This past Monday we took our boys for their first day of school. Pate's first day of second grade and Benjamin's first day of kindergarten. It was a day filled with sweet tears.
The day before our whole family had gone up to the school, walked around the school (the outside), and had our family prayer time over the school year, teachers, friends, all the things the year would hold. Listening to the boys hearts in prayers is always a gift. Their prayers so simple and yet profound. Eden walked around in circles with her hands raised talking in a language only the Lord could understand. She brought quite a bit of laughter and distraction to our time but we loved it...because we entered the school year as a family united before the Lord.
Later that night, our ever observant Payton said, "Mom I could tell you were about to cry during your prayer. Are you going to cry on the first day of school? That might make me sad." I told Payton that I would try not to cry and then thought better and told him I wanted to tell him about a secret code the Lord and I speak that he should know about....I let him know that a lot of times tears come from hearts that are breaking but there are days as well, that tears come from hearts that are overflowing. A long time ago I realized that my tears spoke to the Lord in a way my mouth could not.
We talked about how sweet his 8 years of life had been. How precious each moment was to me. We relived favorite parts of our summer, moments that made us laugh, made us frustrated, and moments where we were so hot we thought we might explode. Each a precious memory I cherish in my heart. I then told him, Payton, the Lord knows how thankful I am for each one of those moments...but my tears are telling Him again. So each time you see one fall, I don't want you to be sad. I want you to know mom is thinking about time I had with you and I am thanking the Lord that He gave you to me. So this tear, it's saying, "thank you Lord for this precious boy." and this one is me saying, "I am so glad he is mine." and this one is me saying, "I could not be more proud." and this one is, "if we both live to be 200 I will never have enough time with him." He was nodding the entire time taking in every word. (love that boy). Then I said, "the Lord hears every thankful tear as a praise but if you would like I could always just walk into your classroom, raise my hands and yell "Hallelujah! Payton Brooks is mine! He is my son and I am so thankful." Maybe that would help me not cry...He smiled, said "thanks for telling me about you and God's code...you just go ahead and cry all you want. I like your silent thank yous."
My brother and I were remembering the other day all the times in our lives that our parents said, "Your life has gone so fast." with tears running down their face. We always looked at them like they were crazy. I understand now. They were speaking in code to the Lord. I speak it now as well. My heart is so thankful to the giver of these three precious gifts of Payton, Benjamin and Eden. My heart and my eyes overflow with gratitude.