The latest...

While I was at the Dr. yesterday Payton lost 2 teeth. One was pulled by a friend, the other, best we can tell is in his digestive system somewhere, we are choosing not to look for it :). He was beside himself. He has now lost 4 teeth. Today was the 2 on the bottom


Anytime Benjamin so much as hears a camera click he races to the scene.


Payton asked if he could take some pictures. As you can tell from the look on Benjamin's face he asked us to hold our smile for at least 2 minutes before he pushed the button. Obviously the boy likes a close up.


Then of course Benjamin had to take a turn.

My dad reminded me last night of Phillipians 4:6, that with thanksgiving I can present my worries, even my tears to the Lord as a prayer while at the same time cultivating a heart of thankfulness. I love the way it reads in The Message. "Do not fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

I am certanly feeling more settled this morning. Thanks so much for your prayers, phone calls and emails.

***Why is this highlighted as if there is a link? When you click on it, you can actually tell I have something in my teeth. Thank you blogspot! :)

Update

Thank you so much for the comments and prayers...what a blessing to have a group of friends far and wide who lift up my family and I.

My Dr.'s appt. this morning went well. I was given permission to resume life on a much slower pace being ever aware of my body and any signals it might be trying to give towards going in to labor.

I have been extremely emotional today...my tears have flowed freely. Part of my appointment was going over different scenarios and complications to be aware of. None of it should of been surprising, they certainly were not saying "here is what is going to happen", just here are some things we want to be checking...but for some reason it hit me in different way today.

I ponder my heart on days like today. Last week I felt confident and assured. Today I have just felt...sad. I know the Lord has not changed.

I watched Shadowlands last week. (The story of CS Lewis and his marriage to a woman who was dying of cancer) I love that movie. The quotes in it are incredible. At one point in the movie his wife is going into remission and one of his colleagues says,"Now God is answering your prayers." CS Lewis then says, "That is not why I pray. I pray because I cannot help myself. I pray because I am helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me waking and sleeping. Prayer does not change God, it changes me." Certainly our (Mine and CS) situations or wrestlings in life do not compare. Yet that quote has resonated with me. The desperation for the Lord, the helplessness... I long for the Lord to change me as well.

My sister reminded me today that Eden's testimony has begun....May the Lord be magnified in her life and in each member of our family. Thanks for being a part of our life.

Eden Elizabeth

We have a name! Eden- (means the Lord's delight) Elizabeth (after her aunt Kelly Elizabeth means God's beloved)Oh how we love this girl already!

I feel like most are aware of this but here is the email I sent out on Tuesday...

friends-

Some of you have already heard this but I wanted to give the quick update. This morning after running a few errands I realized I was bleeding...feeling a bit panicked I called Tony and my OB at the same time. I ended up spending most of the day downtown. I was feeling Eden kicking the entire drive downtown so that was reassuring but the tears of the unknown were still flowing.

They got a heart beat on doppler as soon as I arrived and reassured me it was strong. They did a check, confirmed that the bleeding was not related to anything else and then scheduled a sono for later in the afternoon (as soon as the tech arrived).

The sonogram showed no tears, a healthy baby (already over 1 lb), great fluid level, placenta in good position and Eden sucking on her toes nearly the entire time we watched her. The Dr. believes I have just been doing too much and as a result I will now be on complete bed rest until a Monday AM when I will go to the Dr. to make sure everything is still good.

My parents are leaving in the morning to take the boys to the ranch. They will keep them there until Friday when Tony can take on the tigers full time.

I was telling a friend today that as I laid on that table most of the day I thought of Rick's sermon about being made to lie down in green pastures. We are praying the bleeding stops soon...We are praying I can carry this precious baby girl that we already love so dearly to term (Everything shown today points to the fact that if this bleeding will stop that should not be a problem)...We are trusting that none of the events of today have caught the Lord off-guard. He is in complete control...We will walk in trust of our Father...actually Tony will walk, I will lie down in the green pasture of trust.:)

My Favorite Nightmare

The other night around 3 AM I woke up to hear someone sprinting down on our hall. A few seconds later Payton was at my bedside telling me he had just had a terrible nightmare. His heart was racing and he seemed paniced. I picked him up and put him in bed with us and asked him he wanted to talk about it and he said, "No, I just want to be between you and dad." Happy to oblige we each held a hand and went back to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast I asked Payton if he wanted to talk about his dream. He said, "It was awful. I was on a boat." Quick to imagine the terrors that could of come from this I said, "Oh were you by yourself? Did you fall in the water? Did you feel lost?" He said, "No, it was an ocean liner, there were a lot of people." Once again, quick to imagine the terror he had felt I said, "Were you hurt? Did someone grab you?" To which he responded, "No, that ship blew its horn and scared me to death."

Opening day and other Family Happenings

1. Saturday was opening day of t-ball season. The boys were beside themselves...Benjamin more than anyone. He was up at the crack of dawn, fully dressed and stretching for the days events. It was a great day of watching them both have fun.

2. Benjamin is crazy over baseball. We have no way of knowing how long this will last but right now, he is a child obsessed. Both boys get a 30 minute cartoon to watch everyday. Benjamin chooses to watch ESPN or a baseball game Tony has dvred. Last night after (I thought) everyone had been asleep for awhile Benjamin came and said, "Mom, what are you doing?" I responded, "Sleeping." He said, "Mom when you are watching me run around the bases and slide into home are you so proud?" I told him I was. He then said, "What do you think when I swing the bat like this? (and proceeded to demonstrate his best imaginary swing) I told him I loved it and realizing this was turning into a conversation walked him back to bed where he re-lived his game in detail. It is fun watching him enjoy this.

3. Tony was sick with a terrible virus on Friday. It lingered through the weekend. As we were walking into church a friend asked us where Tony was...I responded with, "He has a nasty bug." Later in the evening I heard someone ask Payton where his dad was...He responded with, "My dad has the fleas." We worked on the definitions of "Bug" on the way home.

4. We have been working on our rights and lefts...For some reason Benjamin has labeled his hands, my right hand and my wrong hand.

5. A month ago today I left for Canada...while I was there Benjamin was terribly sick. Tony had the baptism by fire through being up all night long for 3 nights in a row, working during the day and taking care of every need the boys had in between. 4 days into it he shared with me, "We are in survival mode around here." One of my favorite stories that was told to me was this one....Payton, ever my reporter, shared with me the day after I returned- "Mom, you know how there are things, like Scooby Doo that you do not like for us to watch on TV?" I shook my head yes. Payton then said, "Dad says watch whatever you want...just sit down." It certainly brought a smile to my face.


This is probably one of my all-time favorite pictures of our boys. Payton played after Benjamin and this was taken of them walking to the car after Pate's game was over. The were each telling each other how great the other one did. Our hearts were swelling as we walked behind them. I am thankful for pictures like this one that I can call to mind on days like today when these same two sweet ones are in a rolling brawl in the produce section of Walmart or using the toilet at the same time in the doctors office with the door wide open.

Thanks to all of you for your excitement over our precious girl. Your excitement makes it even more fun!

Sonogram....

I know I have so much catching up to do on this blog...My trip to Canada was amazing...Tony wins dad of the year for his 10 days on his own with the boys...I have been taking little notes of all Payton and Benjamin stories anxious to record them all as soon as time permits...

Today we had the thrill of seeing our sweet little developing baby...who had its little feet crossed at the ankles laying there sucking its thumb. We cried tears of thankfulness as they scanned each little developing part and then we cried some more when they typed on the screen "It's a Girl."

We are over the top thrilled...totally shocked but completly delighted. Tony is all smiles. Payton is happy. Everytime we mention it to Benjamin he just laughs and says, "It's really a brother." Just could not wait to share our joy!

Life...

1. Please be praying for my friend Jenny and her husband Brad. I know Jenny through Amber D. I was trying to explain to Tony how I knew her and realized it was through Amber's baby showers, Amber's Mary Kay parties, when Jenny visits Amber, etc...All this to say thanks Amber for your friendship and the gift of other great friends through you...Jenny is someone you meet and feel like you have known forever. I find these days she is my constant companion in thought. I am longing for she and Brad to see the Lord's healing...Read more here: www.thewims.blogspot.com Please pray for this precious family.

2. I leave next week for Canada. I will be gone for 11 days. Tony and the boys will do great I know. I am traveling with an organization called Come Before Winter. This team of ladies travel encouraging those who are serving the Lord around the world. I am excited to be a part of it. I will be working with the prayer team. My mom will be on the trip as well...so seriously, Tony is on his own. He's up to it, though he is needing a daily pep talk.

3. The other day Tony and I were standing in the laundry room talking. The boys bathroom was across the hall. We saw Payton stumble in there early in the morning, turn on the lights, look in the mirror and say, "Payton this is going to be a great day, you slept good, your body feels rested, you are going to see your friends, this may be the best day of your life." Then he went to the restroom. Tony and I just shook our heads. Seriously where does the kid come up with this stuff? We think he may grow up to be a motivational speaker...He is a lot more positive with himself than I am first thing in the morning.

4. Payton asked the other day why we call that bird with a long skinny neck, a fat feathery body, and long skinny legs a sausage? Took us a while to figure out he meant an ostrich.

5. The retreat last weekend was so encouraging. The message that was conveyed through the dramas, the praise, everything was that the Lord loves you, enjoys you and would choose you again in a heartbeat...in the midst of it all...Your sin, your struggles, your pain as well as your joy. I realized last week again that it is never a bad time to hear that the Lord loves you...I really needed that message. I don't guess a day goes by when I don't. The ladies that attended blessed me richly. I left feeling like I had just made a new group of friends.

6. Some of you may not know, Benjamin was our pickiest of picky eaters who also had a texture issue. These days he is still not a huge eater...but we are seeing huge strides. Today he ate 4 chicken minis for breakfast (did anyone else get the coupon for free breakfast today?), 2 eggs for lunch, the other day he ate a good amount of steak, he will eat green beans...not huge for the average 3 year old...but its something we are so thankful for.

7. We are big bottled water drinkers. I cannot stand when they are left lying around half full. I usually gather them and drink them all before I put them in the recycle bin. The other day I took a big drink out of one and told Tony..."this water smells like a dead animal." Then I looked at it closer and saw half of a chewed up pork chop floating around at the bottom along with some green beans. I am assumin g this was one of the boys water bottles. I knew we had not had pork chops in several days. Nice. I gagged.

8.The boys made the mistake a couple of weeks ago of showing me they know how to clean...not just wipe dust, I mean put things back in the exact right place, wipe baseboards, use the dust buster on the wood floors, etc (they are their father's sons)...Now they are daily workers. The other day I told them it was time for our cleaning to begin and Benjamin said, "I can't do this anymore, every day I clean, and the next day the house is dirty again. I am tired." It was a great time for a quick lesson on how to love and appreciate their mom.

9. The other day I got the boys the movie Aristicats to watch...telling them, "this was one of mom's favorite movies when she was little." I left to go fold laundry in the other room. When I walked back in they had turned it off. I asked what happened and Benjamin said, "we really are not cat people." Payton shook his head with a look of disgust...like I said, they are their father's sons.

10. The other day at lunch Tony asked who wants to pray for us and Benjamin raised his hand. As if we are were in a room with hundreds Payton said, "Look dad, a volunteer."

Catching up...kind of

I have gotten several sweet emails asking if everything is ok because I have not posted in nearly a month...Thanks for noticing:) We are doing well.

* Thanks to everyone who commented and made us feel even more excited about our upcoming baby. Your excitement blessed us. We can hardly wait...only 26 more weeks!:)

* 2 of the past 4 weeks our family spent fighting the flu...all 4 of us...fever, upset stomachs, the whole bit. Tony missed 5 days of work...which never happens. Benjamin won the who is the sickest contest when his fever spiked at 106.3. We were miserable. Thankfully, we are now germ free...this house has seen more purell than the average I assure you. We had our couches, carpets, everything we had touched professionally cleaned. We were so thankful to finally move on from that.

* During our sickness we watched more videos than ever and when Tony was home, more sports center than ever. We also started watching the Biggest Loser. As a result, now everytime we pull into Sonic Payton says, "NO sugar drinks for me...you know what that can do to your body." Those trainers have made an impact on him with their speeches. Benjamin likes to run like mad in circles around our house yelling "Last chance workout" Good times.

* Organization is not my best trait...It is one of Tony's. Recently, as we got in the car I realized Tony had loaded all the things I usually have to run back in for...my sunglasses, phone, wallet, etc...I told the boys, "I sure love your dad, let's go around the car and share the things we love most about him." Payton started with, "I love how dad works so hard and lets you spend all of his money."

* Benjamin is fascinated by the fact that there is a baby growing inside of me...He asks periodically if we can take it out and play with it "for just a little bit." I have explained to him that God is still working on this baby. The other day he responded with "Now God is in your tummy?"

* Speaking of baby...at this point we think we will most likely not find out what it is until birth...Tony goes back and forth on this...but last week said he would wait...which is a huge sacrifice for my planning ahead husband. We found out with Payton, did not with Benjamin...it was wonderful both ways. It will most likely be a sonogram/game time decision on whther we know who is coming before they actually get here or not.

* Some of you who are long time readers will remember 18 months ago we got a precious lab puppy. She has been a delight to our family...However, we have realized during this particular season of our lives we are not the best dog family. She is champion bred and made to hunt...Due to many family circumstances that has just not been a part of Tony's or her life this past year. Tony has been praying that a great family that he could feel good about her going to would come along...The Lord provided (and they happen to have a blog many of you read) I will let them out themselves. I know I will cry when we load Maggie up to leave, but I also know we are doing what is best for her. Stay tuned for Payton's take on this whole affair...He is ready to turn us in to the local police, church, whoever he can find to listen...He has quite the monologue he can deliver on giving ones dog away.

* I am speaking at a women's retreat this weekend that I am really excited about...The theme verse is Zechariah 9:16 "The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown." I know it is the season we are in but working on these talk has brought lots of tears as I have thought about what it means to be one of His jewels...It has meant a lot to me to reflect on that.

Hopefully we will update with pictures soon...check back my faithful readers...next week there will be more to come! :)

A Big Week!

1. Payton lost his first tooth in the playscape at church. This brought on a huge wave of emotions to me...I mean, I have the actual day marked on a calendar when we got that tooth. How can he be growing so quickly?

2. He was so proud of that lost tooth while at church...Later after we got home I realized he still had not seen himself. I told him to come in the bathroom and smile at himself. He smiled huge and then said so matter of factly..."You have got to be kidding me. I look ridiculous."

3. Payton got a dollar under his pillow for his tooth. The next morning Benjamin was yelling "what is it? read it to me!" Payton said, "Just a second Benjamin, Wait...here it is...OK, This dollar says, I am a dollar, take me to the store and buy whatever it is you want. I will pay for it, because I am a dollar and that is my job."

4. After 3 years of going to the rodeo and watching Payton scream because it was way too loud, we started this year thinking of other options. My dad came up with the headphones you use when you go to a shooting range. They worked like a charm. Most enjoyable rodeo experience we have ever had! Here is Payton through the years at the rodeo...followed with a shot of this year!





5. Benjamin is a night owl. There is no way around it. He loves to stay up while the rest of us love to have the lights off by 9:30. This would not be a huge issue if he was not so loud...He will stay on his bed...He just stays on his bed while singing at the top of his lungs or having random conversations. Often this means I have to go back to his room and say yet again, "Benjamin, you have to sleep or at least whisper." Last night I got my all time favorite response. I walked into his room and took a deep breath to give my order and he whispered..."Just a minute mom...I am really praying hard for you and dad."

6.Last week as we were out running errands Payton said from the back seat..."Mom, did you know you are a lot bigger than your mom." Thinking this was an important time to teach Payton a life lesson. I began to explain him that what he meant was taller and that girls do not like being referred to as big...He needed to find a better word. His response, "Mom, its ok, your dad is still a lot bigger than you." realizing my point was lost, I chimed in, "So are my brothers." Payton said, "You have brothers?" I said, "Yes, you know that, Sam and Andy." To which he responded, "ANDY? ANDY is your brother. All these years I just thought he was a great friend!"

7. This week we celebrated Nika's Birthday. I have mentioned this before but Nika is one of my closest friends and has been since we were in the 5th grade. Our sophomore year in college Nika's lupus attacked her brain and the doctors told us she would not make it through the night. I mentioned the other day as I was introducing her to speak at Ladies class that it is a unique experience in life to tell someone your last goodbye and then get them back. The Lord gve me that opportunity with Nika. We celebrate her life every year. This year her incredible sister in law came up with a scavenger hunt for "A day of Nika's favorites". Throughout the day Nika was lead around by a tape player to different places where her favorite people were able to meet with her for 45 minute intervals. We also were each assigned to bring one of her favorite things. the boys and I were thrilled to be a stop in her day. We met her with her favorite Route 44 Vanilla Coke.As you can see, the boys enjoyed it as much as she did. The boys each told her their favorite thing about her...It was a sweet time of me celebrating her and watching my boys do the same.

8. Benjamin insisits on wearing this red hat everywhere. I laugh because he reminds me of grandmother. Tony is ready for him to move on to a new color. I told Tony yesterday, if he saw how many people smile ear to ear when Benjamin walks by wearing this hat, he would want him to wear it for forever.

9. This weekend our niece B turns 4. I tell my mom all of the time she does not have one grandchild I could not gush over. We are crazy about every single one of them. This one steals our hearts everytime we are around her. Her love for life, her articulate way of expressing herself...She and Payton give each other a run for their money...We love her wholeheatedly and celebrate her life daily...but especially this weekend! So thankful the Lord placed this precious individual in our family!

10. Mark those calendars for August 19th...We have been told Baby Brooks #3 should arrive sometime around then. We are thrilled. The boys are excited and confident that the Lord has given them a brother. We have explained that there are other options...and that we would love a little girl...both of them just kind of smile and then say , "Oh sure, but we know its a boy". We would of course appreciate your prayers for this new little life. We stared at that sonogram for along time the other day watching that little heart beat and wondering who exactly the Lord has in there. We cannot wait to see.

Long lost blog...

1. I am afraid we have fallen into the post-Christmas "can't accomplish anything" rut over here. We had a wonderful Christmas, a great new year and we are tired. We are forging ahead hoping at some point we will be hit with a burst of energy and motivation. We will let you know when it happens.

2. Both the boys are very in to acting out different scenes from their imagination with their nerf swords. Yesterday Payton had Benjamin backed in to the corner and said, "Blackbeard, this is the end." Benjamin said, "No, I am a good guy and I like Jesus."

3. Payton was wondering the other day how he came to live in our family, I explained to him God chose him for our family, we were so thrilled, now out of all the boys in the world we would choose him, etc...Benjamin piped in and said "I remember being with God and he let me choose you mom." Payton yelled from the back seat, "Benjamin, you have never been to heaven." Which then caused Benjamin to throw his rescue hero at a high rate of speed at his brother while yelling, "I AM TALKING TO MOM." These boys bring such excitement and volume to our lives.

4. The other day I left the boys with a baby sitter. After I had come home and our sitter had left I asked the boys how things went. Payton said, "We really need to talk." He then proceeded to tell me that Benjamin had jumped off the arm of the couch which caused the babysitter to say "omg Benjamin do not do that again." Payton said, "At that point I told Benjamin, we will have to talk about this later."He then explained to me how he had to explain to the babysitter that "she could not use the Lord's name like that...unless you are praying...every time you call his name, his head turns, that's something we take seriously, etc...." I will say this about Payton...every talk he has ever received he has stored away and now awaits the opportunity to use it on someone else. We are currently working on the concept of it is not ok to lecture an adult.

5. Our children's ministry once again allowed the children of our church to shop for Christmas presents using their Bible bucks. On Christmas morning Payton ran right past all of his gifts and went straight to what he had bought for Tony, he yelled, "Dad, its Christmas morning you can finally see what I got for you." He was beside himself to give me an ornament he had picked out, when I opened it he said, "I knew when I saw it it was exactly what you had always wanted." He was right. I love how our Children's ministry is, in unique ways, encouraging our children to have a heart for giving. This is just one of their many ways...I am so thankful for each person that works so hard in that ministry

6. Our new church coffee shop and indoor playground has us hanging out at the church more than ever. One cold week we were there every day. So great that that is where we invite people to meet us now.

7. Benjamin is relentless in life...His zest to try everything at full speed makes all of us feel more alive. Yesterday as he tried to ride our Lab, with pockets filled to overflowing with milk bones all the while yelling, "Everybody join the parade." My heart smiled....certain moments I try to freeze forever in the pockets of my mind.

8. This semester our theme in Ladies Class is "Pursuing Holiness" based on 1 Peter 1:15,16 in the Message it reads: "So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy." As I have reflected on this verse its caused me to think daily on the things I would actually say I am pursuing...It's brought to light a lot of things I need to be intentional about in the coming year, and a lot of things I need to let go off.

9. We have been talking to Benjamin about how it is time to stop sucking his thumb. This has not gone well as everytime we start he begins to explain how he has somewhere to be and "this is not a good time for me." Stay tuned...I have to say in his defense...in every sonogram we had of the child he was sucking his thumb...He was doing it from the very beginning. It is going to be hard habit to break.

10. One of my dear friends reminded me the other day of a sign I used to have hanging up in my office that said, "Be kind, everyone you know is fighting a hard battle." (Plato) The older I get the more I realize how true it is. As we walk through earthly struggles, Tony and I are calling ourselves back to "Counting it all joy." I should not say calling ourselves back to it...I am not sure we have ever really been there, I should say we are trying to learn what that means, what that looks like for us. We know that whatever path the Lord has placed us on, we want to reflect Him while on it. I read this (by Max Lucado) the other day and cried...

"Here is what we want to know. We want to know how long God's love will endure...Does God really love us forever? Not just on Sunday when our shoes are shined and our hair is fixed. We want to know...how does God feel about me when I am a jerk? Not when I am peppy and positive and ready to tackle world hunger. Not then. I know how he feels about me then. Even I like me then.

I want to know how he feels about me when I snap at anything that moves, when my thoughts are gutter level, when my tongue sharp enough to slice a rock. How does He feel about me then?...

Can anything separate us from the love Christ has for us?

God answered our question before we asked it. So we'd see His answer, he lit the sky with a star. So we'd hear it, he filled the night with a choir; and so we would believe it, he did what no man had ever dreamed. He became flesh and dwelt amoung us.

He placed his hand on the should of humanity and said "You're something special.""

"In the Grip of Grace"

I have been looking for His reassurance a lot lately...I am seeing it...in the beauty around me, my wonderful husband, the friends He has blessed me with, my kids who make me laugh...I am once again training my eyes to recognize Him in my world, to hear His "you're something special" and share it with others.

Merry Christmas!

Weekend Away

Last weekend was one of the best of my life. (I started this post 2 weeks ago:)) I was telling a friend today..."I can't remember the last time I spent a whole day in silence before the Lord"...there was along pause in our conversation and then I added, "probably because in my 33 years of life, this was the first time I have."

It was wonderful. I was asked this past summer if I would mark the first weekend in December as a getaway...only when the invitation was offered it was explained this is not going to be an ordinary girl's weekend. We are going to have great time together, but we want the bulk of it to be being alone with the Lord. I suppose it would seem really spiritual to tell you how much I had been looking forward to this...but truth be told, as the time approached I kept telling Tony, "Say the word and I won't go." He kept assuring me, "You need this, go." I am so glad he encouraged me...It has blessed our family richly. Time for perspective, time for undistracted prayer, time to recount the ways the Lord has blessed us instead of just thinking about ways we wish He had (such a habit I can so easily fall into). I also, loved praying for all of the requests that came in from all over the country. I have continued in my prayers for each of you and will not stop.

I confess on my day of silence I kept wanting to hear the Lord's voice...to hear Him unveil some huge thing I had not thought of...to give me some clear direction for our family. I told Him I was wanting all of these things,as I sat there on the side of the beautiful mountains. (I can call Oklahoma that because I am from TX) As the day went on. I realized He wanted to give me something better- Himself. So often I am looking for answers when He is wanting me to just look to Him. I rested in that that day. As I was journaling that afternoon I wrote this...I have reread it several times since as I have called myself back to resting in Him...and just enjoying His Presence.

"In the quiteness, In the still,
Lord, I want to hear your will.

My child, Let go- Relax- Release.
I'm right here and I am your peace.

Lord, I so want to hear your voice,
Your word on this, Your thoughts, Your choice.

My child, sit still-let it be.
Can't you just enjoy me?
Look at the squirrels, the rocks, the leaves.
Touch the textures, feel the breeze.
All declare my infinite glory,
Look close, look deep , they tell your story.
YOu are loved, You are chosen, You are mine.
Yesterday, today, for all time.
Each thing I created, everything I have done-
I wanted to point you to my Son.
Inhale deeply, He is your peace
Exhale child, He's your release.
He is all things to all men
Your Savior, your Redeemer, your Hope, your Friend
Today let me give you what is best.
Time with me, time to rest.

After our day of silence we all met together to share what our day had been like. We all spoke of how badly we were wanting the Lord's answers, His thoughts, etc...So many heart cries lifted up.One of the girls shared a verse that I have thought of constantly.

Zechariah 2:13 (The Message)
"Quiet, everyone! Shh! Silence before God. Something's afoot in his holy house. He's on the move!"

I love that verse. As I continue to pray I keep calling that to mind. On each of the requests I bring before Him...Somethings afoot. He is moving and acting. I cannot wait to see what He does.

Intercession

A couple of years ago I had an experience that profoundly impacted my prayer life. I was speaking at a retreat where I knew only a few people...yet I was wanting the Lord to somehow bond our hearts in the short period of time we had together. I asked the leaders of the retreat (who are 2 of my dear friends) would you mind sending me the names of people as they sign up...I am going to pray for them daily leading up to the retreat as well as after. At the time of planning the retreat we were expecting a small number (a little round table is what I imagined) By the time the retreat arrived I was praying by name for nearly 200.

One day as I was praying...I felt frustrated. I had a lot to do...Benjamin was a baby and was not really sleeping well...Payton was not napping...and it felt like in a moment of peace I had better things to do than rattle off hundreds of names of people I did not know. I said this aloud to the Lord and then just sat there irritated. In that moment of irritated silence I heard in my heart...

"Becky, How do you feel when someone walks up to you to talk to you about your children."
"Lord, you know I could talk for hours about my boys."
"Becky, what do you think of their names."
"Lord...you know Tony and I spent more time pouring over the choosing of those names than we have spent pouring over anything. We love those names...they represent our boys."
"Becky- I know the details of those lives...sometimes I just want to hear their names."

All of the sudden what had felt like a burden made my heart light. I could hardly wait to call out names before Him...realizing the profound joy He felt as a parent just hearing their name. I say it changed me because all of the sudden...I did not need a request from a person...just their name. The lady at Sonic, the greeter at Walmart, the telemarketer...all God's children...all given to me in my day that I might bring them before Him.

I type all of this because this weekend I am going to have a lot of time alone with the Lord. I can write some of the details of it after I return. But as I was thinking abut my time...about wanting it to be about more than just interceding for those close to me. (you would be embaressed about how long I could pray never mentioning anyone else but myself) I thought of you...I don't write for a huge audience...but perhaps...if you have read this far the Lord brought you here today.

I would love it if you wanted to send me an email with your name, or the name of someone you would like lifted before the Lord this weekend. You can attach a request or you can know the Lord knows it...either way I will bring it before Him. I look forward to recording some of my experience next week. Regardless of whether I hear from you or not..know you are deeply loved...that at the mention of your name your Heavenly Father's heart swells.

My email is tony-----and------becky at hotmail.com Remove the dashes and the space and you've got it.

Life in general

1. It's official, my brother Andy has moved to Abilene. As of this morning he is employed by an amazing company that we are all very excited about. I am so proud of who he is...His trust and confidence in the Lord both challenge and inspire me to a deeper walk with God. I am so glad Andy is one of my very best friends. I will miss him living close by...the boys will as well. That said...we are so excited to watch the Lord continue to unfold his story.

2. My sweet niece Tori was baptized this weekend. She is the oldest Jeffrey grandchild. The first one of this next generation to make this decision. The level of joy in our hearts as she proclaimed Christ was immense. Payton was so in awe of Tori and this decision. He has talked about it constantly. I am so thankful he has such a wonderful cousin to look up to.

3. Payton continues in his quest for a house with a pool. He has realized my parents next door neighbors have one and has made the decision that he will move there "after he grows some." The other day as we drove by he said "Theres my house" Here is the conversation that followed...

B: Wow I think I will be sad when you don't live with us. What will dad and I do?
P: Dad works, He will be fine. You can visit, as long as you call first.
B: Wow, ok. (thinking isn't that my daughter-in-laws line to say)
P: But you need to know, you can't stay all day long, sometimes I need time to myself.
B: OK
P: I will live in that house and finally be a dad. Benjamin will live with me and I will be his dad.
B: I don't think that is going to work out. Benjamin is growing up too. Why would you want to be Benjamin's dad anyways?
P: So I could wear him out.

4. Last week Benjamin wore his Cowboys jersey in anticipation of the big game. While at gymnastics his teacher asked him about it...His response, "I like the Packers?" What?!

5. Later that night Payton walked in, saw the game on...and said "We have to watch Tony Nemo again?"

6. I enjoy my children so much more on days that the TV never comes on. I want to work on having more of those...I know they would benefit from it. But even more than them, I know I would. I am so much more invested in their days and in mine when that is not an option. For a couple of years the only TV at my parents house was in the garage. You had to want to watch it, because you were going to be uncomfortable to do so. (They would move it in for major sporting events.) I need to work out some type of plan in this area and stick to it.

7. The other day I realized I had not heard my kids for awhile. I had been getting ready and and suddenly had the thought, "Did they go out the front door and I did not hear them?" I panicked, ran outside, ran back inside yelling their names, ran back outside yelling for them, ran back inside when I finally stopped yelling enough to hear a muffled "I am right here." Benjamin was going to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, right where I had put him 10 minutes earlier and Payton was asleep on my bed. Both boys had been less that 20 ft. away from me. Sometimes I worry myself...I am quite sure I worry our neighbors.

8. We have become regulars at ordering the meals from "Dinner is Served" I love picking up their monthly dinner to go specials. We have yet to have one that all four of us don't love. Their holiday specials for Thanksgiving were awesome. Denise and Dana are wonderful. (They also just catered our Women's Fall Rnewal at Church.) Check them out for your self and for your family at :
http://web.mac.com/dinner_is_served/Dinner_is_Served/Welcome%21.html

9. Other news on the food front is...I love the new cookbook Deceptively Delicious. My kids are eating better than ever. One shortcut I found is on weeks when things are too crazy, rather than pureeing all of my vegetables, sometimes I buy the organic baby food and use that. Works great, tastes great, and I love knowing all that is going into those little bodies...its making me more aware of everything that they eat, and that awareness is causing all of us to make better choices food wise. I think that cookbook is a great Chirstmas gift for anyone who has young kids at home...not to clue any of family into what they are getting...:)

10. Benjamin has been getting disciplined at night for crawling into his brother's bed after the lights are off and mauling Payton. All we hear is a crash, Payton yelling "help" and Benjamin laughing. We feel like Benjamin must have something in him that has to get in a certain amount of wrestling a day. Payton is such a good sport and has even learned the art of actually falling asleep while his younger, wilder brother leaps, jumps and body slams him. These boys make us smile...These pictures were taken over a series of going in...putting Benjamin back in his bed...and then repeating the process. Finally they both gave up and went to sleep.

November News...

1. Benjamin now says "I have the hook ups" when ever he has the hiccups...I think it is the cutest.

2. Benjamin was put in timeout twice the other day at Tuesday school...(throwing rocks up in the air on the playground.) We were going to meet Tony for lunch when I picked him up so I told him we will talk about this with your dad...and expected to ride in silence. It was silent for all of 10 seconds before Payton let out a huge sigh and said, "He got put in timeout twice, I cannot just sit here, I need to know what is going to be done about this."

3. Payton has been asking a lot lately if we can move. He has explained to us several times how disappointed he was as a baby when he came home from the hospital and noticed there was no pool in our back yard. (I know we laugh as well.)Here is a sample of our conversation earlier this week.
P- Mom we need to talk
B- Ok
P- I have noticed you and dad do not take me serious when I say I want to move to a house that has a pool.
B- You are right. We have no intention of moving any time soon.
P- That is disappointing...But I want to present you with another option.
B- Let's hear it.
P- I want an apartment.
B- Maybe when you grow up.
P- I want one like Andy's...but I want our whole family to live there.
B- I don't think so...but when you get older like Andy, you can live in one if you would like.
P- I hope that you know I have a lot to learn before I could ever live by myself.
B- Yes, I know...but tell me a few things that your thinking about.
P- Well first, I need to know how in the world you make your car stop when you see a red light.

4. How did November get here so fast? Life seems to accelerate with every year. Thinking about Payton being in kindergarten this time next year literally makes my pulse race.

5. We celebrated Tori's (my niece) 9 year old birthday this week. It was a high school musical themed party. We had a concession stand set up in the back yard where the kids could use tickets they got when they arrived to buy nachos, drinks, popcorn,hot dogs...then we played name that tune, twister, basketball, so many fun things. I loved it. I love my niece. It was so wonderful to celebrate her! Yet another blessing of them being home are being able to be at little things like birthday parties. We are so thankful. A fact that I will now make public (not that I have been trying to hide it, just never declared it
publicly)I cried at the end of High School Musical 2. I have no idea why.

6. The other day Payton was working on some project while I was in the kitchen. He yelled out, "How do you spell Rocket?" I told him how and expected to hear nothing. A few seconds later he stuck his head around the corner and said, "If there is a person smarter than you, I have never met them."

7. The other day as we were driving down the road Benjamin said, "I am sure thristy for Sonic. " I explained why we can't always stop and he said, "oh mom, Isn't it happy hour? Can't you find a coupon?" There are times when I think that Sonic is too much a part of our life. I wonder how many 3 year olds are aware of happy hour?

8. Benjamin is crazy about baseball. He loved watching the "World Serious" as he called it. He wants to take his glove and baseball everywhere. He wears his Texas Ranger jersey almost every day (it has to goto the laundry at some point) and wants that along with boots and jeans to be his daily attire. On most days you will see him wearing just that. He is constantly asking if I can come outside and pitch to him, or if we can play catch. I noticed the other day while we were standing in line at Walmart he was practicing his swing in front of the mirror...an older man walked by and said, "Son, you have an amazing follow through." Benjamin was beaming. So was Tony when I told him about it.

9. One of the biggest blessings in my life this semester has been being a part of our churches lecture class (We have a lecture classs that runs on Tuesday mornings during the same time as our small group Bible studies.) I have been a part of small group Bible studies since Payton was born and I have grown so much as a result of those. But during this season of life I have loved listening to some of my dearest friends share what the Lord has put on their hearts regarding resting in Him. So many of their thoughts some to mind whenever I get the chance to listen to whats rolling around in my head. Last year the Lord convicted that me that my Bible study had become more about completing a book than getting to know Him. For me, I needed to remove that temptation for awhile. I walk away each Tuesday feeling wonderfully refreshed in the Lord. I am so thankful for Him.

10. We have had several instances lately with our kids where it has become apparent they are not perfect. I know, everyone already knows that...but, perhaps I am unique in this, I really want people to think my kids are pretty close. These instances have happened away from our home, in public places, in plain view of the world. We pray minute to minute these days about wisdom in disciplining. There have been several nights lately where, after everyone was asleep, I have gone back into the boys room, put my hands on them and started to pray....asking the Lord to please give us wisdom, His leading. The other night I could not stop crying...As I was trying to figure out what my tears were from the thought came to mind, "you are embarrassed." I thought about that as I was praying and realized that my tears had ceased to be about my boys hearts and had become more..."Lord, what are people thinking about me?" I began to pray about this and Isaiah 43:7-8 came to mind...“Return my sons from distant lands, my daughters from faraway places. I want them back, every last one who bears my name, every man, woman, and child. Whom I created for my glory, yes, personally formed and made each one.” Those words cut straight to my heart...Almost as if I could hear the Lord saying, "These boys were not created for your glory, but for mine." Raising these two precious gifts is not about me...They are for His glory. We are in love with these two boys. We are in love with the Lord. So in His goodness, in His mercy may He be glorified in this life He has given us.

Animal adventures...

There are some days I wonder if I am good wife...Yesterday as I was driving around Southlake, looking for the taxidermist, with a large, reeking, dead elk head in the back of the car was not one of them. As I dry heaved I thought to myself...There are some wives who would of said no to this...and as of yesterday I will now join that group of wives.

Tony (who is always very appreciative and more than makes up for days like this) later realized Maggie (our dog) was scratching her ears a lot...She needed to go to the Dr. I got my full cardio workout yesterday when I took our 65 pound dog, our 55 pound son and our 46 pound other son to the vet. Where for some reason they put us in what felt like a small closet to wait for the vet for over an hour. The nurse was kind enough to give the boys both huge blow pops...Which meant their faces and hands were coated in stickiness and dog hair. Between my claustrophobia and my kid's faces coated in dog fur I felt a bit nauseated. I think there have been very few times in Tony's and I's marriage where I have called him and said "never again"...Yesterday it happened twice. We laughed a lot about it last night.

To answer the questions of whether or not that elk will hang in our home...Nope. He is getting a European mount and I think I have thought of a great place for it...stay tuned for whether T agrees or not.

***My mom returns tomorrow after 5 1/2 weeks of working in Russia encouraging and teaching many about the Lord. We have missed her so much.

***Our churches annual hot dog banquet was this past Sunday night. This is a missions dinner put on by the kids where the kids lead prayers over our missionairies, interview them, etc...It is a great experience. Both our boys carried flags in the parade of nations and then sang in the hot dog choir...They did great. Benjamin, who was in the front row, hopped down off the stage during the middle of the song to bring me something he had just pulled out of his nose. He then went right back, climbed up on the stage and rejoined the song. It was certainly a moment to remember. Here are some pictures.










BOTH BOYS WITH THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS? THIS NEVER HAPPENS! I tried to remind them that they knew how to do this yesterday at the vet...they both looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about...

Cue the music for the Hallelujah Chorus!

Tony got his elk...and I am told by those who know, that its a nice one (five by five...if that means something to you:)). We have missed him so much! We are beside ourselves to welcome him home.

Payton has a few jigsaw puzzles that we have lost a piece to...we rarely work them anymore because as Payton says, "Its no fun to get to the end and see it can't be complete." That pretty much sums up our last week. We do good during the day and then the sun goes down and we all 3 realize its no fun to get to the end and realize it can't be complete.

We love this man...we are so thankful he is the leader of our family, the highlight of our day, and the piece that completes our puzzle. I am a better mom when he is here...a better person when I know he is 10 minutes away (at work)...so thankful he is mine(and the boys.)I am even more thankful that these are words I can share face to face with him tonight.

***I realize that so many of my friends have husbands who travel all the time...I have even more respect and appreciation for them now. For those whose whose husbands serve overseas... My thoughts and prayers have turned to you often in the past week. I realize a week without my husband is miniscule in comparison.

****Many of you have told me that you have been keeping up with all things Amy Grant over at my sisters blog this week. I think Kelly's post for today is the best one yet. I stayed up and read Amy Grant's entire book last night. It was wonderful. Her thoughts on children, love, depression, the pain of divorce, loss and life gave me a lot to think about. I cried quite a bit reading it...Her honesty and ability to be vulnerable in places of her life that were hard blessed me. I read my sisters latest post and cried again...I remember the pain of watching their team unravel...and wondering what the Lord was doing. As Only He can do...He brought beauty from those ashes...

A CHANCE TO WIN SOMETHING!!!

My sister is Amy Grant's biggest fan...She has not actually been given a plaque or anything ...but I beleive in a head to head contest with any fan in the world...she would win hands down.

This week she is reviewing Amy Grant's new book. (Amy Grant's publisher sent them to her...which might in someways confirm to the world that she really is the #1 fan.) She is asking people to share their favorite AG memory or song for a chance to win 3 other copies of the books she was given...Get over there and share your story!
click on The Vaughns blog in the link section...

And in other sibling news...just got this pic from Colorado...



Sure love that guy!

etc...

1. My mom is in Russia right now...She has been there 3 weeks, she will be home in another 2. We are missing her so much. The boys are talking about her all the time these days. These trips always increase our appreciation for her and all she does. We are so thankful she is ours.

2. The other night Benjamin could not stop coughing, I gave him a breathing treatment and he was still coughing (he does this instead of wheezing). I started to panic (a combination of sleep deprivation and great concern) and I guess I started to pray...because all of the sudden Benjamin sat up and said, "can you talk to God quieter please...I am really tired."

3. Because I was concerned I just sat by the wall by his bed and watched him sleep. I thought he was sound asleep when he opened his eyes and said, "Is it going to bother you if I suck my thumb?"

4. My boys are both very detail oriented (just like their dad, nothing like their mom) they can always tell me where my keys are, where my brown shoes are, while I am scrambling they walk right to where something is and get it for me. I love this. I love it that Payton asks daily, "Mom are you sure you have your wallet?" I guess we have gone to walmart one too many times and then returned home for my wallet for his liking. I am used to their checklists for me and even appreciate them...I did laugh out loud on Friday when we were piling out of the car at the Dr.s office and Benjamin said, "Mom, did you remember your skirt?" the scary thing is I actually looked down to make sure...I want to assure everyone that though I have left my wallet many places along with numerous other things...I have never gone anywhere without my skirt (or pants)on.

5.The other day as we were walking into the gym Payton was dragging behind. I turned around and said, "Please hurry." He looked at me and said, "you have no idea how good it would feel for me to just lay on the couch with my eyes closed...20 minutes thats all I ask."

6. The other day we stopped for donuts and while we were there Benjamin started to throw a fit. I picked him up to say something when Payton said, "Benjamin, do you have any idea how disappointing it is when I try to do something special for you and you act like this...it makes me so sad." It is has become obvious to me that Payton is direct quoter.

7. Our boys favorite new show is America's Funniest Home Videos...I have discovered (the hard way) that both boys must empty their bladders before they watch this show...because a person falling out of a tree really is THAT funny.

8. Today I was explaining a situation to Payton that I was hoping, in the future, he could handle differently than he had in the past. He was listening so well and saying yes maam at the appropriate times so I thought we were tracking together...until the end when I stopped and he said, "mom, I am five years old, I know my primary colors, everything you just said I already know." Needless to say, at that point, we took a new turn with a different type of discipline....even though I was impressed he knew his primary colors...I chose to acknowledge that at a later point.

9. The boys and I have been talking a lot about how everything was created to reflect God's glory...This has lead to some great conversations and lots of laughter for all of us...As we discuss: Can a rock praise God? Can babies praise God? Can trees praise God? All of these they used to answer no to. Now we talk about how God's Word actually tells us that they can. That everything He created shouts praise to Him. That even when we sit still and quiet we declare His glory.We have had fun talking about these things as they say, "Look at that Taco Bueno just sitting there declaring God's glory." Obviously its a thought process we are working on, but as I hear myself talking about it with them I find myself thinking a lot about how thankful I am for the Lord...and for His creation that shouts...We have been praying as a family that those who don't know Him and those who do would hear those cries of glory...of the leaves changing, of the breeze blowing, of the sun shining...Its made a difference lately the in the way I look at things.

10. A while back my brother and I were driving around on the ranch when He pointed to a speck across the canyon and said, "See that group of deer running?" I did not until I looked through binoculars. I was impressed and asked how he can spot things like that. He explained how he has trained his eye to look for movement against a still landscape so that now from a great distance he can see an animal breathing, the flick of an ear, the turn of a head. It's a talent he has because he spent years training his eyes.

I have thought about this a lot in the spiritual sense...about how I have to train my eyes to look for the movement of God. Its a discipline I am trying to practice. We have several prayers that we are praying daily these days that require this discipline. We are not seeing any movement. Some of these prayers would require a miracle, others seem like they should be so easy for the Lord. (I recognize they are all easy for the Lord.)I feel like my eyes are in an actual squint as I trace the horizon of my life and the lives of others I am praying for, begging the Lord for a flicker of movement...and so we wait and know He hears...and that He is moving even if its invisible to my eyes. We wait in hope.

11. Here are the latest in the boys indoor baseball playing. Tony, undaunted by broken picture frames, has resumed their indoor batting practice. The other night as we watched the Yankee/Indian game while on commercial break from the Cowboys...Benjamin said "I can bat like those guys...everyone of them looks at the picture (how he says pitcher) and make this face....
href="">Payton prefers the happier look of baseball.

Vacation to Remember...

Its always hard to tell a story when people are anticipating it...I always have the distinct feeling I might let someone down and I don't do well with that...However, let down or not, I said I would tell the story (and I do want to preserve at least some of the details for our family record.) I will not be telling the location of where we went...on the off chance that someone googles it and my blog comes up. We have no ill will towards this place on the coast...you just won't find us entering the city limits again in this lifetime...

I must preface this by saying...when we started planning this vacation, we planned on going to Gulf Shores...Then we started thinking about the drive, the fact that BJ still has a nursing baby, and BJ had heard this place was great from one of her friends...who she no longer speaks too.:)

We started off our week staying at Moody Gardens...we loved it, loved schlitterbahn, loved the pool, etc...We had a great stay. Then on Monday we got a late checkout and headed out to our beach house...we were so excited. I must say I got the first sinking feeling when the lady we were renting from called on my cell and said, "Did I mention you needed to bring bottled water...our water is drinkable, but I don't think you would want to..." I hung up and told Tony who laughed and said, "We aren't leaving the country are we?"

When we got to the house...I could tell driving up it looked a bit rougher than what I had anticipated. Too bad my fears were immediately confirmed when I opened the door to get out of our car and was punched in the face with a smell that made me look around to see if perhaps our home was next to a dairy farm.

The house was on stilts, you parked your car underneath it...as we walked up the stairs, Tony said, "if this thing collapses its going to total our car." I did not acknowledge him because I was already doing my best Pollyanna impersonation trying to point out the positves... Like, look at all these windows...and look at this TV...its so cute and tiny, kind of like a postage stamp.

From there...it got funny...
* While I was at Walmart blowing our entire vacation budget on Febreeze candles Tony called and said, "there's a 4-runner doing 90 down the beach...and it keeps stopping to do donuts in front of our house...I think I will wait until you get back to take the boys down to the beach...so one of us can be watching for cars."

* Every other house had a boardwalk leading down from their house to the beach...ours had no boardwalk, instead it had a grass path where the grass was up to our waist that we had to walk through...not necessarily a big deal, except that it was infested with mosquitoes...Benjamin had 22 on his back the first night and he had been sprayed. I called the landlady and she said I will have someone out to cut it down in the morning...A guy showed up and did not appear to be doing much except revving his weed eater continuously in the same place...I thought I would go out and show him where we would like the grass to be cut...I walked out said "good morning" saw his large tattoo (across his neck) that said "Kill them" and said "Thanks for all you are doing " and went back inside.

* The beach was a little rough, what with the speeding cars, dead fish, rusty nails and all, but we did love playing in the waves. One evening the guys were a ways out with the kids laughing and having a blast and BJ and I were sitting there talking about this part being so great...when one of the locals walked by and said you better tell those guys out there to be careful, they have those kids awful close to where all the jelly fish are...

* Our house rocked back and forth every time someone walked down the hall...literally...lean...whump to one side...lean ...whump to the other side.

* The first day I was totally sicked out that no one was flushing the toilet...seriously...that kind of stuff grosses me out. I must of flushed it 15 times the first day we were there...until I stayed in there one time and watched it fill up...with dark yellow water...

* Tony had to work on the fridge to get it cooling...he then went to work on the AC to get it cooling. He asked if I wanted him to go into town and get a weed eater so he could cut down our path...I said, "babe, we are on vacation." He replied, "Oh yeah, I forgot..."


* Instead of bedside tables we had a washer and dryer...literally bedside. Tony had been concerned that it would be too quiet for him to sleep. Not a problem...we fired up the dryer and it sounded like we were sleeping on a runway at DFW.

Honestly...as I type this list, countless other memories are coming to mind....some better acted out than written out. It goes without saying, but if this vacation had been perfect, it would of most likely been forgotten....As is,it will most likely go down as one of our favorites. If we had it to redo we would do it all again. We laughed so hard, had many deep conversations where all 8 of us were sitting on the same couch (only one place to sit in the entire living room), enjoyed
many a homecooked meal of cereal and hotdogs (things that could be made without water), cracked up at each other sprinting through the tall grass slapping ourselves in order to avoid mosquitoes, and all breathed a collective sigh of relief when our husbands said, "let's get out of here."

All in all it was terribly wonderful...certainly a vacation we will always remember.