S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G and learning

Payton has always had a zeal to learn. He would like everything explained to him. He asks simple questions, "How do you make ice cream?" and then non -simple questions, "What is the resurrection?" We learned his fascination with spelling one day a while back when we were sitting at a stoplight and heard him spell out B-U-D-W-E-I-S-E-R... He has been spelling and sounding out words ever since.

He especially makes me laugh when he uses this gift like he is a mom..."Would this be a good time to spank B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N?" "Someone might need to take a N-A-P..." or my personal favorite when I am going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and he says, "Does T-O-N-Y know you're here?"

Benjamin continues to bring all of the joy and challenge of being 2. He is an absolute delight (the majority of the time). However, if he could wear a bumper sticker on his pull- up right now it would most likely be, "Zero-tolerance stinks".

Tony and I have realized as of late that we were slipping on a lot of things with Benjamin....trying to avoid tantrums by giving him his way...allowing him to yell, allowing him a lot of things we should not...Tony calls it "parenting out of fear "...It is so easy for us to look up one day and realize this precious child (in the nicest way a 2 year old can)- is running our family. So- for the past 2 weeks we have instituted zero-tolerance...He gets one chance to respond the right way- no more warnings...I do not enjoy this part of parenting...but a conversation with my grandmother has been running continuously through my head. When we went through this with Payton the first time (we have found we have to call ourselves back to zero-tolerance often) I was heart -broken. I remember crying to my grandmother and her saying..."Becky, You will always love your children....but you want other people to as well....Its hard to discipline your children, but its worth it."

Ask me how this is going...Seriously I need the accountability.

News and Notes

1. The holidays were great...we loved every moment of them. We are still trying to catch our breath as we try to get back to our routine,

2. Benjamin is talking up a storm these days. He makes us laugh daily. He is so good about saying thank you...but immediately after saying it will follow up with, "You proud of me?" "You wanna hug me?"

3. Benjamin is a late sleeper which means Payton and I usually are up for awhile just us. I love our morning conversations...Here's a sample of 2 we have had lately:
1. P: When do you think I can start spanking people?
B: Not until you are a dad someday.
P: I already know when people are doing wrong...I know when to do it
B: Payton, that is not your job and I do not want to ever see you trying to spank Benjamin
P: I don't want to spank Benjamin, I want to spank you.

2. P: Remember the other day when that man was baptized?
B: Yes
P: I will never be baptized.
B: Oh Payton yes you will...(Long explanation of why with way too much infomation that ends with why would you say such a thing)
P: I do not like going underwater.

4. It's official. We are Craigslist people. Seriously you can find wonderful deals and we have finally gotten rid of somethings that we have needed to for awhile. An online garage sale and its free to list stuff. You cannot beat it.

5. My brother reccomended the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker...From what I understand of his history he is the nations leading expert in prediciting violent behavior and is a resource for all the"people" in DC. My brother said it is a must read. I would agree. It has certainly opened my eyes to many things. You will not be disappointed.

6. I think one of the hardest things about growing up is you start realizing that incredibly Godly people don't always agree on everything. There is complete unity in Christ...not in opinions. Sometimes thats a tough one to swallow.

7. Payton has had terrible eczema most of his life...no cream or medicine has ever done anything to make a difference. Our chiropractor noticed it and said, "Thats the body's way of saying its missing something. Try increasing his oil intake." What? But I thought we would try it. I have been adding a spoonful of "Udo's 3 6 9 Oil Blend" to his orange juice every morning and the eczema is gone. We missed 3 days over the holidays and it came back...started right back, its gone again...really amazing stuff.

8.Our children's ministry did the most wonderful thing this year. They allowed the kids to shop for their families Christmas presents during Bible Class using their Bible Bucks. Payton came home with presents wrapped for each of us as well as for my parents. He was so much more excited to give than to receive this year. It was something I would of never thought to do and I certainly would not of thought Payton would respond in that way. When he walked in and saw that Santa had come before going over to his toys he turned around and said, "Dad, does this mean you get to open your present from me now?" I was so glad we got it on video...it presents a nice contrast with the meltdowns we captured a couple of hours later.

9. Maggie the puppy has turned into Maggie the wooly mammoth. She is massive.

10. We walk in to this new year with a great deal of anticipation...for we know it holds more of the Lord but also more of the ups and downs of life. Thankfully we do not walk through it alone. We pray to see Him each day, in each other, in our children, in our friends, in business decisions, in family decisions, in every thought, in every action. We pray that in 2007 we will see Him magnified. May it be for all of us.

7 years

7 years ago Tony and I got married. It was such a fun day. We were surrounded by our family and friends, in love with each other, and had not a clue what being married would entail.

7 years later we have learned a lot. We have learned to laugh about almost everything (He is still not amused that I don't balance my checkbook). We have learned that stress-full moments come and go and then your left with a memory-so extend grace at every opportunity. We have learned that you can disagree ab0ut something and then let it go. We have learned that Tony is the most disciplined person on earth and that the Lord brought me into his life so that every once in awhile- he might eat a cookie. We have learned he loves quiet and I love conversation and we have found such a rich balance between the two and such a greater appreciation for what the other likes. We have brought 2 children into the world who we are crazy about. We have learned to parent together. We have challenged each other to love the Lord more. We have pushed each other. We have sought the Lord together, even begged the Lord together for prayers that we saw answered in a glorious ways...for prayers that were not answered in the way we wanted at all...for prayers that we are still waiting to see what the Lord will do....but in the seeking we have found Him and we are stronger together for it.

We have realized that our marriage is not perfect, because neither are we...But through the power of the cross it is made wonderful. We have realized together we are better than when we are apart.

My aunt took the above picture at ACU"s homecoming this past October. We laughed when we looked at it because we realized our facial expressions, mannerisms, and standing are the same. We have become one of those couples that is starting to look alike...

I love this man...for a million reasons I could share and for another million that I could not...

I am so thankful that in this journey of life, I was given Tony.

A prayer for the season...

I just read the following prayer on the blog of Ms. Judy Thomas. She mentioned that it was read at their Wednesday night service... I loved the perspective that it offers. As we walk through this season with our boys we are trying to remind them (and ourselves), its about more than all the stuff. Jesus was the perfect gift, still is, the perfect gift...Oh that all hearts would receive Him this season.

"Dear God,
As I look through my gift shopping list, I hold up to you each person listed on it. Slowly, one by one, I ask that the fire of your abundant love burn within each of them. I pray that the gift I find for each person will bring joy into that life.

But, help me to keep a balance this season, Lord. Let me keep my buying in perspective, not to spend more than I need to or can afford. Let me not give in to the pressures of this world and not equate love with money spent. Let me always remember the many, many people who have so much less in material things. Help me to buy wisely, so that my choices will not burden those in other countries who are so deeply affected by this country's economy.

And finally, loving God, help me to find time in the frantic moments of each day to become centered on you. Walking through a store, riding on the bus, hurrying down a street: let each of these times be moments when I can remember your incredible love for me and rejoice in it. Amen

Wish List

For weeks Payton has been asking for a castle for Christmas...He always follows that up with, "and Benj really wants legos." We have both ready to go, already stashed in the attic.

They have now pulled a fast one and changed their mind...Payton came in today with Benjamin in tow and said, "We know what we want for Christmas." I responded with. "I know. I am so excited to see if you get a castle and legos." Payton then said, "those are great, but what we really want is a mini van." Needless to say, it won't happen...

Wrestling

I beleive in prayer...I read everything I can about it. I enjoy studying it. I love talking to others about it. I love praying with my husband, with my boys, with anyone....It is the highest honor I have received on this earth...To have The King of the Universe listen to my thoughts is at times invigorating, at other times embaressing, at all times humbling. For I recognize that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher than mine ... He is after all the Lord of Lords.

This week I have been working with Benjamin on articulating his thoughts..."Don't just scream son, use words to tell us what you need." "Benjamin, you can't just throw yourself on the floor and expect us to know what you want, you must talk to us." Sometimes Benjamin is able to pull himself out of an emotional nosedive and articulate his thoughts....other times he is removed to his bedroom until he gains some self-control. In the midst of all of this my love never ebbs for Benjamin. I am crazier about him each and everyday. Sometimes the parent-child relationship mirrors the God-child relationship and even in this example I see our Heavenly Father...but at some point it breaks down quite a bit.

I am thankful that the Lord allows me to articulate my thoughts to Him. I am thankful, in the deepest sense for Him calling me to a relationship with Him...that in His goodness He calls me to partner with Him through prayer...But this week, I am thankful, to the very core of me...that he does not ask me to articulate my thoughts or pull out of an emotional nosedive before I come to Him.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

My thoughts have been consumed this week with a young mother of 4 who is currently struggling for her life against leukemia. There are some battles that you hear are going on and you ache for the family, you pray for them, and go on through your day, then there are other battles that you hear of and for some reason, that cannot be explained, you find yourself thrust right into the middle of it your heart split wide open...begging the Lord with every thought, crying out on behalf of those He has bonded you to, only through the working of the Spirit. I read her husbands words, her mothers words, her siblings words as they update the world on her condition and my heart literally groans within me. Sometimes I hear myself pray and I feel like, in human terms I am doing a good job articulating my heart to my Father...other times I look like Benjamin, throwing myself down on floor, wailing, wanting so badly to get the response that I want...fighting a desperate fight for the end result that I want but can't see.

I am yearning to see a complete healing in this mother's life...and I know that some people will say, that is what death is for a Christian, complete healing. On some levels I know that, in other ways I don't want to. So I continue to beg, to plead, to wrestle in prayer. Knowing that regardless the outcome- He is God.

and yet...my Heart groans even as I type that...Be magnified Lord through an earthly healing...Extend her life as you did for Hezekiah...We wait for you alone.

***Please read comment #3 and please keep this precious family in your prayers.

Holiday Mix

1. What an absolute blast the holidays are! Payton and Benjamin both are so excited about Christmas, so thrilled to see Christmas lights, so animated about our tree, their stockings, etc...having kids is so much fun!

2. We had the best Thanksgiving ever. We loved being with Tony's family in Tyler and then having an extended time with my family at the Ranch. We were with family, away from our house, for 2 weeks straight. I told someone yesterday, when you can be with family for 2 weeks straight and still cry when you leave...I know it is a gift from the. Lord.

3. The other day we got home late and I was in charge of getting Payton in his pajamas. I put him in a Buzz Light year pajama shirt and some Spiderman bottoms assuming it did not matter because he had already been asleep, I was tired, etc...I prayed with him and left. He called me back into his room later and said, "Am I just supposed to lay here knowing my pajamas don't match?"

4. On Saturday Benjamin was talking nonstop about a hot air balloon. On the way to dinner Tony said, "Benjamin did you see a hot air balloon somewhere?" Benjamin said, "Yes" Tony said, "Who was in it?" Benjamin said very matter of factly. "It was Jesus." To which Payton said, "No Benj, it was God." They began to argue over who it was, God or Jesus. Tony interupted and said, "It's ok boys, for now, I want you to know theres a new family rule. If you see God or Jesus in a hot air balloon I want you to come get your mother or me." I think that's a good rule.

5. A lot of changes are happening at Richland Hills. It is exciting to be there. I would encourage anyone to go online at www.Rhchurch. org to listen to Rick Atchley's lessons on instrumental music. We have been told the first will be online starting Tuesday. The link/podcast/ is under "The Both/And Church".

6. Today I was watching CMT as I was on the elliptical at my gym, Brad Paisley's "When I get where I'm going" came on. By the end of the video I was crying...or sweating really hard out my eyes. Sometimes my emotions totally catch me off guard.

7. Christmas cards stress me. Last year we sent our a collage of about 60 pictures (obviously shrunken down) with the words, "Grabbed a camera, got the boys dressed...Many attempts, No success. " Everyone loved it, I am glad...because they are getting part 2 this year. Not sure when we will hit the age where we sit still and just hug each other.

8. Last week I was confronted by someone about something I had handled incorrectly. They were right...I was wrong. However, I was clueless about the wrong I had done until confronted by it. It left me thinking of how many wrongs I have commmitted and never even had an inkling about. It has left me praying anew Psalm 139:23 -24, "Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life." I am so thankful for grace.

9. I love Christams carols...many of them touch me deeply. Songs about a ransomed world, held captive...saved by a baby...God made man! He came and remains and is yet, over the next horizon...So many reasons to celebrate.

10. We got married on the 18th of December...so this time of year has so many fun memories of showers, special time with friends and family, just being in love with Tony. I was asked earlier this year, "What has been the moment of your life when you felt most proud?" NO question...walking down to the aisle to Tony. I love him so much.

Harvest Sunday

I was raised in a family that loved missions. When I was in the 5th grade some of my parents good friends moved to South Africa. My parents told them that they (and their 4 kids) would be willing to make a once in a lifetime trip to South Africa to spend their first Christmas with them. So for Christmas of my 6th grade year, When my youngest brother was around 2 we all 6 went.

What happened on that trip in my parent's hearts was life altering. What was planned as a once in a lifetime experience became so much more in a way only the Lord could do....My dad has been back to Africa almost every year since then. My mom has made countless trips to Africa and elsewhere. I have been to Africa I believe 7 times, many of those by myself, the last trip with Tony, as well as spending summers in Russia and in Thailand. I believe my brothers have traveled overseas many more times than I have...but I lost count a long time ago. My sister, as many of you know, has now given 8 years of her life to the people of Benin, West Africa. Payton and I (you will hear more about this later) took a step of faith this past week and sent off for his passport. The two of us hope to make the trip in February to see Kelly and her family. We will miss Tony and Benjamin like crazy....(but like I said, more on that later.)

Today is our churches Harvest Sunday...the day we bring before the Lord a goal (This year 1,332,359 dollars) and then our congregation raises or pledges that money to be given in the next year. Every year I walk in to the auditorium and see that banner with those numbers I pray the same prayer..."May it be, May it be..." It is a prayer filled with memories of faces I have seen around the world, faces that are hearing about Jesus for the first time, faces that are longing for a kingdom not yet seen.

Today has been special.This is the first year Payton is aware of what is happening and understands ( a little bit) of his part. Harvest Sunday always kicks off with a flag ceremony where the flags from all the nations are walked into the auditorium. This year Payton is a flag bearer. He woke up at 4:30 AM ready to go to the church to parade his flag. We have been excited throughout the day to hear updates as the money comes in...excited... because the Lord is enabling us to reach a goal, but even more thrilled because for every dollar that comes in even more of Him goes forth.

Harvest Sunday always brings with it great anticipation for me...Anticpation that more of His Kingdom is coming and anticipation that our family, can once again, play a part. Today I anticipate that as Payton pours his can of coins into the wheel barrow, as he carries the flag, perhaps the Lord is planting in him a heart for missions, a heart that longs to see the Word of God go forth, a heart that might one day go himself. May it be Lord, May it be.

Meet Maggie the Dog

When Tony and I were dating we talked several times about how someday he wanted to own a champion bred Lab. He had visions of them hunting together, this dog running through fields of a ranch with our boys (that he just knew someday we would have), of this dog being a part of our family. My family has always been a mini-dachshund family...(We still have Cooper that I bought while I was teaching in Abilene and we love her!) so this is quite step up size wise into the dog world. This past month Tony has been so excited to receive Maggie. We knew she was born at the end of August and have been prepping Cooper and the boys for this change. We got her, all her papers, special foods, special bed, special everything on Friday. It was so fun to see Tony so excited. This weekend as the boys ran around the ranch with Maggie running right behind them our hearts smiled!

This picture shows Maggie praying for her life. We have told Benjamin, "gentle hands" at least 2000 times in the past weekend.

Payton is loving Maggie...He wants to hold her at all times. He has called her his sister with fur. I think we have finally put a stop to that. .
I snapped this picture of Payton and Benjamin watching TV at the ranch! Love these boys!

These 3 boys have spent almost every minute of October together and some of September and November. Timothy heads back to Benin next Thursday. It is so much fun to watch them love each other...sometimes with hugs, sometimes with wrestling matches that do not end until someone gets hurt...:) We are working on that last one- They are a delight to watch!

What a Great Day!

5 years ago today,October 31, 2001, I went in for my annual exam...(I know, that's not usually a good start to a blog entry.) I told my Dr. that we might want run blood work, check my spleen, etc...to see if my mono (I have had the chronic kind since high school) was acting up. I was exhausted and not being able to get enough sleep, I felt weak, nauseated, etc...they ran blood work and my Dr. walked back in the room about 45 minutes later with a smile on her face and said..."You're pregnant." I was beside myself. I do not think I heard another word the rest of the appointment. I remember her figuring out our due date was July 4th. I drove over to Tony's work and shared the news with him...we were both so excited, so stunned, so thrilled. Payton was born July 15, 2002. The thrill of a lifetime!

Fast forward 2 years...October 31, 2003. I wake up nauseated and sick...I think I have a virus. But by lunch I am not sick anymore. Surely not...We have a 15 month old and have not even started talking about the possibility of another baby. Yet the Lord in His goodness, see's a need and meets it before we even know to ask. On a whim I take a pregnancy test and see the famous 2 pink lines immediately. Tony and I are excited, thrilled, and stunned. Our due date is July 15, 2004. Benjamin is born July 10th...the thrill of a lifetime!

These tigers bring unending joy to their family! Here are a few of their latest hits...

1. Payton has started wearing boxers...for whatever reason he thinks this is the coolest. He does not understand that boxers are considered underwear. Hence him walkingup to a group of ladies at church and saying with a huge smile, "I'm not wearing any underwear!"

2. Benjamin's new favorite phrase is , "Pease don't say dat." He uses it with different tones, inflections and dramatic flair.

Have the happiest of days!

Road Trip!

This weekend I had the thrill of driving to Austin to watch Nika receive her Texas Teacher of the Year award and give her acceptance speech. Such an absolute thrill to listen to her every word and then watch people swarm her after it was over...all wanting to tell her congrats and how her words had touched them...There is so much joy in watching the Lord lift people up!

I also realized there is no gift to me like time alone in the car. I was giddy to get up at 5 AM and hit the road. As I drove down 35 I had thoughts I have not had in years...Usually I am focused on the boys, on Tony, on any number of things but on Saturday I was able to take in the sunrise, take in how much I really enjoyed Starbucks, take in how much I really love my husband, our boys, my friends...I was able to to not just pray...but feel like I was in a conversation with the Lord...and something about that made me feel young again. I came home refreshed and in someways changed...New thoughts in my mind and a new song in my heart. I am starting this week more alive in my life than I have been in awhile! It feels great!

Randy is here!

Everyone was so glad to see Randy! So great to welcome this mighty man of God home to recharge and refresh so He can go back to Benin and finish strong! The whole family will return to America in May of '07! The Lord has been so good through the years...Many of you will be greeted in heaven by your Aja brothers and sisters...a precious group of people who have claimed Jesus as their Savior because Kelly and Randy (and many others) said yes when the The Lord called! (...and many of you said yes when He asked can you contribute to getting them there and praying for them.)

The boys were a lot more excited to be there than this picture reflects.Payton had just figured out that we were not in fact getting on an airplane and was terribly disappointed.

Randy walked through the doors and all of his nephews ran to greet him. They were so excited. I love it that Payton is literally on the toes of his boots. The boy knows how to throw himself into a hug! Such a great delight to watch my brother-in-law walk through the doors. We had a wonderful time with my sister and now we get to have a wonderful time with Randy! (they are having to alternate due to the fact that Lael's adoption is still not official...Lael still cannot leave the country...) Please continue to pray for my sister as she goes through the next few weeks alone with her 2 youngest kids...and if you should so desire to email her to encourage her- her address is:

rkvaughn@harvestfields.net

Go ahead and share the details of your life...She has time to read it! :)

Current events

1. Last weekend was ACU homecoming and my 10 year reunion. It was a wonderful time of being with old friends. As we sang the "Lord Bless you and Keep You" I was overwhelmed with emotion...the Lord has been so much more than gracious in the past 10 years. Ten years ago I would of never thought I would have the marriage I have, the children I have, the friends I have, the life I have...all due to His mercy and grace...I talk to so many college students who wonder if life can get any better than college...Last weekend I thought a lot about how much I loved my time at ACU, it was an incredible season- but I love the season I am in and have no reason to believe I won't love the next one even more! Even the difficulties we have faced have been faced holding His hand...He is an awesome God and I for one am so glad He does not allow ones life to peak at age 21- it keeps going up!

2. We have been around cousins more than ever lately and we have loved it. As a result Payton and Benjamin have started refering to their dad as Uncle Tony. The other day Payton told a man at Walmart, "Hey do you know my Uncle Tony? Well he's my dad." The man looked at me and made a strange face. We have since started telling Payton he must refer to his dad by his normal name, to which Payton responded, "OK, I will call him Babe."

3. I took a personality test yesterday....my most dominant trait...is that of an Introvert.

4. Benjamin is still a terrible eater as in he rarely eats...It is amazing to us that he continues to thrive. He is 33 lbs. , so he is bitesized compared to his brother who was 45 pounds at 2...but 33 lbs. is still amazing considering that today for lunch he ate a whole cashew.

5. 2 weeks ago Tony and I went for late night drive at the ranch to see if we could find the herd of wild hogs that have been tearing up some of the land. On the way back I got out to open the gate and told Tony to go ahead and pull through to the barn, I would just walk...the moon was out, the stars were beautiful and it is not a long walk at all. As I was walking I heard the familiar sound of a rattler...right between my feet. Every book tells you to stand still, a rattlesnake will not strike you if you are perfectly still. That sounds good in theory...I chose to jump and scream. Tony "took care of the snake" using a shovel. My adrenaline rush was over the top, Tony was cool as a cucumber...I married a brave man.

6. From birth I have always told Payton, "I love that body." or "I love that heart." Last night I used the I love that body phrase and he responded with, "I love your big, huge body too." Uhhh...thanks Pate.

7. Benjamin is not potty trained but he is grass trained. No problems pulling off his diaper and going to the bathroom in any patch of grass...he is however, terrified of white porcelein. We will continue to wear diapers; using the tiny medians of grass in Target's parking lot is completely unacceptable in our society.

8. Did I ever mention Nika won Teacher of the Year for the entire state of Texas? It has been the thrill of a lifetime to watch her be honored everywhere we go. We head to Austin next week to watch her give her acceptance speech.

9. I currently see my chiropractor 3 times a week...If I did all of the rehab he suggested it would be a full time job...in case he should ever stumble upon this blog...I do about half of it and I feel good about that.

10. The Lord is moving in exciting ways in alot of different places. We love hearing about them all. So amazing to me that He is so very intimate with millions, even billions. I used to feel envious when I would hear about Him doing great things in other peoples lives, in other peoples churches...Embaressing to admit- but I was selfish, jealous, and prideful with the Creator of the Universe...then He reminded me in countless ways that I am not here on this earth for me, but for Him...that His kingdom may advance and His glory may be shown. So- may it be shown through everyone, may His kingdom continue to advance in places I have never heard about, may millions be raised up that proclaim Who He is in the midst of this life. I have been humbled to realize that He is the only essential...not talent, not money, not earthly things...May He be lifted up, that the world might know the heighth and depth of His great love.

A Gift

My sister leaves today to begin her journey back to Benin, West Africa. I knew this when I went to bed last night and I was aware of it all night long, even in the deepest of sleep. Everytime I rolled over I was aware of the lump in my throat.

Yesterday the boys and I were leaving the church building after our Bible study. Benjamin's teacher had given him a cup of animal crackers for the road so I was carrying him as he ate, all of our stuff, all the while thinking about the emotional day that lay ahead. Payton had run pretty far ahead of us to open the door. When we finally got to the door we walked outside...as we passed Payton he said, "Hey mom, something is wrong with Benj." Benjamin had put his head down on my shoulder so when I dropped my stuff to hold him out and look at him I realized his color was turning and he was not breathing. There are moments when the world stops. I quickly gave him the heimlech maneuver and thankfully it worked...He was back to himself almost immediately.

I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness for Payton, the kind of brother that he is, that he notices even now when something is not right with his brother. I think back to when I was pregnant with Benjamin and feeling anxious about having 2 babies...my mom said then, "You are giving Payton a gift that will outlive you." I knew she was right for I have seen that gift in my sister and brothers.

For the past 3 weeks I have had my sister close by. I have soaked up every moment of it. She came here with her schedule packed and I made sure I was beside her for most of it. Today she boards a plane to begin her journey back to Benin. We have been putting her and her family on planes for 8 years...each time we cry, pray, embrace and cry and pray some more. Tears are the overflow of hearts full of love for these people who I am so blessed to call family.

Tony and I pray nightly that the Lord would bond our boys together with unbreakable bonds and seal them together in Christ. There is great joy in finding your best friend. To find them early, living with you in your own home, is gift only our Father can give. May the Lord be praised for the life of my sister...It is a gift to be able to spend 3 weeks solid with a person and at the end wish you had had a bit longer.

I am a crummy blogger

I have been soaking up every moment with my sister...I have learned many things about her- one of which is - she is a much better blogger than I am. For the latest in pictures of our family- click on her blog. I will update on our family in words shortly.

http://rkvaughn.blogspot.com/

Thanks to everyone who is still checking...which I think includes my mom, Rob, and Vicki...:)

Andy and Payton

Last night my brother Andy took Payton to the Ranger game. Payton had a blast. Anytime he goes anywhere with Andy you can tell he feels so cool. I think there is also a special thrill for Pate when he attends an event with someone who allows him to eat a bucket of fries, ice cream and a couple of Sprites for dinner. They sat right behind first base. Payton however did not mention one thing about baseball. He was mesmerized by the people, the volume, the food, and how cool Andy's truck is... What a great memory for him.

My parents have been DC this week enjoying life with the family and a big event at the DOD. It meant that they missed grandparents day at Payton's school (which was not a big deal...they have attended more events for our children than I have :)). Andy filled in for them and gave Payton the thrill of a lifetime.

Such a wonderful gift from the Lord to watch my children love my siblings...They thrill at phone calls from Sam and Kelly and practically rip the door off the hinges when they hear Andy outside. My brothers and my sister made my childhood a time of great laughter...its so fun to see them do the same for my children.

Quotable Pate

This has been a great week in many ways...as far as quotes from Payton go...this may have been the best week ever. People constantly ask me, "Do you write all of this down?" My answer, "not really..." so in an attempt to capture some moments in our week...

Here's Payton:

The boys and I started back to BSF this week. Part of their incredible children's program is a 10 minute quiet time in which their teacher allows them to think of their memory verse or pray. I asked Payton on the way home if he had talked to God during quiet time...He responded with, "Not today mom, I just layed there and thought of everything I have to do today." Tony and I have laughed about this a lot wondering what was on his list...1. get Buzz Lightyear...thrown him up in the air until I endanger myself or others. 2. Get every pillow off of the couch- jump on them. 3. Push Benjamin at least once...etc...

Last night over dinner, "Mom when I go to heaven, its very important I don't forget my cowboy hat...I think the Lord will love seeing me in it."

I have been trying to teach Payton that he can look for things on his own...he does not need me everytime...I need to be his last resort. Yesterday he asked for his viewmaster and I told him he might need to go dig through his toy box. He responded with, "Here is why that is not a good idea. Dad gets really frustrated when the dogs dig and I would not want to frustrate him...so why don't you come in here and help me find it."

Today as we were leaving the park I explained to the boys that I was not feeling well. Benjmain said he wanted to go to McDonalds. Payton said, "Benjamin that sounds great, but my priority right now is getting mom home and to bed. She needs a nice long nap."

I opened one of my talks last weekend with this story...It captures Payton as well as our hearts for him...

"Our 4 year old son Payton has a power issue…He thinks he has it and he does not- and its an issue. Payton is incredibly articulate. The other night as Tony and I were disciplining him we asked if he had anything to say…(we will never do this again).he responded with, “Well we would not even be sitting here if you two had not made the choices that you made. I am disappointed, frustrated, and wondering what to do…You need to obey, you need to do it now, and that’s all.” I believe Tony and I both had eyes wide as saucers by the time he was finished…Thankfully the Lord has given my husband the ability to progress in discipline with a straight face…We explained to Payton then and a few times since then that he is not the parent. We do not obey him…We respect him and want to hear his heart…but ultimately he is to obey his parents as they seek to obey God, the one who holds all of the power…"

Honestly

I read a lot. I love to read. Always have. Once on a family vacation I read a total of 7 books and came home with a journal full of notes. My brothers had all sorts of fun making nerd jokes. Now Tony makes them... (not really:)). This past week I read something that deeply touched me...still can't read it without tears. Something in these words made me realize something in me is broken and I have ached over them and yet longed for the truth in them to sink deeper into my heart.

Here are some thoughts that Ken Gire (one of my favorite authors) wrote in "The Reflective Life-Becoming More Spiritually Sensitive to the Everyday Moments of Life":

"Honestly, I want to be like Christ.

But honestly, I want to be like the Christ who turned water into wine, not the Christ who thirsted on the cross. I want to be the clothed Christ, not the one whose garment was stripped and gambled away. I want to be the Christ who fed the five thousand, not the one who hungered for forty days in the wilderness. I want to be the free Christ, walking through wheatfields with His disciples, not the imprisoned Christ who was deserted by them.

I want to be the Good Samaritan, not the man who fell among thieves.
But if the man had not fallen among thieves, been beaten, stripped, and left for dead, the good in the Samaritan would of never emerged.

This is the dark side of Christianity, the side we don't see when we sign up. That if we want to be like Christ, we have to embrace both sides of His life. What else could it mean when the Bible talks about "the fellowship of His suffering?" How could we enter that fellowship apart from His suffering? How could we truly know the man of sorrows aquainted with grief if we had not ourselves known grief and sorrow?

That is how Christ grows in us, both corporately as a body and individually as members of that body. It is also the way many people come to Christ. For some people, it is the only way. And perhaps that explains, at least partially, why bad things happen to good people.

For the sake of those around them.
That they might come to Christ.
That Christ might come to them, to live in them.
So that once again a Savior can be born into the world."

An update

1. We had an incredible week of vacation last week. There is nothing like getting away from home with your family. To slow down enough to realize- I still laugh the hardest with my husband, there is great delight in watching our kids, we enjoy time together doing anything, to take time to see the Lord in all of these things...We came back greatly refreshed.

2. Back in March I realized I was drinking way too many diet cokes...the people at Sonic knew my name and whenever we pulled up Payton would roll down his window and yell, "I need a large diet coke, not a lot of ice and with a little vanilla and cherry." This and some other things in my life made me realize I was drinking too many. I quit cold turkey....and started drinking Starbucks. This past Monday I decided I would become a water girl (for at least a while)...All water, all the time...still going strong at this point, I'll keep you posted...

3. On Wednesday it was announced that one of my dearest friends, Nika, was the region 11 Teacher of the year. Out of over 20 districts she was chosen...I was so excited. Tonight she will be called out onto the field at the Ranger game to accept this honor. We will be there cheering! It is so fun to watch the Lord lift friends up. We have rejoiced over this gift straight from His hand.
Yesterday her brother Mark opened a brand new Starbucks (On Colleyville Blvd. right across from Market Street). Mark is the manager. Last night was friends and family night where we got to go and have free Starbucks before their big grand opening today. I picked a crummy week to commit to water. Its been fun to celebrate with the Maples this week.

4. The other night I was putting Benjamin to bed and Tony was in the living room reading. I told Payton, "Why don't you go and sit with your dad and I can be with you in a minute. " Payton walked in, sat down in the chair across from Tony and said, "Dad, Tell me about your problems."

5. Benjamin's favorite show at Sea World was the water-skiing show. At any given moment he will kick his legs up and start going through the whole routine. It makes us laugh everytime. He even makes the "overly- excited face" that the water skiers did at Sea World. A sight to behold...Ask him to show you his water-skiing next time you see him. It will not disappoint.

6. While in San Antonio we met up with our friends Koy, BJ and Reese. BJ and I roomed together in college. We used to talk about how we hoped our husbands would be friends and we would get the joy of watching our children play together. It was so great to spend 2 days with them. We loved every minute of it and left feeling so blessed to call them our friends.

7. I am not a nail biter. Selling stuff on Ebay makes me want to start.

8. Payton has always been an early riser. A couple of weeks ago Tony bought a digital clock and put electrical tape over the last 2 numbers (the minutes). He explained to Payton he could not off of his bed until the number turned to a 7. For the first few mornings he would crow like a rooster, "It's 7! It's 7!" Then he started sleeping past 7. This has blessed us and him greatly!

9. I love reading other peoples blogs. There is great joy in seeing old friends and new experience great joy in their life. I love reading about the good...I love having the opportunity to pray when there is something not good. My brother started this blog for me last year...Hence, if you go back to the original posts you will see some pictures and some posts that were written by Sam as if he were me. His words made me laugh then, they make me laugh now. He used the threat of continuing to post and comment as Becky on other peopes blogs as motivation for me to take over this one...Obviously, it worked. I am thankful he brought me into the blogging world. It has blessed me.

10. I am speaking next month at a Women's retreat in Fairfax. So much of what I will speak on comes from Matthew 11:28-30 (the Msg.) when Jesus says,

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I 'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely lightly."

I want to learn how to accept that invitation, how to point others to do the same, not with words, but with my life. I want to keep company with Him. In His grace He invites us to do just that. I am overwhelmed that, for each of us, the invitation still stands.

A year ago

A year ago today our family gathered around the bed of my grandmother and watched her faith become sight as she passed from this life to the next. I was one of the speakers at her funeral. I read the words I wrote, a year ago now and feel a lump rise in my throat. I miss my grandmother. I miss seeing her face light up when Payton and Benjamin walk in the room and yet...I come back to the same thought I had a year ago...My grandmother has joined the chorus around His throne, How can I keep from singing? Here are the words I spoke at her funeral:


I love my grandmother and I love my family…I have approached the writing of these words carefully. I long to honor and bless my family. I long to honor the life of my grandmother, our mom-o as we called her and above all I long to honor our Father God who was the very reason her life had such a profound impact on so many.

As I have thought and prayed about the words I would share Psalm 102:18 has been running through my mind… “Let this be written for a future generation that a people not yet created may know the Lord.” There are 11 Cardwell grandchildren, 10 great grandchildren and many more that have yet to be created. I look to the day when the words, the stories, the very heritage, that has been shared today will be passed to generations yet to come.

My cousins and I are full of memories of our grandmother. So much so we could fill hours with recounting them all…thankfully the Lord gave us the opportunity to do just that. In the past week we have sat by her side as we have held her hand and shared our memories. (share memories page)

During this past week we have watched our three mothers honor their mother until the very end. The impact of having four generations present at mom-o’s side as she left this world was life changing. The room seemed to overflow with tears, praises being sung, scripture being read and love being expressed. All the life that filled the room at her moment of departure was inspiring.

Over the past week I have thought often of Isaiah 51:1 “listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the Lord. Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn.” My grandmother and my mother have taught me to always use scripture in context and I am aware that this is a verse that was meant to encourage the exiled Israelites. However in mom-o’s final days I quoted it to her and told her I was finding great encouragement from it. For I look at the rock from which our family was cut and see a lineage of faithfulness- I see my cousins and I are people who have descended from those who have pursued righteousness. My cousins and I have watched my grandmother in her final days and in her final breaths find comfort and peace in the Word of God. Her passing has left a void, no doubt, but in a profound way I find difficult to express in words it has been an encouragement.

Our mothers, Vicki, Jan and Suzy loved their mother in a beautiful way…We witnessed them singing hymns over her, massaging her sore limbs, sleeping on the floor surrounding her bed so that if a need arose they could be the one to meet it, we saw them support each other as each grieved in a different ways, we saw them encourage each others children to express hope, love and memories to mom-o, we saw them take care of each others grandchildren, we saw that when one has the hope of heaven laughter is possible- that in 1st Corinthians 15:55 when it tells us the sting of death has been swallowed up in victory- it is a verse to be claimed and rejoiced in. We saw this verse lived out for eight days as each person came to realize the destination of the journey that we were on. We saw three sisters who loved their mother tell her it was ok to go…to claim her new body…to run to Jesus…to receive her ultimate healing. We saw them declare their love for their mom and for the Lord who was waiting to take her hand. As their children we were impacted in a way we are still absorbing. But in the entire world…you will not find 11 children more proud or more thankful to call Vicki Goode, Jan Kelley, and Suzy Jeffrey…Mom. Our Lord has given us a heritage of those who fear His name. There lives will continue to give testimony to the heart and life of their mother and father.

I have always loved Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Yet now at this stage of life I find this verse has taken on a deeper meaning. On August 10th at 9:33 I saw my mom-o’s flesh and her heart fail, yet in that moment I saw her take hold of a portion that will be hers for forever.

In 1860 a hymn was written by Robert Lowry…his words even now speak to my heart about our grandmother’s passage from this life to the next.
"My life flows on in endless song;Above earth’s lamentation.
I hear the sweet though far off hymnThat hails a new creation:
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;It finds an echo in my soul—How can I keep from singing?
What though my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Savior liveth;
What though the darkness gather round!
Songs in the night He giveth:
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?
I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it:
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing:
All things are mine since I am His—How can I keep from singing?



May the Lord be praised for the life of Val Cardwell. She has joined the chorus around His throne…how can we keep from singing?