Monday, August 03, 2009

Dearest Payton

Dearest Payton...

Three weeks ago you turned seven. You woke up at one in the morning and came in and said, "Does anyone want to wish me happy birthday?" We wished you happy birthday and sent you back to bed, only to see your face again at 3, 5, 6 and at 6:30. You were eager to be celebrated. By then we all got up to start our day. It was a day of great rejoicing over your birth.

Seven years ago the doctor told us that she anticipated you would be born around July 4th, possibly before because you were measuring large. We marked a huge star on July 4th on our kitchen calendar. We assumed naively that we would watch fireworks while holding you and we could hardly wait. As you now know the 4th came and went and we still had no baby. The Dr. began ordering sonograms every other day so she could make sure you had enough fluid, your placenta was viable, etc... Thus began our wait...I was anxious, stressed and tired. I cried a lot. Looking back, I complained a lot.

On one particular day, my mom, your Precious, was driving me home from the sonogram...the doctor had said everything looked great and it was possible we might have an end of July baby. I remember staring out the window and telling mom how sad I was. I will never forget her words. As she drove she said, "Becky, I know you are so ready to meet your son. I know everyday that you are still pregnant is a disappointment to you...but I want you to try and stop being disappointed and enjoy this time. Payton will come out soon and he will no longer be just yours to are going to love watching him grow once he is born but you will miss him for the rest of your life."

Back then, I did not understand her words....even now I know they will mean more to me when you are 35 and I am wanting you to call your mother than they do when you are 7 and right down the hall. But I understand now, that the journey of motherhood does involve a lot of missing.I remember when you used to sit on my hip and cry when I sat you down. Now, I watch you try to explain to me why I do not have to wait outside the bathroom door at Target for you...I listen to you try to tell me why you can run into Walmart by yourself (That has NEVER happened). You are becoming, a little more every year, your own person. The person the Lord intended you to be...It is beautiful to watch.

So many things that make

* We love the way you are so gentle with your baby sister...She loves you so.

* We love the way you play with Benjamin. He is your biggest fan.

* We love, love, love your laugh. When you are tickled at something you can hardly stand up you laugh so hard.

* We love it that you know the Ranger's line-up by heart and will often tell your dad how some one's ERA has gone up or down. Your dad beams every time you pause the TV and call everyone in to watch an awesome catch, slide or double -play.

* We love your "matter of factness". When everyone booed A-Rod and your brother asked why they were doing it, you said, "The facts are Benjamin-you choose your choices but not your consequences...His choices have caused a lot of people not to like him." Your dad and I are constantly shaking our heads in wonder at your ability to articulate your thoughts.

* We love the way you organize and clean...We smile when you ask if you can clean the playroom by yourself because you "just can't handle things being thrown in the toy box that belong in a shelf."

* We love your heart...your kindergarten teacher pointed out at every conference we had this year that you are a friend to everyone. If there is a new person you ask them to sit by you at lunch and play kick ball at recess. You reflect Christ in so many ways.

* We love that you are a nervous talker. No one can ever accuse you of clamming up. You are a processor. We love helping you process.

* We love listening to your self talk. Your dad and I cracked up as we pulled up to a family gathering and heard you from the back seat say to yourself, "People love you, they want to kiss your face, let it be OK."

* We love how you are a detail gatherer. We love how you use details to hold people accountable. We are working on when you holding someone accountable is appropriate...the other day at Subway when I grabbed a bag of Cheetos and you said, "Hey aren't you trying to eat healthy?" is an example of a time when public accountability is not exactly what I was looking for.

* We even love having to explain to you...quite often, that we are not a family of three parents and 2 kids...You make us laugh (to ourselves) when you offer disciplining advice.

Oh Payton, the list could go on and on. We are crazy about all the pieces the Lord put together to make you- you. Your dad and I are so proud of who you are becoming...We can hardly believe it had been 7 years of having you in our life. Each one has been sweeter than the last. You have always been one who goes to sleep quickly. Because of this trait, throughout your life your dad and I have found ourselves in your room watching you sleep. Sometimes we are praying over you, sometimes we are reflecting over something you said and laughing...Sometimes your dad leaves and I stand there awhile longer watching you breathe and thanking the Lord for placing you in our home and I think about how fast you are growing...and all of the sudden I realize, even while soaking up every moment of the day, I already miss you.


emily anna said...

Happy Birthday (late Payton)! Becky, you have such a gift with words. You have truly blessed me this week with them. Thank you. I am so thankful for you, and your family. I will be calling you later, so have your calender ready! :)

amber dayton said...

Happy belated bday Pate & Ben! Becky - with our busy lives I don't get the opportunity often to hang out with your boys... that is why I love these precious birthday posts. I always feel like I know them better & love them more after reading. They are the greatest kids! Blessings on all 3 of your sweet kiddos.

Kristen OQ said...

Great blog about your big boy! I actually got tears in my eyes reading it...I have had a few days myself lately where I have felt like they have been growing up way too quickly!

Thanks for sharing such sweet words about your Payton!

Shelly said...

What sweet words---what a precious little boy. That's so true too about missing them already. You're a good mama! Miss you!