Gracious and a Lucky Duck

Payton pointed out to me the other day that I say "gracious" a lot lately and asked why...I told him a lot of times people have a word that gets stuck in their head and when they do not know what else to say, they say that word...It appears gracious is what is stuck in mine. He said, "why is your word Gracious, what does it even mean?" I told him that until now I had not given it a lot of thought, but now every time I say it I am wanting to remind myself of how gracious the Lord has been...He has given to us even when we have not asked for it...Sometimes I say Gracious out of thankfulness, other times it is a plea for more of the Lord in my life..."what do you think about that Payton? (feeling pretty good about my impromptu lesson) His response..."Can we stop at Sonic?" I think I really touched his heart.

1. Each student in 1st grade gets the chance to be star student. On Monday of your week you get to bring your 3 favorite things to school. Payton chose to bring his sister, his brother and a wii remote...(He said he actually liked Tony and I better than the wii remote but did not want to hurt any ones feelings by choosing one of us.) This picture shows Payton introducing 2 of his favorite things...This picture reveals so much about every one's personalities...



2. Payton continues to be Payton...Mercy. There is no one else like him. Our conversation the other night went like this:

Becky: Boys, its 5:15 time to start getting things picked up before your dad gets home.
Payton: Can I speak with you alone?
(Every time Payton asks this I know I am about to receive one of his finest talks or questions...Last night this questions was followed with, "Are you sure you really want to leave dad in charge of Eden?" But I digress...)
Becky: Yes, Go ahead...

Payton: "I have been hoping we would not have to have this conversation, now I see its unavoidable...My entire life I have been picking up the house at 5:15 so when dad gets home he can relax after he has worked hard for our family. Well, I go to school now and I work hard. Just once, I want to come home from school and relax. I am tired of picking up Eden's toys. Benjamin seems to make it his goal to get out everything while I am at school and I am worn out with it all. I cannot do it a day longer...long pause while staring for effect (he has this mastered) Now, what can you and I do together to solve this problem?"

Becky: You can start picking up Eden's toys.

3. Eden is part mountain goat. She has found her way onto table tops, cabinets, and shelves. She loves to climb and she loves to try to squeeze into tight places. One of her favorite new games is to squeeze herself into a Tupperware dish and have Benjamin push her at a high rate of speed on the wood floors. She is so much fun. She also has the most unique habit. When she starts getting irritated she rolls her tongue quickly and makes a rattlesnake like sound. Like a rattlesnake, it is a warning, she is about to strike. We love every bit about this baby girl.

4. Benjamin's personality brings us so much laughter. The other night the boys were playing in the backyard when I heard a distinct shattering sound...turned out it was our massive back window. Payton immediately started saying how sad he was, "We should of been more responsible." etc...Benjamin walked in with a huge grin and said, "I just hit the most amazing line drive." Our second born is all about the journey...He and his father did have a discussion about hitting line drives towards windows...

5. Benjamin's got quite an arm on him. During the family snow ball fight he broke out the back window of my dad's truck. Scared him to death...I believe some of this fear came from the fact that he had actually listened to his father's speech on baseballs and windows.

6. Benjamin opened a present that contained a watch on Christmas morning. He was so excited. Payton promptly lost it and said, "I cannot believe this. I forgot to ask for a watch and now I have to live 364 more days wanting one..."So much drama...

Do not worry, Aunt Kelly stepped in and saved the day and he actually got a watch in the cousin gift exchange...which lead him to say "this very well might be the best year of his life."

7. I hope 2010 sees my updating this blog more often...not making any promises, just a little challenge to myself.

8. This weekend I am speaking at a women's retreat. I am excited to do it. I have had a list of the attendees and have been praying for them by name for a month now...I am so excited to see what the Lord does. The scripture that He has put on my heart for the weekend is this....I have been reading it multiple times daily, thanking the Lord for new years and fresh starts...I am so thankful for Him!

Psalm 32

1 Count yourself blessed, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start,
your slate's wiped clean.

2 Count yourself blessed—
God holds nothing against you
and you're holding nothing back from him.

3 When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans.

4 The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.

5 Then I let it all out;
I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."
Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.

6 These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we'll be on high ground, untouched.

7 God's my island hideaway,
keeps danger far from the shore,
throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

8 Let me give you some good advice;
I'm looking you in the eye
and giving it to you straight:

9 "Don't be ornery like a horse or mule
that needs bit and bridle
to stay on track."

10 God-defiers are always in trouble;
God-affirmers find themselves loved
every time they turn around.

11 Celebrate God.
Sing together—everyone!
All you honest hearts, raise the roof!

9. Yesterday I ran a red light...not a casual red light running...traffic was already in motion and I just happened to enter the intersection between two cars. Eden was screaming, I was feeling around for a pacifier in her diaper bag, I was completely not paying attention to my driving. Everyone slammed on their breaks, made angry gestures at me, I nodded and said I know, and then everyone went on about their lives...but I was greatly shaken and still am. I could of forever changed another families life. I could of forever changed my family. I have thought a lot about how all I could say was I am sorry and how empty that would of felt...and I have thanked the Lord for our safety and the safety of those I do not even know, even in my absent-mindedness. Last night as a family I was telling the boys about this and Payton said, "Sounds like you were a lucky duck." I said, "Well, I don't think I would call it luck...the Lord shielded us from what could of been a disaster for a lot of people. He did it even when He did not have to. He was gracious." To which Payton said, "Exactly, He made you a lucky duck."

10. May you feel the graciousness of the Lord at every turn as 2010 progresses.

Awkward...and 1986

So much of life has returned to normal...amazing how quickly that happens. From my perspective, one of the hardest things about grief is that the world keeps moving...and a part of you is glad...and a part of you grieves more that it has. All the emotions leave me feeling out of place at times...wanting so bad to be in the moment and so aware that my thoughts are a million miles a way.

The other day a precious lady stopped us at the grocery store and was gushing over my kids, she ended her parade of compliments with, "Are you so happy all the time?" My first thought was "My father in law passed away, we have been really sad." Thankfully I had the realization that that would be incredibly awkward and smiled and said, "We really are so thankful for all the Lord has done." Because we are....and we will continue to be...He is so worthy of our praise.



Last night as we were putting the boys to bed Benjamin asked how old God was...
I told him that I had no idea..."God has been God for forever." Benjamin then asked, "Was God, God back in 1986?" I said, "Yes." Payton then added, "1986?! Holy cow, he has been God for forever."

Old thoughts...new again...

I was flipping back through my blog to get some things for a letter I am writing for Payton and came across this post written three years ago. I love the Lord. He is so amazing in the way He layers lessons...taking you deeper into His love with each year of your life. Where would we be without Him? I do not ever want to find out. I am so thankful for His friendship.

Previous post from September, 2006

I read a lot. I love to read. Always have. Once on a family vacation I read a total of 7 books and came home with a journal full of notes. My brothers had all sorts of fun making nerd jokes. Now Tony makes them... (not really:)). This past week I read something that deeply touched me...still can't read it without tears. Something in these words made me realize something in me is broken and I have ached over them and yet longed for the truth in them to sink deeper into my heart.

Here are some thoughts that Ken Gire (one of my favorite authors) wrote in "The Reflective Life-Becoming More Spiritually Sensitive to the Everyday Moments of Life":

"Honestly, I want to be like Christ.

But honestly, I want to be like the Christ who turned water into wine, not the Christ who thirsted on the cross. I want to be the clothed Christ, not the one whose garment was stripped and gambled away. I want to be the Christ who fed the five thousand, not the one who hungered for forty days in the wilderness. I want to be the free Christ, walking through wheatfields with His disciples, not the imprisoned Christ who was deserted by them.

I want to be the Good Samaritan, not the man who fell among thieves.
But if the man had not fallen among thieves, been beaten, stripped, and left for dead, the good in the Samaritan would of never emerged.

This is the dark side of Christianity, the side we don't see when we sign up. That if we want to be like Christ, we have to embrace both sides of His life. What else could it mean when the Bible talks about "the fellowship of His suffering?" How could we enter that fellowship apart from His suffering? How could we truly know the man of sorrows aquainted with grief if we had not ourselves known grief and sorrow?

That is how Christ grows in us, both corporately as a body and individually as members of that body. It is also the way many people come to Christ. For some people, it is the only way. And perhaps that explains, at least partially, why bad things happen to good people.

For the sake of those around them.
That they might come to Christ.
That Christ might come to them, to live in them.
So that once again a Savior can be born into the world."

Abide

Back in January I started working on my talks for ACU's Summit/Lectureship week, Sept. 20- 23rd.

When given the chance to choose what I am going to speak on I always try to get a feel for what the Lord is doing in my life, where am I seeing Him directing me, etc...The theme for this year is "On the Mountain with God." After much prayer and seeking I felt like the Lord was leading me to to speak on Quiet time...something I move in and out of struggling with...My topics were "Meeting God on the Mountain: I want to meet Him but do I have to climb?" and "Meeting God on the Mountain: Can I summit in 30 minutes?"

I have studied, researched, and prayed about these talks for 9 months. I have a spiral notebook that is filled with notes. I have two outlines that I have read and re-read everyday. But before I allow myself to write I always ask the Lord "Help me sift through this...what of this information is for me and what is for my class?" And each time I would feel in my heart...I am not supposed to write about this right now I am supposed to practice it. So for the past 9 months the Lord has been drawing me, calling me deeper, allowing me to see I had given quiet time a bad rap. I had made it something to check off, something to do to make me feel better about me...when what He wanted was for me to come closer and feel better about Him. He has shown me I don't have to always talk, I can just be...and listen to Him. He is shown me I am a better person when I allow Him to live through me and focus my day. He has shown me that He does not want me living for Him...He wants me living with Him. He has shown me that some of the sweetest words to Him are not articulate prayers that catch others attention...but the cry of His name alone...followed by my silence. He has shown me the power of His Word...I have realized that while I have often placed myself in the role of the older brother,I am the prodigal. I have never allowed myself to think that the Lord scans the horizon for me...and yet he does, daily. In so many ways I have experienced more of His love...and I thought I was studying it to teach it to others.

That is why last Wednesday morning I told Tony, "I have a peace right now about where I am at in my talks because the Lord has given me a peace...but He has not really made it clear what I should share yet and that is starting to make me uncomfortable. I want to have them lined out by tomorrow." Tony smiled gave me his I am not worried and you will do great talk and left for work. And Wednesday as I talked with the Lord through out the day I felt in the most real way that yet again, every time I sat down to write He spoke to my heart and said, "Don't write, just be with me." And so I did...I sat in silence, I read about His goodness, I cried out that I wanted to trust more in His mercy and relax more in His hand. I shared how I wished my love for Him was stronger and felt His peace flood my soul. I felt myself rest in His hand on Wednesday. So much so that I thought, maybe I need to ditch all my notes and just share this testimony...Is that it Lord? Again I felt His peaceful silence.


Wednesday evening Tony came home and asked how much I had gotten written. I told him, This is so crazy but the Lord is not letting me write...every time I try I feel Him stop me and call me back to being with Him. Maybe I will do it tomorrow. We both just shrugged our shoulders as if, "That crazy Lord." We ate dinner as a family and then went outside to work on our yard as a family. Then Tony's phone rang. We did not get to it in time. Then mine rang and I got it. It was Tony's brother, he was crying, I handed the phone to Tony who then dropped it and said, "My dad is gone."

I felt frantic...I made calls that got our kids taken care of...I watched my husband in pain...and I felt myself begin to grieve...Tony and I packed our bags that night crying and moaning the whole time. My prayers were reduced to calling out His name... Lord. I felt panic in my soul as I wondered how we would ever go a lifetime without Tony's dad, how we would ever explain to our kids how precious this man was, how we would ever be able to care for Tony's mom (currently in a nursing home) in the way his dad had. I cried all night long deeply toubled. And then the sun came up and I remembered my friend. The One who had been calling me for the past nine months to know Him better. The One who had been asking for me to go to a deeper place of trust with Him. The One who had shown me that He is the only thing that cannot taken from me. The one who had told me...just be still, that's enough. My tears and my pain did not cease but I remembered my Comforter and Tony and I asked Him to make Himself known to us in the middle of this.

And I realized...the past nine months had not been about me preparing for Lectureship at all...it had been Him, in His sweetness, preparing me for this road that I would be walking hand in hand with Him and my husband.

And so we walk...and I am glad to know He holds us because our eyes are a constant stream of tears and we can't see that well. But because He has taught me to rest in Him, to trust in Him, I was able to stand up at my dear father-in-laws memorial and give his eulogy while declaring the Lord's faithfulness. Because He has taught me to relax in His hand I am not near as squirmy as I once was...And because I have learned I can trust Him, I have carried to Him every piece of frustration and every cry of I wish it had not happened like this and I know He has heard it.

We have a long road ahead. Our grief seems to feel like the ocean, tide in, tide out...under-tow strong, under-tow bearable....and it has not been a week yet.

Payton asked tonight, "Will I always feel this sad about Paw Paw being with God?" and we answered, "no, but we will be sad that he is not with us...until we are all with God." Benjamin then told about how the highlight of his day was singing Blessed be your name at school. Payton, ever our thinker, said, "If the Lord hears Benjamin's praise and Paw Paw is with God, Do you think Paw Paw hears Benjamin's voice praising the Lord as well?" We just smiled and said there is so much we do not know...and Payton responded, "I bet he does...and he loves hearing our voices praising God almost as much as God does."

Oh how I love the Lord...Tony and I have said countless times even today, "What would we do without Him?" I can say in a completely different way tonight than I could of last Monday, HE IS OUR HOPE. He is IT for us...I am so thankful we have Him. I am so thankful to know He has Tony's dad.

Tomorrow they will pass out an addendum to the program at ACU's Lectureship/Summit that explains my classes have been canceled due to family reasons. But you and I know the truth; the truth is my class has just begun.

Blog Update...

1. Payton starts school 17 days from today...I know this because every morning as I pour his orange juice he gives me the count...and he has since the day he got out of school. I love my little rain man. The other night he and I stayed up to watch the Rangers play on the West Coast. (Tony stayed up with us but Tony defines staying up as sleeping hard on the couch rather than in his bed.) As the game wore on I said, "I sure love you Payton," he replied, "I have enjoyed every minute of this summer, we have really lived it." Sometimes there are better replies to I love you than just I love you too.

2. It is apparent Eden needs a Savior. (Not that we ever really doubted that she too would need Christ.)However, it is possible to get wrapped up in the our sweet baby is perfect stage until your sweet baby gets something taken away and throws herself down on the ground screaming, slapping the floor with both hand and feet. Her first full blown fit was an impressive one. The girl is a natural.

3. Last night I wished I had a pedometer built into my pajamas. I felt like I walked miles...each child up multiple times...I slept on every bed and couch in our house last night minus Eden's crib...and I thought about that, it was just too hard to muster the energy to get over that rail.

4. Benjamin loves his sister much like a dog loves his favorite toy. He lights up whenever she crawls in the room. He can hardly wait to pounce on her. This type of fierce love is something we are daily working on. Yesterday we must of had a breakthrough...when she crawled in after her nap Benjamin ran over with his (Nerf) sword and rather than whapping her with it said, "I am glad you are up, you know its my job to protect you."

5. The other day as I was holding Benjamin he said, "Someday I will be forty and you and I will be best friends." Notice to Benjamin's future wife, I put this in writing and actually had him sign it. It is official.:)

6. The other night we were doing our bedtime reading and the story was based on Luke 6:27-31 It said, "Jesus said, "Love your enemy. If he hates you, be good to him. If he curses you, be kind to him. If he hurts you, pray for him. If he hits you on one side of your face, let him hit the other. If he takes your coat, give him your shirt. Whatever you want him to do to you....You do that to him." I then closed the book. Payton who had been sitting there taking it in said, "What does the next verse say?" I read it to him and then asked why...He said, "Well, I was really expecting Jesus to say I am totally kidding about all that, that is way too hard."

7. I am currently working on talks for lectureship (The Summit) on time with the Lord...what it looks like (Its different for everybody) the results (Once again, different for everybody) the blessing (looks different for everybody)...Someday I will be able to share more in an organized form...right now its pages of scribbles mixed with prayers of "Lord, help me." Currently I am most touched by the realization that he wants my heart...not completed Bible Study books, not my checkmark beside I read two chapters...my heart. I am wrestling with that simple concept...and He is aware of that. I am so thankful He is a God who patiently loves and pursues.

8. Speaking of quiet time this summer we have instituted a different kind around this house. It did not take long to realize that between the hours of 3-4 became beat the dog mess out of your brother hour unless every one was separate and quiet. I have loved this hour each day...they have as well...and sweet Eden does not know what to do with herself...she crawls around with the house to herself with a huge smile. In an hours time I can usually remind myself of who I am and that at one point in my life I had conversations that involved lines besides, "Boys, we do not discuss that outside of the bathroom."

9. We watch alot of baseball at our house...which means if we are not quick with the remote we also watch a lot of beer commercials...We did laugh out loud the other morning at breakfast when Benjamin drank his orange juice, slammed his cup down and said in perfect accent, "Stay thirsty my friends."

10. Eden will turn one next week. Such an amazing mile marker...a year gone way too fast. It seems like life speeds up as you age causing you to look deeper and feel more. I love this little girl...It is hard to remember what our family was without her. Eden's name mean's the Lord s delight...He has placed that in our home through her life.

Dearest Payton

Dearest Payton...

Three weeks ago you turned seven. You woke up at one in the morning and came in and said, "Does anyone want to wish me happy birthday?" We wished you happy birthday and sent you back to bed, only to see your face again at 3, 5, 6 and at 6:30. You were eager to be celebrated. By then we all got up to start our day. It was a day of great rejoicing over your birth.

Seven years ago the doctor told us that she anticipated you would be born around July 4th, possibly before because you were measuring large. We marked a huge star on July 4th on our kitchen calendar. We assumed naively that we would watch fireworks while holding you and we could hardly wait. As you now know the 4th came and went and we still had no baby. The Dr. began ordering sonograms every other day so she could make sure you had enough fluid, your placenta was viable, etc... Thus began our wait...I was anxious, stressed and tired. I cried a lot. Looking back, I complained a lot.

On one particular day, my mom, your Precious, was driving me home from the sonogram...the doctor had said everything looked great and it was possible we might have an end of July baby. I remember staring out the window and telling mom how sad I was. I will never forget her words. As she drove she said, "Becky, I know you are so ready to meet your son. I know everyday that you are still pregnant is a disappointment to you...but I want you to try and stop being disappointed and enjoy this time. Payton will come out soon and he will no longer be just yours to hold...you are going to love watching him grow once he is born but you will miss him for the rest of your life."

Back then, I did not understand her words....even now I know they will mean more to me when you are 35 and I am wanting you to call your mother than they do when you are 7 and right down the hall. But I understand now, that the journey of motherhood does involve a lot of missing.I remember when you used to sit on my hip and cry when I sat you down. Now, I watch you try to explain to me why I do not have to wait outside the bathroom door at Target for you...I listen to you try to tell me why you can run into Walmart by yourself (That has NEVER happened). You are becoming, a little more every year, your own person. The person the Lord intended you to be...It is beautiful to watch.

So many things that make you...you.

* We love the way you are so gentle with your baby sister...She loves you so.


* We love the way you play with Benjamin. He is your biggest fan.

* We love, love, love your laugh. When you are tickled at something you can hardly stand up you laugh so hard.

* We love it that you know the Ranger's line-up by heart and will often tell your dad how some one's ERA has gone up or down. Your dad beams every time you pause the TV and call everyone in to watch an awesome catch, slide or double -play.

* We love your "matter of factness". When everyone booed A-Rod and your brother asked why they were doing it, you said, "The facts are Benjamin-you choose your choices but not your consequences...His choices have caused a lot of people not to like him." Your dad and I are constantly shaking our heads in wonder at your ability to articulate your thoughts.

* We love the way you organize and clean...We smile when you ask if you can clean the playroom by yourself because you "just can't handle things being thrown in the toy box that belong in a shelf."




* We love your heart...your kindergarten teacher pointed out at every conference we had this year that you are a friend to everyone. If there is a new person you ask them to sit by you at lunch and play kick ball at recess. You reflect Christ in so many ways.

* We love that you are a nervous talker. No one can ever accuse you of clamming up. You are a processor. We love helping you process.

* We love listening to your self talk. Your dad and I cracked up as we pulled up to a family gathering and heard you from the back seat say to yourself, "People love you, they want to kiss your face, let it be OK."



* We love how you listen...you are a detail gatherer. We love how you use details to hold people accountable. We are working on when you holding someone accountable is appropriate...the other day at Subway when I grabbed a bag of Cheetos and you said, "Hey aren't you trying to eat healthy?" is an example of a time when public accountability is not exactly what I was looking for.

* We even love having to explain to you...quite often, that we are not a family of three parents and 2 kids...You make us laugh (to ourselves) when you offer disciplining advice.


Oh Payton, the list could go on and on. We are crazy about all the pieces the Lord put together to make you- you. Your dad and I are so proud of who you are becoming...We can hardly believe it had been 7 years of having you in our life. Each one has been sweeter than the last. You have always been one who goes to sleep quickly. Because of this trait, throughout your life your dad and I have found ourselves in your room watching you sleep. Sometimes we are praying over you, sometimes we are reflecting over something you said and laughing...Sometimes your dad leaves and I stand there awhile longer watching you breathe and thanking the Lord for placing you in our home and I think about how fast you are growing...and all of the sudden I realize, even while soaking up every moment of the day, I already miss you.

Dearest Benjamin

Dearest Benjamin-

A week ago you turned five...causing your dad and I look at each other, shake our heads and proclaim yet again, "Where does the time go?" Seems like just yesterday we were rushing to the hospital to meet you while doing our special breathing. (Which involves me telling your dad to hurry and him saying "I'm trying!" at least 1000 times between here and downtown Ft. Worth.) When you arrived it was love at first sight...you were exactly who we wanted. We could not contain our joy over you! What a prize the Lord had given us!

As we watch you grow, we experience falling in love even more each morning as you wake up. We watch you stumble into the kitchen with your eyes still closed, your hair looking like you have been doing a head spin all night long and we smile... We love watching you grow on a daily basis. What a prize the Lord has given!

So many unique things about you that make you...you. We love every single one of them.

* We love how you love to be hugged on first thing in the morning. Currently you need at least 15 minutes of lap time with mom or dad if it is going to be a good day.

* We love that little raspy voice of yours.





* We love that you would much rather sleep beside your bed on the floor than in your bed.

* We love that you are fiercely protective of your brother and sister. You want to make sure no one hits them or tackles them except for you.

* We love it (after we shake off the initial embarrassment) that you make the mundane an adventure. When we turned around the other day at the grocery store and saw you inside the deep freeze with your rear pressed up against the glass of the door...we laughed to ourselves as we made sure you understood that was unacceptable.

* We love that if there is a lull in our day we can always find you in the back yard practicing your swing or throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it.




* We love it that you love your purple tooth. (Some in the dental profession might call it dead:)). Other children ask you about it often and you say, "Yeah, I threw a big fit when I was little and got this...sure wish I had two, but right now there's only one."

* We love it that you need at least 3 days advance notice if you are going to put on a shirt with a collar.

* We love your strong will. We know the Lord placed it in you for a reason.

* We love to ponder the mystery that is your eating...How one person can receive so much energy from one chicken nugget is phenomenal. Someday, perhaps this year, you will eat a full meal and promptly get up and build a skyscraper in backyard with your own bare hands.

* We love it that you are quick...You are the only child that we have had to chase in order to discipline. You are a gazelle my friend...a gazelle that has learned you got your quickness from your dad, he can zig and zag with the best of them. I believe I have watched you finally learn that your dad does not find your quickness amusing under those type of circumstances. I have also watched you learn that even if you can out run your mom, your dad always comes home.





* We love your desire to make others laugh...you bring so much joy to the people you interact with.

Benjamin, the Lord has created such a masterpiece in you. We love noticing details that we have not before...studying the way He used colors, blends and strokes to make you someone that makes Him known to His people. Your dad and I look to Him to guide us as we shepherd your heart. We long to see you become exactly who the Lord dreamed of as He knit you together. You see son, we are not a family that believes in coincidence. Everything that is a part of you now is meant to be molded into something that reveals His character. We daily count on His promise in Philippians 1:6 that "He who began a good work in you would bring it about."

We want you to know our list of mistakes is long...we are imperfect, struggling, falling and getting back up again parents. As you get older this will become more and more apparent to you. But there is joy even in that. Because as you watch us, we are hoping you see grace, given to us by the Lord, given by us to each other, given by the Lord and us to you. I was reminded the other day that just as the Lord has not called your dad and I to perfection...He has not called our children to that either. You reveal His glory as is... We would not have you any other way. As the Lord shapes you into His man we are so thankful to play a part. We have never wanted to do anything more right.

Oh how we love you Benjamin! Your friend Jackson came over on your birthday to eat breakfast with you and pray over you. His prayer caused all of us to smile for he summed up our emotions so well. He prayed, "Lord, Thank you for Benjamin, he is so wild, but I love him so much." So do we Jackson, so do we.