A grip on hope

We have been feeling scattered for a little while now.

My brother Andy, just returned from Pakistan safely last night.

We just got word that my dad is on American soil after 2 weeks in Benin helping Kelly and Randy wrap up what has been an amazingly successful, glory to God, 9 years of minstry.

My parents went to help turn off the lights and bring my sister and her family home. This is an email one of Kelly's dearest friends just sent out...

"Randy and Kelly urgently need your prayers. They were copied on an email to the Embassy in Ghana on Monday that their fingerprints cleared. Since then, they have heard nothing from the Embassy. Their contact person there is not responding to them and they have no idea where they fall on the priority list for processing. There is a lady there who must process their documents, however, she is only there through mid-July and will not return again until September. She is not returning their calls or emails. If their clearance is not processed before she leaves, the Vaughns will be stuck in Cotonou until September. The worst part is that NO ONE is responding to their inquiries right now. They are discouraged and frustrated. Please pray (and pass on to those who you know will pray along with us) that they will receive a word from the Embassy immediately and that their paperwork will be processed quickly. Once they receive the ok from the Embassy, it will take only 3 days to process the immigrant visa their daughter needs to leave the country.

God has the power to change all of this immediately. PLEASE CLAIM THIS WITH US!!!"

You gather from that that obviously, the bringing them home part did not happen. My mom has remained, hopefully to return soon with My sister, Randy and 4 precious children. Please join us in asking the Lord to bring this chapter of the adoption story to a close.

I have been claiming for my sister,Randy, for their kids and for all who love them and pray for them these verses of Lamentations 3...

"But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. We won't be consumed. His promises are created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. "

The Latest

1. Benjamin ate 3 whole pieces of Boston Market turkey yesterday! He turns 3 in 2 months so why is this significant? Because this is the first meat he has actually eaten in his entire life. He has perfected eating the crust off of a chicken nugget, or taking the tiniest bite of a hamburger (a bite that is invisible to the naked eye) but yesterday he actually got full on an actual protein source. He then took a 4 hour nap. I wonder if its the first time he has ever been full. Sometime I can write a whole post on Benjamin's journey with eating, its involved lots of drs, therapists, phone calls, and tears...we seem to be moving forward! YEA!

2. We are still waiting on the last piece of paperwork to make Lael's adoption final. Please join us in praying that will come through. Kelly and Randy are scheduled to leave mid June- the paperwork has got to come soon for that to occur...Please Lord, may it be.

3. The other day as we were driving I threw my bannana peel out the window. I have always heard if its bio-degradeable thats ok...Is that wrong? Payton screamed like a maniac not to ever do that again and then said, "How are you going to feel when some car slips on that?"

4.Somehow in my mind I always imagined the Lord would only give you one strong willed, out spoken child...Who knows where I got that thought I certainly grew up with more than that in my home but...the other day when Benjamin looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have asked you nicely not to touch me again." I knew...Wow...Here we go once more.

5. On Mother's Day I was talking to the boys about how thankful I was to be their mom, did they realize without them I would not be a mom, etc...Payton said Benjamin is who made me a big brother...Will Someone make Benjamin a big brother? We told them maybe some day (NO hopes up yet...we plan on having "A team" and then "B team" with many years in between the teams***) and said, if you could have another brother, what would you name him? Benjamin immediately said, "Wilbur" Payton said, "No, I think Jesus is better."

6.Payton has started working on learning the countries of Africa, through a puzzle we just got him. He loves working puzzles...He is so proud everytime he plugs Benin in its right place. We have started praying over that puzzle when he finishes it everyday. Some of our family members (outside of my sister) have several big trips looming in the future to parts that continue to be war torn....I have been convicted of how easily I forget the Lord's children are perishing, children are being handed machine guns and being asked to fight, family are being torn a part...We ask the Lord to come in power, to use those willing to go, to give us a picture of how we can be a part of His plan for Africa.

7. I seem to go through seasons of being really introspective ( I am sure everyone does.) I write a lot more, analyze myself a lot more, evaluate my actions, reactions, what I have done, what I have not in the past year, etc...I always end these seasons with the same thought. I am desperate for the Lord. Without Him, I am nothing...the only good in me is Him. I am thankful He brings me back to this place often.

8. We are loving Uncle Ben's 90 second rice packets (they're the orange ones)...Seriously, love the Santa Fe, love the Chicken whole grain, Long grain and wild...Is it bad that I think our family could possible live a happy life on just these and Zone bars...(Tony would also need a pound of fresh fruit and vegetables on a daily basis to be truly happy.)

9. I don't want to ever forget the joy it brings me to hear our boys feet running on wood floors...I know that pitter patter will go away as they get bigger and their stride gets longer...Right now that sound brings such a smile to my heart. (except of course when its in the middle of the night accompanied by screaming.)

10.Introspection takes me to Ecclesiastes...I have been mulling over 6:10, "Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there is no use arguing with God about your destiny."**** I really am not tempted (at least at this point) to argue...maybe discuss a bit, but not argue. I just long to know Him better, to feel more at home in His destiny for me and for my family. I am asking for Him to take me to a deeper trust level.

***on #5...when speaking of family planning we are always reminded the Lord has a plan. So many who are dear to us have struggled with or continue to struggle with infertility, to act like we can say, we will have another baby this particular year seems arrogant. It could very well be the Lord sees our family as complete right now. We are mindful of that. Life is His to give...

****on #10 Eccelsiastes 6:11 says, "the more words you speak, the less they mean. So why over do it?" Should of read that before I typed this post...Yikes.

Closing ceremonies

This is a little like "where's Waldo" Can you find Benjamin in this picture? He was not really on board with the idea of a group shot.

The boys had their closing ceremonies at the Little Gym this week. Andy was able to come over...the thing that cracked me up about that was Andy brought his intern with him. The guy was having his first day on the job and they come to The Little Gym. The boys absolutley loved it...and I think the intern was really impressed :).

Payton never lacks for enthusiasm...Everyone raise their hands when they get their medal. However, not everyone tries to stay up there and give an acceptance speech.

Benjamin never the one to conform held his hands down...

Happy Day Tony!

One of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given me in the past year is a friendship with Peggy. I have never known anyone so encouraging, so ready to inspire, so willing to give towards the furthering of the Lord's Kingdom. Her every action is sifted through the thought of am I blessing others in the name of Jesus? I truly am mesmerized by her consistency, her joy, and the way she, with such great ease, works the testimony of what the Lord has done in her life into every conversation. I love her!

Because I never surprise Tony...(I get too excited and tell him the second I think of one that would be good, a quality he thinks is funny.), I thought it would be great if for his birthday I could actually pull one off. I asked Peggy, knowing how much Tony loved and respected Byron, if there was anyway I could bring dinner for the 3 of us, come out to the ranch, and have her tell us his stories, their stories...So last night, I told Tony we were going to pick up Babe's chicken fried steaks and go eat somewhere fun. It would of been enough for Tony if we had sat out in the driveway, instead he got the royal treatment. I smiled through tears many times at the sheer sweetness of the night. Peggy set the table with the china you get when you win The Masters, Byron's hat was the center piece, candles were lit, I actually saw Tony catch his breath when we walked in. To say he was surprised was the understatement of the year.

I could go on and on...It was a magnificent night. Tony said it was the best birthday he has ever had. I knew it was special when 9 PM came and went, 10 PM came and went...those of you who know Tony's disciplined schedule know this was huge. We were crazy...out past 11 on a school night.:)

Tony and I talked on the way home about why he thought it was the best gift ever. There are many men that the world label as great. Men who are extraordinarily talented in one way or another, and we give them respect for those gifts. Yet, last night, we were reminded that there are few men that carry those talents all the while humbly pointing to the Lord. My mom used to tell us when we were kids, "It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup." Last night we witnessed up close people who possessed such steadiness, a true gift from the Lord. We were blessed and yet incredibly challenged by the the legacy that Byron has left and by his wife who loves him so.

Happy Birthday to Tony...34 years ago today he entered the world...8 years ago today we went on our first date...This day is my favorite mile-marker of the year. What a day! What a man! So thankful, He's the Lord's, so thankful he's mine!

some pics...

Payton and Trevor...Trevor is 3 months older than Payton. He taught Payton a lot about farm living.









Tony was, as always, a huge hit with the kids...they were constantly asking him to go jump on the trampoline, swim, etc...His favorite quote was "in a second" which prompted them to count to one and then say, "Come on"...He later changed his response to "maybe later." I was able to claim a bad back and avoid all the issues. :)





This is my favorite action shot of Benjamin. He loved his cousins and they were so sweet with him.

I love the way Benjamin says, "look at me and Go-wi-wuff" (Goliath). He was absolutely thrilled at meeting all the charectors.

We took this for cousin To-to (Tori), Tori- if you were here I would sing, "hey, hey it's To-to's circus" I know you would love it :)

Seriously- not sure who was more excited about meeting Buzz, the boys, or Tony.

People always ask me- are you sure you're 6 ft. tall? Now I can respond, "Sure, I am as tall as Buzz Light Year"...that has to be some camera angle...crazy...even the boys when we were looking at the pictures said, "wow mom...you're as huge as Buzz." Ummmm-thanks.

The best money that can be spent at Disney is on the rental stroller. Here Benjamin takes a turn at trying to dump Payton 0ut of the stroller...a trick he learned from his father...Tony has the ability to make a stroller ride the most fun thing at Disney.

we knew Bailey would love seeing us in front of Cinderella's castle.

Tony bought the boys their binoculars at Animal Kingdom...they looked like this the rest of the day.

HOME!

All good things come to an end...I thought of this last night as we pulled into our driveway.

We have just returned from an 11 day family vacation to Florida...We loved every moment of it...(Except the breif stay in the Urgent care when Benjamin was having a hard time breathing.) We spent the first part with my cousin Tim and his family in Orlando and then went on to Disney World. Our time with the Chapmans was the best part of the trip hands down. Our boys loved being with their cousins and we loved being with Tim and Darcy. You know you have a great family when people prefer time with you to the "greatest place on earth". :) Tim has done a great job documenting a lot of it on his blog.

http://www.chapman6.blogspot.com/

I will hopefully get our pictures up and running soon...So many pictures...yet none of them capture the absolute thannkfulness Tony and I feel for the past 11 days. We drove to and from Orlando...18 hours each way. We loved it. We laughed, talked about dreams, shared stories from our past that made us both crack up, ate at way too many Cracker Barrels (we knew this when both boys started screaming no when they saw the billboard), basically we loved being a family, loved the feeling of just being together. I was reminded that the Lord invites us often to "come away with me, get away with me and you will discover the true meaning of life..." For the past 11 days, as a family, we have gone away with Him We have been refreshed for having been with our extended family, for having been without schedules, for having been at disney...all because...if you look closely at the good in all of these things...you see Him...sometimes more obvious than others...but always...The Lord is there. Oh how we love Him for the gift of His Presence. We are at home in Him regardless of where we go.

Ramblings...

1. It is looking like my sister and her family will arrive stateside for good in the middle of June. We are eagerly anticipating that arrival while recognizing that they have spent the past 10 years of their live preparing to invest and then investing in the lives of the Aja people. There are many hard goodbyes to be said before they begin their journey home. The Kingdom has advanced because they went...We celebrate that.

2. Payton thinks there are 3 parents in our family and only one child. The other day Tony was explaining to Benjamin why he must sit down while we are at a restaurant. Benjamin was explaining why he could not. Payton said, "Excuse me dad, I am with Benjamin on this one, let's just let this one go." Tony then went from disciplining one child to disciplining two.

3. I have always read about the switch...when boys go from wanting their mom to wanting their dad...supposedly a vital part of development in the life of a boy. It has happened around here. Their dad arrives home and Payton will often say, "would you like to go grab a Starbucks while we have guy time?" Thankfully, I still feel very loved (and every once in awhile Tony really does let me leave and go get a Starbucks.)....my boys still run and jump in my arms whether I have been gone 2 days or 15 minutes...and it is one of the greatest delights of my life to see them love their dad...after all, I am crazy about him too.

4. We have someone that leaves gifts on our porch...no note...just little packages at random times. Some of the gifts are explainable- ie childrens books, toys others, like today, a tiny rum cake...No note. Just the gift. Whoever you are, thanks.

5. Benjamin is potty trained. I was wanting to wait until after our vacation. He woke up one morning and said, "I am not wearing diapers again." He trained himself in a day. We have only had one accident. It happened to be while Tony was holding him at small group. I should not be smiling as I type this...but it still makes me laugh.

6. What is up with vitamin enriched Diet coke plus? My friendly checker at Walmart said it helps with energy levels and gives you several nutitional benefits. Now I love Diet Coke, but come on America...would it kill you to just eat an apple or some type of vegetable every once in awhile. (I address the nation as a whole because my blog audience is so huge, what I should of said is , "Come on you two.")

7. Signed up for tennis lessons today. Tony has been wanting us to do some type of sporting activity together this summer. We chose tennis for this year. I coached tennis for a year and loved it...we're excited to get back into it.

8. Tony found a Cottonmouth water moccasin yesterday, actually he and Payton found it. Here is a vital difference in my husband and I...I wanted to call Animal control. Tony went and got a trash can picked it up with the broom and then poked it , watched it strike the broom, showed the boys, explained how it is important to look but not touch (I know I recognized some inconsistency in this one as well), took some pictures, showed the neighbors...I quit reminding him it was poisonous after the 200th time...He killed it later...I did not sleep well last night thinking about that snake being in a garbage bag. In all of the excitement, I was so thankful that Tony saw the snake, grabbed it and handled it. Later (on google), I read that Cottonmouths are one of the most aggresive and poisonous snakes in TX. I thanked the Lord over and over again for His protection over our boys who were playing right in the same area Tony saw the snake only moments earlier. Once again, thankful for who I married.

9. One of Payton's friends was over the other day playing and they broke a toy. I heard both boys lamenting when Payton said, "Hey, let's not worry, I bet my mom can fix this." His friend said, "do you think she could?" and Payton said, "Honestly, she is the smartest girl I know...I don't know anyone else like her."

10. Last night Benjamin got up in the middle of the night and came into our bedroom. He came to my side of the bed and said, "Mom, I sure missed you when you were in Benin. Would you hold me?" I have never been so happy to get up at 3 in the AM.

In a Hurry

Last year for Easter, the boys were in matching seersucker ...this year the boys had every layer of clothing on that we could find in the Ranch house, ( You will notice Benjamin is wearing his cousin Bailey's jacket.) I also forgot their Easter baskets, you have tolove the Walmart bags... we had the best time.I am not sure seersucker will ever be able to be on the agenda again. The boys much prefer this look.


Yesterday was one of those mornings where we were trying so hard to get somewhere on time and everything, everything was not going smoothly. We're dressed...we spill something. Someone opens the door...and all of the suddden our dogs run in and hide under the bed. Someone chooses to take the paper shredder and dump it everywhere. Its ridiculous to even type it all out...in words it seems like no big deal, but every mom out there knows the panic of realizing, you're late and getting later...sometimes it feels as if you are being sucked into some type of tornado.

I think sometimes on mornings like this I am talking and do not even know what I am saying, I have a tendency to go into a zone. Obviously, I somehow conveyed to the boys we were late. About halfway to our friends, I saw the lights of the friendly police officer behind us. I immediately felt nauseated. I told the boys we were going to talk to a policeman for minute. The officer came up and took my license and registration and said, "Ms. Brooks, Can you please tell me if there is some kind of emergency?" I inhaled to say, "No" when from the back seat I hear Payton in his loud voice declare, "Her name is Becky and we are in a hurry."

I weakly smiled...The officer smiled...I got no ticket...

And just like that!

We took the boys to ride Thomas the train last weekend. We knew when we were able to snap this picture of both boys smiling before we even walked out the door that perhaps this would be a different kind of day.

We asked the conductor who was walking by to take this picture and just like that, we were in uncharted territory. A place where every member of the family looks at the camera at the same time.We really are not sure where we go from here....perhaps to a professional photographer...(the last time we attempted that Tony and I both sweated through our clothes..and paid good money to do it.:))

Later in the weekend we went to our city Egg hunt. This picture is to document why Benjamin did not find many eggs.

Some of our dear friends met us there. Their little girl danced in the City wide recital immediately following the egg hunt. Payton and Benjamin were quite impressed.

After the dance recital the boys saw the Easter bunny but there was a long line to meet him. I told them, "Let's see him some other time." Payton looked at me like he was mortified and said, "He works so hard to give us all these eggs and we don't even have time to tell him thank you?" Needless to say We waited in line.

We pray your Easter weekend is the best. The resurrection power that was displayed the day Jesus walked out of the tomb is still on display today...in the hearts and lives of all who offer Him our nothing in return for His everything! What an incredible gift! Have fun celebrating it. Blessing upon Blessing to you and yours!

Assorted Thoughts from the Middle of the Night

1. Payton is still a spelling maniac. He called me in the other day and said is this how you spell Precious? He said he saw it the other day on an envelope and had remembered it. I know my mom will love it. Ezra is one of Payton's best friends and Paw is my dad. I love seeing the words he chooses to work on each day...it gives me a little window into who he is thinking about.

2. I have always loved Francine Rivers and still do. However, I am new Karen Kingsbury fan. She has a book series out called Redemption.My sister gave me these highly reccomended...I loved reading every one. If you are looking for a wonderful fiction series to read over the summer this is it. I cannot reccomend it more highly. I read 10 of her books in a 15 day marathon...I am a nerd. Which leads me to...

3. Insomnia...It is a struggle I have on and off. It's on these days and what can I do but enjoy it. I used to fight it, get frustrated by it, and be miserable...now I am making it work and somehow the Lord is sustaining me. This is amazing because I was diagnosed years ago with CFS (Chronic Fatigue) and have had Epstein Barr syndrome since High school. I have been reading and writing and enjoying the promise of Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." I know this is season that will pass. (hopefully)

4. Payton and I had this conversation yesterday-

P: If God can make everyone well how does anyone ever go to heaven?

B: Sometimes the way God chooses to make somone well is by taking them to heaven.

P: and then they come back to earth?

B: No, once your in heaven you stay there, you don't want to come back to earth.

there was silence in our car for awhile and then tears...He talked of always wanting to be with me and Tony and never wanting God to try and heal any of us in that way. We talked for a long time about this. I have no idea if I handled it correctly or not. Sometimes after conversations like that one I ask the Lord to take whatever I just said and sift it...allowing His thoughts to settle in Payton's mind and not mine.

5. Yesterday a good friend called and told us she had a us a gift card to Chili's for us and could she keep our boys while we went out to eat? We dropped them off at 6:45 and had a wonderful time. Talking, laughing and discussing things that we miss in the midst of life going full speed ahead. It was a precious gift. I want to remember to pass gifts like that on.

6. When we got home I was getting Payton ready for bed when Benjamin (Who has no fear factor) jumped off his bunk bed onto me (without telling me he was about to)...I caught him (did I mention his lights were off) but somehow my thumb caught him in the eye and made a perfect moon shaped cut in the corner of his eye. We were adrenaline charged as soon as we saw his tears were red with blood...thankfully I missed his actual eyeball and hopefully we were able to convey that it is never ok to jump off a bunk bed.

7. Fort Worth Christian has started sending out t-shirts to all of its alumni's children.We are asked often where we think Payton will go to school. We do not know. We pray often that that decision will become clear as that time arrives. We have one more year at home. We will love every minute of it. For now- they are really cute in their new t-shirts.

8. My roommate from college, Ashlie is due any moment with twins (a boy and a girl). My roommate Laura had twins (a boy and a girl) 2 years ago. So fun getting to be a part of so much excitement. I am so thankful for these deep friendships, forged through the fun and fire of college.There were 5 of us that lived together in college...between us now we have 14 kids...thats a lot of kids.

9. We are crazy about Saturday night church. We love it. We are thankful for the way it is growing our family. We also love having Sunday as a Sabbath of sorts...no agenda, no errands...just being together.

10. The adoption of my niece Lael is progressing...Praise the Lord! You can read the updates at...http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

11. Many of you know Christine Tyndall Pinson from ACU. I have been so blessed to get to know her through church. What an incredible woman of faith and strength. If you are not already, would you lift her and her dearest family up in prayers.You can read the details at her precious mom's blog.http://melindagayle.blogspot.com/

12. Yesterday Benjamin came in carrying a pencil bag and said, "I have my things and I am moving to the big city." I love that kid.

13. and one last Benjamin story...the kid loves Danimals...Tony and I laugh about how drinks them in 5 seconds flat. The other day I was doing laundry and cleaning and as I walked through the living room I kept seeing Benjamin drinking the same Danimal. I thought, "Wow he is really making that last." Until I went to put something in the trash and saw 12 danimals with different straws laying on top of all the trash. The kid had been taking care of all of his own refills. We have since moved all snacks to the top shelf. Benjamin has his calcium for the next month.

Benjamin loves Precious!

While Payton and I were in Benin, Benjamin spent his days and many nights (I will someday tell the story of the exact moment I was being taken to the airport Tony was being taken to the ER sicker than I had ever seen him)...with my mom, Precious, as she is called by the grandchildren.

Since returning home we have noticed many things about Benjamin that show my moms influence on him. Just to list a few:

He wants his Bible in his diaper bag or in my purse at all times.

Everyonce in awhile when driving in the car he will say, "Let's get some praise music going."

He wakes up in the morning and says "Lets talk about what we get to do today...I bet its going to be wonderful.") His voice inflections on this one makes him sound exactly like my mom.

When changing a pull-up on Benjamin, as soon as he lays down he will say, "It's not gross, its just a part of life."

He now prefers his apple juice from Starbucks....if too much of the day passes he will come in from playing and say, "We have not been to Starbucks yet."

At night he says, "I love so much I can hardly stand it."

In his prayers instead of dear God he now starts with "Father"

When he is about to be disciplined he now will look at us with a completely straight face and say, "I live with Precious at her home, please take me there now."

My mom left on Sunday for 2 1/2 weeks in Kenya. This morning I was doing laundry and heard Benjamin talking to my mom...It seemed like he was answering questions, but I knew my mom was in London and I had not heard the phone ring...I walked in and said, "Benjamin, who are you talking to? Hand me the phone." He handed it to me and said, "I love Precious, why she talking like that?" I said,"Hello, who is this?"

Lady on the phone: "Miss, this is North Richland Hills 911, I repeat do you need an ambulance or police assistance?"

My heart rate accelerated like I had just done 45 minutes of cardio. I quickly explained that was my 2 year old, apologized profusely and then apologized some more. The lady was kind.

I explained to both boys after we were done that we should never play with the real phone and then explained that 911 was something we only used in emergencies. Payton took ever bit of it in...wanted the definition of emergency and nodded solemnly when asked if he understood... When asked the same question Benjamin just looked at me with a huge smile and said "Who wants to call Precious again?"

Some of My Favorites

When our kids walked up to the orphanage to give these balls all of the kids went crazy. I was so convicted of how easy it is to make someones day and wondered why so often days pass where all I am concentrating on is making sure I make my own.

I took this picture of Payton's feet on the bath mat as he was about to get in the shower. Thick layers of dirt are the only way we fair bears can appear tan.

So many precious kids everywhere you look.

Love these tigers!

Payton loved Benin!He was so funny to me talking to these kids in English...even now I am loving hearing his thoughts on what we have just experienced. I will have to write a whole post just on his quotes. He has already told us that he will return to Benin when he is older to work there. The one thing I can say is he won't be a pilot. The pilots called him up to the front to take a look at the plane and one of them asked, "Payton would you like to be a pilot someday?" He looked at him smiled and said, "Absolutley not." He does not say anything without great conviction.:)

The wait to meet our sweetest Lael was worth every minute. She is a doll. To say I am crazy about her would be quite the understatement. Please contiue to ask the Lord to secure her adoption. Things continue to proceed painfully slow. Oh that He would seal on earth what was long ago sealed in our hearts!

HOME!

Payton and I walked out of US Customs last night and literally ran to jump into the arms of Tony and Benjamin.

Our time in Benin was rich beyond words. We come home full to the brim with stories of the Lord's faithfulness...

I have so much to write about and I will do so soon...Along with posting some of the 279 pictures I took! :)

Thank you! Thank you for your prayers and support!

Today's the Day!

For those of you who will want to keep up...I am hoping my sister and Randy will be able to post some pictures of our time while we are there...

http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

We have laughed at our boys this week. I have been wanting to take pictures of them together...seems the new fad for the Brooks brothers is to scream whenever they see the camera. They have so much fun together.

Thank you for your comments, prayers, emails and encouraging words. We leave walking in confidence that the Lord is with us.

Windows

This Saturday Payton and I leave for Benin, West Africa. We will be gone for 12 days. Emotions are running high at our house as we anticipate being apart.

Payton and I are so excited about being with the Vaughns...we cannot wait to meet our sweet Lael, to throw our arms around everyone of them, to experience life and the "dailys" of living in Benin, to laugh and to just be together...but there are some mental hurdles I have to cross before I get there...some windows I have to walk by first.

I made my first trip to Africa when I was in the 6th grade. I remember staying up late the night before I left and writing my will. For some reason, if something happened to me, it was very important to me to make sure my collection of hair bows went to someone I loved. I have been back to Africa many times since...each time I have painstakingly made out a will. (I wish I had saved them over the years.) The last time that Tony and I went to Benin was before we had children. Obviously now we have a will that is sealed in some vault in our attorney's office somewhere downtown. There is no need to write another one. Even more obvious people go to Africa all the time and return in one piece. And yet...just as I pondered my mortality that night before leaving in the 6th grade I find myself here again.

I have not been sleeping much...if I so much as roll over at night I find myself wide awake...and then my conversation with the Lord begins...

I have found myself peering through the window of "what if" way too many times...I wonder why outside of this window is always the worst case-scenario? I have stopped pausing at that window. I have spent more time as of late pausing at the window of faith. When my emotions go full throttle I am left choked up at the thought of leaving Benjamin, at the thought of leaving Tony...and so I wrestle in prayer to lay those emotions down...to instead take hold of the joy that we get to go. That Payton and I will have this experience together...at how sweet our reunion with Benjamin and Tony will be.

And I have to rest in confidence that the Lord cares for my husband and my children, if anything were to ever happen to me...it is Him who has plans to prosper them, to give them a hope and future and regardless of circumstances His plans stand. I feel increased vulnerability traveling with Payton and yet He calls to mind that it is His shield that protects Payton, not the comforts of America, not our pediatricain around the block, but Him. I must rest in that.

Tony is quick to remind me that what we want for our boys are lives of following the Lord's call. We want to teach them a life of trust, not one of fear. We want their lives to be one of adventure and we want them to know that they are the Lord's given to us that we might point them to Him...that someday they might advance His Kingdom either across the street or around the world. We want them to know that they cannot go anywhere He has not gone before them...there are some lessons that cannot be taught at home.


I have felt in my late night conversations with the Lord the same still small voice pressing in on my heart, "Do you trust me?" Its amazing how many times in life you find yourself boiling life down to that one question and I know it is a question I will answer on Saturday. My eyes will be filled with tears, my heart with anticipation and with my hand holding Payton's we will walk towards the plane...answering yes and praying He would help my unbeleif the whole way...

We would so appreciate your prayers...

S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G and learning

Payton has always had a zeal to learn. He would like everything explained to him. He asks simple questions, "How do you make ice cream?" and then non -simple questions, "What is the resurrection?" We learned his fascination with spelling one day a while back when we were sitting at a stoplight and heard him spell out B-U-D-W-E-I-S-E-R... He has been spelling and sounding out words ever since.

He especially makes me laugh when he uses this gift like he is a mom..."Would this be a good time to spank B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N?" "Someone might need to take a N-A-P..." or my personal favorite when I am going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and he says, "Does T-O-N-Y know you're here?"

Benjamin continues to bring all of the joy and challenge of being 2. He is an absolute delight (the majority of the time). However, if he could wear a bumper sticker on his pull- up right now it would most likely be, "Zero-tolerance stinks".

Tony and I have realized as of late that we were slipping on a lot of things with Benjamin....trying to avoid tantrums by giving him his way...allowing him to yell, allowing him a lot of things we should not...Tony calls it "parenting out of fear "...It is so easy for us to look up one day and realize this precious child (in the nicest way a 2 year old can)- is running our family. So- for the past 2 weeks we have instituted zero-tolerance...He gets one chance to respond the right way- no more warnings...I do not enjoy this part of parenting...but a conversation with my grandmother has been running continuously through my head. When we went through this with Payton the first time (we have found we have to call ourselves back to zero-tolerance often) I was heart -broken. I remember crying to my grandmother and her saying..."Becky, You will always love your children....but you want other people to as well....Its hard to discipline your children, but its worth it."

Ask me how this is going...Seriously I need the accountability.

News and Notes

1. The holidays were great...we loved every moment of them. We are still trying to catch our breath as we try to get back to our routine,

2. Benjamin is talking up a storm these days. He makes us laugh daily. He is so good about saying thank you...but immediately after saying it will follow up with, "You proud of me?" "You wanna hug me?"

3. Benjamin is a late sleeper which means Payton and I usually are up for awhile just us. I love our morning conversations...Here's a sample of 2 we have had lately:
1. P: When do you think I can start spanking people?
B: Not until you are a dad someday.
P: I already know when people are doing wrong...I know when to do it
B: Payton, that is not your job and I do not want to ever see you trying to spank Benjamin
P: I don't want to spank Benjamin, I want to spank you.

2. P: Remember the other day when that man was baptized?
B: Yes
P: I will never be baptized.
B: Oh Payton yes you will...(Long explanation of why with way too much infomation that ends with why would you say such a thing)
P: I do not like going underwater.

4. It's official. We are Craigslist people. Seriously you can find wonderful deals and we have finally gotten rid of somethings that we have needed to for awhile. An online garage sale and its free to list stuff. You cannot beat it.

5. My brother reccomended the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker...From what I understand of his history he is the nations leading expert in prediciting violent behavior and is a resource for all the"people" in DC. My brother said it is a must read. I would agree. It has certainly opened my eyes to many things. You will not be disappointed.

6. I think one of the hardest things about growing up is you start realizing that incredibly Godly people don't always agree on everything. There is complete unity in Christ...not in opinions. Sometimes thats a tough one to swallow.

7. Payton has had terrible eczema most of his life...no cream or medicine has ever done anything to make a difference. Our chiropractor noticed it and said, "Thats the body's way of saying its missing something. Try increasing his oil intake." What? But I thought we would try it. I have been adding a spoonful of "Udo's 3 6 9 Oil Blend" to his orange juice every morning and the eczema is gone. We missed 3 days over the holidays and it came back...started right back, its gone again...really amazing stuff.

8.Our children's ministry did the most wonderful thing this year. They allowed the kids to shop for their families Christmas presents during Bible Class using their Bible Bucks. Payton came home with presents wrapped for each of us as well as for my parents. He was so much more excited to give than to receive this year. It was something I would of never thought to do and I certainly would not of thought Payton would respond in that way. When he walked in and saw that Santa had come before going over to his toys he turned around and said, "Dad, does this mean you get to open your present from me now?" I was so glad we got it on video...it presents a nice contrast with the meltdowns we captured a couple of hours later.

9. Maggie the puppy has turned into Maggie the wooly mammoth. She is massive.

10. We walk in to this new year with a great deal of anticipation...for we know it holds more of the Lord but also more of the ups and downs of life. Thankfully we do not walk through it alone. We pray to see Him each day, in each other, in our children, in our friends, in business decisions, in family decisions, in every thought, in every action. We pray that in 2007 we will see Him magnified. May it be for all of us.

7 years

7 years ago Tony and I got married. It was such a fun day. We were surrounded by our family and friends, in love with each other, and had not a clue what being married would entail.

7 years later we have learned a lot. We have learned to laugh about almost everything (He is still not amused that I don't balance my checkbook). We have learned that stress-full moments come and go and then your left with a memory-so extend grace at every opportunity. We have learned that you can disagree ab0ut something and then let it go. We have learned that Tony is the most disciplined person on earth and that the Lord brought me into his life so that every once in awhile- he might eat a cookie. We have learned he loves quiet and I love conversation and we have found such a rich balance between the two and such a greater appreciation for what the other likes. We have brought 2 children into the world who we are crazy about. We have learned to parent together. We have challenged each other to love the Lord more. We have pushed each other. We have sought the Lord together, even begged the Lord together for prayers that we saw answered in a glorious ways...for prayers that were not answered in the way we wanted at all...for prayers that we are still waiting to see what the Lord will do....but in the seeking we have found Him and we are stronger together for it.

We have realized that our marriage is not perfect, because neither are we...But through the power of the cross it is made wonderful. We have realized together we are better than when we are apart.

My aunt took the above picture at ACU"s homecoming this past October. We laughed when we looked at it because we realized our facial expressions, mannerisms, and standing are the same. We have become one of those couples that is starting to look alike...

I love this man...for a million reasons I could share and for another million that I could not...

I am so thankful that in this journey of life, I was given Tony.

A prayer for the season...

I just read the following prayer on the blog of Ms. Judy Thomas. She mentioned that it was read at their Wednesday night service... I loved the perspective that it offers. As we walk through this season with our boys we are trying to remind them (and ourselves), its about more than all the stuff. Jesus was the perfect gift, still is, the perfect gift...Oh that all hearts would receive Him this season.

"Dear God,
As I look through my gift shopping list, I hold up to you each person listed on it. Slowly, one by one, I ask that the fire of your abundant love burn within each of them. I pray that the gift I find for each person will bring joy into that life.

But, help me to keep a balance this season, Lord. Let me keep my buying in perspective, not to spend more than I need to or can afford. Let me not give in to the pressures of this world and not equate love with money spent. Let me always remember the many, many people who have so much less in material things. Help me to buy wisely, so that my choices will not burden those in other countries who are so deeply affected by this country's economy.

And finally, loving God, help me to find time in the frantic moments of each day to become centered on you. Walking through a store, riding on the bus, hurrying down a street: let each of these times be moments when I can remember your incredible love for me and rejoice in it. Amen

Wish List

For weeks Payton has been asking for a castle for Christmas...He always follows that up with, "and Benj really wants legos." We have both ready to go, already stashed in the attic.

They have now pulled a fast one and changed their mind...Payton came in today with Benjamin in tow and said, "We know what we want for Christmas." I responded with. "I know. I am so excited to see if you get a castle and legos." Payton then said, "those are great, but what we really want is a mini van." Needless to say, it won't happen...

Wrestling

I beleive in prayer...I read everything I can about it. I enjoy studying it. I love talking to others about it. I love praying with my husband, with my boys, with anyone....It is the highest honor I have received on this earth...To have The King of the Universe listen to my thoughts is at times invigorating, at other times embaressing, at all times humbling. For I recognize that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher than mine ... He is after all the Lord of Lords.

This week I have been working with Benjamin on articulating his thoughts..."Don't just scream son, use words to tell us what you need." "Benjamin, you can't just throw yourself on the floor and expect us to know what you want, you must talk to us." Sometimes Benjamin is able to pull himself out of an emotional nosedive and articulate his thoughts....other times he is removed to his bedroom until he gains some self-control. In the midst of all of this my love never ebbs for Benjamin. I am crazier about him each and everyday. Sometimes the parent-child relationship mirrors the God-child relationship and even in this example I see our Heavenly Father...but at some point it breaks down quite a bit.

I am thankful that the Lord allows me to articulate my thoughts to Him. I am thankful, in the deepest sense for Him calling me to a relationship with Him...that in His goodness He calls me to partner with Him through prayer...But this week, I am thankful, to the very core of me...that he does not ask me to articulate my thoughts or pull out of an emotional nosedive before I come to Him.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

My thoughts have been consumed this week with a young mother of 4 who is currently struggling for her life against leukemia. There are some battles that you hear are going on and you ache for the family, you pray for them, and go on through your day, then there are other battles that you hear of and for some reason, that cannot be explained, you find yourself thrust right into the middle of it your heart split wide open...begging the Lord with every thought, crying out on behalf of those He has bonded you to, only through the working of the Spirit. I read her husbands words, her mothers words, her siblings words as they update the world on her condition and my heart literally groans within me. Sometimes I hear myself pray and I feel like, in human terms I am doing a good job articulating my heart to my Father...other times I look like Benjamin, throwing myself down on floor, wailing, wanting so badly to get the response that I want...fighting a desperate fight for the end result that I want but can't see.

I am yearning to see a complete healing in this mother's life...and I know that some people will say, that is what death is for a Christian, complete healing. On some levels I know that, in other ways I don't want to. So I continue to beg, to plead, to wrestle in prayer. Knowing that regardless the outcome- He is God.

and yet...my Heart groans even as I type that...Be magnified Lord through an earthly healing...Extend her life as you did for Hezekiah...We wait for you alone.

***Please read comment #3 and please keep this precious family in your prayers.

Holiday Mix

1. What an absolute blast the holidays are! Payton and Benjamin both are so excited about Christmas, so thrilled to see Christmas lights, so animated about our tree, their stockings, etc...having kids is so much fun!

2. We had the best Thanksgiving ever. We loved being with Tony's family in Tyler and then having an extended time with my family at the Ranch. We were with family, away from our house, for 2 weeks straight. I told someone yesterday, when you can be with family for 2 weeks straight and still cry when you leave...I know it is a gift from the. Lord.

3. The other day we got home late and I was in charge of getting Payton in his pajamas. I put him in a Buzz Light year pajama shirt and some Spiderman bottoms assuming it did not matter because he had already been asleep, I was tired, etc...I prayed with him and left. He called me back into his room later and said, "Am I just supposed to lay here knowing my pajamas don't match?"

4. On Saturday Benjamin was talking nonstop about a hot air balloon. On the way to dinner Tony said, "Benjamin did you see a hot air balloon somewhere?" Benjamin said, "Yes" Tony said, "Who was in it?" Benjamin said very matter of factly. "It was Jesus." To which Payton said, "No Benj, it was God." They began to argue over who it was, God or Jesus. Tony interupted and said, "It's ok boys, for now, I want you to know theres a new family rule. If you see God or Jesus in a hot air balloon I want you to come get your mother or me." I think that's a good rule.

5. A lot of changes are happening at Richland Hills. It is exciting to be there. I would encourage anyone to go online at www.Rhchurch. org to listen to Rick Atchley's lessons on instrumental music. We have been told the first will be online starting Tuesday. The link/podcast/ is under "The Both/And Church".

6. Today I was watching CMT as I was on the elliptical at my gym, Brad Paisley's "When I get where I'm going" came on. By the end of the video I was crying...or sweating really hard out my eyes. Sometimes my emotions totally catch me off guard.

7. Christmas cards stress me. Last year we sent our a collage of about 60 pictures (obviously shrunken down) with the words, "Grabbed a camera, got the boys dressed...Many attempts, No success. " Everyone loved it, I am glad...because they are getting part 2 this year. Not sure when we will hit the age where we sit still and just hug each other.

8. Last week I was confronted by someone about something I had handled incorrectly. They were right...I was wrong. However, I was clueless about the wrong I had done until confronted by it. It left me thinking of how many wrongs I have commmitted and never even had an inkling about. It has left me praying anew Psalm 139:23 -24, "Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life." I am so thankful for grace.

9. I love Christams carols...many of them touch me deeply. Songs about a ransomed world, held captive...saved by a baby...God made man! He came and remains and is yet, over the next horizon...So many reasons to celebrate.

10. We got married on the 18th of December...so this time of year has so many fun memories of showers, special time with friends and family, just being in love with Tony. I was asked earlier this year, "What has been the moment of your life when you felt most proud?" NO question...walking down to the aisle to Tony. I love him so much.

Harvest Sunday

I was raised in a family that loved missions. When I was in the 5th grade some of my parents good friends moved to South Africa. My parents told them that they (and their 4 kids) would be willing to make a once in a lifetime trip to South Africa to spend their first Christmas with them. So for Christmas of my 6th grade year, When my youngest brother was around 2 we all 6 went.

What happened on that trip in my parent's hearts was life altering. What was planned as a once in a lifetime experience became so much more in a way only the Lord could do....My dad has been back to Africa almost every year since then. My mom has made countless trips to Africa and elsewhere. I have been to Africa I believe 7 times, many of those by myself, the last trip with Tony, as well as spending summers in Russia and in Thailand. I believe my brothers have traveled overseas many more times than I have...but I lost count a long time ago. My sister, as many of you know, has now given 8 years of her life to the people of Benin, West Africa. Payton and I (you will hear more about this later) took a step of faith this past week and sent off for his passport. The two of us hope to make the trip in February to see Kelly and her family. We will miss Tony and Benjamin like crazy....(but like I said, more on that later.)

Today is our churches Harvest Sunday...the day we bring before the Lord a goal (This year 1,332,359 dollars) and then our congregation raises or pledges that money to be given in the next year. Every year I walk in to the auditorium and see that banner with those numbers I pray the same prayer..."May it be, May it be..." It is a prayer filled with memories of faces I have seen around the world, faces that are hearing about Jesus for the first time, faces that are longing for a kingdom not yet seen.

Today has been special.This is the first year Payton is aware of what is happening and understands ( a little bit) of his part. Harvest Sunday always kicks off with a flag ceremony where the flags from all the nations are walked into the auditorium. This year Payton is a flag bearer. He woke up at 4:30 AM ready to go to the church to parade his flag. We have been excited throughout the day to hear updates as the money comes in...excited... because the Lord is enabling us to reach a goal, but even more thrilled because for every dollar that comes in even more of Him goes forth.

Harvest Sunday always brings with it great anticipation for me...Anticpation that more of His Kingdom is coming and anticipation that our family, can once again, play a part. Today I anticipate that as Payton pours his can of coins into the wheel barrow, as he carries the flag, perhaps the Lord is planting in him a heart for missions, a heart that longs to see the Word of God go forth, a heart that might one day go himself. May it be Lord, May it be.

Meet Maggie the Dog

When Tony and I were dating we talked several times about how someday he wanted to own a champion bred Lab. He had visions of them hunting together, this dog running through fields of a ranch with our boys (that he just knew someday we would have), of this dog being a part of our family. My family has always been a mini-dachshund family...(We still have Cooper that I bought while I was teaching in Abilene and we love her!) so this is quite step up size wise into the dog world. This past month Tony has been so excited to receive Maggie. We knew she was born at the end of August and have been prepping Cooper and the boys for this change. We got her, all her papers, special foods, special bed, special everything on Friday. It was so fun to see Tony so excited. This weekend as the boys ran around the ranch with Maggie running right behind them our hearts smiled!

This picture shows Maggie praying for her life. We have told Benjamin, "gentle hands" at least 2000 times in the past weekend.

Payton is loving Maggie...He wants to hold her at all times. He has called her his sister with fur. I think we have finally put a stop to that. .
I snapped this picture of Payton and Benjamin watching TV at the ranch! Love these boys!

These 3 boys have spent almost every minute of October together and some of September and November. Timothy heads back to Benin next Thursday. It is so much fun to watch them love each other...sometimes with hugs, sometimes with wrestling matches that do not end until someone gets hurt...:) We are working on that last one- They are a delight to watch!

What a Great Day!

5 years ago today,October 31, 2001, I went in for my annual exam...(I know, that's not usually a good start to a blog entry.) I told my Dr. that we might want run blood work, check my spleen, etc...to see if my mono (I have had the chronic kind since high school) was acting up. I was exhausted and not being able to get enough sleep, I felt weak, nauseated, etc...they ran blood work and my Dr. walked back in the room about 45 minutes later with a smile on her face and said..."You're pregnant." I was beside myself. I do not think I heard another word the rest of the appointment. I remember her figuring out our due date was July 4th. I drove over to Tony's work and shared the news with him...we were both so excited, so stunned, so thrilled. Payton was born July 15, 2002. The thrill of a lifetime!

Fast forward 2 years...October 31, 2003. I wake up nauseated and sick...I think I have a virus. But by lunch I am not sick anymore. Surely not...We have a 15 month old and have not even started talking about the possibility of another baby. Yet the Lord in His goodness, see's a need and meets it before we even know to ask. On a whim I take a pregnancy test and see the famous 2 pink lines immediately. Tony and I are excited, thrilled, and stunned. Our due date is July 15, 2004. Benjamin is born July 10th...the thrill of a lifetime!

These tigers bring unending joy to their family! Here are a few of their latest hits...

1. Payton has started wearing boxers...for whatever reason he thinks this is the coolest. He does not understand that boxers are considered underwear. Hence him walkingup to a group of ladies at church and saying with a huge smile, "I'm not wearing any underwear!"

2. Benjamin's new favorite phrase is , "Pease don't say dat." He uses it with different tones, inflections and dramatic flair.

Have the happiest of days!

Road Trip!

This weekend I had the thrill of driving to Austin to watch Nika receive her Texas Teacher of the Year award and give her acceptance speech. Such an absolute thrill to listen to her every word and then watch people swarm her after it was over...all wanting to tell her congrats and how her words had touched them...There is so much joy in watching the Lord lift people up!

I also realized there is no gift to me like time alone in the car. I was giddy to get up at 5 AM and hit the road. As I drove down 35 I had thoughts I have not had in years...Usually I am focused on the boys, on Tony, on any number of things but on Saturday I was able to take in the sunrise, take in how much I really enjoyed Starbucks, take in how much I really love my husband, our boys, my friends...I was able to to not just pray...but feel like I was in a conversation with the Lord...and something about that made me feel young again. I came home refreshed and in someways changed...New thoughts in my mind and a new song in my heart. I am starting this week more alive in my life than I have been in awhile! It feels great!

Randy is here!

Everyone was so glad to see Randy! So great to welcome this mighty man of God home to recharge and refresh so He can go back to Benin and finish strong! The whole family will return to America in May of '07! The Lord has been so good through the years...Many of you will be greeted in heaven by your Aja brothers and sisters...a precious group of people who have claimed Jesus as their Savior because Kelly and Randy (and many others) said yes when the The Lord called! (...and many of you said yes when He asked can you contribute to getting them there and praying for them.)

The boys were a lot more excited to be there than this picture reflects.Payton had just figured out that we were not in fact getting on an airplane and was terribly disappointed.

Randy walked through the doors and all of his nephews ran to greet him. They were so excited. I love it that Payton is literally on the toes of his boots. The boy knows how to throw himself into a hug! Such a great delight to watch my brother-in-law walk through the doors. We had a wonderful time with my sister and now we get to have a wonderful time with Randy! (they are having to alternate due to the fact that Lael's adoption is still not official...Lael still cannot leave the country...) Please continue to pray for my sister as she goes through the next few weeks alone with her 2 youngest kids...and if you should so desire to email her to encourage her- her address is:

rkvaughn@harvestfields.net

Go ahead and share the details of your life...She has time to read it! :)

Current events

1. Last weekend was ACU homecoming and my 10 year reunion. It was a wonderful time of being with old friends. As we sang the "Lord Bless you and Keep You" I was overwhelmed with emotion...the Lord has been so much more than gracious in the past 10 years. Ten years ago I would of never thought I would have the marriage I have, the children I have, the friends I have, the life I have...all due to His mercy and grace...I talk to so many college students who wonder if life can get any better than college...Last weekend I thought a lot about how much I loved my time at ACU, it was an incredible season- but I love the season I am in and have no reason to believe I won't love the next one even more! Even the difficulties we have faced have been faced holding His hand...He is an awesome God and I for one am so glad He does not allow ones life to peak at age 21- it keeps going up!

2. We have been around cousins more than ever lately and we have loved it. As a result Payton and Benjamin have started refering to their dad as Uncle Tony. The other day Payton told a man at Walmart, "Hey do you know my Uncle Tony? Well he's my dad." The man looked at me and made a strange face. We have since started telling Payton he must refer to his dad by his normal name, to which Payton responded, "OK, I will call him Babe."

3. I took a personality test yesterday....my most dominant trait...is that of an Introvert.

4. Benjamin is still a terrible eater as in he rarely eats...It is amazing to us that he continues to thrive. He is 33 lbs. , so he is bitesized compared to his brother who was 45 pounds at 2...but 33 lbs. is still amazing considering that today for lunch he ate a whole cashew.

5. 2 weeks ago Tony and I went for late night drive at the ranch to see if we could find the herd of wild hogs that have been tearing up some of the land. On the way back I got out to open the gate and told Tony to go ahead and pull through to the barn, I would just walk...the moon was out, the stars were beautiful and it is not a long walk at all. As I was walking I heard the familiar sound of a rattler...right between my feet. Every book tells you to stand still, a rattlesnake will not strike you if you are perfectly still. That sounds good in theory...I chose to jump and scream. Tony "took care of the snake" using a shovel. My adrenaline rush was over the top, Tony was cool as a cucumber...I married a brave man.

6. From birth I have always told Payton, "I love that body." or "I love that heart." Last night I used the I love that body phrase and he responded with, "I love your big, huge body too." Uhhh...thanks Pate.

7. Benjamin is not potty trained but he is grass trained. No problems pulling off his diaper and going to the bathroom in any patch of grass...he is however, terrified of white porcelein. We will continue to wear diapers; using the tiny medians of grass in Target's parking lot is completely unacceptable in our society.

8. Did I ever mention Nika won Teacher of the Year for the entire state of Texas? It has been the thrill of a lifetime to watch her be honored everywhere we go. We head to Austin next week to watch her give her acceptance speech.

9. I currently see my chiropractor 3 times a week...If I did all of the rehab he suggested it would be a full time job...in case he should ever stumble upon this blog...I do about half of it and I feel good about that.

10. The Lord is moving in exciting ways in alot of different places. We love hearing about them all. So amazing to me that He is so very intimate with millions, even billions. I used to feel envious when I would hear about Him doing great things in other peoples lives, in other peoples churches...Embaressing to admit- but I was selfish, jealous, and prideful with the Creator of the Universe...then He reminded me in countless ways that I am not here on this earth for me, but for Him...that His kingdom may advance and His glory may be shown. So- may it be shown through everyone, may His kingdom continue to advance in places I have never heard about, may millions be raised up that proclaim Who He is in the midst of this life. I have been humbled to realize that He is the only essential...not talent, not money, not earthly things...May He be lifted up, that the world might know the heighth and depth of His great love.

A Gift

My sister leaves today to begin her journey back to Benin, West Africa. I knew this when I went to bed last night and I was aware of it all night long, even in the deepest of sleep. Everytime I rolled over I was aware of the lump in my throat.

Yesterday the boys and I were leaving the church building after our Bible study. Benjamin's teacher had given him a cup of animal crackers for the road so I was carrying him as he ate, all of our stuff, all the while thinking about the emotional day that lay ahead. Payton had run pretty far ahead of us to open the door. When we finally got to the door we walked outside...as we passed Payton he said, "Hey mom, something is wrong with Benj." Benjamin had put his head down on my shoulder so when I dropped my stuff to hold him out and look at him I realized his color was turning and he was not breathing. There are moments when the world stops. I quickly gave him the heimlech maneuver and thankfully it worked...He was back to himself almost immediately.

I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness for Payton, the kind of brother that he is, that he notices even now when something is not right with his brother. I think back to when I was pregnant with Benjamin and feeling anxious about having 2 babies...my mom said then, "You are giving Payton a gift that will outlive you." I knew she was right for I have seen that gift in my sister and brothers.

For the past 3 weeks I have had my sister close by. I have soaked up every moment of it. She came here with her schedule packed and I made sure I was beside her for most of it. Today she boards a plane to begin her journey back to Benin. We have been putting her and her family on planes for 8 years...each time we cry, pray, embrace and cry and pray some more. Tears are the overflow of hearts full of love for these people who I am so blessed to call family.

Tony and I pray nightly that the Lord would bond our boys together with unbreakable bonds and seal them together in Christ. There is great joy in finding your best friend. To find them early, living with you in your own home, is gift only our Father can give. May the Lord be praised for the life of my sister...It is a gift to be able to spend 3 weeks solid with a person and at the end wish you had had a bit longer.

I am a crummy blogger

I have been soaking up every moment with my sister...I have learned many things about her- one of which is - she is a much better blogger than I am. For the latest in pictures of our family- click on her blog. I will update on our family in words shortly.

http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

Thanks to everyone who is still checking...which I think includes my mom, Rob, and Vicki...:)

Andy and Payton

Last night my brother Andy took Payton to the Ranger game. Payton had a blast. Anytime he goes anywhere with Andy you can tell he feels so cool. I think there is also a special thrill for Pate when he attends an event with someone who allows him to eat a bucket of fries, ice cream and a couple of Sprites for dinner. They sat right behind first base. Payton however did not mention one thing about baseball. He was mesmerized by the people, the volume, the food, and how cool Andy's truck is... What a great memory for him.

My parents have been DC this week enjoying life with the family and a big event at the DOD. It meant that they missed grandparents day at Payton's school (which was not a big deal...they have attended more events for our children than I have :)). Andy filled in for them and gave Payton the thrill of a lifetime.

Such a wonderful gift from the Lord to watch my children love my siblings...They thrill at phone calls from Sam and Kelly and practically rip the door off the hinges when they hear Andy outside. My brothers and my sister made my childhood a time of great laughter...its so fun to see them do the same for my children.

Quotable Pate

This has been a great week in many ways...as far as quotes from Payton go...this may have been the best week ever. People constantly ask me, "Do you write all of this down?" My answer, "not really..." so in an attempt to capture some moments in our week...

Here's Payton:

The boys and I started back to BSF this week. Part of their incredible children's program is a 10 minute quiet time in which their teacher allows them to think of their memory verse or pray. I asked Payton on the way home if he had talked to God during quiet time...He responded with, "Not today mom, I just layed there and thought of everything I have to do today." Tony and I have laughed about this a lot wondering what was on his list...1. get Buzz Lightyear...thrown him up in the air until I endanger myself or others. 2. Get every pillow off of the couch- jump on them. 3. Push Benjamin at least once...etc...

Last night over dinner, "Mom when I go to heaven, its very important I don't forget my cowboy hat...I think the Lord will love seeing me in it."

I have been trying to teach Payton that he can look for things on his own...he does not need me everytime...I need to be his last resort. Yesterday he asked for his viewmaster and I told him he might need to go dig through his toy box. He responded with, "Here is why that is not a good idea. Dad gets really frustrated when the dogs dig and I would not want to frustrate him...so why don't you come in here and help me find it."

Today as we were leaving the park I explained to the boys that I was not feeling well. Benjmain said he wanted to go to McDonalds. Payton said, "Benjamin that sounds great, but my priority right now is getting mom home and to bed. She needs a nice long nap."

I opened one of my talks last weekend with this story...It captures Payton as well as our hearts for him...

"Our 4 year old son Payton has a power issue…He thinks he has it and he does not- and its an issue. Payton is incredibly articulate. The other night as Tony and I were disciplining him we asked if he had anything to say…(we will never do this again).he responded with, “Well we would not even be sitting here if you two had not made the choices that you made. I am disappointed, frustrated, and wondering what to do…You need to obey, you need to do it now, and that’s all.” I believe Tony and I both had eyes wide as saucers by the time he was finished…Thankfully the Lord has given my husband the ability to progress in discipline with a straight face…We explained to Payton then and a few times since then that he is not the parent. We do not obey him…We respect him and want to hear his heart…but ultimately he is to obey his parents as they seek to obey God, the one who holds all of the power…"

Honestly

I read a lot. I love to read. Always have. Once on a family vacation I read a total of 7 books and came home with a journal full of notes. My brothers had all sorts of fun making nerd jokes. Now Tony makes them... (not really:)). This past week I read something that deeply touched me...still can't read it without tears. Something in these words made me realize something in me is broken and I have ached over them and yet longed for the truth in them to sink deeper into my heart.

Here are some thoughts that Ken Gire (one of my favorite authors) wrote in "The Reflective Life-Becoming More Spiritually Sensitive to the Everyday Moments of Life":

"Honestly, I want to be like Christ.

But honestly, I want to be like the Christ who turned water into wine, not the Christ who thirsted on the cross. I want to be the clothed Christ, not the one whose garment was stripped and gambled away. I want to be the Christ who fed the five thousand, not the one who hungered for forty days in the wilderness. I want to be the free Christ, walking through wheatfields with His disciples, not the imprisoned Christ who was deserted by them.

I want to be the Good Samaritan, not the man who fell among thieves.
But if the man had not fallen among thieves, been beaten, stripped, and left for dead, the good in the Samaritan would of never emerged.

This is the dark side of Christianity, the side we don't see when we sign up. That if we want to be like Christ, we have to embrace both sides of His life. What else could it mean when the Bible talks about "the fellowship of His suffering?" How could we enter that fellowship apart from His suffering? How could we truly know the man of sorrows aquainted with grief if we had not ourselves known grief and sorrow?

That is how Christ grows in us, both corporately as a body and individually as members of that body. It is also the way many people come to Christ. For some people, it is the only way. And perhaps that explains, at least partially, why bad things happen to good people.

For the sake of those around them.
That they might come to Christ.
That Christ might come to them, to live in them.
So that once again a Savior can be born into the world."