Wednesday, April 22, 2009

So thankful...

A year ago today I was 5 months pregnant. We were still in a state of shock and excitement that we were pregnant with a girl. Tony and I (from dating through marriage) had always envisioned that we were boy parents and figured we would have a house full of them. We were elated to see this girl that showed us yet again our plans were not the Lords. We had just decided that we would name this sweet one we had yet to meet Eden Elizabeth. We loved her already.

Then I began to bleed. I called Tony immediately and we headed downtown. I was scared. He was scared. I could still feel Eden kicking. Every time she kicked I would say out loud, Please Lord. Sometimes that has to be enough...and I am confident it is. I remember thinking I wonder if April 22nd is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. The sonogram showed a healthy baby...but the dr. was straight forward as she asssigned me to bed rest and let me know what often occurs after bleeding starts.

I remember going home and praying...trying to surrender this baby...and realizing I could not. I remember asking the Lord to meet me, yet again in my reluctance. I remember hearing in my heart, "She is mine already, release your grip." It took days, even weeks, even months to uncurl my fingers. Even still I watch this baby smile, I watch her try to crawl, I watch her breathe as she sleeps and I feel my grip tighten again...and if I am quiet enough in the stillness of her room, I feel in my heart the words, "She is already mine, release your grip." Sometimes it is a warm breeze to my soul, on other days it is a more startling wind. And yet, however it blows, it blows with love....and I feel the need to, yet again loosen my grip.

I am so thankful the Lord allowed Eden Elizabeth Brooks to be carried to term. I am so thankful her for her sweet smiles that melt her mother and daddy. I am so thankful that she is a baby who already knows that fierce love her brothers have for her. I am thankful for the ways I see her cousins,aunts and uncles love on her. I am so thankful for the unique little personality we see emerging.

"He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." Isaiah 51:3

I am so thankful she is ours...but I am most thankful she is His.
Lord, hear the sounds of thanksgiving tonight.




9 comments:

laura said...

What a beautiful post... and thank you for reminding me that my children too are first and foremost the Lord's. What a gift it is to have this time here in this life to be their mommies and raise them! Eden is beautiful!

amber dayton said...

We are so thankful for you too, sweet Eden! What a needed reminder for all of us of who our children truly belong to... and what a gift to us that He loans them out for a while. :) Loved all the pictures of your girl - she's growing so fast!

daughteroftheking said...

Becky thank you for sharing this post with us. It is a beautiful reminder of our role in their lives. She is such a cutie!

Amy said...

First of all, I needed to read this post. Thank you for that reminder, what a blessing. And second, I don't think your children could be any cuter! Love those pictures, just precious! We need to get Eden and Ella together for a playdate soon. :)Love you!

Laurie said...

what a memory, what a sweet girl! Thanks for sharing that!!!

I didn't realize you had such a scare.

Kendra said...

This, my friend, was a great post - your daughter will be blessed by reading it someday. Love you (and that cute little ladybug baby!!) so much.

Betsy said...

I loved this post as I so often need to be reminded of this. It is so hard to let go. Thank you so much or sharing this.

Amy Woods said...

Becky,

I'm just now reading this post and you did it over 2 weeks ago. My sister told me last night I should come read it. I'm glad I did. Your words, with out knowing it, have blessed me in a way I can't talk about right now. But I wanted to thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully and raw. It was such a sweet reminder to me about loosening my grip! I love you sweet friend! I always have...

Amy

Summer said...

What a sweet girl! I loved reading this post. . . and I'm ready for some more Brooks boys' stories too. I enjoyed getting to see your mom at the Pepperdine Lectures. She mentioned that you'll be speaking at ACU Lectureship this fall. Maybe I'll get to come hear you this time. I believe I went into labor the last time I planned to come and hear you speak ; )