Sunday, December 10, 2006

Wrestling

I beleive in prayer...I read everything I can about it. I enjoy studying it. I love talking to others about it. I love praying with my husband, with my boys, with anyone....It is the highest honor I have received on this earth...To have The King of the Universe listen to my thoughts is at times invigorating, at other times embaressing, at all times humbling. For I recognize that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher than mine ... He is after all the Lord of Lords.

This week I have been working with Benjamin on articulating his thoughts..."Don't just scream son, use words to tell us what you need." "Benjamin, you can't just throw yourself on the floor and expect us to know what you want, you must talk to us." Sometimes Benjamin is able to pull himself out of an emotional nosedive and articulate his thoughts....other times he is removed to his bedroom until he gains some self-control. In the midst of all of this my love never ebbs for Benjamin. I am crazier about him each and everyday. Sometimes the parent-child relationship mirrors the God-child relationship and even in this example I see our Heavenly Father...but at some point it breaks down quite a bit.

I am thankful that the Lord allows me to articulate my thoughts to Him. I am thankful, in the deepest sense for Him calling me to a relationship with Him...that in His goodness He calls me to partner with Him through prayer...But this week, I am thankful, to the very core of me...that he does not ask me to articulate my thoughts or pull out of an emotional nosedive before I come to Him.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

My thoughts have been consumed this week with a young mother of 4 who is currently struggling for her life against leukemia. There are some battles that you hear are going on and you ache for the family, you pray for them, and go on through your day, then there are other battles that you hear of and for some reason, that cannot be explained, you find yourself thrust right into the middle of it your heart split wide open...begging the Lord with every thought, crying out on behalf of those He has bonded you to, only through the working of the Spirit. I read her husbands words, her mothers words, her siblings words as they update the world on her condition and my heart literally groans within me. Sometimes I hear myself pray and I feel like, in human terms I am doing a good job articulating my heart to my Father...other times I look like Benjamin, throwing myself down on floor, wailing, wanting so badly to get the response that I want...fighting a desperate fight for the end result that I want but can't see.

I am yearning to see a complete healing in this mother's life...and I know that some people will say, that is what death is for a Christian, complete healing. On some levels I know that, in other ways I don't want to. So I continue to beg, to plead, to wrestle in prayer. Knowing that regardless the outcome- He is God.

and yet...my Heart groans even as I type that...Be magnified Lord through an earthly healing...Extend her life as you did for Hezekiah...We wait for you alone.

***Please read comment #3 and please keep this precious family in your prayers.

5 comments:

Kaley said...

I will join you in praying for this young mother. I am so thankful that the Spirit intercedes for us when we do not have the words to pray!

K Speck said...

Hi Becky- I just ran across your blog (it has been a while)....so beautifully said. I have felt that same aching in my heart for Sarah's family....and as I just looked out my office window in prayer upon the latest news I saw a rainbow in the sky as dusk settled in....

Brooks Inc. said...

I just read these words on Sarah's blog written so beautifully by her husband Scott.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2006 03:16 PM, CST

I want everyone to take heart.

This afternoon Sarah slipped away through the great divide that separates our world from God’s kingdom in Heaven. Sarah loved the Lord more than anyone I have ever known. And she loved everything about the life that God entrusted her with. A few weeks ago when Sarah was whispering to me she said the following while gesturing about the immediate world around her, “It’s more than about this. It’s not just about this.” When I asked her what she meant she said, “Life was not just about this physical body, and the physical world in which we live.” Sarah and I both believe this with all of our hearts. My children believe it too and know they can one day see her again in Heaven….but - only by putting their faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Please read on:




Romans 10


9that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;


10for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.


11For the Scripture says, "WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED."


Hebrews 11


11. With respect to the promise of God, she did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God


Revelation 21


4And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."


5And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new " And He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true."


6Then He said to me, "It is done I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.


7"She who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be her God and she will be My daughter.



God has definitely been glorified through Sarah’s life and even in her death. I want you to know that she never wavered in her love and devotion for her family, and especially for God!


For those who would like to attend, there will be a “Celebration” Service this Thursday evening, December 14th, 2006 at 7:00p.m. at the Fairfax Church of Christ.



3901 Rugby Road
Fairfax, Virginia 22033

(703) 631-2100

I ask that you please continue to pray for Sarah’s family and especially for our four little children; Hannah, Noah, Jonah and Rachel.


Still your humble friend and brother - Scott


2 Corinthians 4:7
7But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves

Murray & Jaime said...

Thank you for such a beautiful tribute to Sarah! It's amazing the way the Lord binds our hearts to others for no apparent reason. I'm so glad he chose to bind your heart to Sarah's as I've been so encouraged by your words, thoughts and prayers!

Love you!

Kelly Vaughn said...

Becky,
I agree with every word. I have wrestled in prayer over Sarah and still am wrestling in prayer for her husband and sweet kids. I know you are too. Every time I look at my kids, thoughts of the Berdquist children are in my mind. I am so thankful that the Lord wants to hear our every thought and that we can share the range of emotions with him. He is the only hope and the only safe place to go with our fears and despair.
I love you so much Becky! I am so thankful for the relationship that we share. I love you I love you I love you!!

KJV