process.

* We love listening to your self talk. Your dad and I cracked up as we pulled up to a family gathering and heard you from the back seat say to yourself, "People love you, they want to kiss your face, let it be OK."

* We love how you listen...you are a detail gatherer. We love how you use details to hold people accountable. We are working on when you holding someone accountable is appropriate...the other day at Subway when I grabbed a bag of Cheetos and you said, "Hey aren't you trying to eat healthy?" is an example of a time when public accountability is not exactly what I was looking for.

* We even love having to explain to you...quite often, that we are not a family of three parents and 2 kids...You make us laugh (to ourselves) when you offer disciplining advice.

Oh Payton, the list could go on and on. We are crazy about all the pieces the Lord put together to make you- you. Your dad and I are so proud of who you are becoming...We can hardly believe it had been 7 years of having you in our life. Each one has been sweeter than the last. You have always been one who goes to sleep quickly. Because of this trait, throughout your life your dad and I have found ourselves in your room watching you sleep. Sometimes we are praying over you, sometimes we are reflecting over something you said and laughing...Sometimes your dad leaves and I stand there awhile longer watching you breathe and thanking the Lord for placing you in our home and I think about how fast you are growing...and all of the sudden I realize, even while soaking up every moment of the day, I already miss you.

Dearest Benjamin

2009-07-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Dearest Benjamin-

A week ago you turned five...causing your dad and I look at each other, shake our heads and proclaim yet again, "Where does the time go?" Seems like just yesterday we were rushing to the hospital to meet you while doing our special breathing. (Which involves me telling your dad to hurry and him saying "I'm trying!" at least 1000 times between here and downtown Ft. Worth.) When you arrived it was love at first sight...you were exactly who we wanted. We could not contain our joy over you! What a prize the Lord had given us!

As we watch you grow, we experience falling in love even more each morning as you wake up. We watch you stumble into the kitchen with your eyes still closed, your hair looking like you have been doing a head spin all night long and we smile... We love watching you grow on a daily basis. What a prize the Lord has given!

So many unique things about you that make you...you. We love every single one of them.

* We love how you love to be hugged on first thing in the morning. Currently you need at least 15 minutes of lap time with mom or dad if it is going to be a good day.

* We love that little raspy voice of yours.

* We love that you would much rather sleep beside your bed on the floor than in your bed.

* We love that you are fiercely protective of your brother and sister. You want to make sure no one hits them or tackles them except for you.

* We love it (after we shake off the initial embarrassment) that you make the mundane an adventure. When we turned around the other day at the grocery store and saw you inside the deep freeze with your rear pressed up against the glass of the door...we laughed to ourselves as we made sure you understood that was unacceptable.

* We love that if there is a lull in our day we can always find you in the back yard practicing your swing or throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it.

* We love it that you love your purple tooth. (Some in the dental profession might call it dead:)). Other children ask you about it often and you say, "Yeah, I threw a big fit when I was little and got this...sure wish I had two, but right now there's only one."

* We love it that you need at least 3 days advance notice if you are going to put on a shirt with a collar.

* We love your strong will. We know the Lord placed it in you for a reason.

* We love to ponder the mystery that is your eating...How one person can receive so much energy from one chicken nugget is phenomenal. Someday, perhaps this year, you will eat a full meal and promptly get up and build a skyscraper in backyard with your own bare hands.

* We love it that you are quick...You are the only child that we have had to chase in order to discipline. You are a gazelle my friend...a gazelle that has learned you got your quickness from your dad, he can zig and zag with the best of them. I believe I have watched you finally learn that your dad does not find your quickness amusing under those type of circumstances. I have also watched you learn that even if you can out run your mom, your dad always comes home.

* We love your desire to make others laugh...you bring so much joy to the people you interact with.

Benjamin, the Lord has created such a masterpiece in you. We love noticing details that we have not before...studying the way He used colors, blends and strokes to make you someone that makes Him known to His people. Your dad and I look to Him to guide us as we shepherd your heart. We long to see you become exactly who the Lord dreamed of as He knit you together. You see son, we are not a family that believes in coincidence. Everything that is a part of you now is meant to be molded into something that reveals His character. We daily count on His promise in Philippians 1:6 that "He who began a good work in you would bring it about."

We want you to know our list of mistakes is long...we are imperfect, struggling, falling and getting back up again parents. As you get older this will become more and more apparent to you. But there is joy even in that. Because as you watch us, we are hoping you see grace, given to us by the Lord, given by us to each other, given by the Lord and us to you. I was reminded the other day that just as the Lord has not called your dad and I to perfection...He has not called our children to that either. You reveal His glory as is... We would not have you any other way. As the Lord shapes you into His man we are so thankful to play a part. We have never wanted to do anything more right.

Oh how we love you Benjamin! Your friend Jackson came over on your birthday to eat breakfast with you and pray over you. His prayer caused all of us to smile for he summed up our emotions so well. He prayed, "Lord, Thank you for Benjamin, he is so wild, but I love him so much." So do we Jackson, so do we.

testimony....

2009-06-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have fallen way behind on blogging. I believe every post for the past year has stated that. But in my mind, I have a list of "must writes" and this post is one of them. I am not that great of a scrapbooker...good intentions don't seem to produce much...so I know this blog will be some thing my kids look back on...something I look back on....So knowing that...I must push through my no -posting phase and rejoin my documenting life...not to mention, my mom likes reading it. :)

Psalm 78:4 "We will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
His power, and the wonders He has done."

Many already know but about 2 months ago I picked up Benjamin at pre-school and he told me on the way to the car "Today during nap time I stuck something up my nose." In a moment of great parenting I said, "You better not of." and gave him a very stern look. He looked at me sheepishly and said OK. That was on Thursday afternoon. On Saturday night as everyone was going to sleep I was lying in bed reflecting on the weekend...My thought process went something like this..."Benjamin has sure been whiny this weekend...he keeps saying his nose hurts...He came out of both of his t-ball games twice and said he would rather just sit...he never does that...Lord. give me wisdom...immediate flash to Thursday pre-school conversation. The kid has something up his nose." I go check on Benj...he is sleeping soundly.

Sunday morning...Benj awakens...we talk... he confesses to putting a large chunk of the bottom of his shoe up his nose.(He peeled it off during nap time and did not have anywhere else to put it.) We go to urgent care...Dr. pulls out 2 inch piece of rubber out of Benjamin's nose...We have a long talk on the way home about how we do not stick things up our nose...but honestly we find the whole thing amusing...We pay an amazingly huge doctor bill for this amusement but we consider our lesson learned.

I am laying the groundwork for the testimony with that story.

Flash forward one month...I get the call from Benjamin's pre-school that while playing on the playground he appears to have stuck a rock in his ear. They are concerned because it looks like it is pretty far down there. I wish I could say I was immediately flooded with compassion for my son....reality is, I was flooded with annoyance. I go pick Benjamin up and we head to the Dr. all the while he sits in the back of the suburban explaining that he really has no idea how the rock got into his ear... he thinks maybe he threw it up in the air and it landed in his ear. I am still not finding humor. I can tell he is very uncomfortable. This begins our journey...I am imagining this will be alot like the nose and the rock will come out quickly...Not so...We left Benjamin's school at 10:45...by 4 we have seen 4 different doctors...all wonderful...the last one schedules us for surgery to be performed early in the morning to remove the rock.

I can honestly say that not at one point during all of our scheduling, driving, talking, did I pray, in my head, out loud, with Benjamin....not once. It was not until around 6 that night when the surgery center called and said they would need $1789.00 to admit Benj the next morning that I realized I had yet to invite the Lord into this situation. But as soon as I hung up that phone I called Benjamin and explained to him (And Payton, our family eavesdropper) that we needed the Lord to move that rock. We all three got down on our knees and prayed. We called Tony, who upon hearing the surgery center admittance fee also joined us in prayer. I proceeded to call every member of our family and beg them to join us in asking the Lord to move that rock. In an act of faith I called the surgery center and ask what number I will need to call in the morning if the rock comes out. The nurse was kind and amused but gave it to me anyway.

From that point on we were walking around in constant conversation with the Lord. Move that rock. I was talking to my dad that night at the boy's t-ball game and he asked if the doctors had said anything about how to get it out. I told him that one had stopped me in the hall and said, "off the record if it was my kid, I would get a q-tip, put some super glue on it and let it adhere to that rock and then pop it out." We both agreed though that getting the super glue in Benj's ear was too risky...

That night at the game we ran into another elder at our church. I asked him if after the game he would pray over Benjamin. I then told him the story. My dad and him began talking...and together they devised a plan. If we were able to cut a straw to where it was just long enough that we could put it on the rock, perhaps that could guide our dot of super glue down to the rock and then we could allow it time to adhere.

Tony, ever the confident optimist, said let's try it and went to Walgreens and spent $2.89 on super glue. It is easy to make this story lighthearted now...but the tension of wanting this to go well was huge. I was mindful that if it did not work I would be the one taking my child to surgery with now a rock and a super glued q-tip to the hospital.

To say we were prayerful is an understatement. I kept telling the Lord, "I ask your forgiveness for you not being my first response...but we are wholeheartedly giving you this now." We all prayed yet again, explained to Benjamin the process and then prayed again. Benjamin laid on his side like a champ. Never moved, never cried, never even squirmed. He was the picture of total trust. My dad and Tony worked together like an incredible team. Straw in ear touching rock, Stick lowered down through straw with a touch of super glue on it, wait...wait...Becky tries not freak out...then lift... My mom stood over us and prayed the whole time. 3 different times we went through the agonizing process of trying to get the rock...with every attempt I grew more unsure. Until the last time when Tony lifted that rock out of Benj's ear and a shout went up to the Lord that I am sure startled our neighbors.

We of course took Benj to our pediatrician early the next morning who looked him over and pronounced him perfect. We were thrilled, thankful and overwhelmed.

I had told a few people this story and had followed it up with I don't think I will ever post this...its a bit too crazy and yet the lesson learned by me is one that can't be shared wihout first telling the story. Prior to this day, I would of told you...my first response is most often to talk with the Lord...He and I are in constant conversation. But on this May day, I learned that too often...in stress, in annoyance, in my flesh...the Lord is the furthest thing from my mind. I long for that to be different. I long for our children to see Him as our first response because we are certainly praying He will be theirs. We love them so much. We have never wanted to do anything more right than raising them.

Oh Benjamin, someday you will read these words with your own eyes and wonder aloud if it really happened. We were there and witnessed it. We asked the Lord to keep you from surgery and this time, for reason only He knows, He delivered. We know He was with us through every moment...even when we had not asked for His Presence, but oh my son, the power in asking for His Presence is amazing. As you grow may you know Him well enough to know when you want more of Him...He is ready to give it, and give in abundance. You are our precious "all boy, boy". You take us on adventures we never dreamed of...line up all the 4 year old boys in the world and give us a choice...we wouldn't even look twice. YOU ARE OURS. We love you so!

*** stick with the rock immediately after extraction

*** piece of rubber pulled out of Benjamin's nose

So thankful...

2009-04-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

A year ago today I was 5 months pregnant. We were still in a state of shock and excitement that we were pregnant with a girl. Tony and I (from dating through marriage) had always envisioned that we were boy parents and figured we would have a house full of them. We were elated to see this girl that showed us yet again our plans were not the Lords. We had just decided that we would name this sweet one we had yet to meet Eden Elizabeth. We loved her already.

Then I began to bleed. I called Tony immediately and we headed downtown. I was scared. He was scared. I could still feel Eden kicking. Every time she kicked I would say out loud, Please Lord. Sometimes that has to be enough...and I am confident it is. I remember thinking I wonder if April 22nd is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. The sonogram showed a healthy baby...but the dr. was straight forward as she asssigned me to bed rest and let me know what often occurs after bleeding starts.

I remember going home and praying...trying to surrender this baby...and realizing I could not. I remember asking the Lord to meet me, yet again in my reluctance. I remember hearing in my heart, "She is mine already, release your grip." It took days, even weeks, even months to uncurl my fingers. Even still I watch this baby smile, I watch her try to crawl, I watch her breathe as she sleeps and I feel my grip tighten again...and if I am quiet enough in the stillness of her room, I feel in my heart the words, "She is already mine, release your grip." Sometimes it is a warm breeze to my soul, on other days it is a more startling wind. And yet, however it blows, it blows with love....and I feel the need to, yet again loosen my grip.

I am so thankful the Lord allowed Eden Elizabeth Brooks to be carried to term. I am so thankful her for her sweet smiles that melt her mother and daddy. I am so thankful that she is a baby who already knows that fierce love her brothers have for her. I am thankful for the ways I see her cousins,aunts and uncles love on her. I am so thankful for the unique little personality we see emerging.

"He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." Isaiah 51:3

I am so thankful she is ours...but I am most thankful she is His.
Lord, hear the sounds of thanksgiving tonight.

The Lowest of Lows

2009-03-27T05:09:00.000-07:00

Every night at dinner we go around the table and say our highs and lows...Its a great conversation starter and gives us a window into the boys lives. Last night it was Benjamin's turn. He shared his high and then said, "my low today was really hard." He was at school yesterday so I immediately wondered if something had happened that Tony and I had not yet heard about from a person in authority...

We all got quiet and then he said, "This morning mom asked me to pick up my pajama pants and not leave them on the floor. It was terrible."

***I promise to be back with an update on the pig opera and more....We have just returned from an amazing week with my brother Sam and his family in Virginia. (Sam just returned from 2 months in Pakistan.) I am leaving pronto to head out to the ranch to meet with my college roomates. Cannot wait!

A Pig in the Opera

2009-03-10T14:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Payton came home from school and told us "Tomorrow night in the school program I am a pig in the opera." He then added, "You all are going to be so proud of me you might not know what to do with yourselves."

I am filled with anticipation. Tony, who is a huge fan of his son, but not so much the opera is anxious to see what this will look like. Benjamin has seized upon the moment to call his brother a pig at each opportunity. After all he explains, "that's what Payton said he is." Eden, full of milk and large flower on head, is quite happy to attend anything that involves her brothers.

Stay tuned for pictures or video posting...at the rate with which I keep this blog up, you should have them by December! :)

it's about time...

2009-02-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking I will start blogging again...if I could do a little bit at a time, then it would not seem so overwhelming. Check back tomorrow to see if I keep my word this time...I am ridiculous...If it makes anyone feel any better I am just still trying to get it together. Last night as our day was winding down I realized my shirt looked weird....turns out I had worn it backwards all day. Nice. This morning I put desitin on my toothbrush...the great news is the diaper rash in my mouth is gone.:)

As Tony and I try to reorganize our life as a family of 5 we are noticing little things that we have let slip in the past couple of months...Like, explaining why we expect a certain behavior...Everyone likes someone that is kind...so sometimes we just say to the boys...BE KIND and they are and they move on...But as of late we are trying to call ourselves back to "the why" of why we do things...We are kind boys, because we want our hearts to look like Jesus...We want people to see us as different from everyone else...we don't just want good behavior (Though some days that feels like enough) we want to raise hearts that are committed to the Lord and His ways.

With that in mind the other day on the way to school the boys got into some verbal battle. I got them quiet and said...Guy's come on. We have talked about this...

Mom: Benjamin why do we want to be kind to each other?
Benjamin: Becasue we want to look like Jesus and he was kind.
Mom: Payton, when was Jesus kind? (In my head I am thinking the only response he couls give will be all the time mom)
Payton: Well, if I have listened to the stories correctly, it seems like it was almost always in the afternoon.

He then went on to give examples of Jesus mostly working with the apostles...in the afternoon.

Photo Update!

2009-01-16T07:10:00.000-08:00

I still think about this blog daily...My mom even has a list of things that I need to post about. I was telling a friend the other day that I feel like all of the sudden I have woken up to life. I find my self wanting to ask people how their summer has been. I was paying bills the other day and realized I was dating every single check for the month of August. (Eden was born the 13th of August)I Think my mind must of gone into overload and shut down a bit. Yikes! The great thing is I woke up to everyone fed and clothed so we are doing well. I am going to get the list from mom and post this weekend. Meanwhile, here are some pictures...We sure love these kids.

Here are some shots of the boys at at Rockridge...(the name of my parents ranch)They love playing on these rocks...I think they are pretty cute.

This picture is to honor our hard working cousin in NYC Lynds! We are so proud of you and we love a good onesie!

Have I mentioned how much we love this baby? She might be shocked to realize someday that the world does not revolve around her.

How sad...October pics in my Jan. update. Payton had to go as a non-scary monster to school on halloween. The costume had to be homemade. I immediately started sweating when I read that. I am more of the "Go out and purchase" type of mom. Nika helped save the day. Payton said he wanted to be baseball monster. I thought he was the cutest one there! :)

The boys thought "tummy time" meant drag their sister all over the house at a rapid rate of speed. This baby is tough.

My favorite guys at Holiday in the park.
Payton and his cousin Bailey. We have been asked if these two are twins. They sure love each other. Paytonwas thrilled when Bailey got to see him at school.

Payton is out of school!

2008-12-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

Today I took Payton for his last day of school before the Christmas break. I told him on the way, "Payton I am so proud of you and our family...we made it!" He looked at me and smiled and then asked the question he must ask at least 15 times on the way to school, "I am not going to be tardy am I?"

We had Eden one week before school started...I walked through September, October and some of November in a sleepless haze...So the fact that today we finish this semester with no tardies and a kindergartener who loves his life makes me want to turn the praise music up loud and dance! Here are just a few of Payton's latest quotes that have brought smiles to our faces...

1. Tony and I thought it would be a blast if one of the gifts we gave to the boys was a trip to Holiday in Park at 6-flags. We got them dressed...told them they were getting one of their presents that we had to drive to see...They were beside themselves. The excitement was building the whole drive over. As we exited in Arlington Payton asked "what are those?" while pointing at the roller coasters. He of course, had no idea this is where we were headed. I told him they were roller coasters with a huge smile on my face. Being our little saftey pup he exhaled and said, "Those look terrifying, I hope we never go there."

2. The other night on the way home from church we were asking the boys what they had learned about. They were repeating all the details of Jesus birth and Tony was asking question after question.."Who was Mary again?" What did they ride on?" who was Joseph? Benjamin was answering every one when Payton interupted and said, "Good greif dad, you really need to read your Bible."

3. One of the ways Payton is different in our family is that he always has a plan...clothes laid out, schedule made, watching the clock...He does not want to get somwhere on time he wants to be early. He stresses this to us each day when if we appear to be moving to slow he says things like, "You two are acting like I don't have a tardy on the line. Let's move."

4. We also cracked up the other night while we were looking at Christmas lights and Payton said, "I like the ones with a simple AB AB pattern rather than those with the ABCD ABCD pattern. What do you guys think?" Benjamin spoke for us all when he said, "I have no idea what you are talking about Pate."

5. Each six weeks at Payton's school each class picks one student who is the Proud Panther of the 6 weeks. The qualities they are selcted for are
a. E in conduct for the 6 weeks
b. responsible behavior
c. respects the rights of others
d. considerate and kind
e. thoughtful
f. follows all class and school rules.

This last 6 weeks Payton was chosen as the Proud Panther...and he felt it...I thought he was going to bust out of his shirt as his teacher read this about him at the breakfast.

"Payton is our Proud Panther because:
He cleans up when he is done.
He helps people when they are hurt.
He stands quietly in line.
He stacks chairs.
He sits quietly when we are reading a story.
He listens to the teacher.
He helps people.
He cleans up other things that other people do not clean up.
He does his work.
He puts paper scraps in the recycling.
He follows directions."

Congrats Pate...long before you were a proud panther...you were a leader on Team Brooks. We are so thankful you are ours...even more thankful you are the Lords!

9 years today!

2008-12-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

9 years ago today I walked down the aisle to Tony Brooks. It was the proudest moment of my life. I could not believe the Lord had, in His goodness, given him to me. I was beside myself. One of my mentors in college had told me..."When a country picks its ambassadors, it picks someone who hopefully represents the very best of the country...its very heart. When you begin to look for a spouse choose someone who you will be proud to know represents you...because that is exactly what they will do. For the rest of your life people will look at your spouse and they will see your heart." My word...I walked down the aisle quite sure I could not love a person more than I loved Tony. When you look at our wedding album the pictures of us walking back down the aisle are blurry. The Photographer apologized but said , "You all were moving too fast." We actually were running...running to start our new life together. We could not wait.

Our honey moon is a hilarious story...many great moments but more hilariously stressful ones...we missed our flight...I lost my purse...the airline lost my luggage (and regardless of what my brother Sam says I actually did want to have clothes on my honeymoon.)Way too many stories to tell over the internet...It was an introduction to life. Being in love did not mean our humaness disappeared, we remained two people who desperately needed Jesus....and we needed Him in a real way if our marriage was going to be more than just two people who liked each other living together.

A lot has happened in 9 years...There has been a lot of laughter...a lot of tears...we have watched each other walk through life...we have done more than watch, we have come alongside...On days when we have felt overwhelmed the other has stepped up and said, Let me carry it for awhile. We have cried together and asked the Lord to come quickly. We have held our children together and proclaimed them perfect...We have fallen to our knees together countless times because of those sweet children and their imperfections. I have been madder at him than I have ever been at anyone else...(and he could say likewise) and yet we have always been able to laugh at it later. We have seen that the Lord matched us up perfectly...not because we are exactly alike and have the same interests...but because we do not. We make each other better. He likes clean baseboards...I still do not know what those are. I like long conversations in the middle of the day, even while he is at work. He reminds me that is why I have my mother.

My goodness I love this man! When my grandfather was dying my dad asked him what part of his life he would like to do over if he could and he said, "I loved falling in love with your mother." I loved falling in love with Tony. I woke up with a smile before I could even remember why I was smiling. These days, I wake up and walk into walls before I remember why I am up...Oh yes, feed the baby...or someone is coughing...or I need to get someone to school...and yet I love Tony more now than I ever dreamed I could then. On our wedding day I felt so certain...so in love...so at peace that he was it for me.

These days I see him holding our baby...wrestling with our boys...folding laundry...cleaning baseboards...reading his Bible...leading our family in prayer...loving people in our life who are difficult to love...shaking his head when I get two "you ran a stop light tickets" in the mail in one day (Please do not bring that up to him, he's not ready to laugh yet, but I have a feeling its coming :))working for our family, for us.... I see him loving us with everything he is and I think if we had it to do all over again I would not walk down that aisle to him...I would run to him.

Conversations with the boys...

2008-12-04T14:34:00.001-08:00

Watching these two's friendship unfold is one of the sweetest gifts of my life. It is filled with bumps, bruises, hugs that are way too hard and all sorts of others things that bring brothers closer to each other. They love each other wholeheartedly. That does not mean that we do not have entire drives home from school with someone yelling "QUIT LOOKING AT ME!" In fact it is in instances like that I sometime enjoy them the most...because I remember not too far back (or actually really far back) that I too yelled "QUIT LOOKING AT ME!" at my younger brothers or my older sister yelled it at me...and today I count those 3 siblings as my closest of friends.

Last night as we drove home Payton was singing the months of the year song. At the end,
Benjamin said, "My teacher says its December which means we are at the end of the year.
Payton said, "That's right Benj"
Benjamin then asked, "What happens once we get to the end?"
Payton replied, "I have not figured that out yet...either we die or we start over with January."
I looked in my rearview mirror and saw sweet Benjamin with his eyes as big as saucers as he exhaled he said, "Wow, I sure hope we start over with January."

Today I Wrestled a Bear

2008-12-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

This morning started out like most...One cub successfully dropped off at kindergarten clothed and fed, tiniest cub successfully fed, changed and back to sleep...when all of the sudden out of nowhere I was in the middle of wrestling match.

It started when I picked out a shirt that I thought perfect for the day of preschool. The shirt was not to cubs liking. The cub expressed this by throwing it across the room. Then I picked out a breakfast for the cub...it was not to his liking either. Then I brushed the cubs hair...it appears the cub prefers NO ONE, especially me, touch his hair. Each of these events was punctuated by the cub's loud screams while he rolled around on his back on the floor. I literally sweated through my clothes trying to get him ready. I raised my voice to a yell so that the cub could hear me over his roars. By the time we got to the church (Where little cub attends pre-school) we had pulled the car over three times...so I could make sure the cub was getting enough air between screams...He was. (The cub was also issued some ultimatums during said time on the side of the road.) Once also to call the cub's father and ask him for wisdom....unfortunately the cub's father was unavailable. After dropping the cub off at school a full 30 minutes late, I walked slowly back to my car, tears falling, begging the Lord for wisdom...confessing to Him yet again I have no clue what I am doing when it comes to parenting. I thought about my bear all day long...praying he was having a better day...asking the Lord to give us a breakthrough.

This afternoon we talked about this morning...about acceptable behavior and unacceptable....My precious bear told me he understood everything. He told me he loves me and he is sorry...then with his sweet smiling face he said, "I don't like acting like that so tomorrow let's make sure you don't touch my hair."

Sometimes life is full of wrestling...Thank goodness today it was with a really cute Bear.

My Brother is engaged!

2008-11-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

Our family is buzzing with excitement! Andy asked Jessica to marry him last night and she said YES! We are beside ourselves! Overwhemed with thankfulness that Jessica is the answer to thousands of prayers we have lifted for Andy through the years! To quote Payton, "My word, we just love her don't we?"

Conversations

2008-10-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

In a Starbucks restroom:

Payton: Mom, whats this hole in the floor called?

Becky: Its a drain.

Benjamin: What do you use a drain for?

Becky: If the toilet overflowed or if someone left the sink on, all the water would just flow into that and it wouldn't flood the rest of the store.

Both boys pause and look at each other then Benjamin pipes up.
Benjamin: Can we pee in it? (Payton shakes his head like, "This kid can read my mind.")

Becky: NEVER! Boys, that's terrible. I don't want to ever hear about you guys doing something like that. Why would you even think like that? (give a small speech on hygiene and filth)

As we walk out Payton says to Benjamin, "We'll try it out when we come back with dad."

Thankfully their father is more of the drive-thru type, but he has been warned. And...our boys will be receiving a parental escort to Starbucks bathrooms until they are voting age.

Girl and Boys

2008-09-26T16:28:00.001-07:00

We are crazy about this girl...(And yes, I am having so much fun putting bows on her!)

Meanwhile with the boys...

1. While we were running errands with eden in the above outfit...A lady asked Payton if he knew what Eden's shirt said...He responded with "I am not annoying." That Pate is always good for a laugh.

2. On our car ride home Payton deep in thought said, "Mom, If Jesus' last name is Christ would you explain to me why we don't call God Mr. Christ?"

3. Benjamin (after throwing the fit of a lifetime) saw me digging through my console and stopped screaming long enough to say , "You looking for your spoon to spank me?" I nodded yes. He said, "I thought so, I took it out yesterday and hid it."
Score: Benjamin: 1 Mom: 0
The score changed after we arrived home and the spoon was recovered.

AND...for actual photo documentation of my new nephew...click on Sam's blog in the link section. We are crazy about little Caleb!

http://samswholesale.blogspot.com

Coming up for air!

2008-09-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you still checking...thank you. The addition of a newborn plus starting kindergarten has thrown our life into a tailspin...I realize people do it all the time and still manage to be productive. Currently my goal is much less than to be productive...I would just like to take a shower. :)

However, today blogging takes precedence over cleanliness. There is so much going on that needs to be documented~

1. Payton's first day of school went great. His mom was a bit of a basket case. I am quite sure all of the other parents were wondering what was up with the mom who wore her big sunglasses inside (the whole time...it's called...trying to hide from my 6 year old that his mother is weeping. It worked quite well. With my sunglasses and Tony there to hold me up and drag me out...I don't think it was obvious at all.

2. I told Tony today, someday I will drive away from that school without tears in my eyes...but today as Benjamin (Still in pajamas) stuck his head out window (Making me realize I need to tighten his car seat straps) yelling "I love you Pate! Have the best day Pate!" I realized yet again how thankful I am for everyday we had at home together and I got misty yet again.

3. Benjamin is on Eden like white on rice. He loves her...in a way that makes me wish she had a tiny helmet and football pads on at all times. He cannot resist
rubbing her head, squeezing her hand or kissing all over her arms. It is very sweet. He wants to hold her or carry her everywhere. (Obviously the carrying is not happening.)So fun to watch their relationship unfold.

4. Payton loves school. It is so fun to hear about his day...sometimes it takes awhile to get the details out...but I so love hearing everyone of them. He is quite the story teller. We play a game called 5 questions when he gets home...I get to ask 5 questions and so does Benjamin...I ask questions of substance and Benjamin consistently asks questions like "Did anyone toot loud in class?" We get a pretty good view of the day from a mother's perspective and a 4 year old.

5. Benjamin is loving going to school as well. He was all too thrilled to follow in his brother's footsteps and start attending our churches preschool 2 days a week.

6. The other night during family time Tony asked if anyone had prayer requests...Benjamin always eager to share his heart said, "Well, I am a little worried because Eden is still pooping in her pants."

7. Payton explained to me the other day how hard it is to work 5 days a week and then only get 2 days off. He then said, "I am glad I only have to do this for one year." Ummm...

8. As I was making Payton's lunch the other day he said, "You know you do not have to make my lunch every day, there appears to be a fairly nice restaurant at my school." Can't wait to try out the School Cafe and see if Payton's review will stand...The sweet innocence of a kindergartner.

9. Tomorrow we have Payton's school jog-a-thon...He has cracked us up telling us about how he is using recess to "train his body" and how his body is "extremely fast". Today he told me he could probably do better if he had some nice running shoes. I told him the ones he had were fine...I guess we will see tomorrow.

10. This week one of my brothers (Sam) (and his wife, Emille who is one of my very best friends) had their third child, their first son. We are over the top excited for them and cannot wait to meet this new little boy! Today my other brother turns 26...Benjamin shed actual tears that Andy is not having a party. I love my brothers...What joy and perspective they have brought and still bring to my life. I am so thankful Eden will have the joy of 2 of her best friends being her brothers!

11. BONUS pictures!

Eden Elizabeth is here!

2008-08-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

Joy is in abundance in this household today!
Come read details and see pictures here!

Thank you for sharing our joy and blessing us with your prayers!!

For Becky (From Aunt Kelly)

Still here...still pregnant

2008-08-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

Our life has been filled to the brim here recently with friends, summer activities and family time...It has been wonderful. However, as the temperature increases I find myself more and more eager to have this little babe. My body temperature right now is crazy. I can go from fine to bright red and sweating even in the most air conditioned of places...It really is amazing to watch if you happen to be close by when a hot flash happens. As wild as it is...I am remembering this a season that is coming to end...I do want to enjoy it.

2 weeks ago my Dr. said...this baby is ready and you are ready, she could come anytime...Because of our excitement I keep having to call myself back to living life now...rather than in constant anticipation looking only to that event rather than the daily joys that are still occurring. I don't want to miss any of our last moments as a family of four. We still say every day when we get up...Is this a day we will celebrate for the rest of our lives? SO fun to know that someday in August will forever have Eden's name on our family calendar!

Here are the latest stories to remember:

1. The other night as the boys were going to bed we were talking about how excited we all are to meet Eden. This started us talking about another baby that the entire world anticipated, that the Lord knew the world needed, that people had prayed for for years, that would enable us all to talk to the Lord in new ways...Tony and I both were chiming in all the things this baby would do for us, ultimately save our souls...when I noticed Payton's smile getting bigger and bigger...Finally, he interrupted and said, "It's me isn't it?"

2. We have found Benjamin's cryptonite...For those of you who have seen him this summer he almost always is either wearing his polyester baseball pants or his red wool baseball socks pulled up to his knees. We realized last week when we were having some obedience issues the powers of putting his pants and socks up on the top of the refrigerator, where he can see them but not get them or wear them. They have been placed there until he can make good choices while out in public...We frequently find him on the couch staring up at those pants with tears streaming down his face. Change is coming...but its a bit painful for all involved.

3. Payton once again came to our room the other night after having had a nightmare...I asked him what he dreamed about and he said, "It was awful." I asked him again, "What was it about?" He replied, "The Backyardigans."

4. The boys have a new game where they go in the back yard and take turns throwing the football as hard they can at the back of the other one's head. The first one to yell stop loses...more often than not, Stop is being yelled while charging at the other one right before a full contact tackle is made. Tears usually follow. We have made every effort to put a stop to this game. Only two boys would come up with this.

5. We are also working on gas issues over here. Things we hope to get ironed out before their sister is able to learn from their ways. Efforts to out do each other in these games have lead to more than once someone saying from the back seat..."Umm, I am going to need some new pants when we get home." Why? Things that make me shake my head....

6.We have also entered the "If mom is trying to get a picture, whatever you do, don't look at the camera or smile stage"...These made me laugh.

7. Tony got us some great tickets the rangers through work. We had a blast going and eating at the ballpark, watching batting practice, etc...Within 3 minutes of the national anthem Payton was sound asleep on me and drooling, combined with 100 degree outside temp. We woke him up for a family picture...You can tell he's a bit under the weather...Poor kid, kept telling us he did not feel well. We ended up leaving during the 2nd inning...Payton ended up having strep, his dad ended up getting to see Josh Hamilton hit at least one out of the park. Good times :)

8. The other day we were playing in the playroom when Benj crawled in and started barking and said, "Let's play Clifford." Payton quickly said, "I am T-bone." I said, "Who am I?" Thinking Emily Elizabeth, Cleo, etc...Benjamin said, "You be Clifford the big White dog." Thick skin is must during these pregnant times!

9. I love this picture of Benjamin. I was showing it to him the other day and telling him how handsome he is and he said, "Do you just love me because I have a purple tooth?" Not ever wanting him to be sensitive about that I said, "No, I don't really notice that tooth anymore." Benjamin replied, "I love my purple tooth, no one has one but me and its awesome." Not so worried about the sensitivity thing...

10.And because of family who lives far and has asked for this...here is the latest:

Here's hoping for a birth announcement post soon!

Village of Hope

2008-07-31T14:53:00.000-07:00

Please click on this picture to make it larger so you can read the words on their sign...
Last year when Payton and I visited Benin, West Africa one of the most touching experiences we had was getting to go to an orphanage called the Village of Hope. From the beginning it was obvious the Lord was at work. Though every child there had an incredibly tragic story...there eyes were filled with hope. When we were able to give them money that some people at the church had given us for just such a circumstance, all the children broke into praises and dancing to the Lord. It was one of the most beautiful expressions of gratitude to the Lord that I have ever seen.The director later told us, We had been hoping you would come. These children are being lead by great people of faith who are trusting the Lord for their provision.

Next month, my sister and Randy are heading back to Benin to visit the Christians there and take some desperately needed funds to this orphanage. This provides the perfect opportunity for them to raise money and hand deliver it to these precious children and their caretakers. As Tony and I have prayed about this we continue to have James 1:27 running through our minds..."Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." We know this mission is one that is close to the heart of our Lord. I am including a link to Randy's website that gives even more details...If the Lord puts this on your heart...your investment in these children is an investment in the Kingdom.

Here are some words my sister wrote recently,"These children have lost their parents due to the HIV AIDS virus and others have been rescued from child traffickers. These children are lovingly cared for and blessed by adults who have sacrificed a great deal to protect them, feed and educate them. Recently we received a letter from the director there describing the present needs of the orphanage. The Lord has put it on our heart to raise what money we can to take and bless these children and their caregivers."

Here is a link to my brother-in-law's business website where they are currently raising money as well.

http://www.1429creative.com/benin

http://www.1429creative.com/beninkids

Because of Payton

2008-07-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

Payton is 6! He walked into our room yesterday (On the 15th) at 6:45 and crawled into bed with us. I said, "Happy Birthday Pater!" and he responded, "You are kidding me, it had completely slipped my mind." I started telling Payton his birth story and mentioned that the day he was born was the first 100 degree day of 2002. He looked at me and said, "I will tell you one thing, you can be sure I never saw that coming."

My word we love that boy!

Because of Payton we have learned life is way more fun with his commentary.

Because of Payton we have seen that his cousins are worth screaming and jumping up and down over every time we mention the slightest chance we might see them.

Because of Payton we have learned that someone actaully can have nightmares about Veggietales. He is still frightened by extremly large cucumbers.

Because of Payton we have had to remind him that even though he can tell time does not mean that his parents, grandparents, teachers, etc...want a running account of how many minutes they are running behind.

Because of Payton I am still asked everytime we pull in Starbucks, "Does dad know about this?"

Because of Payton, I have actually heard the words, "Let's go someplace that has vegetables...I know I have eaten enough sweets to last me a month."

Because of Payton if I ever wander across the aisle at Walmart to get something I hear, "Excuse me, are you leaving us unattended because this basket specifically says DO NOT leave your children unattended."

Because of Payton and examples like the one above...I get lots of smile as we grocery shop.

Because of Payton I am well aware anytime we encounter a smell that is not good. We are working on NOT trying to figure out the source as this can become embaressing when strangers are around.

Because of Payton we see daily a tender hearted little boy who really does think through everything!

Because of Payton Tony and I feel completely loved...He is our encourager and is always expressing his love for us.

Because of Payton our life is overflowing with more and more of every good thing. 6 years ago we walked into a hospital with no idea what it meant to be parents. When they released us from the hospital Tony looked at me and said, "They are not just going to let us leave with him are they? Isn't there more they should tell us before we take him home?" Tony drove 20 mph the whole way home (on the highway) and I cried the entire drive wondering how we were going to make it. Payton has taught us so much...We have enjoyed almost all of it. :) His life and the deep desire we feel to raise him in a way that honors the Lord calls us to our knees time and time again. We are beside ourselves with thankfulness that he is ours...Line up every 6 year old in the world and we are going to search until we find him...Of course we will just have to look for the part of the line that is a little more organized than the rest and he will be there. May the Lord continue to grow and develop this boy...May every dream He had in mind when he created him come true! We love him so!

Because of Benjamin

2008-07-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

Our Benjamin turned 4 today! (on July 10th...mom is running a bit behind)

He woke up to great confusion because his parents were singing Happy Birthday to him his older brother was trying to explain that because his party was not today he was not really four. After older brother was silenced(temporarily), the celebrating began!

How we love this boy!

Because of Benjamin we have read more parenting books than any one person can count.

Because of Benjamin we have laughed harder than we thought possible.

Because of Benjamin we have watched two brothers forge a friendship that survives through great laughter and through tears.

Because of Benjamin we have watched Payton's deeply protective side develop.

Because of Benjamin we have a better view of what Tony was like as a little boy.

Because of Benjamin we know what its like to lose a stare down battle with a 3 year old.
Because of Benjamin we know what it is like to lose your 3 year old at a water park for 20 minutes.

Because of Benjamin we daily know how loved we are...He is great at affirming us.

Because of Benjamin we are reminded daily by him to ask the Lord that he would have no bad dreams and that someday he will hit a ball out of the park.

Because of Benjamin we daily go out and watch him slide, hit, and catch the ball.

Because of Benjamin we have had to start imposing the rule...No matter how badly you need to go to the restroom, the garage is not the place.

Because of Benjamin we have learned that someone can actually get full on an almond.

Because of Benjamin we have been told, "That when I disobey you I DO NOT (caps reflect yelling) want you to spank me!" This did not go over well.

Because of Benjamin we have learned to recognize "a mischevious look" and run frantically through the house looking for what has just occurred.

Because of Benjamin we live our life fuller, smile bigger and sleep better at night.

Our list could go on and on. For 4 years we have treasured this boy...and raised our hands in thankfulness to the Lord that he is ours. I must say at least 10 times a day..."I am so crazy about him." Tony always smiles and agrees. Payton will say he has no better friend than his brother. When we went into the delivery room 4 years ago we had no idea who was coming...When they said. "Its a boy!" We both screamed with excitement...We so wanted brothers who could play together, be strong together, and glorify the Lord together. We have not been disappointed. Daily as we hear something thrown a bit too hard against the wall, or perhaps we see a wrestling match taken a bit too far, I smile (sometimes after I have gotten a bit of perspective) and thank the Lord. This is exactly who we wanted...and we praise Him for the gift that is our Benjamin! Line up every 4 year old in the world and he is our first choice...after all...We are crazy about him!

It's July?!

2008-07-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

I am overwhelmed that July is here...Where does the time go? We are 7 weeks away from Eden's due date, 8 weeks away from Payton starting school, 9 weeks away from me being locked in a padded room somewhere.:)

We are enjoying every moment of togetherness we can get our hands on...and loving every minute of it! Here are some stories I am wanting to remember...

1. I am moving slower these days. The other day we were late to church and Payton's teacher said, "Are you guys running behind?" Payton replied, "My mom is as cute as a bug, but as slow as a turtle these days."

2. The other day Payton wanted to know how you get your last name...I was explaining how boys carry on their family name and girls often take the last name of the man they marry. Payton responded with, "I have no idea who I want to marry." I reassured him he had a good many years before he even needed to consider that. Benjamin said, "I know exactly who I am going to marry." We asked him who and with the sweetest smile he said, "My mom." Payton then said, "OH benjamin, that is so embaressing, mom is so much taller than you."

3. The other day I got the boys both a cheesestick for a snack. Payton said we sing about these at church...puzzled I said, "What?" He started singing (To the tune of Shout to the Lord) "My cheesestick, My savior" Ummm...we are still working on basic theology over here.

4. One of our friends gave Eden a swimsuit. Benjamin was very concerned about how she would get it off to go to the bathroom. I explained that she would wear a diaper under it and she would just go to the bathroom in that. He sat there for a second and said, "I am sitting here waiting for you to tell me you're kidding. That's disgusting."

5. In what could be an entirely different post, our house was on the market, got a full price offer and then we took it off the market...(we both felt our timing was off, sometimes you don't realize you are pushing yourself until you get to the edge of the cliff)...However, during the time it was in process we were looking at a bunch of different houses...Payton one day told us that we needed to be sure our next house had 5 bedrooms. When we asked why He said, "Because Benjamin and I don't want to share a room anymore and I am betting you and dad don't either."

6. The boys (for some reason) love the thought of Dairy Queen though we do not frequent it. I told them we could eat breakfast there after I noticed it opened at 8 AM. We got up and went and they do not even have a breakfast menu, they do not even serve juice. However you can get the full belt/hunger buster menu in the AM...we were happy to get this picture, enjoy drink and head to McDonalds.

7. Last week we finished our summer swim lessons...Both boys made huge strides. Payton, ever our cautious insurance adjuster (He evaluates and calculates risk before entering any unknown) is now doing quite well. Benjamin is still working on "Get the wall"(My goal for him was just to be able to get out if and when he falls in, which occurs almost everytime we are around a pool) and he is doing better. We are crazy over Ms. Jody...and all of our friends that took with us. Such a fun time of watching hte kids interact and having some sweet time with my friends.

8. Totally unrelated to my family...but how long can Dippin Dots say its the ice cream of the future? They came out with that stuff while I was in college 11 years ago...The future has arrived and it is not Dippin Dots.

9. This Thursday, the 3rd, my sisters family will have been home a full year from Benin. It has been a year of adjustments and victories for their family. They have done great. Here's to the next year being even better!

10.

My dearest friend BJ made this wreath for Eden's baby shower/to hang on the hospital room door. I find myself staring at it several times a day, praying for this sweet baby girl who we cannot wait to meet.

I hope to do a better job of documenting in the coming weeks...We have Benjamin's birthday on the 10th, Payton's on the 15th...a month full of celebrations. I am so thankful for this season of anticipation in our life.

Lifes latest

2008-06-05T05:19:00.000-07:00

1. The other night after the boys were in bed Payton called me back in to his room. When I walked in he said, "Mom, I think if you can answer one question I will finally be able to go to sleep." I said, "Then ask it." His response was, "How old is God?" It took me awhile to get him to sleep.

2. The other day as we were eating lunch Payton said, "I think I may be the smartest person in the world." I told him, "You know, you are smart, but that is not something you want to talk about. You want to say things that make others feel good about themselves rather than things that just make you feel good about yourself....etc, etc...Do you understand?" He replied, "Sure, well I at least know for sure I am the smartest one in this family." I do not think he got my message at all...still working on that.

3. The other day after eating pancakes I told Benjamin he needed to go wash his hands in the bathroom. He began to cry and said, "How come you never clean me like a dog?" I looked at him and told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He proceeded to tell me some of his friends moms just lick their hands and clean their kids with their tongues...WHAT?! I never thought this would be our lead in to the conversation that there are somethings that your friends are going to be comfortable with that our family has decided we will not do.

4. Almost everyday the boys play the game Tarzan (they call him Tarzam) and Pirates...Best I can tell the game consists of the pirate running around in full costume yelling Arrgh and Tarzam (who is rather modest at our house) stripping down to boxers and undershirt and running from tree to tree on all fours in our backyard. Here are some pictures from Tarzam and Pirate taking a popscile break.

5. We went to one of the most fun weddings this past weekend. My brother Andy was the best man for Jeremy Epps. Jeremy married Jessica and their love for each other overflowed throughout the ceremony. We left so happy for them and so encouraged about life. We had a babysitter for the night and had a fun date afterwards...Sure love that Tony.

6. We wound up T-ball season this past Saturday. I was sad to see it end. We were incredibly blessed to have fun watching our boys and meet new friends. I hope we play with the same people next year. We loved every minute of being with the New life crew! Here's a picture of my favorite coach talking to my favorite pitcher.

7. Andy and Jessica made the last game. The boys are crazy over A and J. In the mind of a 3 and 5 year old, A and J are celebrities. The boys cannot have a clear thought when we are about to see them and they are reduced to awed silence in their presence. SO CUTE! We loved having them there to cheer.

8. Speaking of celebrities...when Payton was one year old my brother worked in the White house. As a result we were able to meet the President once when he was coming in on Marine One. Things worked out where we got a couple of great pictures of GW talking to and holding Payton. The other day a friend asked Payton (when looking at the picture) "Who is that holding you?" He responded, "That was back when the President used to babysit me."

9.Eden is doing great in utero. Her most active hours are between 3 and 5 AM. I feel like she is prepping me for things to come. I am up and moving during those hours these days (of couse that means that between the afternoon hours of 2-4 I am not up and moving)...I do love feeling her every move. It is such a gift. I am currently 29 weeks along.

10. The other day Payton got up early and we had some time to talk just us. I thought we were having a great conversation when in the middle of it, he picked up the remote and turned the TV on. I said, "Payton we were talking." He quickly turned the TV off and said, "Wow, you really have a lot on your mind lately. Go ahead."

11. A couple of months back I was really struggling... There were (still are) some things that were a part of our life that were beyond our control that brought a great deal of stress to our life. I had the definite feeling of suffocating under the weight of it all. I went to a counselor in order to just hear myself process some things out loud. It was eye opening for me and so good to get some outside perspective. One of the things that she did that has blessed me so much was read the words to "It is well with my soul". When we got to the end, she said, "Right now your "Even so" is off. Things are not well with your soul...circumstances are rocking you and your emotions and our goal is to get you back to where when things of life occur...you can say once more, "Even so, it is well with my soul"." We are in process (we always will be) of growing deeper in Him....of getting to the point where we can say, "Even so, it is well with my soul."

We are on the same journey Paul was on when he talked about having to LEARN contentment in any and every circumstance. Our prayers continue that the Lord would hear our cry and change circumstances...But we are feeling more and more content...resting in the pray of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3:16...We believe He is a God who can change things...but even if He does not...It is well with our soul. Its a lifelong journey we are on...but its comforting when you feel yourself walking a bit deeper into the ocean of peace and contentment that is ours in Christ. The deeper you get, the less the waves knock you over. I think we are getting our "even so" back on track.

**A huge hooray for anyone who made it this far...Payton is right, I have alot on my mind these days.

Vacation

2008-05-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a week at the beach...It was wonderful. (Nothing like our beach experience last year)(See October 1st, 2007 post for that awful/enjoyable trip down memory lane)

We loved literally every minute of it. There is something so wonderful about having a week where your only priority is to enjoy each other. The boys loved having every minute with their dad (So did I). We loved eating every meal together... We loved laughing with each other over things that sometimes we are too busy here to even notice. Here are a couple of our favorite memories...

1. On the first day we were there we were sitting on the beach eating our lunch when Payton said, "You guys have no idea how badly I have needed this." Obviously in the business of life we had not realized how playing from sun up till sun down was taking its toll on our Pate. :)

2. Benjamin loves to play "I spy"...We love his creativity with the game...Everyone can be playing as normal and then when its his turn he will say, "I spy a mom who wants a diet coke and that's OK...because I am thirsty too...Good idea mom."

3. We loved opening our doors in the morning and smelling the ocean. One morning we opened the door and Payton said, "fresh air and freedom, I can't get enough."

4. Tony's aunt and uncle live in the beach town that we visited...We had a blast being with them every moment we could.

5. Payton is currently fascinated with subtraction. Therefore he wants to know how old everyone is so he can then subtract his age from theirs and tell them how much older /or younger he is. My mom and I have been trying to explain/teach him that women do not like being asked upon first meeting them, "Exactly how old are you?" He is getting better at bypassing this conversation with constant reminders from his mother. I thought we were perhaps done with this stage until he met random lady the other day and when she introduced herself he said, "Exactly how much do you weigh?" NICE. We move from offensive to over the top offensive.

6. Benjamin practiced baseball every chance he got. He took his glove and a ball everywhere. He would pick up a long piece of seaweed and use it as a pretend bat and work on his swing. I told Tony one of my favorite things about this is watching different guys/dads walk by...and how many of them stop, regardless of where we are (Benjamin does his practice swing everywhere) and comment/critique/compliment. So sweet to me...and of course Benj eats it up.

7. I enjoy the ocean, however, I have to concentrate on not thinking about what could possibly be lurking under the water. Watching Payton and Tony go farther out and farther out gave me plenty of opportunities to work on my Lamaze.

8. Benjamin started crying when we had to leave for home. Tony had already explained that he wanted us on the road by 9 AM to try and avoid as much Memorial Day traffic as possible. We have realized that one of the worst things we have done in parenting was teach Payton to tell time. I sat down by Benj and told him I understood, I did not want to leave either, I did not want his dad to go back to work, etc...etc.. As I was consoling him, Payton walked in, pointed to the clock and said, "It's 8:52, you two have 8 minutes to wrap this up." At times it becomes incredibly apparent that in Payton we have duplicated his father.

9. This is right before the guard asked Benjamin to quit messing with million dollar equipment. The dude was hanging on the nose cone...I was taking a pic of his dad and brother.

10.

I took this same picture almost every day of the boys walking home. I loved it...Such precious memories.

Our Life...

2008-05-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

1. We got our first package addressed "to the Brooks Girls" the other day from my sweet sister-in-law. I stared at that envelope for forever. We are having so much fun anticipating pink becoming a part of things around here.

2. I wonder how many times a day I use the word Boys. Said in different tones I use it as a:
command- interpreted as "Stop throwing baseballs at the ceiling fan."
question- interpreted as "why are there unrolled rolls of toilet paper all over the bathroom."
warning-interpreted as "I am on my way to find you, if you are found doing something you have been told not to do, trouble is on the way."
blessing-interpreted as "I am so thankful you two are mine."
sigh-while looking at the clock thinking "when does your dad get home?"

3. We have been working the on P and B not slamming doors. The other night they ran inside and once again, every picture was slanted. Tony in an exasperated voice said, "Boys, how many times do I have to tell you not to slam the door." Payton in his most respectful voice said, "Once more would be nice."

4. We have also been working constantly on saying yes ma'am or yes sir. The other night I told P to do something and he matter of fact said "No." I looked back at him and said, "I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me if there is ever a good time to tell me No." He looked me in the eyes and said, "Well it feels like right now it might work." Tony and I are learning to think through our questions before we ask them.

5. Tomorrow is Tony's Birthday. 9 years ago tomorrow we went on our 1st date. I know I say it every year, but falling in love with Tony was the easiest, most fun thing I have ever done. My insomnia is back full force, so I have had a lot of time to thank the Lord for the sweetness of life that I experience because Tony is my husband...Here are just a few things I love about him:

* The guy is a worker...He is ready to help, fix, build, clean you name it...I always have a peace that whatever it is, he can take care of it.

* I love laughing with him at the end of the day...hearing his take on my day, on his day, on where we are at...One of the best things that Growing Kids God's Way taught was Couch time-the importance of your kid seeing you daily enjoying each other. Our kids see us laughing together daily because that is important to T.

* I love that he insists on me having a 4 wheel drive vehicle "Because you never know" But if I ever tell him I actually used it he gets a bit uptight that I have just possibly torn out the transmission.

* I love it that he knows me the best and still loves me. He has seen every side of me...many of which are hard to love...yet even in the most difficult of times he has continude to be my number one.

* I love it that he is easy to love.

* I love it that he is a healthy eater...I would of been content to order a pizza everyday of my married life and eat desert after that. Thankfully, he calls me and our whole family, to a higher ground...and when he goes on hunting trips the boys and I eat pizza everyday and skittles for breakfast.

* I love it that he is still a mystery. As he allows the Lord to transform him I realize more and more I cannot predict him or his reactions.

* I love it that he enjoys our boys as much as I do.

* I love it that he is still so cute to me.

* I love watching him box, play basketball, play chase, play tennis, play any and everything with our kids...He works hard during the day and comes home tired, but I love watching him come in and engage as a dad immediately.

The list could go on and on...I am so thankful he is mine,so thankful that 9 years ago he called back and said "I know you said you had a lot to do...but you have to eat and its my birthday...Let's go celebrate." The best thing I ever did was say, "Sure." Thank you God for TDB!

The latest...

2008-04-29T08:52:00.001-07:00

While I was at the Dr. yesterday Payton lost 2 teeth. One was pulled by a friend, the other, best we can tell is in his digestive system somewhere, we are choosing not to look for it :). He was beside himself. He has now lost 4 teeth. Today was the 2 on the bottom

Anytime Benjamin so much as hears a camera click he races to the scene.

Payton asked if he could take some pictures. As you can tell from the look on Benjamin's face he asked us to hold our smile for at least 2 minutes before he pushed the button. Obviously the boy likes a close up.

Then of course Benjamin had to take a turn.

My dad reminded me last night of Phillipians 4:6, that with thanksgiving I can present my worries, even my tears to the Lord as a prayer while at the same time cultivating a heart of thankfulness. I love the way it reads in The Message. "Do not fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

I am certanly feeling more settled this morning. Thanks so much for your prayers, phone calls and emails.

***Why is this highlighted as if there is a link? When you click on it, you can actually tell I have something in my teeth. Thank you blogspot! :)

Update

2008-04-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for the comments and prayers...what a blessing to have a group of friends far and wide who lift up my family and I.

My Dr.'s appt. this morning went well. I was given permission to resume life on a much slower pace being ever aware of my body and any signals it might be trying to give towards going in to labor.

I have been extremely emotional today...my tears have flowed freely. Part of my appointment was going over different scenarios and complications to be aware of. None of it should of been surprising, they certainly were not saying "here is what is going to happen", just here are some things we want to be checking...but for some reason it hit me in different way today.

I ponder my heart on days like today. Last week I felt confident and assured. Today I have just felt...sad. I know the Lord has not changed.

I watched Shadowlands last week. (The story of CS Lewis and his marriage to a woman who was dying of cancer) I love that movie. The quotes in it are incredible. At one point in the movie his wife is going into remission and one of his colleagues says,"Now God is answering your prayers." CS Lewis then says, "That is not why I pray. I pray because I cannot help myself. I pray because I am helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me waking and sleeping. Prayer does not change God, it changes me." Certainly our (Mine and CS) situations or wrestlings in life do not compare. Yet that quote has resonated with me. The desperation for the Lord, the helplessness... I long for the Lord to change me as well.

My sister reminded me today that Eden's testimony has begun....May the Lord be magnified in her life and in each member of our family. Thanks for being a part of our life.

Eden Elizabeth

2008-04-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

We have a name! Eden- (means the Lord's delight) Elizabeth (after her aunt Kelly Elizabeth means God's beloved)Oh how we love this girl already!

I feel like most are aware of this but here is the email I sent out on Tuesday...

friends-

Some of you have already heard this but I wanted to give the quick update. This morning after running a few errands I realized I was bleeding...feeling a bit panicked I called Tony and my OB at the same time. I ended up spending most of the day downtown. I was feeling Eden kicking the entire drive downtown so that was reassuring but the tears of the unknown were still flowing.

They got a heart beat on doppler as soon as I arrived and reassured me it was strong. They did a check, confirmed that the bleeding was not related to anything else and then scheduled a sono for later in the afternoon (as soon as the tech arrived).

The sonogram showed no tears, a healthy baby (already over 1 lb), great fluid level, placenta in good position and Eden sucking on her toes nearly the entire time we watched her. The Dr. believes I have just been doing too much and as a result I will now be on complete bed rest until a Monday AM when I will go to the Dr. to make sure everything is still good.

My parents are leaving in the morning to take the boys to the ranch. They will keep them there until Friday when Tony can take on the tigers full time.

I was telling a friend today that as I laid on that table most of the day I thought of Rick's sermon about being made to lie down in green pastures. We are praying the bleeding stops soon...We are praying I can carry this precious baby girl that we already love so dearly to term (Everything shown today points to the fact that if this bleeding will stop that should not be a problem)...We are trusting that none of the events of today have caught the Lord off-guard. He is in complete control...We will walk in trust of our Father...actually Tony will walk, I will lie down in the green pasture of trust.:)

My Favorite Nightmare

2008-04-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

The other night around 3 AM I woke up to hear someone sprinting down on our hall. A few seconds later Payton was at my bedside telling me he had just had a terrible nightmare. His heart was racing and he seemed paniced. I picked him up and put him in bed with us and asked him he wanted to talk about it and he said, "No, I just want to be between you and dad." Happy to oblige we each held a hand and went back to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast I asked Payton if he wanted to talk about his dream. He said, "It was awful. I was on a boat." Quick to imagine the terrors that could of come from this I said, "Oh were you by yourself? Did you fall in the water? Did you feel lost?" He said, "No, it was an ocean liner, there were a lot of people." Once again, quick to imagine the terror he had felt I said, "Were you hurt? Did someone grab you?" To which he responded, "No, that ship blew its horn and scared me to death."

Opening day and other Family Happenings

2008-04-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

1. Saturday was opening day of t-ball season. The boys were beside themselves...Benjamin more than anyone. He was up at the crack of dawn, fully dressed and stretching for the days events. It was a great day of watching them both have fun.

2. Benjamin is crazy over baseball. We have no way of knowing how long this will last but right now, he is a child obsessed. Both boys get a 30 minute cartoon to watch everyday. Benjamin chooses to watch ESPN or a baseball game Tony has dvred. Last night after (I thought) everyone had been asleep for awhile Benjamin came and said, "Mom, what are you doing?" I responded, "Sleeping." He said, "Mom when you are watching me run around the bases and slide into home are you so proud?" I told him I was. He then said, "What do you think when I swing the bat like this? (and proceeded to demonstrate his best imaginary swing) I told him I loved it and realizing this was turning into a conversation walked him back to bed where he re-lived his game in detail. It is fun watching him enjoy this.

3. Tony was sick with a terrible virus on Friday. It lingered through the weekend. As we were walking into church a friend asked us where Tony was...I responded with, "He has a nasty bug." Later in the evening I heard someone ask Payton where his dad was...He responded with, "My dad has the fleas." We worked on the definitions of "Bug" on the way home.

4. We have been working on our rights and lefts...For some reason Benjamin has labeled his hands, my right hand and my wrong hand.

5. A month ago today I left for Canada...while I was there Benjamin was terribly sick. Tony had the baptism by fire through being up all night long for 3 nights in a row, working during the day and taking care of every need the boys had in between. 4 days into it he shared with me, "We are in survival mode around here." One of my favorite stories that was told to me was this one....Payton, ever my reporter, shared with me the day after I returned- "Mom, you know how there are things, like Scooby Doo that you do not like for us to watch on TV?" I shook my head yes. Payton then said, "Dad says watch whatever you want...just sit down." It certainly brought a smile to my face.

This is probably one of my all-time favorite pictures of our boys. Payton played after Benjamin and this was taken of them walking to the car after Pate's game was over. The were each telling each other how great the other one did. Our hearts were swelling as we walked behind them. I am thankful for pictures like this one that I can call to mind on days like today when these same two sweet ones are in a rolling brawl in the produce section of Walmart or using the toilet at the same time in the doctors office with the door wide open.

Thanks to all of you for your excitement over our precious girl. Your excitement makes it even more fun!

Sonogram....

2008-03-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

I know I have so much catching up to do on this blog...My trip to Canada was amazing...Tony wins dad of the year for his 10 days on his own with the boys...I have been taking little notes of all Payton and Benjamin stories anxious to record them all as soon as time permits...

Today we had the thrill of seeing our sweet little developing baby...who had its little feet crossed at the ankles laying there sucking its thumb. We cried tears of thankfulness as they scanned each little developing part and then we cried some more when they typed on the screen "It's a Girl."

We are over the top thrilled...totally shocked but completly delighted. Tony is all smiles. Payton is happy. Everytime we mention it to Benjamin he just laughs and says, "It's really a brother." Just could not wait to share our joy!

Life...

2008-02-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

1. Please be praying for my friend Jenny and her husband Brad. I know Jenny through Amber D. I was trying to explain to Tony how I knew her and realized it was through Amber's baby showers, Amber's Mary Kay parties, when Jenny visits Amber, etc...All this to say thanks Amber for your friendship and the gift of other great friends through you...Jenny is someone you meet and feel like you have known forever. I find these days she is my constant companion in thought. I am longing for she and Brad to see the Lord's healing...Read more here: www.thewims.blogspot.com Please pray for this precious family.

2. I leave next week for Canada. I will be gone for 11 days. Tony and the boys will do great I know. I am traveling with an organization called Come Before Winter. This team of ladies travel encouraging those who are serving the Lord around the world. I am excited to be a part of it. I will be working with the prayer team. My mom will be on the trip as well...so seriously, Tony is on his own. He's up to it, though he is needing a daily pep talk.

3. The other day Tony and I were standing in the laundry room talking. The boys bathroom was across the hall. We saw Payton stumble in there early in the morning, turn on the lights, look in the mirror and say, "Payton this is going to be a great day, you slept good, your body feels rested, you are going to see your friends, this may be the best day of your life." Then he went to the restroom. Tony and I just shook our heads. Seriously where does the kid come up with this stuff? We think he may grow up to be a motivational speaker...He is a lot more positive with himself than I am first thing in the morning.

4. Payton asked the other day why we call that bird with a long skinny neck, a fat feathery body, and long skinny legs a sausage? Took us a while to figure out he meant an ostrich.

5. The retreat last weekend was so encouraging. The message that was conveyed through the dramas, the praise, everything was that the Lord loves you, enjoys you and would choose you again in a heartbeat...in the midst of it all...Your sin, your struggles, your pain as well as your joy. I realized last week again that it is never a bad time to hear that the Lord loves you...I really needed that message. I don't guess a day goes by when I don't. The ladies that attended blessed me richly. I left feeling like I had just made a new group of friends.

6. Some of you may not know, Benjamin was our pickiest of picky eaters who also had a texture issue. These days he is still not a huge eater...but we are seeing huge strides. Today he ate 4 chicken minis for breakfast (did anyone else get the coupon for free breakfast today?), 2 eggs for lunch, the other day he ate a good amount of steak, he will eat green beans...not huge for the average 3 year old...but its something we are so thankful for.

7. We are big bottled water drinkers. I cannot stand when they are left lying around half full. I usually gather them and drink them all before I put them in the recycle bin. The other day I took a big drink out of one and told Tony..."this water smells like a dead animal." Then I looked at it closer and saw half of a chewed up pork chop floating around at the bottom along with some green beans. I am assumin g this was one of the boys water bottles. I knew we had not had pork chops in several days. Nice. I gagged.

8.The boys made the mistake a couple of weeks ago of showing me they know how to clean...not just wipe dust, I mean put things back in the exact right place, wipe baseboards, use the dust buster on the wood floors, etc (they are their father's sons)...Now they are daily workers. The other day I told them it was time for our cleaning to begin and Benjamin said, "I can't do this anymore, every day I clean, and the next day the house is dirty again. I am tired." It was a great time for a quick lesson on how to love and appreciate their mom.

9. The other day I got the boys the movie Aristicats to watch...telling them, "this was one of mom's favorite movies when she was little." I left to go fold laundry in the other room. When I walked back in they had turned it off. I asked what happened and Benjamin said, "we really are not cat people." Payton shook his head with a look of disgust...like I said, they are their father's sons.

10. The other day at lunch Tony asked who wants to pray for us and Benjamin raised his hand. As if we are were in a room with hundreds Payton said, "Look dad, a volunteer."

Catching up...kind of

2008-02-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

I have gotten several sweet emails asking if everything is ok because I have not posted in nearly a month...Thanks for noticing:) We are doing well.

* Thanks to everyone who commented and made us feel even more excited about our upcoming baby. Your excitement blessed us. We can hardly wait...only 26 more weeks!:)

* 2 of the past 4 weeks our family spent fighting the flu...all 4 of us...fever, upset stomachs, the whole bit. Tony missed 5 days of work...which never happens. Benjamin won the who is the sickest contest when his fever spiked at 106.3. We were miserable. Thankfully, we are now germ free...this house has seen more purell than the average I assure you. We had our couches, carpets, everything we had touched professionally cleaned. We were so thankful to finally move on from that.

* During our sickness we watched more videos than ever and when Tony was home, more sports center than ever. We also started watching the Biggest Loser. As a result, now everytime we pull into Sonic Payton says, "NO sugar drinks for me...you know what that can do to your body." Those trainers have made an impact on him with their speeches. Benjamin likes to run like mad in circles around our house yelling "Last chance workout" Good times.

* Organization is not my best trait...It is one of Tony's. Recently, as we got in the car I realized Tony had loaded all the things I usually have to run back in for...my sunglasses, phone, wallet, etc...I told the boys, "I sure love your dad, let's go around the car and share the things we love most about him." Payton started with, "I love how dad works so hard and lets you spend all of his money."

* Benjamin is fascinated by the fact that there is a baby growing inside of me...He asks periodically if we can take it out and play with it "for just a little bit." I have explained to him that God is still working on this baby. The other day he responded with "Now God is in your tummy?"

* Speaking of baby...at this point we think we will most likely not find out what it is until birth...Tony goes back and forth on this...but last week said he would wait...which is a huge sacrifice for my planning ahead husband. We found out with Payton, did not with Benjamin...it was wonderful both ways. It will most likely be a sonogram/game time decision on whther we know who is coming before they actually get here or not.

* Some of you who are long time readers will remember 18 months ago we got a precious lab puppy. She has been a delight to our family...However, we have realized during this particular season of our lives we are not the best dog family. She is champion bred and made to hunt...Due to many family circumstances that has just not been a part of Tony's or her life this past year. Tony has been praying that a great family that he could feel good about her going to would come along...The Lord provided (and they happen to have a blog many of you read) I will let them out themselves. I know I will cry when we load Maggie up to leave, but I also know we are doing what is best for her. Stay tuned for Payton's take on this whole affair...He is ready to turn us in to the local police, church, whoever he can find to listen...He has quite the monologue he can deliver on giving ones dog away.

* I am speaking at a women's retreat this weekend that I am really excited about...The theme verse is Zechariah 9:16 "The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown." I know it is the season we are in but working on these talk has brought lots of tears as I have thought about what it means to be one of His jewels...It has meant a lot to me to reflect on that.

Hopefully we will update with pictures soon...check back my faithful readers...next week there will be more to come! :)

A Big Week!

2008-01-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

1. Payton lost his first tooth in the playscape at church. This brought on a huge wave of emotions to me...I mean, I have the actual day marked on a calendar when we got that tooth. How can he be growing so quickly?

2. He was so proud of that lost tooth while at church...Later after we got home I realized he still had not seen himself. I told him to come in the bathroom and smile at himself. He smiled huge and then said so matter of factly..."You have got to be kidding me. I look ridiculous."

3. Payton got a dollar under his pillow for his tooth. The next morning Benjamin was yelling "what is it? read it to me!" Payton said, "Just a second Benjamin, Wait...here it is...OK, This dollar says, I am a dollar, take me to the store and buy whatever it is you want. I will pay for it, because I am a dollar and that is my job."

4. After 3 years of going to the rodeo and watching Payton scream because it was way too loud, we started this year thinking of other options. My dad came up with the headphones you use when you go to a shooting range. They worked like a charm. Most enjoyable rodeo experience we have ever had! Here is Payton through the years at the rodeo...followed with a shot of this year!

5. Benjamin is a night owl. There is no way around it. He loves to stay up while the rest of us love to have the lights off by 9:30. This would not be a huge issue if he was not so loud...He will stay on his bed...He just stays on his bed while singing at the top of his lungs or having random conversations. Often this means I have to go back to his room and say yet again, "Benjamin, you have to sleep or at least whisper." Last night I got my all time favorite response. I walked into his room and took a deep breath to give my order and he whispered..."Just a minute mom...I am really praying hard for you and dad."

6.Last week as we were out running errands Payton said from the back seat..."Mom, did you know you are a lot bigger than your mom." Thinking this was an important time to teach Payton a life lesson. I began to explain him that what he meant was taller and that girls do not like being referred to as big...He needed to find a better word. His response, "Mom, its ok, your dad is still a lot bigger than you." realizing my point was lost, I chimed in, "So are my brothers." Payton said, "You have brothers?" I said, "Yes, you know that, Sam and Andy." To which he responded, "ANDY? ANDY is your brother. All these years I just thought he was a great friend!"

7. This week we celebrated Nika's Birthday. I have mentioned this before but Nika is one of my closest friends and has been since we were in the 5th grade. Our sophomore year in college Nika's lupus attacked her brain and the doctors told us she would not make it through the night. I mentioned the other day as I was introducing her to speak at Ladies class that it is a unique experience in life to tell someone your last goodbye and then get them back. The Lord gve me that opportunity with Nika. We celebrate her life every year. This year her incredible sister in law came up with a scavenger hunt for "A day of Nika's favorites". Throughout the day Nika was lead around by a tape player to different places where her favorite people were able to meet with her for 45 minute intervals. We also were each assigned to bring one of her favorite things. the boys and I were thrilled to be a stop in her day. We met her with her favorite Route 44 Vanilla Coke.As you can see, the boys enjoyed it as much as she did. The boys each told her their favorite thing about her...It was a sweet time of me celebrating her and watching my boys do the same.

8. Benjamin insisits on wearing this red hat everywhere. I laugh because he reminds me of grandmother. Tony is ready for him to move on to a new color. I told Tony yesterday, if he saw how many people smile ear to ear when Benjamin walks by wearing this hat, he would want him to wear it for forever.

9. This weekend our niece B turns 4. I tell my mom all of the time she does not have one grandchild I could not gush over. We are crazy about every single one of them. This one steals our hearts everytime we are around her. Her love for life, her articulate way of expressing herself...She and Payton give each other a run for their money...We love her wholeheatedly and celebrate her life daily...but especially this weekend! So thankful the Lord placed this precious individual in our family!

10. Mark those calendars for August 19th...We have been told Baby Brooks #3 should arrive sometime around then. We are thrilled. The boys are excited and confident that the Lord has given them a brother. We have explained that there are other options...and that we would love a little girl...both of them just kind of smile and then say , "Oh sure, but we know its a boy". We would of course appreciate your prayers for this new little life. We stared at that sonogram for along time the other day watching that little heart beat and wondering who exactly the Lord has in there. We cannot wait to see.

Long lost blog...

2008-01-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

1. I am afraid we have fallen into the post-Christmas "can't accomplish anything" rut over here. We had a wonderful Christmas, a great new year and we are tired. We are forging ahead hoping at some point we will be hit with a burst of energy and motivation. We will let you know when it happens.

2. Both the boys are very in to acting out different scenes from their imagination with their nerf swords. Yesterday Payton had Benjamin backed in to the corner and said, "Blackbeard, this is the end." Benjamin said, "No, I am a good guy and I like Jesus."

3. Payton was wondering the other day how he came to live in our family, I explained to him God chose him for our family, we were so thrilled, now out of all the boys in the world we would choose him, etc...Benjamin piped in and said "I remember being with God and he let me choose you mom." Payton yelled from the back seat, "Benjamin, you have never been to heaven." Which then caused Benjamin to throw his rescue hero at a high rate of speed at his brother while yelling, "I AM TALKING TO MOM." These boys bring such excitement and volume to our lives.

4. The other day I left the boys with a baby sitter. After I had come home and our sitter had left I asked the boys how things went. Payton said, "We really need to talk." He then proceeded to tell me that Benjamin had jumped off the arm of the couch which caused the babysitter to say "omg Benjamin do not do that again." Payton said, "At that point I told Benjamin, we will have to talk about this later."He then explained to me how he had to explain to the babysitter that "she could not use the Lord's name like that...unless you are praying...every time you call his name, his head turns, that's something we take seriously, etc...." I will say this about Payton...every talk he has ever received he has stored away and now awaits the opportunity to use it on someone else. We are currently working on the concept of it is not ok to lecture an adult.

5. Our children's ministry once again allowed the children of our church to shop for Christmas presents using their Bible bucks. On Christmas morning Payton ran right past all of his gifts and went straight to what he had bought for Tony, he yelled, "Dad, its Christmas morning you can finally see what I got for you." He was beside himself to give me an ornament he had picked out, when I opened it he said, "I knew when I saw it it was exactly what you had always wanted." He was right. I love how our Children's ministry is, in unique ways, encouraging our children to have a heart for giving. This is just one of their many ways...I am so thankful for each person that works so hard in that ministry

6. Our new church coffee shop and indoor playground has us hanging out at the church more than ever. One cold week we were there every day. So great that that is where we invite people to meet us now.

7. Benjamin is relentless in life...His zest to try everything at full speed makes all of us feel more alive. Yesterday as he tried to ride our Lab, with pockets filled to overflowing with milk bones all the while yelling, "Everybody join the parade." My heart smiled....certain moments I try to freeze forever in the pockets of my mind.

8. This semester our theme in Ladies Class is "Pursuing Holiness" based on 1 Peter 1:15,16 in the Message it reads: "So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy." As I have reflected on this verse its caused me to think daily on the things I would actually say I am pursuing...It's brought to light a lot of things I need to be intentional about in the coming year, and a lot of things I need to let go off.

9. We have been talking to Benjamin about how it is time to stop sucking his thumb. This has not gone well as everytime we start he begins to explain how he has somewhere to be and "this is not a good time for me." Stay tuned...I have to say in his defense...in every sonogram we had of the child he was sucking his thumb...He was doing it from the very beginning. It is going to be hard habit to break.

10. One of my dear friends reminded me the other day of a sign I used to have hanging up in my office that said, "Be kind, everyone you know is fighting a hard battle." (Plato) The older I get the more I realize how true it is. As we walk through earthly struggles, Tony and I are calling ourselves back to "Counting it all joy." I should not say calling ourselves back to it...I am not sure we have ever really been there, I should say we are trying to learn what that means, what that looks like for us. We know that whatever path the Lord has placed us on, we want to reflect Him while on it. I read this (by Max Lucado) the other day and cried...

"Here is what we want to know. We want to know how long God's love will endure...Does God really love us forever? Not just on Sunday when our shoes are shined and our hair is fixed. We want to know...how does God feel about me when I am a jerk? Not when I am peppy and positive and ready to tackle world hunger. Not then. I know how he feels about me then. Even I like me then.

I want to know how he feels about me when I snap at anything that moves, when my thoughts are gutter level, when my tongue sharp enough to slice a rock. How does He feel about me then?...

Can anything separate us from the love Christ has for us?

God answered our question before we asked it. So we'd see His answer, he lit the sky with a star. So we'd hear it, he filled the night with a choir; and so we would believe it, he did what no man had ever dreamed. He became flesh and dwelt amoung us.

He placed his hand on the should of humanity and said "You're something special.""

"In the Grip of Grace"

I have been looking for His reassurance a lot lately...I am seeing it...in the beauty around me, my wonderful husband, the friends He has blessed me with, my kids who make me laugh...I am once again training my eyes to recognize Him in my world, to hear His "you're something special" and share it with others.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-21T06:42:00.000-08:00

Weekend Away

2007-12-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was one of the best of my life. (I started this post 2 weeks ago:)) I was telling a friend today..."I can't remember the last time I spent a whole day in silence before the Lord"...there was along pause in our conversation and then I added, "probably because in my 33 years of life, this was the first time I have."

It was wonderful. I was asked this past summer if I would mark the first weekend in December as a getaway...only when the invitation was offered it was explained this is not going to be an ordinary girl's weekend. We are going to have great time together, but we want the bulk of it to be being alone with the Lord. I suppose it would seem really spiritual to tell you how much I had been looking forward to this...but truth be told, as the time approached I kept telling Tony, "Say the word and I won't go." He kept assuring me, "You need this, go." I am so glad he encouraged me...It has blessed our family richly. Time for perspective, time for undistracted prayer, time to recount the ways the Lord has blessed us instead of just thinking about ways we wish He had (such a habit I can so easily fall into). I also, loved praying for all of the requests that came in from all over the country. I have continued in my prayers for each of you and will not stop.

I confess on my day of silence I kept wanting to hear the Lord's voice...to hear Him unveil some huge thing I had not thought of...to give me some clear direction for our family. I told Him I was wanting all of these things,as I sat there on the side of the beautiful mountains. (I can call Oklahoma that because I am from TX) As the day went on. I realized He wanted to give me something better- Himself. So often I am looking for answers when He is wanting me to just look to Him. I rested in that that day. As I was journaling that afternoon I wrote this...I have reread it several times since as I have called myself back to resting in Him...and just enjoying His Presence.

"In the quiteness, In the still,
Lord, I want to hear your will.

My child, Let go- Relax- Release.
I'm right here and I am your peace.

Lord, I so want to hear your voice,
Your word on this, Your thoughts, Your choice.

My child, sit still-let it be.
Can't you just enjoy me?
Look at the squirrels, the rocks, the leaves.
Touch the textures, feel the breeze.
All declare my infinite glory,
Look close, look deep , they tell your story.
YOu are loved, You are chosen, You are mine.
Yesterday, today, for all time.
Each thing I created, everything I have done-
I wanted to point you to my Son.
Inhale deeply, He is your peace
Exhale child, He's your release.
He is all things to all men
Your Savior, your Redeemer, your Hope, your Friend
Today let me give you what is best.
Time with me, time to rest.

After our day of silence we all met together to share what our day had been like. We all spoke of how badly we were wanting the Lord's answers, His thoughts, etc...So many heart cries lifted up.One of the girls shared a verse that I have thought of constantly.

Zechariah 2:13 (The Message)
"Quiet, everyone! Shh! Silence before God. Something's afoot in his holy house. He's on the move!"

I love that verse. As I continue to pray I keep calling that to mind. On each of the requests I bring before Him...Somethings afoot. He is moving and acting. I cannot wait to see what He does.

Intercession

2007-12-05T05:53:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago I had an experience that profoundly impacted my prayer life. I was speaking at a retreat where I knew only a few people...yet I was wanting the Lord to somehow bond our hearts in the short period of time we had together. I asked the leaders of the retreat (who are 2 of my dear friends) would you mind sending me the names of people as they sign up...I am going to pray for them daily leading up to the retreat as well as after. At the time of planning the retreat we were expecting a small number (a little round table is what I imagined) By the time the retreat arrived I was praying by name for nearly 200.

One day as I was praying...I felt frustrated. I had a lot to do...Benjamin was a baby and was not really sleeping well...Payton was not napping...and it felt like in a moment of peace I had better things to do than rattle off hundreds of names of people I did not know. I said this aloud to the Lord and then just sat there irritated. In that moment of irritated silence I heard in my heart...

"Becky, How do you feel when someone walks up to you to talk to you about your children."
"Lord, you know I could talk for hours about my boys."
"Becky, what do you think of their names."
"Lord...you know Tony and I spent more time pouring over the choosing of those names than we have spent pouring over anything. We love those names...they represent our boys."
"Becky- I know the details of those lives...sometimes I just want to hear their names."

All of the sudden what had felt like a burden made my heart light. I could hardly wait to call out names before Him...realizing the profound joy He felt as a parent just hearing their name. I say it changed me because all of the sudden...I did not need a request from a person...just their name. The lady at Sonic, the greeter at Walmart, the telemarketer...all God's children...all given to me in my day that I might bring them before Him.

I type all of this because this weekend I am going to have a lot of time alone with the Lord. I can write some of the details of it after I return. But as I was thinking abut my time...about wanting it to be about more than just interceding for those close to me. (you would be embaressed about how long I could pray never mentioning anyone else but myself) I thought of you...I don't write for a huge audience...but perhaps...if you have read this far the Lord brought you here today.

I would love it if you wanted to send me an email with your name, or the name of someone you would like lifted before the Lord this weekend. You can attach a request or you can know the Lord knows it...either way I will bring it before Him. I look forward to recording some of my experience next week. Regardless of whether I hear from you or not..know you are deeply loved...that at the mention of your name your Heavenly Father's heart swells.

My email is tony-----and------becky at hotmail.com Remove the dashes and the space and you've got it.

Life in general

2007-12-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

1. It's official, my brother Andy has moved to Abilene. As of this morning he is employed by an amazing company that we are all very excited about. I am so proud of who he is...His trust and confidence in the Lord both challenge and inspire me to a deeper walk with God. I am so glad Andy is one of my very best friends. I will miss him living close by...the boys will as well. That said...we are so excited to watch the Lord continue to unfold his story.

2. My sweet niece Tori was baptized this weekend. She is the oldest Jeffrey grandchild. The first one of this next generation to make this decision. The level of joy in our hearts as she proclaimed Christ was immense. Payton was so in awe of Tori and this decision. He has talked about it constantly. I am so thankful he has such a wonderful cousin to look up to.

3. Payton continues in his quest for a house with a pool. He has realized my parents next door neighbors have one and has made the decision that he will move there "after he grows some." The other day as we drove by he said "Theres my house" Here is the conversation that followed...

B: Wow I think I will be sad when you don't live with us. What will dad and I do?
P: Dad works, He will be fine. You can visit, as long as you call first.
B: Wow, ok. (thinking isn't that my daughter-in-laws line to say)
P: But you need to know, you can't stay all day long, sometimes I need time to myself.
B: OK
P: I will live in that house and finally be a dad. Benjamin will live with me and I will be his dad.
B: I don't think that is going to work out. Benjamin is growing up too. Why would you want to be Benjamin's dad anyways?
P: So I could wear him out.

4. Last week Benjamin wore his Cowboys jersey in anticipation of the big game. While at gymnastics his teacher asked him about it...His response, "I like the Packers?" What?!

5. Later that night Payton walked in, saw the game on...and said "We have to watch Tony Nemo again?"

6. I enjoy my children so much more on days that the TV never comes on. I want to work on having more of those...I know they would benefit from it. But even more than them, I know I would. I am so much more invested in their days and in mine when that is not an option. For a couple of years the only TV at my parents house was in the garage. You had to want to watch it, because you were going to be uncomfortable to do so. (They would move it in for major sporting events.) I need to work out some type of plan in this area and stick to it.

7. The other day I realized I had not heard my kids for awhile. I had been getting ready and and suddenly had the thought, "Did they go out the front door and I did not hear them?" I panicked, ran outside, ran back inside yelling their names, ran back outside yelling for them, ran back inside when I finally stopped yelling enough to hear a muffled "I am right here." Benjamin was going to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, right where I had put him 10 minutes earlier and Payton was asleep on my bed. Both boys had been less that 20 ft. away from me. Sometimes I worry myself...I am quite sure I worry our neighbors.

8. We have become regulars at ordering the meals from "Dinner is Served" I love picking up their monthly dinner to go specials. We have yet to have one that all four of us don't love. Their holiday specials for Thanksgiving were awesome. Denise and Dana are wonderful. (They also just catered our Women's Fall Rnewal at Church.) Check them out for your self and for your family at :
http://web.mac.com/dinner_is_served/Dinner_is_Served/Welcome%21.html

9. Other news on the food front is...I love the new cookbook Deceptively Delicious. My kids are eating better than ever. One shortcut I found is on weeks when things are too crazy, rather than pureeing all of my vegetables, sometimes I buy the organic baby food and use that. Works great, tastes great, and I love knowing all that is going into those little bodies...its making me more aware of everything that they eat, and that awareness is causing all of us to make better choices food wise. I think that cookbook is a great Chirstmas gift for anyone who has young kids at home...not to clue any of family into what they are getting...:)

10. Benjamin has been getting disciplined at night for crawling into his brother's bed after the lights are off and mauling Payton. All we hear is a crash, Payton yelling "help" and Benjamin laughing. We feel like Benjamin must have something in him that has to get in a certain amount of wrestling a day. Payton is such a good sport and has even learned the art of actually falling asleep while his younger, wilder brother leaps, jumps and body slams him. These boys make us smile...These pictures were taken over a series of going in...putting Benjamin back in his bed...and then repeating the process. Finally they both gave up and went to sleep.

November News...

2007-11-12T04:34:00.000-08:00

1. Benjamin now says "I have the hook ups" when ever he has the hiccups...I think it is the cutest.

2. Benjamin was put in timeout twice the other day at Tuesday school...(throwing rocks up in the air on the playground.) We were going to meet Tony for lunch when I picked him up so I told him we will talk about this with your dad...and expected to ride in silence. It was silent for all of 10 seconds before Payton let out a huge sigh and said, "He got put in timeout twice, I cannot just sit here, I need to know what is going to be done about this."

3. Payton has been asking a lot lately if we can move. He has explained to us several times how disappointed he was as a baby when he came home from the hospital and noticed there was no pool in our back yard. (I know we laugh as well.)Here is a sample of our conversation earlier this week.
P- Mom we need to talk
B- Ok
P- I have noticed you and dad do not take me serious when I say I want to move to a house that has a pool.
B- You are right. We have no intention of moving any time soon.
P- That is disappointing...But I want to present you with another option.
B- Let's hear it.
P- I want an apartment.
B- Maybe when you grow up.
P- I want one like Andy's...but I want our whole family to live there.
B- I don't think so...but when you get older like Andy, you can live in one if you would like.
P- I hope that you know I have a lot to learn before I could ever live by myself.
B- Yes, I know...but tell me a few things that your thinking about.
P- Well first, I need to know how in the world you make your car stop when you see a red light.

4. How did November get here so fast? Life seems to accelerate with every year. Thinking about Payton being in kindergarten this time next year literally makes my pulse race.

5. We celebrated Tori's (my niece) 9 year old birthday this week. It was a high school musical themed party. We had a concession stand set up in the back yard where the kids could use tickets they got when they arrived to buy nachos, drinks, popcorn,hot dogs...then we played name that tune, twister, basketball, so many fun things. I loved it. I love my niece. It was so wonderful to celebrate her! Yet another blessing of them being home are being able to be at little things like birthday parties. We are so thankful. A fact that I will now make public (not that I have been trying to hide it, just never declared it
publicly)I cried at the end of High School Musical 2. I have no idea why.

6. The other day Payton was working on some project while I was in the kitchen. He yelled out, "How do you spell Rocket?" I told him how and expected to hear nothing. A few seconds later he stuck his head around the corner and said, "If there is a person smarter than you, I have never met them."

7. The other day as we were driving down the road Benjamin said, "I am sure thristy for Sonic. " I explained why we can't always stop and he said, "oh mom, Isn't it happy hour? Can't you find a coupon?" There are times when I think that Sonic is too much a part of our life. I wonder how many 3 year olds are aware of happy hour?

8. Benjamin is crazy about baseball. He loved watching the "World Serious" as he called it. He wants to take his glove and baseball everywhere. He wears his Texas Ranger jersey almost every day (it has to goto the laundry at some point) and wants that along with boots and jeans to be his daily attire. On most days you will see him wearing just that. He is constantly asking if I can come outside and pitch to him, or if we can play catch. I noticed the other day while we were standing in line at Walmart he was practicing his swing in front of the mirror...an older man walked by and said, "Son, you have an amazing follow through." Benjamin was beaming. So was Tony when I told him about it.

9. One of the biggest blessings in my life this semester has been being a part of our churches lecture class (We have a lecture classs that runs on Tuesday mornings during the same time as our small group Bible studies.) I have been a part of small group Bible studies since Payton was born and I have grown so much as a result of those. But during this season of life I have loved listening to some of my dearest friends share what the Lord has put on their hearts regarding resting in Him. So many of their thoughts some to mind whenever I get the chance to listen to whats rolling around in my head. Last year the Lord convicted that me that my Bible study had become more about completing a book than getting to know Him. For me, I needed to remove that temptation for awhile. I walk away each Tuesday feeling wonderfully refreshed in the Lord. I am so thankful for Him.

10. We have had several instances lately with our kids where it has become apparent they are not perfect. I know, everyone already knows that...but, perhaps I am unique in this, I really want people to think my kids are pretty close. These instances have happened away from our home, in public places, in plain view of the world. We pray minute to minute these days about wisdom in disciplining. There have been several nights lately where, after everyone was asleep, I have gone back into the boys room, put my hands on them and started to pray....asking the Lord to please give us wisdom, His leading. The other night I could not stop crying...As I was trying to figure out what my tears were from the thought came to mind, "you are embarrassed." I thought about that as I was praying and realized that my tears had ceased to be about my boys hearts and had become more..."Lord, what are people thinking about me?" I began to pray about this and Isaiah 43:7-8 came to mind...“Return my sons from distant lands, my daughters from faraway places. I want them back, every last one who bears my name, every man, woman, and child. Whom I created for my glory, yes, personally formed and made each one.” Those words cut straight to my heart...Almost as if I could hear the Lord saying, "These boys were not created for your glory, but for mine." Raising these two precious gifts is not about me...They are for His glory. We are in love with these two boys. We are in love with the Lord. So in His goodness, in His mercy may He be glorified in this life He has given us.

Animal adventures...

2007-10-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

There are some days I wonder if I am good wife...Yesterday as I was driving around Southlake, looking for the taxidermist, with a large, reeking, dead elk head in the back of the car was not one of them. As I dry heaved I thought to myself...There are some wives who would of said no to this...and as of yesterday I will now join that group of wives.

Tony (who is always very appreciative and more than makes up for days like this) later realized Maggie (our dog) was scratching her ears a lot...She needed to go to the Dr. I got my full cardio workout yesterday when I took our 65 pound dog, our 55 pound son and our 46 pound other son to the vet. Where for some reason they put us in what felt like a small closet to wait for the vet for over an hour. The nurse was kind enough to give the boys both huge blow pops...Which meant their faces and hands were coated in stickiness and dog hair. Between my claustrophobia and my kid's faces coated in dog fur I felt a bit nauseated. I think there have been very few times in Tony's and I's marriage where I have called him and said "never again"...Yesterday it happened twice. We laughed a lot about it last night.

To answer the questions of whether or not that elk will hang in our home...Nope. He is getting a European mount and I think I have thought of a great place for it...stay tuned for whether T agrees or not.

***My mom returns tomorrow after 5 1/2 weeks of working in Russia encouraging and teaching many about the Lord. We have missed her so much.

***Our churches annual hot dog banquet was this past Sunday night. This is a missions dinner put on by the kids where the kids lead prayers over our missionairies, interview them, etc...It is a great experience. Both our boys carried flags in the parade of nations and then sang in the hot dog choir...They did great. Benjamin, who was in the front row, hopped down off the stage during the middle of the song to bring me something he had just pulled out of his nose. He then went right back, climbed up on the stage and rejoined the song. It was certainly a moment to remember. Here are some pictures.

BOTH BOYS WITH THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS? THIS NEVER HAPPENS! I tried to remind them that they knew how to do this yesterday at the vet...they both looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about...

Cue the music for the Hallelujah Chorus!

2007-10-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

Tony got his elk...and I am told by those who know, that its a nice one (five by five...if that means something to you:)). We have missed him so much! We are beside ourselves to welcome him home.

Payton has a few jigsaw puzzles that we have lost a piece to...we rarely work them anymore because as Payton says, "Its no fun to get to the end and see it can't be complete." That pretty much sums up our last week. We do good during the day and then the sun goes down and we all 3 realize its no fun to get to the end and realize it can't be complete.

We love this man...we are so thankful he is the leader of our family, the highlight of our day, and the piece that completes our puzzle. I am a better mom when he is here...a better person when I know he is 10 minutes away (at work)...so thankful he is mine(and the boys.)I am even more thankful that these are words I can share face to face with him tonight.

***I realize that so many of my friends have husbands who travel all the time...I have even more respect and appreciation for them now. For those whose whose husbands serve overseas... My thoughts and prayers have turned to you often in the past week. I realize a week without my husband is miniscule in comparison.

****Many of you have told me that you have been keeping up with all things Amy Grant over at my sisters blog this week. I think Kelly's post for today is the best one yet. I stayed up and read Amy Grant's entire book last night. It was wonderful. Her thoughts on children, love, depression, the pain of divorce, loss and life gave me a lot to think about. I cried quite a bit reading it...Her honesty and ability to be vulnerable in places of her life that were hard blessed me. I read my sisters latest post and cried again...I remember the pain of watching their team unravel...and wondering what the Lord was doing. As Only He can do...He brought beauty from those ashes...

A CHANCE TO WIN SOMETHING!!!

2007-10-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

My sister is Amy Grant's biggest fan...She has not actually been given a plaque or anything ...but I beleive in a head to head contest with any fan in the world...she would win hands down.

This week she is reviewing Amy Grant's new book. (Amy Grant's publisher sent them to her...which might in someways confirm to the world that she really is the #1 fan.) She is asking people to share their favorite AG memory or song for a chance to win 3 other copies of the books she was given...Get over there and share your story!
click on The Vaughns blog in the link section...

And in other sibling news...just got this pic from Colorado...

Sure love that guy!

etc...

2007-10-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

1. My mom is in Russia right now...She has been there 3 weeks, she will be home in another 2. We are missing her so much. The boys are talking about her all the time these days. These trips always increase our appreciation for her and all she does. We are so thankful she is ours.

2. The other night Benjamin could not stop coughing, I gave him a breathing treatment and he was still coughing (he does this instead of wheezing). I started to panic (a combination of sleep deprivation and great concern) and I guess I started to pray...because all of the sudden Benjamin sat up and said, "can you talk to God quieter please...I am really tired."

3. Because I was concerned I just sat by the wall by his bed and watched him sleep. I thought he was sound asleep when he opened his eyes and said, "Is it going to bother you if I suck my thumb?"

4. My boys are both very detail oriented (just like their dad, nothing like their mom) they can always tell me where my keys are, where my brown shoes are, while I am scrambling they walk right to where something is and get it for me. I love this. I love it that Payton asks daily, "Mom are you sure you have your wallet?" I guess we have gone to walmart one too many times and then returned home for my wallet for his liking. I am used to their checklists for me and even appreciate them...I did laugh out loud on Friday when we were piling out of the car at the Dr.s office and Benjamin said, "Mom, did you remember your skirt?" the scary thing is I actually looked down to make sure...I want to assure everyone that though I have left my wallet many places along with numerous other things...I have never gone anywhere without my skirt (or pants)on.

5.The other day as we were walking into the gym Payton was dragging behind. I turned around and said, "Please hurry." He looked at me and said, "you have no idea how good it would feel for me to just lay on the couch with my eyes closed...20 minutes thats all I ask."

6. The other day we stopped for donuts and while we were there Benjamin started to throw a fit. I picked him up to say something when Payton said, "Benjamin, do you have any idea how disappointing it is when I try to do something special for you and you act like this...it makes me so sad." It is has become obvious to me that Payton is direct quoter.

7. Our boys favorite new show is America's Funniest Home Videos...I have discovered (the hard way) that both boys must empty their bladders before they watch this show...because a person falling out of a tree really is THAT funny.

8. Today I was explaining a situation to Payton that I was hoping, in the future, he could handle differently than he had in the past. He was listening so well and saying yes maam at the appropriate times so I thought we were tracking together...until the end when I stopped and he said, "mom, I am five years old, I know my primary colors, everything you just said I already know." Needless to say, at that point, we took a new turn with a different type of discipline....even though I was impressed he knew his primary colors...I chose to acknowledge that at a later point.

9. The boys and I have been talking a lot about how everything was created to reflect God's glory...This has lead to some great conversations and lots of laughter for all of us...As we discuss: Can a rock praise God? Can babies praise God? Can trees praise God? All of these they used to answer no to. Now we talk about how God's Word actually tells us that they can. That everything He created shouts praise to Him. That even when we sit still and quiet we declare His glory.We have had fun talking about these things as they say, "Look at that Taco Bueno just sitting there declaring God's glory." Obviously its a thought process we are working on, but as I hear myself talking about it with them I find myself thinking a lot about how thankful I am for the Lord...and for His creation that shouts...We have been praying as a family that those who don't know Him and those who do would hear those cries of glory...of the leaves changing, of the breeze blowing, of the sun shining...Its made a difference lately the in the way I look at things.

10. A while back my brother and I were driving around on the ranch when He pointed to a speck across the canyon and said, "See that group of deer running?" I did not until I looked through binoculars. I was impressed and asked how he can spot things like that. He explained how he has trained his eye to look for movement against a still landscape so that now from a great distance he can see an animal breathing, the flick of an ear, the turn of a head. It's a talent he has because he spent years training his eyes.

I have thought about this a lot in the spiritual sense...about how I have to train my eyes to look for the movement of God. Its a discipline I am trying to practice. We have several prayers that we are praying daily these days that require this discipline. We are not seeing any movement. Some of these prayers would require a miracle, others seem like they should be so easy for the Lord. (I recognize they are all easy for the Lord.)I feel like my eyes are in an actual squint as I trace the horizon of my life and the lives of others I am praying for, begging the Lord for a flicker of movement...and so we wait and know He hears...and that He is moving even if its invisible to my eyes. We wait in hope.

11. Here are the latest in the boys indoor baseball playing. Tony, undaunted by broken picture frames, has resumed their indoor batting practice. The other night as we watched the Yankee/Indian game while on commercial break from the Cowboys...Benjamin said "I can bat like those guys...everyone of them looks at the picture (how he says pitcher) and make this face....
href="">Payton prefers the happier look of baseball.

Vacation to Remember...

2007-10-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

Its always hard to tell a story when people are anticipating it...I always have the distinct feeling I might let someone down and I don't do well with that...However, let down or not, I said I would tell the story (and I do want to preserve at least some of the details for our family record.) I will not be telling the location of where we went...on the off chance that someone googles it and my blog comes up. We have no ill will towards this place on the coast...you just won't find us entering the city limits again in this lifetime...

I must preface this by saying...when we started planning this vacation, we planned on going to Gulf Shores...Then we started thinking about the drive, the fact that BJ still has a nursing baby, and BJ had heard this place was great from one of her friends...who she no longer speaks too.:)

We started off our week staying at Moody Gardens...we loved it, loved schlitterbahn, loved the pool, etc...We had a great stay. Then on Monday we got a late checkout and headed out to our beach house...we were so excited. I must say I got the first sinking feeling when the lady we were renting from called on my cell and said, "Did I mention you needed to bring bottled water...our water is drinkable, but I don't think you would want to..." I hung up and told Tony who laughed and said, "We aren't leaving the country are we?"

When we got to the house...I could tell driving up it looked a bit rougher than what I had anticipated. Too bad my fears were immediately confirmed when I opened the door to get out of our car and was punched in the face with a smell that made me look around to see if perhaps our home was next to a dairy farm.

The house was on stilts, you parked your car underneath it...as we walked up the stairs, Tony said, "if this thing collapses its going to total our car." I did not acknowledge him because I was already doing my best Pollyanna impersonation trying to point out the positves... Like, look at all these windows...and look at this TV...its so cute and tiny, kind of like a postage stamp.

From there...it got funny...
* While I was at Walmart blowing our entire vacation budget on Febreeze candles Tony called and said, "there's a 4-runner doing 90 down the beach...and it keeps stopping to do donuts in front of our house...I think I will wait until you get back to take the boys down to the beach...so one of us can be watching for cars."

* Every other house had a boardwalk leading down from their house to the beach...ours had no boardwalk, instead it had a grass path where the grass was up to our waist that we had to walk through...not necessarily a big deal, except that it was infested with mosquitoes...Benjamin had 22 on his back the first night and he had been sprayed. I called the landlady and she said I will have someone out to cut it down in the morning...A guy showed up and did not appear to be doing much except revving his weed eater continuously in the same place...I thought I would go out and show him where we would like the grass to be cut...I walked out said "good morning" saw his large tattoo (across his neck) that said "Kill them" and said "Thanks for all you are doing " and went back inside.

* The beach was a little rough, what with the speeding cars, dead fish, rusty nails and all, but we did love playing in the waves. One evening the guys were a ways out with the kids laughing and having a blast and BJ and I were sitting there talking about this part being so great...when one of the locals walked by and said you better tell those guys out there to be careful, they have those kids awful close to where all the jelly fish are...

* Our house rocked back and forth every time someone walked down the hall...literally...lean...whump to one side...lean ...whump to the other side.

* The first day I was totally sicked out that no one was flushing the toilet...seriously...that kind of stuff grosses me out. I must of flushed it 15 times the first day we were there...until I stayed in there one time and watched it fill up...with dark yellow water...

* Tony had to work on the fridge to get it cooling...he then went to work on the AC to get it cooling. He asked if I wanted him to go into town and get a weed eater so he could cut down our path...I said, "babe, we are on vacation." He replied, "Oh yeah, I forgot..."

* Instead of bedside tables we had a washer and dryer...literally bedside. Tony had been concerned that it would be too quiet for him to sleep. Not a problem...we fired up the dryer and it sounded like we were sleeping on a runway at DFW.

Honestly...as I type this list, countless other memories are coming to mind....some better acted out than written out. It goes without saying, but if this vacation had been perfect, it would of most likely been forgotten....As is,it will most likely go down as one of our favorites. If we had it to redo we would do it all again. We laughed so hard, had many deep conversations where all 8 of us were sitting on the same couch (only one place to sit in the entire living room), enjoyed
many a homecooked meal of cereal and hotdogs (things that could be made without water), cracked up at each other sprinting through the tall grass slapping ourselves in order to avoid mosquitoes, and all breathed a collective sigh of relief when our husbands said, "let's get out of here."

All in all it was terribly wonderful...certainly a vacation we will always remember.

Biting my nails...

2007-09-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Bow season opened yesterday...Hence this post. Tony is out of range on the cell phone at this moment tracking some animal.

He left me in charge of setting his Fantasy football line up...

Here is the rub....Brian Westbrook. Philadelphia's running back who last week got us 42 points but also strained his abdomen. He did not practice on Friday...so I am thinking I should not start him...But if he plays he could have a field day with the NY Giants defense. You would be embaressed for me if I revealed how much time I have spent researching this...and weighing our options.

These are the thoughts that are racing through my mind this morning

Any last minute fantasy football advice...always welcome.

Observations...

2007-09-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

1. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement regarding lectureship. It went well. I was overwhelmed in the best sort of way. The Lord poured out His mercy in more ways than I can recount...I left feeling filled... I continue to pray that others did as well.

2. I loved being a student at ACU...I loved my friends, my teachers, my life in general...Last week though I realized again what a gift it was...and how it keeps giving. Several people I was at school with that I had not seen since (over 10 years now) came to my class...and they encouraged me, they made me laugh and in our breif conversations we shared deeply things that the Lord is doing in our lives and things we hope we will see Him do. I am so thankful for the gift the Lord gave me in my 4 years out there...I left that campus with a light heart this past week.

3. I did the obligatory drive by our old house on Cedar Crest...and was amazed it had not fallen down. I called each of my roommates and as I talked to them I felt like I was in college again...until I looked in my rearview mirror and noticed 2 cars seats, that my car has doubled in length, and I was listening to Woody (from Toy Story) sing you've got a friend in me...even with no kids in the car. I would say I am definitely out of the college scene.

4. My boys have been passing back and forth some type of bug. The other day Payton had a really high fever. My favorite thing about this is Benjamin calls it a beaver. I recognize I need to correct this, but it is the cutest thing I have ever heard to hear Benjamin say in his raspy voice, "Hey does Payton still have that hot beaver on his head."

5. We have somethings in our life right now that we are really wrestling through. The other day I turned up praise music loud in our house...trying to get my focus back where it should be. Payton walked in and said, "what in the world are you doing?" I told him...I am trying to get focused on the Lord Payton...blah, blah blah...way too much explanation on my need to focus on His goodness in the midst of trials for a 5 year old. At the end...He said..."REALLY? sounds to me like you just want to wake up Benjamin and I wanted to remind you that is not something we do around here."

****We just received our deposit back from our vacation...I am stopping this post right now to begin my top 10 vacation moments I will never forget that I wish I could:) Stay tuned...

this and that

2007-09-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

So heres the deal on vacation stories...as soon as I get our deposit back from the house Tony says I can begin to speak publicly...until then I better keep my trap shut (my words, not my husbands)...you never know whose browsing these things and might alert the landlord. :) Thanks for all the encouragement on sharing these stories. I assure you they will be the worth the wait.

I am speaking next week at ACU's lectureship...I would so appreciate your prayers. I had mentioned a while back my topic of transparency in the Body of Christ. So often in studying I realize the Lord is revealing some things that I might share them...others that I might change something in myself. I think this time more than ever the list of "that I might change them in myself" was a lot longer than what He revealed that I will share with everyone. It has been convicting, uncomfortable, and exactly what I should of been working on. I am looking forward to it...with a healthy dose of fear, trepidation and full stomach of butterflies. I will share more when I get back.

The other night I had one of those "you have got to be kidding nights" I had just explained to Tony how I had not been sleeping well and how my tasks around the house seemed to mulitply daily...in other words I was having a week when I did not feel like I was accomplishing anything. He encouraged me to go to bed early (And I did). Sometime in the night I woke up to an odd sound (somehow Tony never awakens to these) I got up and walked into our bathroom...what's that? Oh Payton peeing in our bathtub. I stood in amazement and watched...there was no stopping him unless I wanted to swing a solid stream around our whole bathroom. I shook my head, picked him up (He was still asleep) washed his hands, (at least we are hygenic when we pee in the bathtub) and carried him back to bed making a mental note to myself that our bathtub and tub toys must be throughly bleached the next day. I was so tired I immediately went back to bed. It felt like I slept for ever but when I looked at the clock 15 minutes later when I heard an ear piercing scream I realized I had not been. Once again sleeping beauty (whom I married and I love) slept soundly through this. I ran to the boys room to see Benjamin standing on his bed, pants down...you guessed it...peeing. Seriously now. All over everything. I bathed Benjamin (in a different bathtub than Payton had just used), got him new pajamas, got new sheets, piled up his comforter, his mattress pad, his sheets on an already full laundry basket and went back to bed...my list for the next day multiplying as I slept.

I love these 3 boys the Lord has given me. Weeks like this one that feel crazy, dirty, and unorganized I am thankful that the Lord has given me the ability to laugh. In Jeremiah 30 the Lord is giving the Israelites a message through His prophet Jeremiah...he tells Jeremiah to let the people know new days are ahead where "Thanksgivings will pour out of the windows; laughter will spill through the doors." I want our boys to have that view of our home...on some nights there are heavy tears, heavy hearts and a very overwhelmed mom in the middle of it...but if they catch a few glimpses of that thats ok...even more than a few, I am still ok...because overall I want them to reflect on this home and remember that on most days it was a place where thanksgiving poured out and laughter was spilled (along with the entire jug of orange juice when Benjamin was thirsty in the middle of that same night and decided to get himself a drink.) Thank goodness the Lord's words were true for Israel, even now as they are true for us...a new day came for all of us in the form of Christ...May His name be praised.

The latest...

2007-09-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

1. We just returned from vacation...we had the most fun and hilarious time. I cannot write about it because Tony says over the internet it will sound like I am exxagerating and making it up. He is right. Ask me about it in person. We rented a beach house sight unseen from a rental company over the internet...I advise you to never do this. Hopefully I will post pictures soon. We went with some of our best friends...we are even closer now. Sleeping in a house that might fall down at any moment and where you can't drink the water will do that for you. We would all do it again in a heart beat. Seriously...I have got some stories.

2. On the second day of our vacation Payton said..."you do not know how nice it is to get away from it all." The kid is 50 in a 5 year old body.

3. My sister told me over the weekend she joined facebook. Today I thought I would check and see her picture. You have to have a profile to check anothers profile...I entered my email and somehow clicked some button where it sent a "i want to be your facebook friend" to every person in my email address book. Thanks to all of you sweet people who responded. My profile on facebook says I turn 47 tomorrow...I wonder how many people will seriously think I am 47. Just an FYI I am not. Not that theres anything wrong with being 47.

4. Today I was bragging on Benjamin for doing a "big job" in the toilet. He looked up at me and said, "mom, if this makes you so happy...I bet I can make another one later."

5. Today we were out of orange juice so I gave the boys apple juice when they got up...Apple juice is not Payton's favorite but I had told him the situation and asked if he still wanted it, he said yes. I am big on them not wasting things after they have said they want something, I am not a fan of saying "I don't like this." so we have been working on other alternatives.He took one drink, wrinkled his nose and said, "My doctor said I should not have apple juice." This is not one of the alternatives we have worked on...

6. My mom has really been struggling with allergies out at the ranch. Her eyes itch, water, are painful etc...Today as we were driving home from walmart Benjamin said, "my eyes are burning so bad I am about to scratch them out.My allergies are killing me out here." Benjamin is a direct quoter with no allergies...We are learning to watch our words carefully around him.He loves to pull out lines whenever he has a crowd.

7. The beach that our house sat on allowed cars on it. A Ford Taurus nearly took out our sand castle...we laughed so hard we cried. You can't make things like this up.

Usually I write 10 things...a nice round number...tonight I will stick with 7 hoping to post more pictures later.

So thankful...

2007-09-04T13:48:00.001-07:00

Back by popular demand

2007-08-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

And when I say popular demand I mean it...I mean one person has asked me when I am going to start blogging again...(but it was an important person:))

1. I told Payton (expecting him to be beside himself) , "Hey Pate , I think tonight after we eat we are all going to the park..." He smiled and said, "just us?" Me with my huge smile and knodding rapidly head (expecting him to want to run and jump in my arms) His response, "hmmm...would you mind if I called some of my friends..." Wasn't this supposed to start closer to jr. high?

2. The other night I was in Tony and I's closet and Benjamin walked in and said, "Hey mom- get out of dad's stuff..."

3. The other day we had some friends over, when we were getting in the car Payton said, "Mom would you turn on my favorite cd please?" Sure...He then said, "I am sure my friends would really enjoy listening to me sing along..." He then proceeded to hit every high note while his friends looked on in utter amazement...I was laughing so hard...on the inside.

4. We have been having a hard time getting Benjamin to go to bed...as in a really hard time (a couple hours of hard time)...the other night as we contemplated what to do, Payton walked in and said, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to sleep when your mind is full and your stomach is empty?" We later figured out this was a line from Charlettes Web...And we also explained to Payton that Benjamin is 3, eats meals and is not under a great deal of stress.

5. Payton has loved meeting one of his best friends new little brother Owen... The other day he walked in and said, I know how to spell Owen..." I said ok...He said proudly, "O-N" He is still not understanding why they felt the need to spell that differently.

6.Benjamin has been talking a lot about monsters...(Ok maybe he does have some stress)...the other day he was walking around the house playing while saying, "God did not create monsters, I am ok...God did not create monsters, I am ok..." I love it when I get a window to his mind through his self talk...

7. Last weekend we took our dog Maggie to the ranch (2 hours a way) Maggie got sick at her stomach...in a loud disgusting way (repeatedly)...while in the back of the Expedition...it was the worst smell and sound effects in many different ways...the boys were strapped in the back seat 6 inches a way from her.It was terrible ( 2 hours worth of terrible)...these days everytime Maggie moves Payton and Benjamin flinch and make these comments, "not today Maggie..." "this would not be in your best interest Maggie" "You best watch your self Maggie"

8. The other day I heard Payton talking to someone in the restroom...I peeked in to see him standing on the stool looking at himself in the mirror, these were his exact words, "Tonight Tori beat you in a race, that's ok, she is 8. Yesterday you won tag...everyone was smaller than you. You are fast and getting faster, everyones says so. Don't worry about Tori."

9. Today Benjamin asked if he could pray ...in the middle of the prayer he said, "oh Lord, help me stop whining..." It brought a smile to everyones face, along with a glimmer of hope that the Lord will answer his prayer.

10. Benjamin' s potty training is once again going great...we have figured out that the promise of a m and m was huge... we also told Payton that he would also receive a m and m if he was encouraging to Benj in this process...Patyton is very creative in his praise..."Oh Benjamin, no one has ever used the potty like that before." "Benjamin you are amazing." "Benjamin. Oh my word, you have talent." ---That last one is my favorite...Needless to say they bring smiles to everyone when we are using the restroom in public places.

11. Lately the boys are crazy over baseball. They want to play all of the time....They are having so much fun playing catch in the house at nights...for awhile Tony was also letting them bat...All good things must come to an end when a family picture is broken :). Here are the latest pictures...

Pate catches a fly ball.

Payton throws them out at home...

Impressive catch!

Benj makes the play in the outfield.

Everyone was laying on the floor after the game...this was too cute to pass up!

Getting back in the game...

2007-08-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

1. My dad returned home from Sudan yesterday...thank you so much for all of your prayers...They have great stories of doors opening and doors closing. Most of all they have stories of people receiving help, receiving care, receiving prayer... Today he and my mom celebrate their 38th anniversary. We love them so much and celebrate daily the joy of their marriage...it continues to bless their children and grand-children. ( I love Andy in the background of this picture trying to make Benj laugh.)

2. People continue to ask what it is like to have my sister and her family home. It is all kinds of wonderful. Last weekend I was able to pick up my nephew Jonathan and take him to a birthday party, it was such a great feeling to be able to do that. I love talking to Kelly and knowing we are not going to get cut off. My sister left for Benin before I had even met Tony. So much has changed since we last lived our lives in the same area...So many great times ahead...I am loving every minute of it! She can leave a comment to say how she is too. (just a little test to see if the Vaughns are still reading.)

3. I mentioned in a previous post that Benjamin talks himself to sleep. Payton goes to sleep immediately...sometimes Benjamin needs to feel like someone is listening even if they are sound asleep...he just needs to know someone is there. In other words sometime we look in Payton's bed and see this. Oh how we love these boys.

4. I talked to Benjamin the other day about how now that he is three we should start working on not sucking his thumb, He looked back at me and said with the sweetest grin, "I gonna suck my thumb till I an old man." OK...I will save that argument for another day.

5. Payton has moved up to 200 piece puzzles...He loves them...If I ever mention someone is coming over he runs to complete 3 or 4 of them so "they will have something to look at when they come in." I love it...It gives him something to do for about 5 minutes.:)

6. Parenting is the most wonderful, yet exhausting thing Tony and I have ever been apart of. We have never wanted anything like we want to have kids that grow to reflect the Lord and His heart for His people. (even as I type that I realize that sometimes it feels like we would do good to just keep them from screaming and falling prostrate in public places.)Some days (most days) I wonder what we are doing...and I recognize on a deeper level my absolute desperation for the Lord. May His grace continue to abound. Today I called my mom and said, "thanks again for raising us...and I am sorry" (and proceeded to list of many times I know I made their job more difficult.) Yep, it was that kind of day.

7.We eat at the Cracker Barrel every week...Sometimes we take pictures...We are nerds...Nerds that love hot biscuits.

8. A couple of weeks ago my sister and I got to spend sometime with our cousin Julie and her husband Steve. It is a great gift to be related to J and S an even greater gift to know their hearts for each other and the Lord. We love you guys so much. (just a little test to see if Julie is still reading.:)) Plus I had to show a picture of Julie (who is beautiful and by the way does not age) and of Kelly (who looks so beautiful in this picture) and of me (because what is that lump on my head?)

9. My two tigers...

10. I am speaking next month on the need for transparency in the Body of Christ. I was deeply convicted last year when 2 friends had their marriages fall apart and did not feel like they could tell anyone before it was too late (one has reconciled the other has not)...One said, "It just felt like everyone else's life was so perfect, we did not want people to know we were struggling." In the same week another friend confessed some issues she had been struggling with for years...and had not talked about...She too said, "it felt like no one else wanted to hear my problems." Over and over again in the same week I was faced with different people, different problems, same issue.... they did not feel like church was a place they could share their "not perfectness".

The Lord brought a deep conviction to my heart of wanting this to be different...and it has not left...but I have to confess my conviction these days looks more like a wrestling match as I have realized the difference begins with me being different. I am struggling at the core of me with the nakedness of vulnerability. I am steeped in sin. There is a deep ache in me that I try to fill with a multitude of things besides the Lord. I want to crawl in a hole. I want to put on a great act...and be good at pretending. Its easier (thats a lie) It feels better (another lie) People like me better (another lie) The fact is the human race started hiding from God and others in the Garden of Eden and many have not stopped. I don't have an answer to this. Jesus did at the cross. I am wrestling with it daily...wanting it to take root, while at the same time wanting to wallow deep in complacency. Like I said, its a wrestling match.

Happy Birthday Kadi Lael!

2007-07-18T05:23:00.001-07:00

2 years ago Kadi Lael Vaughn entered the world...She is a joy to our family...A perfect mix of girly and spunky...We are crazy about her!

Please pray for my dad!

2007-07-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

Many of you are aware that this past Saturday was a landmark day for our family. We gathered around my dad with tears, with full hearts, placed our hands on him and his team-mates and cried out to the God of our lives to be His shield as he makes his way into a unknown territory to us...but one that is close to the heart of our Father. I copied pieces of an email sent by my mom to give you a view of our heart's cry...

"I feel that most of you are aware that Morton left yesterday for the country of Sudan along with a great team of men. . (There are several African brothers meeting them in Kenya ...church leaders from Zambia, Ghana and Kenya). They plan to go into Sudan on Tuesday.

This trip is different from any Africa trip that our family has been a part of. I am sure you are somewhat aware of the situation in the country of Sudan. Over the past few months we have been made more aware. This email is coming to you on behalf of our family and all the families involved in this trip. The men on this trip did not approach this trip casually. Many meetings, planning and much prayer have transpired over the past six or seven months. The family prayer time last Tuesday evening was both a challenge and a blessing.

They will fly into Sudan. Their destination is in the north. It is the rainy season in Sudan. The (dirt) roads to the north are impassable . They will have to go in small planes. It is like I told a friend on Saturday night, If I did not know the Lord well I would be so afraid.

They go with the heavy call of the Lord on their hearts. They are going up close to some of the most harassed and helpless of our time. They are going into the middle of ones who are living & dying without hope. They are going into a nation that is not anxious to make anything easy for Christians. They are going to a nation that desperately needs Jesus.

As they go in to spy out the land, to sense if doors are cracked open enough to go and mission and minister in someway, pray for them to go under the blanket of our Lords protection. Pray for them to have both the eyes and the same spirit that God gave Joshua and Caleb. Oh, we pray that they comeback with good reports of great work that we can do for our Lord. May they come back with an excitement and vision that others cannot help join.

I know I do not need to tell you how to pray...but you also know that I can't help but lay out a few things that are on my heart!

Pray for safety but so much more than safety. Pray for eyes to see and ears to hear and courage to act.
Pray for them to be wise at every turn and for fear to have no foothold...unless it is direction from the Lord to change direction....again...may the Spirit of the Lord be so strong and heavy that they make no mistake about direction.
Pray boldly whatever the Lord puts on your hearts to pray.

As family spokesperson, I say you are receiving this email because we know you pray, but more importantly we know the God to whom you pray. We boldly ask for your prayers on behalf of our husbands, fathers, grandfathers and sons. We ask you to boldly pray for the nation of Sudan.

Pray for God to give you a burden for Sudan. If He gives you the burden He will empower you to carry the burden and to act for Him.

We love you dearly.

suzyj for all the j. offspring"

A friend asked me yesterday if I felt scared...I think more than scared I feel pensive...eager to see what the Lord will do, thinking a lot about how I long for His will to match mine. Fear creeps in every once in awhile, but rather than gripping my heart, I feel it clairifying my thoughts, causing me to cry out to the Lord about things that matter rather than the things that too often claim my thought process. Through the years I am ashamed to admit I have prayed casually for the people of Sudan. Lately, they are heavy on my heart...I am longing that the God we serve will make a way, that His kingdom would advance through a cup of cold water, through much needed food and medical supplies, that His Presence would be made known to a people who cry out for relief. I continue to pray Psalm 20 over my dad and the other men who have gone and over the nation they have gone to...

"God answer you on this day,
The name God-of-Jacob put you out of harm's reach,
Send reinforcements from Holy Hill,
Dispatch from Zion fresh supplies,
Exclaim over your offerings,
Celebrate your sacrifices,
Give you what your heart desires,
Accomplish your plans.
When you win, we plan to raise the roof
and lead the parade with our banners.
May all your wishes come true!
That clinches it—help's coming, an answer's on the way,
everything's going to work out.
See those people polishing their chariots,
and those others grooming their horses?
But we're making garlands for God our God.
The chariots will rust, those horses pull up lame—
and we'll be on our feet, standing tall.
Make the king a winner, God;
the day we call, give us your answer."

May it be Lord, May it be.

Payton is 5!

2007-07-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

5 years ago today our hearts became exposed to the world...5 years ago today we welcomed our first son. We knew that we loved this child while he was in the womb, but when he entered the world, when we heard his first cry, when we looked into his eyes...something broke in us that could never be repaired...Our hearts broke wide open with love that could not be contained...We have been crazy about him ever since.

He is so animated while at the same time being so serious. He makes us crazy by correcting our English when we are trying to discipline him. He makes us laugh with his expressions...the first thing he said this morning was, "just look at me...I thought I was going to be an adult today and nothing even happened, I am still just a kid, I don't know if I am really 5 or not." He loves his family with an unswerving loyalty even at this young age. He feels free to discipline his brother while at the same time begging us not to. He is very particular about his hair...for that matter his look altogether...he does not get the part of his brother that is comfortable wearing whatever he puts on and tries to have discussions with his brother to change his mind. He loves his dad and begs him to take him to work with him. He melts his mom's heart by saying multiple times a day how proud he is of me. He loves puzzles, he loves math, he loves trying to catch rattlesnakes. He would much rather be at the ranch on a four wheeler than anywhere.He, too, loves his cousins, for that matter all of his relatives. He can bring tears to my eyes rather quickly by looking out the window as we drive by the assisited living home where my grandmother lived (before she went to Heaven) and saying, "Man- I miss Mom-o." I love how he calls all of his friends "one of his best." I love, love, love, when he is doing his chores and I hear him singing praises to the Lord at the top of his lungs...

There are of course many things that we are continuing to work on with our "Pate"...he often feels a bit too comfortable objecting when someone is trying to correct him. He would prefer that everyone allow him to run his life without questions or comments, unless of course you have a word of praise for him. But my goodness...line up every child in the world and his parents are still running at top speed to make sure we get to pick him first. All the things that make him- him...make us proud to call him ours. We could not do without a one of them. We cherish every moment we have with him....knowing that a lifetime will still feel too short. We love deeper because he is ours, we laugh harder because he is ours, We are closer to the Lord because he is ours. May the Lord be praised for this life, for these 5 years of sheer greatness...and may the Lord continue to heap His gifts upon this child...we look to Him to reveal His plans for our boy. Thank you Lord!

Benjamin is 3!

2007-07-10T04:22:00.000-07:00

Oh how we love this child! Benjamin is the perfect mix of tender, tough and pure hilariousness. We have never seen anyone like him. He is constantly going for a laugh...always wanting to make people smile...He is quick to offer his love...quick to offer his opinion...and quick to steal people's hearts.

I remember when he was about 3 months old telling my mom, Benjamin has something in his eyes that lets me know he has a bit more spunk than your average bear. Little did I know his eyes spoke volumes of the truth. Benjamin is eager to test boundaries, on a daily basis he demands that the rules be laid out again. Benjamin has yet to grasp why when he wants something it does not happen immediately. Benjamin has the ability to bring entire restaurants into awed silence as he screams, lays prostrate and demands that he be allowed to run into the parking lot without anyone holding his hand. He loves talking on the phone. He loves his Precious. He is wild about his cousins and lists them off each night to the Lord from Florida to DC to local. He loves to sword fight with his dad. He can say cheeeeeese for a photographer for at least 30 minutes without ever taking a breath, all the while never really smiling. He is crazy about his brother...unless that brother happens to laugh or smile when Benjamin is feeling somber...then we are launched into the age -old sibling argument of, "He is laughing at me..." which has the ability to last longer than this mother can handle. He loves quesadillas from Taco Bueno and a chocolate chip cookies from Starbucks. He is quick to tell anyone that his favorite place to go is either the ranch or Wal-mart. Benjamin wants to talk himself to sleep...which often means he will come and find someone to talk to...We've had many late night conversations that are treasures to me...others have been lost in the grogginess of life that surrounds me at 1 AM.

Oh how we love him...the parts that melt our hearts, the parts that make us sweat through our clothes in public, the parts that need correcting, the parts that bring tears of joy to our eyes...because all of those little traits combine to make the son we love. We tell him all the time the Lord placed him in our family and we could not be more thankful. We anticipate great things for this little man. We celebrate him with great joy all the while raising our hands in thankfulness to the giver of this good gift...only HE could give a gift so sweet. May His name be praised for the life of our Benjamin!

Benj on his new Diego scooter that his brother picked out for him for his birthday...He said its all he is ever wanted!

Yesterday

2007-06-27T03:06:00.000-07:00

I woke up wide awake a few hours ago...my mind swirling with a list of things that need to be accomplished...that most likely should of been accomplished weeks ago. My mind then turned to different family members...things that are going on in their lives, thing of concern, things of great joy...and slowly as thoughts progress to another level they turn into prayers, cries to the Lord who knows every thought before I have them...and yet He still turns an ear to hear me when I articulate them all over again. How thankful I am that we have a listening God.

June 26th was and is a life changing day for our family. 14 years ago my cousin Mandy was on her way to church on a Sunday morning when she was hit by a drunk driver and went home to be with the Lord. She was wonderful, beautiful, funny, and a complete joy to her family, immediate and extended. Words fail to describe a life so well lived...14 earthly years later, she still is a part of my daily thoughts...influencing the way I live, influencing the way I parent, influencing who I am. I sure miss her.

Tagged...(Twice)

2007-06-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

For the latest on my sister, please check their blog http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/...(knowing their list of people who read their blog is quite a bit larger than mine, I feel like I am experiencing my 15 minutes of fame when they let me post on it.:))

I have been tagged on 2 different things...I am working on Chesley's and then will try to complete April's tomorrow. I am terrible at these..but there is a special thrill in being tagged so here is my lame attempt at a response...

First memory - Going into my room and putting on multiple pairs of underwear, shorts, and then a pair of pants because my mom had told me to go wait in my room until she got in there to spank me. She was not amused.

First real kiss - He remains a good friend who reads this blog...I will let him keep his anonymity.

First concert - Amy Grant...I wore a pink and grey sleeve-less, v-neck argyle sweater, pink walking shorts, white knee socks and my white penny loafers and my mom hot rolled my hair. I know this because I remember thinking, "I look so cute, I bet she calls me up on stage to sing with her." She did not notice...her loss. (Oh to have a bit of that self- confidence back.:))

First love - my Strawberry Shortcake doll collection. The night I got tea-time turtle who pulled the wagon/picnic table I layed awake all night so excited to play with it.

First crush - Most likely Willie from Little House on the Prairie. He looked good in a pair of suspenders

First thing you think in the morning - My alarm goes off at 5:01 and daily I debate whether I should go work out or not...

First book you remember loving - "Who is coming to the Butterfly Ball?" My grandmother read it to us while we sat in her lap and ate jelly beans...great memory.

First pet - John Pecan, our cat. After John Pecan went to his maker we started our weanie dog business with Dusty Bottoms and Yo.

First question you'll ask in heaven - I am assuming this after I have fallen to my knees and spent a couple of thousand years praising the Lord..."Where is the Ferris Wheel?" (I will explain this on a later post.)

First thing you think of when you hear the word vacation - I better check how much money is in our vacation envelope.

First best friend - My sister...We shared a room and a double bed for the first years of our life. I slept with one of my legs over her because I knew if anyone ever tried to kidnap her it would wake me up and I could stop them.

Last time you dressed up - When Tony and I went to Del Friscos Father's Day weekend.

Last thing you ate - Uncle Ben's Chicken whole grain rice with terriyaki sauce poured over it...I love that stuff...

Last CD you bought? Honestly- who knows...I would be willing to bet it was some type of Kid's praise...we really do not listen to much of anything else. My brother still burns "cool" cds for me that's one of the reasons I still seem so "with it and in the know." :)

Last time you cried - On Saturday night when we sang the words "All who are weary, all who are weak...Come to the Fountain, dip your hearts in the stream of life. Let the Pain and the Sorrow be washed away, in the waves of His mercy, as deep cries out to deep. We sing, Come, Lord Jesus Come." I thought of Kelly and Randy, of my mom, of other families I know and pray for who are wading through deep and hard times and I wept...begging the Lord that They might feel Him come in a very real sense into their situations.

Last time you told someone you loved them - My kids multiple times through out the day...Also Tony everytime we talk on the phone...Really everyone I talk to...I could possibly be accused of overuse of the word...but I really do mean it when I say it.

Last really funny thing you did - I laugh hard every single day but as for something funny I did... Who knows?

Last thing you watched on TV - Backyardigans I love the episode where they are looking for Tiki Beach. Should anything major ever occur in our world and they do not break into Noggin to announce it, please call us...I guarantee you we will be shocked.

I tag - You- go ahead respond...

Swim lessons

2007-06-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

Benjamin has insisted on wearing the hat he got at his friend's Thomas the Train birthday party all week. Needless to say, he makes everyone smile as we pass. He also thought, "Why go with flip flops for poolside attire, when red boots go just as well?" Of course, he chooses to wear them without socks for quick pool access. They are not as easy to slip on when wet. These were taken on the day that I could not find Benjamin for his class. He was hiding in the corner, hoping we would all just forget he was there.

These were the 2 sides of Benjamin all week. He was thrilled to be there, he was a bit ticked to be there. Overall, he loved Ms. Jody and all his precious friends that he swam (term used loosely) with!

The highlight for both boys was their dad showing up for the closing class.

Payton and Mason...There were 3 boys in Payton's class. I said you sure have made some great friends and he told me , "really, we are more like brothers." So if any of you are looking for a bonding experience, swim lessons are where its at! :) We had an awesome 2 weeks. So much fun watching the boys develop new skills, so much fun getting to spend quality time with the other moms.

Our Jr. High nephew told Payton that all the cool kids pose like this...I need to tell him it looks cool with your shirt on...right here he just looks extremely modest!:)

Beside ourselves!

2007-06-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

I just had the joy of sending out this email!

Dearest praying friends-

I got the call today while we were at swim lessons that we had been praying for...The Lord has moved and it is looking like Lael could possibly be granted a Visa this Friday...My eyes swim with tears just typing it! May the Lord continue to praised. If that occurs we could have at least some of the family coming home this Sunday.

Proverbs 13:12 says, ""Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around." the Lord has given us our sudden good break and people with Jeffrey and Vaughn blood are rejoicing around the world with tears and hands raised...more importantly though, people who share in the blood of Christ, our incredible extended family, are lifting up praise for this turn of events. Thanks for praying with us, hoping with us, and for rejoicing with us!

We'll keep you posted!
Becky

***Kelly and Randy are doing a great job keeping everyone up on the details at http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

In a nutshell...

2007-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

1. Thanks so much for those of you who continue to lift up my sister and her family up. They were supposed to arrive at DFW today. I was feeling sick at heart this morning as I prayed, I am well aware there are far worse things that could be happening in our family, and yet I also now see us living out Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick. " The Message nails it with , "Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around."I am still holding on to the thought that they will get a phone call this week that says...You are a go. That sudden good break has got to be around the corner. Somehow, someway it will happen...You will hear a loud cheer and praise to the Lord when it does.

2. There is no better way to ensure that your child will develop problems with potty training than to announce on the WWW that they have got it down. As we were enjoying lunch with our friends sweet Benjamin said, "Excuse me mom, do have any other clothes for me?" As soon as I saw his face I knew what he had done. I promptly picked him up (quite gingerly) and carried him to the parking lot where we were given a diaper (Thanks Eli) to put Benjamin in. While I was giving him the baby wipe bath in Cracker Barrel parking lot Benjamin said, "Do you think this is funny?" I said, "No, not right now..." He said. "Thats ok mom, we can just laugh about this later."

3. Over Memorial Day weekend my dad and Tony decided it was time to tag and castrate some of the spring calves...We decided to go watch, not knowing that watching meant you actually got pulled into the whole process. The boys loved cheering on their dad, but one of their highlights was when they saw their Precious get in there and start mixing it up. (Don't worry, Suzy did not castrate anything, just helped hold the gate.) I was happy to just be in charge of taking pictures. By the way, Benjamin is going crazy missing his Precious (we are too, the rest of us just are not as vocal.)

4. Swim Lessons...we have made it through 5 with 3 more to go. This morning Payton walked in,looked around at everyone, and said, "I am really feeling nervous this morning, I don't want to be here, I wish I knew how this would go..." No one but me was listening...and I had to smile...Payton is many things, but no woman will ever accuse him of internalizing his emotions. Both boys love the water, just not the feel of going underwater. Baby steps...everyday a bit closer. My brother reminded me today we were in jr. high before we stopped physically holding our nose and I think we turned out ok.

5. My dad got back in town just in time for Father's day. We were all ready to see him. We had a good time laughing and eating together...so thankful for all the men in our lives who have shown us what being a dad is all about. I could not be more thankful for the dad I have, the dad he had, the dad my mom had, the dad my brother-in-laws are to my nieces and nephews, the dad my brother is,the dad my husband has, the dad my husband is...they all model the Heavenly Father's love in such a beautiful way. We celebrated them all yesterday!

6. Our neighbor asked us to keep her cat...(at this point everyone who knows us well groans) I said, no problem...All we had to do was feed her once a day, it was only 3 days, she said I would probably never even see the cat, NO problem. We literally had a 2 minute conversation about it. Then later, (At approximately 11:30 at night later) she calls back and explains to our answering machine (everyone knows the Brooks family has not seen the other side of 10 since we put our wedding rings on.), that she forgot to mention the cat is free bleeder (WHAT?!), that sometimes it gets into fights (WHAT?!), that I need to walk their back yard several times a day to see if I see any large pools of blood and if I do find the cat, she will probably be really angry, (Sure) and get her to the hospital in Southlake. (At which point Tony paused the answering machine to say "Not in one of our cars.") We did make it through the weekend with no blood anywhere. I have never been so happy to return a box of cat food in my life.

7. The other day we were at Chick-fil-a when Payton ran out of the play area and said , "Benjamin is really stuck this time." Assuming he meant in one of the tube slides I walked in to talk Benjamin down. What he meant was he was literally stuck. Somehow (our boy is a monkey) he had been climbing on top of the tube slide fallen and gotten caught between the tube slide and the plastic grate that keeps the kids from going under the play equipment. I could see his little feet dangling on one side and see his head on the other. I could not move him. Thankfully Tony was there to pull the tube slide to the side so I could lift Benjamin out. He was also able to deliver the "let's use the slide the way it was intended speech" with a little more oomph than me.

8.Yesterday I talked to my niece Bailey who has the cutest voice I have ever heard...We had a great conversation that ended with her saying,

Bailey: "Hey Aunt Becky?"

Becky: "yes, Bailey"

Bailey: "I am a lot cuter than you remember."

My other favorite Bailey quote is when she was talking to Emille (her mom) about her sister Brylee, (who is one) and said, "I sure wish I knew Spanish so I could know what Bry is saying." I love being an aunt.

9. Tony and I got a gift card from my brother to Del Friscos for Christmas. We used it this weekend for the best dinner ever. We had so much fun laughing and talking about life. Nights out always remind us we should do that more often. Its always hard to leave our kids, but we always come back to them better parents, for the simple reason that we are reminded of why we fell in love with each other in the first place. Sometimes a reminder is good, even when you don't really think you need it.

10. While Andy was in Pakistan we prayed for him constantly. Both boys would join in often through out the day. Not really knowing geography (We are working on it :))they do the best they can. We loved how every night Payton would close out his prayer with , "and Lord, we ask that you would always help Andy to remember to pack his stand."

A grip on hope

2007-06-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

We have been feeling scattered for a little while now.

My brother Andy, just returned from Pakistan safely last night.

We just got word that my dad is on American soil after 2 weeks in Benin helping Kelly and Randy wrap up what has been an amazingly successful, glory to God, 9 years of minstry.

My parents went to help turn off the lights and bring my sister and her family home. This is an email one of Kelly's dearest friends just sent out...

"Randy and Kelly urgently need your prayers. They were copied on an email to the Embassy in Ghana on Monday that their fingerprints cleared. Since then, they have heard nothing from the Embassy. Their contact person there is not responding to them and they have no idea where they fall on the priority list for processing. There is a lady there who must process their documents, however, she is only there through mid-July and will not return again until September. She is not returning their calls or emails. If their clearance is not processed before she leaves, the Vaughns will be stuck in Cotonou until September. The worst part is that NO ONE is responding to their inquiries right now. They are discouraged and frustrated. Please pray (and pass on to those who you know will pray along with us) that they will receive a word from the Embassy immediately and that their paperwork will be processed quickly. Once they receive the ok from the Embassy, it will take only 3 days to process the immigrant visa their daughter needs to leave the country.

God has the power to change all of this immediately. PLEASE CLAIM THIS WITH US!!!"

You gather from that that obviously, the bringing them home part did not happen. My mom has remained, hopefully to return soon with My sister, Randy and 4 precious children. Please join us in asking the Lord to bring this chapter of the adoption story to a close.

I have been claiming for my sister,Randy, for their kids and for all who love them and pray for them these verses of Lamentations 3...

"But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. We won't be consumed. His promises are created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. "

The Latest

2007-05-23T05:24:00.001-07:00

1. Benjamin ate 3 whole pieces of Boston Market turkey yesterday! He turns 3 in 2 months so why is this significant? Because this is the first meat he has actually eaten in his entire life. He has perfected eating the crust off of a chicken nugget, or taking the tiniest bite of a hamburger (a bite that is invisible to the naked eye) but yesterday he actually got full on an actual protein source. He then took a 4 hour nap. I wonder if its the first time he has ever been full. Sometime I can write a whole post on Benjamin's journey with eating, its involved lots of drs, therapists, phone calls, and tears...we seem to be moving forward! YEA!

2. We are still waiting on the last piece of paperwork to make Lael's adoption final. Please join us in praying that will come through. Kelly and Randy are scheduled to leave mid June- the paperwork has got to come soon for that to occur...Please Lord, may it be.

3. The other day as we were driving I threw my bannana peel out the window. I have always heard if its bio-degradeable thats ok...Is that wrong? Payton screamed like a maniac not to ever do that again and then said, "How are you going to feel when some car slips on that?"

4.Somehow in my mind I always imagined the Lord would only give you one strong willed, out spoken child...Who knows where I got that thought I certainly grew up with more than that in my home but...the other day when Benjamin looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have asked you nicely not to touch me again." I knew...Wow...Here we go once more.

5. On Mother's Day I was talking to the boys about how thankful I was to be their mom, did they realize without them I would not be a mom, etc...Payton said Benjamin is who made me a big brother...Will Someone make Benjamin a big brother? We told them maybe some day (NO hopes up yet...we plan on having "A team" and then "B team" with many years in between the teams***) and said, if you could have another brother, what would you name him? Benjamin immediately said, "Wilbur" Payton said, "No, I think Jesus is better."

6.Payton has started working on learning the countries of Africa, through a puzzle we just got him. He loves working puzzles...He is so proud everytime he plugs Benin in its right place. We have started praying over that puzzle when he finishes it everyday. Some of our family members (outside of my sister) have several big trips looming in the future to parts that continue to be war torn....I have been convicted of how easily I forget the Lord's children are perishing, children are being handed machine guns and being asked to fight, family are being torn a part...We ask the Lord to come in power, to use those willing to go, to give us a picture of how we can be a part of His plan for Africa.

7. I seem to go through seasons of being really introspective ( I am sure everyone does.) I write a lot more, analyze myself a lot more, evaluate my actions, reactions, what I have done, what I have not in the past year, etc...I always end these seasons with the same thought. I am desperate for the Lord. Without Him, I am nothing...the only good in me is Him. I am thankful He brings me back to this place often.

8. We are loving Uncle Ben's 90 second rice packets (they're the orange ones)...Seriously, love the Santa Fe, love the Chicken whole grain, Long grain and wild...Is it bad that I think our family could possible live a happy life on just these and Zone bars...(Tony would also need a pound of fresh fruit and vegetables on a daily basis to be truly happy.)

9. I don't want to ever forget the joy it brings me to hear our boys feet running on wood floors...I know that pitter patter will go away as they get bigger and their stride gets longer...Right now that sound brings such a smile to my heart. (except of course when its in the middle of the night accompanied by screaming.)

10.Introspection takes me to Ecclesiastes...I have been mulling over 6:10, "Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there is no use arguing with God about your destiny."**** I really am not tempted (at least at this point) to argue...maybe discuss a bit, but not argue. I just long to know Him better, to feel more at home in His destiny for me and for my family. I am asking for Him to take me to a deeper trust level.

***on #5...when speaking of family planning we are always reminded the Lord has a plan. So many who are dear to us have struggled with or continue to struggle with infertility, to act like we can say, we will have another baby this particular year seems arrogant. It could very well be the Lord sees our family as complete right now. We are mindful of that. Life is His to give...

****on #10 Eccelsiastes 6:11 says, "the more words you speak, the less they mean. So why over do it?" Should of read that before I typed this post...Yikes.

Closing ceremonies

2007-05-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

This is a little like "where's Waldo" Can you find Benjamin in this picture? He was not really on board with the idea of a group shot.

The boys had their closing ceremonies at the Little Gym this week. Andy was able to come over...the thing that cracked me up about that was Andy brought his intern with him. The guy was having his first day on the job and they come to The Little Gym. The boys absolutley loved it...and I think the intern was really impressed :).

Payton never lacks for enthusiasm...Everyone raise their hands when they get their medal. However, not everyone tries to stay up there and give an acceptance speech.

Benjamin never the one to conform held his hands down...

Happy Day Tony!

2007-05-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

One of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given me in the past year is a friendship with Peggy. I have never known anyone so encouraging, so ready to inspire, so willing to give towards the furthering of the Lord's Kingdom. Her every action is sifted through the thought of am I blessing others in the name of Jesus? I truly am mesmerized by her consistency, her joy, and the way she, with such great ease, works the testimony of what the Lord has done in her life into every conversation. I love her!

Because I never surprise Tony...(I get too excited and tell him the second I think of one that would be good, a quality he thinks is funny.), I thought it would be great if for his birthday I could actually pull one off. I asked Peggy, knowing how much Tony loved and respected Byron, if there was anyway I could bring dinner for the 3 of us, come out to the ranch, and have her tell us his stories, their stories...So last night, I told Tony we were going to pick up Babe's chicken fried steaks and go eat somewhere fun. It would of been enough for Tony if we had sat out in the driveway, instead he got the royal treatment. I smiled through tears many times at the sheer sweetness of the night. Peggy set the table with the china you get when you win The Masters, Byron's hat was the center piece, candles were lit, I actually saw Tony catch his breath when we walked in. To say he was surprised was the understatement of the year.

I could go on and on...It was a magnificent night. Tony said it was the best birthday he has ever had. I knew it was special when 9 PM came and went, 10 PM came and went...those of you who know Tony's disciplined schedule know this was huge. We were crazy...out past 11 on a school night.:)

Tony and I talked on the way home about why he thought it was the best gift ever. There are many men that the world label as great. Men who are extraordinarily talented in one way or another, and we give them respect for those gifts. Yet, last night, we were reminded that there are few men that carry those talents all the while humbly pointing to the Lord. My mom used to tell us when we were kids, "It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup." Last night we witnessed up close people who possessed such steadiness, a true gift from the Lord. We were blessed and yet incredibly challenged by the the legacy that Byron has left and by his wife who loves him so.

Happy Birthday to Tony...34 years ago today he entered the world...8 years ago today we went on our first date...This day is my favorite mile-marker of the year. What a day! What a man! So thankful, He's the Lord's, so thankful he's mine!

some pics...

2007-05-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

Payton and Trevor...Trevor is 3 months older than Payton. He taught Payton a lot about farm living.

Tony was, as always, a huge hit with the kids...they were constantly asking him to go jump on the trampoline, swim, etc...His favorite quote was "in a second" which prompted them to count to one and then say, "Come on"...He later changed his response to "maybe later." I was able to claim a bad back and avoid all the issues. :)

This is my favorite action shot of Benjamin. He loved his cousins and they were so sweet with him.

I love the way Benjamin says, "look at me and Go-wi-wuff" (Goliath). He was absolutely thrilled at meeting all the charectors.

We took this for cousin To-to (Tori), Tori- if you were here I would sing, "hey, hey it's To-to's circus" I know you would love it :)

Seriously- not sure who was more excited about meeting Buzz, the boys, or Tony.

People always ask me- are you sure you're 6 ft. tall? Now I can respond, "Sure, I am as tall as Buzz Light Year"...that has to be some camera angle...crazy...even the boys when we were looking at the pictures said, "wow mom...you're as huge as Buzz." Ummmm-thanks.

The best money that can be spent at Disney is on the rental stroller. Here Benjamin takes a turn at trying to dump Payton 0ut of the stroller...a trick he learned from his father...Tony has the ability to make a stroller ride the most fun thing at Disney.

we knew Bailey would love seeing us in front of Cinderella's castle.

Tony bought the boys their binoculars at Animal Kingdom...they looked like this the rest of the day.

HOME!

2007-05-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

All good things come to an end...I thought of this last night as we pulled into our driveway.

We have just returned from an 11 day family vacation to Florida...We loved every moment of it...(Except the breif stay in the Urgent care when Benjamin was having a hard time breathing.) We spent the first part with my cousin Tim and his family in Orlando and then went on to Disney World. Our time with the Chapmans was the best part of the trip hands down. Our boys loved being with their cousins and we loved being with Tim and Darcy. You know you have a great family when people prefer time with you to the "greatest place on earth". :) Tim has done a great job documenting a lot of it on his blog.

http://www.chapman6.blogspot.com/

I will hopefully get our pictures up and running soon...So many pictures...yet none of them capture the absolute thannkfulness Tony and I feel for the past 11 days. We drove to and from Orlando...18 hours each way. We loved it. We laughed, talked about dreams, shared stories from our past that made us both crack up, ate at way too many Cracker Barrels (we knew this when both boys started screaming no when they saw the billboard), basically we loved being a family, loved the feeling of just being together. I was reminded that the Lord invites us often to "come away with me, get away with me and you will discover the true meaning of life..." For the past 11 days, as a family, we have gone away with Him We have been refreshed for having been with our extended family, for having been without schedules, for having been at disney...all because...if you look closely at the good in all of these things...you see Him...sometimes more obvious than others...but always...The Lord is there. Oh how we love Him for the gift of His Presence. We are at home in Him regardless of where we go.

Ramblings...

2007-04-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

1. It is looking like my sister and her family will arrive stateside for good in the middle of June. We are eagerly anticipating that arrival while recognizing that they have spent the past 10 years of their live preparing to invest and then investing in the lives of the Aja people. There are many hard goodbyes to be said before they begin their journey home. The Kingdom has advanced because they went...We celebrate that.

2. Payton thinks there are 3 parents in our family and only one child. The other day Tony was explaining to Benjamin why he must sit down while we are at a restaurant. Benjamin was explaining why he could not. Payton said, "Excuse me dad, I am with Benjamin on this one, let's just let this one go." Tony then went from disciplining one child to disciplining two.

3. I have always read about the switch...when boys go from wanting their mom to wanting their dad...supposedly a vital part of development in the life of a boy. It has happened around here. Their dad arrives home and Payton will often say, "would you like to go grab a Starbucks while we have guy time?" Thankfully, I still feel very loved (and every once in awhile Tony really does let me leave and go get a Starbucks.)....my boys still run and jump in my arms whether I have been gone 2 days or 15 minutes...and it is one of the greatest delights of my life to see them love their dad...after all, I am crazy about him too.

4. We have someone that leaves gifts on our porch...no note...just little packages at random times. Some of the gifts are explainable- ie childrens books, toys others, like today, a tiny rum cake...No note. Just the gift. Whoever you are, thanks.

5. Benjamin is potty trained. I was wanting to wait until after our vacation. He woke up one morning and said, "I am not wearing diapers again." He trained himself in a day. We have only had one accident. It happened to be while Tony was holding him at small group. I should not be smiling as I type this...but it still makes me laugh.

6. What is up with vitamin enriched Diet coke plus? My friendly checker at Walmart said it helps with energy levels and gives you several nutitional benefits. Now I love Diet Coke, but come on America...would it kill you to just eat an apple or some type of vegetable every once in awhile. (I address the nation as a whole because my blog audience is so huge, what I should of said is , "Come on you two.")

7. Signed up for tennis lessons today. Tony has been wanting us to do some type of sporting activity together this summer. We chose tennis for this year. I coached tennis for a year and loved it...we're excited to get back into it.

8. Tony found a Cottonmouth water moccasin yesterday, actually he and Payton found it. Here is a vital difference in my husband and I...I wanted to call Animal control. Tony went and got a trash can picked it up with the broom and then poked it , watched it strike the broom, showed the boys, explained how it is important to look but not touch (I know I recognized some inconsistency in this one as well), took some pictures, showed the neighbors...I quit reminding him it was poisonous after the 200th time...He killed it later...I did not sleep well last night thinking about that snake being in a garbage bag. In all of the excitement, I was so thankful that Tony saw the snake, grabbed it and handled it. Later (on google), I read that Cottonmouths are one of the most aggresive and poisonous snakes in TX. I thanked the Lord over and over again for His protection over our boys who were playing right in the same area Tony saw the snake only moments earlier. Once again, thankful for who I married.

9. One of Payton's friends was over the other day playing and they broke a toy. I heard both boys lamenting when Payton said, "Hey, let's not worry, I bet my mom can fix this." His friend said, "do you think she could?" and Payton said, "Honestly, she is the smartest girl I know...I don't know anyone else like her."

10. Last night Benjamin got up in the middle of the night and came into our bedroom. He came to my side of the bed and said, "Mom, I sure missed you when you were in Benin. Would you hold me?" I have never been so happy to get up at 3 in the AM.

In a Hurry

2007-04-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

Last year for Easter, the boys were in matching seersucker ...this year the boys had every layer of clothing on that we could find in the Ranch house, ( You will notice Benjamin is wearing his cousin Bailey's jacket.) I also forgot their Easter baskets, you have tolove the Walmart bags... we had the best time.I am not sure seersucker will ever be able to be on the agenda again. The boys much prefer this look.

Yesterday was one of those mornings where we were trying so hard to get somewhere on time and everything, everything was not going smoothly. We're dressed...we spill something. Someone opens the door...and all of the suddden our dogs run in and hide under the bed. Someone chooses to take the paper shredder and dump it everywhere. Its ridiculous to even type it all out...in words it seems like no big deal, but every mom out there knows the panic of realizing, you're late and getting later...sometimes it feels as if you are being sucked into some type of tornado.

I think sometimes on mornings like this I am talking and do not even know what I am saying, I have a tendency to go into a zone. Obviously, I somehow conveyed to the boys we were late. About halfway to our friends, I saw the lights of the friendly police officer behind us. I immediately felt nauseated. I told the boys we were going to talk to a policeman for minute. The officer came up and took my license and registration and said, "Ms. Brooks, Can you please tell me if there is some kind of emergency?" I inhaled to say, "No" when from the back seat I hear Payton in his loud voice declare, "Her name is Becky and we are in a hurry."

I weakly smiled...The officer smiled...I got no ticket...

And just like that!

2007-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

We took the boys to ride Thomas the train last weekend. We knew when we were able to snap this picture of both boys smiling before we even walked out the door that perhaps this would be a different kind of day.

We asked the conductor who was walking by to take this picture and just like that, we were in uncharted territory. A place where every member of the family looks at the camera at the same time.We really are not sure where we go from here....perhaps to a professional photographer...(the last time we attempted that Tony and I both sweated through our clothes..and paid good money to do it.:))

Later in the weekend we went to our city Egg hunt. This picture is to document why Benjamin did not find many eggs.

Some of our dear friends met us there. Their little girl danced in the City wide recital immediately following the egg hunt. Payton and Benjamin were quite impressed.

After the dance recital the boys saw the Easter bunny but there was a long line to meet him. I told them, "Let's see him some other time." Payton looked at me like he was mortified and said, "He works so hard to give us all these eggs and we don't even have time to tell him thank you?" Needless to say We waited in line.

We pray your Easter weekend is the best. The resurrection power that was displayed the day Jesus walked out of the tomb is still on display today...in the hearts and lives of all who offer Him our nothing in return for His everything! What an incredible gift! Have fun celebrating it. Blessing upon Blessing to you and yours!

Assorted Thoughts from the Middle of the Night

2007-03-24T03:39:00.000-07:00

1. Payton is still a spelling maniac. He called me in the other day and said is this how you spell Precious? He said he saw it the other day on an envelope and had remembered it. I know my mom will love it. Ezra is one of Payton's best friends and Paw is my dad. I love seeing the words he chooses to work on each day...it gives me a little window into who he is thinking about.

2. I have always loved Francine Rivers and still do. However, I am new Karen Kingsbury fan. She has a book series out called Redemption.My sister gave me these highly reccomended...I loved reading every one. If you are looking for a wonderful fiction series to read over the summer this is it. I cannot reccomend it more highly. I read 10 of her books in a 15 day marathon...I am a nerd. Which leads me to...

3. Insomnia...It is a struggle I have on and off. It's on these days and what can I do but enjoy it. I used to fight it, get frustrated by it, and be miserable...now I am making it work and somehow the Lord is sustaining me. This is amazing because I was diagnosed years ago with CFS (Chronic Fatigue) and have had Epstein Barr syndrome since High school. I have been reading and writing and enjoying the promise of Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." I know this is season that will pass. (hopefully)

4. Payton and I had this conversation yesterday-

P: If God can make everyone well how does anyone ever go to heaven?

B: Sometimes the way God chooses to make somone well is by taking them to heaven.

P: and then they come back to earth?

B: No, once your in heaven you stay there, you don't want to come back to earth.

there was silence in our car for awhile and then tears...He talked of always wanting to be with me and Tony and never wanting God to try and heal any of us in that way. We talked for a long time about this. I have no idea if I handled it correctly or not. Sometimes after conversations like that one I ask the Lord to take whatever I just said and sift it...allowing His thoughts to settle in Payton's mind and not mine.

5. Yesterday a good friend called and told us she had a us a gift card to Chili's for us and could she keep our boys while we went out to eat? We dropped them off at 6:45 and had a wonderful time. Talking, laughing and discussing things that we miss in the midst of life going full speed ahead. It was a precious gift. I want to remember to pass gifts like that on.

6. When we got home I was getting Payton ready for bed when Benjamin (Who has no fear factor) jumped off his bunk bed onto me (without telling me he was about to)...I caught him (did I mention his lights were off) but somehow my thumb caught him in the eye and made a perfect moon shaped cut in the corner of his eye. We were adrenaline charged as soon as we saw his tears were red with blood...thankfully I missed his actual eyeball and hopefully we were able to convey that it is never ok to jump off a bunk bed.

7. Fort Worth Christian has started sending out t-shirts to all of its alumni's children.We are asked often where we think Payton will go to school. We do not know. We pray often that that decision will become clear as that time arrives. We have one more year at home. We will love every minute of it. For now- they are really cute in their new t-shirts.

8. My roommate from college, Ashlie is due any moment with twins (a boy and a girl). My roommate Laura had twins (a boy and a girl) 2 years ago. So fun getting to be a part of so much excitement. I am so thankful for these deep friendships, forged through the fun and fire of college.There were 5 of us that lived together in college...between us now we have 14 kids...thats a lot of kids.

9. We are crazy about Saturday night church. We love it. We are thankful for the way it is growing our family. We also love having Sunday as a Sabbath of sorts...no agenda, no errands...just being together.

10. The adoption of my niece Lael is progressing...Praise the Lord! You can read the updates at...http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

11. Many of you know Christine Tyndall Pinson from ACU. I have been so blessed to get to know her through church. What an incredible woman of faith and strength. If you are not already, would you lift her and her dearest family up in prayers.You can read the details at her precious mom's blog.http://melindagayle.blogspot.com/

12. Yesterday Benjamin came in carrying a pencil bag and said, "I have my things and I am moving to the big city." I love that kid.

13. and one last Benjamin story...the kid loves Danimals...Tony and I laugh about how drinks them in 5 seconds flat. The other day I was doing laundry and cleaning and as I walked through the living room I kept seeing Benjamin drinking the same Danimal. I thought, "Wow he is really making that last." Until I went to put something in the trash and saw 12 danimals with different straws laying on top of all the trash. The kid had been taking care of all of his own refills. We have since moved all snacks to the top shelf. Benjamin has his calcium for the next month.

Benjamin loves Precious!

2007-03-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

While Payton and I were in Benin, Benjamin spent his days and many nights (I will someday tell the story of the exact moment I was being taken to the airport Tony was being taken to the ER sicker than I had ever seen him)...with my mom, Precious, as she is called by the grandchildren.

Since returning home we have noticed many things about Benjamin that show my moms influence on him. Just to list a few:

He wants his Bible in his diaper bag or in my purse at all times.

Everyonce in awhile when driving in the car he will say, "Let's get some praise music going."

He wakes up in the morning and says "Lets talk about what we get to do today...I bet its going to be wonderful.") His voice inflections on this one makes him sound exactly like my mom.

When changing a pull-up on Benjamin, as soon as he lays down he will say, "It's not gross, its just a part of life."

He now prefers his apple juice from Starbucks....if too much of the day passes he will come in from playing and say, "We have not been to Starbucks yet."

At night he says, "I love so much I can hardly stand it."

In his prayers instead of dear God he now starts with "Father"

When he is about to be disciplined he now will look at us with a completely straight face and say, "I live with Precious at her home, please take me there now."

My mom left on Sunday for 2 1/2 weeks in Kenya. This morning I was doing laundry and heard Benjamin talking to my mom...It seemed like he was answering questions, but I knew my mom was in London and I had not heard the phone ring...I walked in and said, "Benjamin, who are you talking to? Hand me the phone." He handed it to me and said, "I love Precious, why she talking like that?" I said,"Hello, who is this?"

Lady on the phone: "Miss, this is North Richland Hills 911, I repeat do you need an ambulance or police assistance?"

My heart rate accelerated like I had just done 45 minutes of cardio. I quickly explained that was my 2 year old, apologized profusely and then apologized some more. The lady was kind.

I explained to both boys after we were done that we should never play with the real phone and then explained that 911 was something we only used in emergencies. Payton took ever bit of it in...wanted the definition of emergency and nodded solemnly when asked if he understood... When asked the same question Benjamin just looked at me with a huge smile and said "Who wants to call Precious again?"

Some of My Favorites

2007-03-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

When our kids walked up to the orphanage to give these balls all of the kids went crazy. I was so convicted of how easy it is to make someones day and wondered why so often days pass where all I am concentrating on is making sure I make my own.

I took this picture of Payton's feet on the bath mat as he was about to get in the shower. Thick layers of dirt are the only way we fair bears can appear tan.

So many precious kids everywhere you look.

Love these tigers!

Payton loved Benin!He was so funny to me talking to these kids in English...even now I am loving hearing his thoughts on what we have just experienced. I will have to write a whole post just on his quotes. He has already told us that he will return to Benin when he is older to work there. The one thing I can say is he won't be a pilot. The pilots called him up to the front to take a look at the plane and one of them asked, "Payton would you like to be a pilot someday?" He looked at him smiled and said, "Absolutley not." He does not say anything without great conviction.:)

The wait to meet our sweetest Lael was worth every minute. She is a doll. To say I am crazy about her would be quite the understatement. Please contiue to ask the Lord to secure her adoption. Things continue to proceed painfully slow. Oh that He would seal on earth what was long ago sealed in our hearts!

HOME!

2007-03-02T05:39:00.000-08:00

Payton and I walked out of US Customs last night and literally ran to jump into the arms of Tony and Benjamin.

Our time in Benin was rich beyond words. We come home full to the brim with stories of the Lord's faithfulness...

I have so much to write about and I will do so soon...Along with posting some of the 279 pictures I took! :)

Thank you! Thank you for your prayers and support!

Today's the Day!

2007-02-17T04:25:00.002-08:00

For those of you who will want to keep up...I am hoping my sister and Randy will be able to post some pictures of our time while we are there...

http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

We have laughed at our boys this week. I have been wanting to take pictures of them together...seems the new fad for the Brooks brothers is to scream whenever they see the camera. They have so much fun together.

Thank you for your comments, prayers, emails and encouraging words. We leave walking in confidence that the Lord is with us.