The Latest

1. Benjamin ate 3 whole pieces of Boston Market turkey yesterday! He turns 3 in 2 months so why is this significant? Because this is the first meat he has actually eaten in his entire life. He has perfected eating the crust off of a chicken nugget, or taking the tiniest bite of a hamburger (a bite that is invisible to the naked eye) but yesterday he actually got full on an actual protein source. He then took a 4 hour nap. I wonder if its the first time he has ever been full. Sometime I can write a whole post on Benjamin's journey with eating, its involved lots of drs, therapists, phone calls, and tears...we seem to be moving forward! YEA!

2. We are still waiting on the last piece of paperwork to make Lael's adoption final. Please join us in praying that will come through. Kelly and Randy are scheduled to leave mid June- the paperwork has got to come soon for that to occur...Please Lord, may it be.

3. The other day as we were driving I threw my bannana peel out the window. I have always heard if its bio-degradeable thats ok...Is that wrong? Payton screamed like a maniac not to ever do that again and then said, "How are you going to feel when some car slips on that?"

4.Somehow in my mind I always imagined the Lord would only give you one strong willed, out spoken child...Who knows where I got that thought I certainly grew up with more than that in my home but...the other day when Benjamin looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have asked you nicely not to touch me again." I knew...Wow...Here we go once more.

5. On Mother's Day I was talking to the boys about how thankful I was to be their mom, did they realize without them I would not be a mom, etc...Payton said Benjamin is who made me a big brother...Will Someone make Benjamin a big brother? We told them maybe some day (NO hopes up yet...we plan on having "A team" and then "B team" with many years in between the teams***) and said, if you could have another brother, what would you name him? Benjamin immediately said, "Wilbur" Payton said, "No, I think Jesus is better."

6.Payton has started working on learning the countries of Africa, through a puzzle we just got him. He loves working puzzles...He is so proud everytime he plugs Benin in its right place. We have started praying over that puzzle when he finishes it everyday. Some of our family members (outside of my sister) have several big trips looming in the future to parts that continue to be war torn....I have been convicted of how easily I forget the Lord's children are perishing, children are being handed machine guns and being asked to fight, family are being torn a part...We ask the Lord to come in power, to use those willing to go, to give us a picture of how we can be a part of His plan for Africa.

7. I seem to go through seasons of being really introspective ( I am sure everyone does.) I write a lot more, analyze myself a lot more, evaluate my actions, reactions, what I have done, what I have not in the past year, etc...I always end these seasons with the same thought. I am desperate for the Lord. Without Him, I am nothing...the only good in me is Him. I am thankful He brings me back to this place often.

8. We are loving Uncle Ben's 90 second rice packets (they're the orange ones)...Seriously, love the Santa Fe, love the Chicken whole grain, Long grain and wild...Is it bad that I think our family could possible live a happy life on just these and Zone bars...(Tony would also need a pound of fresh fruit and vegetables on a daily basis to be truly happy.)

9. I don't want to ever forget the joy it brings me to hear our boys feet running on wood floors...I know that pitter patter will go away as they get bigger and their stride gets longer...Right now that sound brings such a smile to my heart. (except of course when its in the middle of the night accompanied by screaming.)

10.Introspection takes me to Ecclesiastes...I have been mulling over 6:10, "Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there is no use arguing with God about your destiny."**** I really am not tempted (at least at this point) to argue...maybe discuss a bit, but not argue. I just long to know Him better, to feel more at home in His destiny for me and for my family. I am asking for Him to take me to a deeper trust level.

***on #5...when speaking of family planning we are always reminded the Lord has a plan. So many who are dear to us have struggled with or continue to struggle with infertility, to act like we can say, we will have another baby this particular year seems arrogant. It could very well be the Lord sees our family as complete right now. We are mindful of that. Life is His to give...

****on #10 Eccelsiastes 6:11 says, "the more words you speak, the less they mean. So why over do it?" Should of read that before I typed this post...Yikes.

Closing ceremonies

This is a little like "where's Waldo" Can you find Benjamin in this picture? He was not really on board with the idea of a group shot.

The boys had their closing ceremonies at the Little Gym this week. Andy was able to come over...the thing that cracked me up about that was Andy brought his intern with him. The guy was having his first day on the job and they come to The Little Gym. The boys absolutley loved it...and I think the intern was really impressed :).

Payton never lacks for enthusiasm...Everyone raise their hands when they get their medal. However, not everyone tries to stay up there and give an acceptance speech.

Benjamin never the one to conform held his hands down...

Happy Day Tony!

One of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given me in the past year is a friendship with Peggy. I have never known anyone so encouraging, so ready to inspire, so willing to give towards the furthering of the Lord's Kingdom. Her every action is sifted through the thought of am I blessing others in the name of Jesus? I truly am mesmerized by her consistency, her joy, and the way she, with such great ease, works the testimony of what the Lord has done in her life into every conversation. I love her!

Because I never surprise Tony...(I get too excited and tell him the second I think of one that would be good, a quality he thinks is funny.), I thought it would be great if for his birthday I could actually pull one off. I asked Peggy, knowing how much Tony loved and respected Byron, if there was anyway I could bring dinner for the 3 of us, come out to the ranch, and have her tell us his stories, their stories...So last night, I told Tony we were going to pick up Babe's chicken fried steaks and go eat somewhere fun. It would of been enough for Tony if we had sat out in the driveway, instead he got the royal treatment. I smiled through tears many times at the sheer sweetness of the night. Peggy set the table with the china you get when you win The Masters, Byron's hat was the center piece, candles were lit, I actually saw Tony catch his breath when we walked in. To say he was surprised was the understatement of the year.

I could go on and on...It was a magnificent night. Tony said it was the best birthday he has ever had. I knew it was special when 9 PM came and went, 10 PM came and went...those of you who know Tony's disciplined schedule know this was huge. We were crazy...out past 11 on a school night.:)

Tony and I talked on the way home about why he thought it was the best gift ever. There are many men that the world label as great. Men who are extraordinarily talented in one way or another, and we give them respect for those gifts. Yet, last night, we were reminded that there are few men that carry those talents all the while humbly pointing to the Lord. My mom used to tell us when we were kids, "It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup." Last night we witnessed up close people who possessed such steadiness, a true gift from the Lord. We were blessed and yet incredibly challenged by the the legacy that Byron has left and by his wife who loves him so.

Happy Birthday to Tony...34 years ago today he entered the world...8 years ago today we went on our first date...This day is my favorite mile-marker of the year. What a day! What a man! So thankful, He's the Lord's, so thankful he's mine!

some pics...

Payton and Trevor...Trevor is 3 months older than Payton. He taught Payton a lot about farm living.









Tony was, as always, a huge hit with the kids...they were constantly asking him to go jump on the trampoline, swim, etc...His favorite quote was "in a second" which prompted them to count to one and then say, "Come on"...He later changed his response to "maybe later." I was able to claim a bad back and avoid all the issues. :)





This is my favorite action shot of Benjamin. He loved his cousins and they were so sweet with him.

I love the way Benjamin says, "look at me and Go-wi-wuff" (Goliath). He was absolutely thrilled at meeting all the charectors.

We took this for cousin To-to (Tori), Tori- if you were here I would sing, "hey, hey it's To-to's circus" I know you would love it :)

Seriously- not sure who was more excited about meeting Buzz, the boys, or Tony.

People always ask me- are you sure you're 6 ft. tall? Now I can respond, "Sure, I am as tall as Buzz Light Year"...that has to be some camera angle...crazy...even the boys when we were looking at the pictures said, "wow mom...you're as huge as Buzz." Ummmm-thanks.

The best money that can be spent at Disney is on the rental stroller. Here Benjamin takes a turn at trying to dump Payton 0ut of the stroller...a trick he learned from his father...Tony has the ability to make a stroller ride the most fun thing at Disney.

we knew Bailey would love seeing us in front of Cinderella's castle.

Tony bought the boys their binoculars at Animal Kingdom...they looked like this the rest of the day.

HOME!

All good things come to an end...I thought of this last night as we pulled into our driveway.

We have just returned from an 11 day family vacation to Florida...We loved every moment of it...(Except the breif stay in the Urgent care when Benjamin was having a hard time breathing.) We spent the first part with my cousin Tim and his family in Orlando and then went on to Disney World. Our time with the Chapmans was the best part of the trip hands down. Our boys loved being with their cousins and we loved being with Tim and Darcy. You know you have a great family when people prefer time with you to the "greatest place on earth". :) Tim has done a great job documenting a lot of it on his blog.

http://www.chapman6.blogspot.com/

I will hopefully get our pictures up and running soon...So many pictures...yet none of them capture the absolute thannkfulness Tony and I feel for the past 11 days. We drove to and from Orlando...18 hours each way. We loved it. We laughed, talked about dreams, shared stories from our past that made us both crack up, ate at way too many Cracker Barrels (we knew this when both boys started screaming no when they saw the billboard), basically we loved being a family, loved the feeling of just being together. I was reminded that the Lord invites us often to "come away with me, get away with me and you will discover the true meaning of life..." For the past 11 days, as a family, we have gone away with Him We have been refreshed for having been with our extended family, for having been without schedules, for having been at disney...all because...if you look closely at the good in all of these things...you see Him...sometimes more obvious than others...but always...The Lord is there. Oh how we love Him for the gift of His Presence. We are at home in Him regardless of where we go.

Ramblings...

1. It is looking like my sister and her family will arrive stateside for good in the middle of June. We are eagerly anticipating that arrival while recognizing that they have spent the past 10 years of their live preparing to invest and then investing in the lives of the Aja people. There are many hard goodbyes to be said before they begin their journey home. The Kingdom has advanced because they went...We celebrate that.

2. Payton thinks there are 3 parents in our family and only one child. The other day Tony was explaining to Benjamin why he must sit down while we are at a restaurant. Benjamin was explaining why he could not. Payton said, "Excuse me dad, I am with Benjamin on this one, let's just let this one go." Tony then went from disciplining one child to disciplining two.

3. I have always read about the switch...when boys go from wanting their mom to wanting their dad...supposedly a vital part of development in the life of a boy. It has happened around here. Their dad arrives home and Payton will often say, "would you like to go grab a Starbucks while we have guy time?" Thankfully, I still feel very loved (and every once in awhile Tony really does let me leave and go get a Starbucks.)....my boys still run and jump in my arms whether I have been gone 2 days or 15 minutes...and it is one of the greatest delights of my life to see them love their dad...after all, I am crazy about him too.

4. We have someone that leaves gifts on our porch...no note...just little packages at random times. Some of the gifts are explainable- ie childrens books, toys others, like today, a tiny rum cake...No note. Just the gift. Whoever you are, thanks.

5. Benjamin is potty trained. I was wanting to wait until after our vacation. He woke up one morning and said, "I am not wearing diapers again." He trained himself in a day. We have only had one accident. It happened to be while Tony was holding him at small group. I should not be smiling as I type this...but it still makes me laugh.

6. What is up with vitamin enriched Diet coke plus? My friendly checker at Walmart said it helps with energy levels and gives you several nutitional benefits. Now I love Diet Coke, but come on America...would it kill you to just eat an apple or some type of vegetable every once in awhile. (I address the nation as a whole because my blog audience is so huge, what I should of said is , "Come on you two.")

7. Signed up for tennis lessons today. Tony has been wanting us to do some type of sporting activity together this summer. We chose tennis for this year. I coached tennis for a year and loved it...we're excited to get back into it.

8. Tony found a Cottonmouth water moccasin yesterday, actually he and Payton found it. Here is a vital difference in my husband and I...I wanted to call Animal control. Tony went and got a trash can picked it up with the broom and then poked it , watched it strike the broom, showed the boys, explained how it is important to look but not touch (I know I recognized some inconsistency in this one as well), took some pictures, showed the neighbors...I quit reminding him it was poisonous after the 200th time...He killed it later...I did not sleep well last night thinking about that snake being in a garbage bag. In all of the excitement, I was so thankful that Tony saw the snake, grabbed it and handled it. Later (on google), I read that Cottonmouths are one of the most aggresive and poisonous snakes in TX. I thanked the Lord over and over again for His protection over our boys who were playing right in the same area Tony saw the snake only moments earlier. Once again, thankful for who I married.

9. One of Payton's friends was over the other day playing and they broke a toy. I heard both boys lamenting when Payton said, "Hey, let's not worry, I bet my mom can fix this." His friend said, "do you think she could?" and Payton said, "Honestly, she is the smartest girl I know...I don't know anyone else like her."

10. Last night Benjamin got up in the middle of the night and came into our bedroom. He came to my side of the bed and said, "Mom, I sure missed you when you were in Benin. Would you hold me?" I have never been so happy to get up at 3 in the AM.

In a Hurry

Last year for Easter, the boys were in matching seersucker ...this year the boys had every layer of clothing on that we could find in the Ranch house, ( You will notice Benjamin is wearing his cousin Bailey's jacket.) I also forgot their Easter baskets, you have tolove the Walmart bags... we had the best time.I am not sure seersucker will ever be able to be on the agenda again. The boys much prefer this look.


Yesterday was one of those mornings where we were trying so hard to get somewhere on time and everything, everything was not going smoothly. We're dressed...we spill something. Someone opens the door...and all of the suddden our dogs run in and hide under the bed. Someone chooses to take the paper shredder and dump it everywhere. Its ridiculous to even type it all out...in words it seems like no big deal, but every mom out there knows the panic of realizing, you're late and getting later...sometimes it feels as if you are being sucked into some type of tornado.

I think sometimes on mornings like this I am talking and do not even know what I am saying, I have a tendency to go into a zone. Obviously, I somehow conveyed to the boys we were late. About halfway to our friends, I saw the lights of the friendly police officer behind us. I immediately felt nauseated. I told the boys we were going to talk to a policeman for minute. The officer came up and took my license and registration and said, "Ms. Brooks, Can you please tell me if there is some kind of emergency?" I inhaled to say, "No" when from the back seat I hear Payton in his loud voice declare, "Her name is Becky and we are in a hurry."

I weakly smiled...The officer smiled...I got no ticket...

And just like that!

We took the boys to ride Thomas the train last weekend. We knew when we were able to snap this picture of both boys smiling before we even walked out the door that perhaps this would be a different kind of day.

We asked the conductor who was walking by to take this picture and just like that, we were in uncharted territory. A place where every member of the family looks at the camera at the same time.We really are not sure where we go from here....perhaps to a professional photographer...(the last time we attempted that Tony and I both sweated through our clothes..and paid good money to do it.:))

Later in the weekend we went to our city Egg hunt. This picture is to document why Benjamin did not find many eggs.

Some of our dear friends met us there. Their little girl danced in the City wide recital immediately following the egg hunt. Payton and Benjamin were quite impressed.

After the dance recital the boys saw the Easter bunny but there was a long line to meet him. I told them, "Let's see him some other time." Payton looked at me like he was mortified and said, "He works so hard to give us all these eggs and we don't even have time to tell him thank you?" Needless to say We waited in line.

We pray your Easter weekend is the best. The resurrection power that was displayed the day Jesus walked out of the tomb is still on display today...in the hearts and lives of all who offer Him our nothing in return for His everything! What an incredible gift! Have fun celebrating it. Blessing upon Blessing to you and yours!

Assorted Thoughts from the Middle of the Night

1. Payton is still a spelling maniac. He called me in the other day and said is this how you spell Precious? He said he saw it the other day on an envelope and had remembered it. I know my mom will love it. Ezra is one of Payton's best friends and Paw is my dad. I love seeing the words he chooses to work on each day...it gives me a little window into who he is thinking about.

2. I have always loved Francine Rivers and still do. However, I am new Karen Kingsbury fan. She has a book series out called Redemption.My sister gave me these highly reccomended...I loved reading every one. If you are looking for a wonderful fiction series to read over the summer this is it. I cannot reccomend it more highly. I read 10 of her books in a 15 day marathon...I am a nerd. Which leads me to...

3. Insomnia...It is a struggle I have on and off. It's on these days and what can I do but enjoy it. I used to fight it, get frustrated by it, and be miserable...now I am making it work and somehow the Lord is sustaining me. This is amazing because I was diagnosed years ago with CFS (Chronic Fatigue) and have had Epstein Barr syndrome since High school. I have been reading and writing and enjoying the promise of Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." I know this is season that will pass. (hopefully)

4. Payton and I had this conversation yesterday-

P: If God can make everyone well how does anyone ever go to heaven?

B: Sometimes the way God chooses to make somone well is by taking them to heaven.

P: and then they come back to earth?

B: No, once your in heaven you stay there, you don't want to come back to earth.

there was silence in our car for awhile and then tears...He talked of always wanting to be with me and Tony and never wanting God to try and heal any of us in that way. We talked for a long time about this. I have no idea if I handled it correctly or not. Sometimes after conversations like that one I ask the Lord to take whatever I just said and sift it...allowing His thoughts to settle in Payton's mind and not mine.

5. Yesterday a good friend called and told us she had a us a gift card to Chili's for us and could she keep our boys while we went out to eat? We dropped them off at 6:45 and had a wonderful time. Talking, laughing and discussing things that we miss in the midst of life going full speed ahead. It was a precious gift. I want to remember to pass gifts like that on.

6. When we got home I was getting Payton ready for bed when Benjamin (Who has no fear factor) jumped off his bunk bed onto me (without telling me he was about to)...I caught him (did I mention his lights were off) but somehow my thumb caught him in the eye and made a perfect moon shaped cut in the corner of his eye. We were adrenaline charged as soon as we saw his tears were red with blood...thankfully I missed his actual eyeball and hopefully we were able to convey that it is never ok to jump off a bunk bed.

7. Fort Worth Christian has started sending out t-shirts to all of its alumni's children.We are asked often where we think Payton will go to school. We do not know. We pray often that that decision will become clear as that time arrives. We have one more year at home. We will love every minute of it. For now- they are really cute in their new t-shirts.

8. My roommate from college, Ashlie is due any moment with twins (a boy and a girl). My roommate Laura had twins (a boy and a girl) 2 years ago. So fun getting to be a part of so much excitement. I am so thankful for these deep friendships, forged through the fun and fire of college.There were 5 of us that lived together in college...between us now we have 14 kids...thats a lot of kids.

9. We are crazy about Saturday night church. We love it. We are thankful for the way it is growing our family. We also love having Sunday as a Sabbath of sorts...no agenda, no errands...just being together.

10. The adoption of my niece Lael is progressing...Praise the Lord! You can read the updates at...http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

11. Many of you know Christine Tyndall Pinson from ACU. I have been so blessed to get to know her through church. What an incredible woman of faith and strength. If you are not already, would you lift her and her dearest family up in prayers.You can read the details at her precious mom's blog.http://melindagayle.blogspot.com/

12. Yesterday Benjamin came in carrying a pencil bag and said, "I have my things and I am moving to the big city." I love that kid.

13. and one last Benjamin story...the kid loves Danimals...Tony and I laugh about how drinks them in 5 seconds flat. The other day I was doing laundry and cleaning and as I walked through the living room I kept seeing Benjamin drinking the same Danimal. I thought, "Wow he is really making that last." Until I went to put something in the trash and saw 12 danimals with different straws laying on top of all the trash. The kid had been taking care of all of his own refills. We have since moved all snacks to the top shelf. Benjamin has his calcium for the next month.

Benjamin loves Precious!

While Payton and I were in Benin, Benjamin spent his days and many nights (I will someday tell the story of the exact moment I was being taken to the airport Tony was being taken to the ER sicker than I had ever seen him)...with my mom, Precious, as she is called by the grandchildren.

Since returning home we have noticed many things about Benjamin that show my moms influence on him. Just to list a few:

He wants his Bible in his diaper bag or in my purse at all times.

Everyonce in awhile when driving in the car he will say, "Let's get some praise music going."

He wakes up in the morning and says "Lets talk about what we get to do today...I bet its going to be wonderful.") His voice inflections on this one makes him sound exactly like my mom.

When changing a pull-up on Benjamin, as soon as he lays down he will say, "It's not gross, its just a part of life."

He now prefers his apple juice from Starbucks....if too much of the day passes he will come in from playing and say, "We have not been to Starbucks yet."

At night he says, "I love so much I can hardly stand it."

In his prayers instead of dear God he now starts with "Father"

When he is about to be disciplined he now will look at us with a completely straight face and say, "I live with Precious at her home, please take me there now."

My mom left on Sunday for 2 1/2 weeks in Kenya. This morning I was doing laundry and heard Benjamin talking to my mom...It seemed like he was answering questions, but I knew my mom was in London and I had not heard the phone ring...I walked in and said, "Benjamin, who are you talking to? Hand me the phone." He handed it to me and said, "I love Precious, why she talking like that?" I said,"Hello, who is this?"

Lady on the phone: "Miss, this is North Richland Hills 911, I repeat do you need an ambulance or police assistance?"

My heart rate accelerated like I had just done 45 minutes of cardio. I quickly explained that was my 2 year old, apologized profusely and then apologized some more. The lady was kind.

I explained to both boys after we were done that we should never play with the real phone and then explained that 911 was something we only used in emergencies. Payton took ever bit of it in...wanted the definition of emergency and nodded solemnly when asked if he understood... When asked the same question Benjamin just looked at me with a huge smile and said "Who wants to call Precious again?"

Some of My Favorites

When our kids walked up to the orphanage to give these balls all of the kids went crazy. I was so convicted of how easy it is to make someones day and wondered why so often days pass where all I am concentrating on is making sure I make my own.

I took this picture of Payton's feet on the bath mat as he was about to get in the shower. Thick layers of dirt are the only way we fair bears can appear tan.

So many precious kids everywhere you look.

Love these tigers!

Payton loved Benin!He was so funny to me talking to these kids in English...even now I am loving hearing his thoughts on what we have just experienced. I will have to write a whole post just on his quotes. He has already told us that he will return to Benin when he is older to work there. The one thing I can say is he won't be a pilot. The pilots called him up to the front to take a look at the plane and one of them asked, "Payton would you like to be a pilot someday?" He looked at him smiled and said, "Absolutley not." He does not say anything without great conviction.:)

The wait to meet our sweetest Lael was worth every minute. She is a doll. To say I am crazy about her would be quite the understatement. Please contiue to ask the Lord to secure her adoption. Things continue to proceed painfully slow. Oh that He would seal on earth what was long ago sealed in our hearts!

HOME!

Payton and I walked out of US Customs last night and literally ran to jump into the arms of Tony and Benjamin.

Our time in Benin was rich beyond words. We come home full to the brim with stories of the Lord's faithfulness...

I have so much to write about and I will do so soon...Along with posting some of the 279 pictures I took! :)

Thank you! Thank you for your prayers and support!

Today's the Day!

For those of you who will want to keep up...I am hoping my sister and Randy will be able to post some pictures of our time while we are there...

http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

We have laughed at our boys this week. I have been wanting to take pictures of them together...seems the new fad for the Brooks brothers is to scream whenever they see the camera. They have so much fun together.

Thank you for your comments, prayers, emails and encouraging words. We leave walking in confidence that the Lord is with us.

Windows

This Saturday Payton and I leave for Benin, West Africa. We will be gone for 12 days. Emotions are running high at our house as we anticipate being apart.

Payton and I are so excited about being with the Vaughns...we cannot wait to meet our sweet Lael, to throw our arms around everyone of them, to experience life and the "dailys" of living in Benin, to laugh and to just be together...but there are some mental hurdles I have to cross before I get there...some windows I have to walk by first.

I made my first trip to Africa when I was in the 6th grade. I remember staying up late the night before I left and writing my will. For some reason, if something happened to me, it was very important to me to make sure my collection of hair bows went to someone I loved. I have been back to Africa many times since...each time I have painstakingly made out a will. (I wish I had saved them over the years.) The last time that Tony and I went to Benin was before we had children. Obviously now we have a will that is sealed in some vault in our attorney's office somewhere downtown. There is no need to write another one. Even more obvious people go to Africa all the time and return in one piece. And yet...just as I pondered my mortality that night before leaving in the 6th grade I find myself here again.

I have not been sleeping much...if I so much as roll over at night I find myself wide awake...and then my conversation with the Lord begins...

I have found myself peering through the window of "what if" way too many times...I wonder why outside of this window is always the worst case-scenario? I have stopped pausing at that window. I have spent more time as of late pausing at the window of faith. When my emotions go full throttle I am left choked up at the thought of leaving Benjamin, at the thought of leaving Tony...and so I wrestle in prayer to lay those emotions down...to instead take hold of the joy that we get to go. That Payton and I will have this experience together...at how sweet our reunion with Benjamin and Tony will be.

And I have to rest in confidence that the Lord cares for my husband and my children, if anything were to ever happen to me...it is Him who has plans to prosper them, to give them a hope and future and regardless of circumstances His plans stand. I feel increased vulnerability traveling with Payton and yet He calls to mind that it is His shield that protects Payton, not the comforts of America, not our pediatricain around the block, but Him. I must rest in that.

Tony is quick to remind me that what we want for our boys are lives of following the Lord's call. We want to teach them a life of trust, not one of fear. We want their lives to be one of adventure and we want them to know that they are the Lord's given to us that we might point them to Him...that someday they might advance His Kingdom either across the street or around the world. We want them to know that they cannot go anywhere He has not gone before them...there are some lessons that cannot be taught at home.


I have felt in my late night conversations with the Lord the same still small voice pressing in on my heart, "Do you trust me?" Its amazing how many times in life you find yourself boiling life down to that one question and I know it is a question I will answer on Saturday. My eyes will be filled with tears, my heart with anticipation and with my hand holding Payton's we will walk towards the plane...answering yes and praying He would help my unbeleif the whole way...

We would so appreciate your prayers...

S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G and learning

Payton has always had a zeal to learn. He would like everything explained to him. He asks simple questions, "How do you make ice cream?" and then non -simple questions, "What is the resurrection?" We learned his fascination with spelling one day a while back when we were sitting at a stoplight and heard him spell out B-U-D-W-E-I-S-E-R... He has been spelling and sounding out words ever since.

He especially makes me laugh when he uses this gift like he is a mom..."Would this be a good time to spank B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N?" "Someone might need to take a N-A-P..." or my personal favorite when I am going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and he says, "Does T-O-N-Y know you're here?"

Benjamin continues to bring all of the joy and challenge of being 2. He is an absolute delight (the majority of the time). However, if he could wear a bumper sticker on his pull- up right now it would most likely be, "Zero-tolerance stinks".

Tony and I have realized as of late that we were slipping on a lot of things with Benjamin....trying to avoid tantrums by giving him his way...allowing him to yell, allowing him a lot of things we should not...Tony calls it "parenting out of fear "...It is so easy for us to look up one day and realize this precious child (in the nicest way a 2 year old can)- is running our family. So- for the past 2 weeks we have instituted zero-tolerance...He gets one chance to respond the right way- no more warnings...I do not enjoy this part of parenting...but a conversation with my grandmother has been running continuously through my head. When we went through this with Payton the first time (we have found we have to call ourselves back to zero-tolerance often) I was heart -broken. I remember crying to my grandmother and her saying..."Becky, You will always love your children....but you want other people to as well....Its hard to discipline your children, but its worth it."

Ask me how this is going...Seriously I need the accountability.

News and Notes

1. The holidays were great...we loved every moment of them. We are still trying to catch our breath as we try to get back to our routine,

2. Benjamin is talking up a storm these days. He makes us laugh daily. He is so good about saying thank you...but immediately after saying it will follow up with, "You proud of me?" "You wanna hug me?"

3. Benjamin is a late sleeper which means Payton and I usually are up for awhile just us. I love our morning conversations...Here's a sample of 2 we have had lately:
1. P: When do you think I can start spanking people?
B: Not until you are a dad someday.
P: I already know when people are doing wrong...I know when to do it
B: Payton, that is not your job and I do not want to ever see you trying to spank Benjamin
P: I don't want to spank Benjamin, I want to spank you.

2. P: Remember the other day when that man was baptized?
B: Yes
P: I will never be baptized.
B: Oh Payton yes you will...(Long explanation of why with way too much infomation that ends with why would you say such a thing)
P: I do not like going underwater.

4. It's official. We are Craigslist people. Seriously you can find wonderful deals and we have finally gotten rid of somethings that we have needed to for awhile. An online garage sale and its free to list stuff. You cannot beat it.

5. My brother reccomended the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker...From what I understand of his history he is the nations leading expert in prediciting violent behavior and is a resource for all the"people" in DC. My brother said it is a must read. I would agree. It has certainly opened my eyes to many things. You will not be disappointed.

6. I think one of the hardest things about growing up is you start realizing that incredibly Godly people don't always agree on everything. There is complete unity in Christ...not in opinions. Sometimes thats a tough one to swallow.

7. Payton has had terrible eczema most of his life...no cream or medicine has ever done anything to make a difference. Our chiropractor noticed it and said, "Thats the body's way of saying its missing something. Try increasing his oil intake." What? But I thought we would try it. I have been adding a spoonful of "Udo's 3 6 9 Oil Blend" to his orange juice every morning and the eczema is gone. We missed 3 days over the holidays and it came back...started right back, its gone again...really amazing stuff.

8.Our children's ministry did the most wonderful thing this year. They allowed the kids to shop for their families Christmas presents during Bible Class using their Bible Bucks. Payton came home with presents wrapped for each of us as well as for my parents. He was so much more excited to give than to receive this year. It was something I would of never thought to do and I certainly would not of thought Payton would respond in that way. When he walked in and saw that Santa had come before going over to his toys he turned around and said, "Dad, does this mean you get to open your present from me now?" I was so glad we got it on video...it presents a nice contrast with the meltdowns we captured a couple of hours later.

9. Maggie the puppy has turned into Maggie the wooly mammoth. She is massive.

10. We walk in to this new year with a great deal of anticipation...for we know it holds more of the Lord but also more of the ups and downs of life. Thankfully we do not walk through it alone. We pray to see Him each day, in each other, in our children, in our friends, in business decisions, in family decisions, in every thought, in every action. We pray that in 2007 we will see Him magnified. May it be for all of us.

7 years

7 years ago Tony and I got married. It was such a fun day. We were surrounded by our family and friends, in love with each other, and had not a clue what being married would entail.

7 years later we have learned a lot. We have learned to laugh about almost everything (He is still not amused that I don't balance my checkbook). We have learned that stress-full moments come and go and then your left with a memory-so extend grace at every opportunity. We have learned that you can disagree ab0ut something and then let it go. We have learned that Tony is the most disciplined person on earth and that the Lord brought me into his life so that every once in awhile- he might eat a cookie. We have learned he loves quiet and I love conversation and we have found such a rich balance between the two and such a greater appreciation for what the other likes. We have brought 2 children into the world who we are crazy about. We have learned to parent together. We have challenged each other to love the Lord more. We have pushed each other. We have sought the Lord together, even begged the Lord together for prayers that we saw answered in a glorious ways...for prayers that were not answered in the way we wanted at all...for prayers that we are still waiting to see what the Lord will do....but in the seeking we have found Him and we are stronger together for it.

We have realized that our marriage is not perfect, because neither are we...But through the power of the cross it is made wonderful. We have realized together we are better than when we are apart.

My aunt took the above picture at ACU"s homecoming this past October. We laughed when we looked at it because we realized our facial expressions, mannerisms, and standing are the same. We have become one of those couples that is starting to look alike...

I love this man...for a million reasons I could share and for another million that I could not...

I am so thankful that in this journey of life, I was given Tony.

A prayer for the season...

I just read the following prayer on the blog of Ms. Judy Thomas. She mentioned that it was read at their Wednesday night service... I loved the perspective that it offers. As we walk through this season with our boys we are trying to remind them (and ourselves), its about more than all the stuff. Jesus was the perfect gift, still is, the perfect gift...Oh that all hearts would receive Him this season.

"Dear God,
As I look through my gift shopping list, I hold up to you each person listed on it. Slowly, one by one, I ask that the fire of your abundant love burn within each of them. I pray that the gift I find for each person will bring joy into that life.

But, help me to keep a balance this season, Lord. Let me keep my buying in perspective, not to spend more than I need to or can afford. Let me not give in to the pressures of this world and not equate love with money spent. Let me always remember the many, many people who have so much less in material things. Help me to buy wisely, so that my choices will not burden those in other countries who are so deeply affected by this country's economy.

And finally, loving God, help me to find time in the frantic moments of each day to become centered on you. Walking through a store, riding on the bus, hurrying down a street: let each of these times be moments when I can remember your incredible love for me and rejoice in it. Amen

Wish List

For weeks Payton has been asking for a castle for Christmas...He always follows that up with, "and Benj really wants legos." We have both ready to go, already stashed in the attic.

They have now pulled a fast one and changed their mind...Payton came in today with Benjamin in tow and said, "We know what we want for Christmas." I responded with. "I know. I am so excited to see if you get a castle and legos." Payton then said, "those are great, but what we really want is a mini van." Needless to say, it won't happen...

Wrestling

I beleive in prayer...I read everything I can about it. I enjoy studying it. I love talking to others about it. I love praying with my husband, with my boys, with anyone....It is the highest honor I have received on this earth...To have The King of the Universe listen to my thoughts is at times invigorating, at other times embaressing, at all times humbling. For I recognize that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher than mine ... He is after all the Lord of Lords.

This week I have been working with Benjamin on articulating his thoughts..."Don't just scream son, use words to tell us what you need." "Benjamin, you can't just throw yourself on the floor and expect us to know what you want, you must talk to us." Sometimes Benjamin is able to pull himself out of an emotional nosedive and articulate his thoughts....other times he is removed to his bedroom until he gains some self-control. In the midst of all of this my love never ebbs for Benjamin. I am crazier about him each and everyday. Sometimes the parent-child relationship mirrors the God-child relationship and even in this example I see our Heavenly Father...but at some point it breaks down quite a bit.

I am thankful that the Lord allows me to articulate my thoughts to Him. I am thankful, in the deepest sense for Him calling me to a relationship with Him...that in His goodness He calls me to partner with Him through prayer...But this week, I am thankful, to the very core of me...that he does not ask me to articulate my thoughts or pull out of an emotional nosedive before I come to Him.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

My thoughts have been consumed this week with a young mother of 4 who is currently struggling for her life against leukemia. There are some battles that you hear are going on and you ache for the family, you pray for them, and go on through your day, then there are other battles that you hear of and for some reason, that cannot be explained, you find yourself thrust right into the middle of it your heart split wide open...begging the Lord with every thought, crying out on behalf of those He has bonded you to, only through the working of the Spirit. I read her husbands words, her mothers words, her siblings words as they update the world on her condition and my heart literally groans within me. Sometimes I hear myself pray and I feel like, in human terms I am doing a good job articulating my heart to my Father...other times I look like Benjamin, throwing myself down on floor, wailing, wanting so badly to get the response that I want...fighting a desperate fight for the end result that I want but can't see.

I am yearning to see a complete healing in this mother's life...and I know that some people will say, that is what death is for a Christian, complete healing. On some levels I know that, in other ways I don't want to. So I continue to beg, to plead, to wrestle in prayer. Knowing that regardless the outcome- He is God.

and yet...my Heart groans even as I type that...Be magnified Lord through an earthly healing...Extend her life as you did for Hezekiah...We wait for you alone.

***Please read comment #3 and please keep this precious family in your prayers.